Third Act Archives - Road Signs

In preparing for the Third Act, an easy default position is to fill our heads with facts, expose myths and do whatever it takes to reassure our minds that everything will be just fine. Of course this approach neglects what my heart may be saying about this journey.

In life you can choose many roads, those frequently traveled and those less so. The journey into and through the Third Act of life, undoubtedly needs to be a healthy balance between understanding and feeling, a balance between head and heart. I say this as in my own experience, no matter how much ‘self-discovery’ I engage in, no matter how much I reassure myself that I still have a great deal to offer the world and others, I am still experiencing the myriad of feelings that go with simply growing older.

I have always been a very purposeful and goal-oriented individual. This has served me well, whether I was working a physiotherapist, health care manager or educator. Goals have been the back bone of my life. I suspect I am not alone.

Today, I still love the idea of purpose. I find myself more curious about how that purpose might manifest and indeed, I feel less inclined to be quite as goal obsessed, in fact, I find myself being intentional instead. Something you might also consider.

One of the perks of the Third Act is less urgency. You have the opportunity to explore and discover, to be curious about what’s next and how this might manifest. It is healthy to have a sense of what is important to you and what lights you up – that important sense of purpose AND rather than launching into a plan, why not relax, breath and wonder what this might look like.

Just for clarity, intention, by my definition, means opening up possibility. Rather than specific goals, attached to specific outcomes and time frames, I recommend simply “attracting all that is in your highest good” or “attracting what serves your purpose”. Then exercise your curiosity and pay attention to what begins to show up.

And then there is the whole issue of choice. While I am not fully ‘retired’, I have chosen to work differently. Three words keep coming up: Freedom, Flexibility and Fun. You would think that these would be natural and easy to adapt to. Right! Not so easy, especially for those goal-oriented, list-making, scheduled individuals like myself. So I am sliding into this choice, gradually. It’s all about choice I remind myself.

One of my Third Act choices has been a return to painting. In my late teens and twenties, I studied art and various mediums, only to leave it behind for three decades. I can’t explain why that happened. Life I suppose. Then four years ago, two of my coaching clients opened a new studio and the next thing I knew I was taking one of their courses – a happy accident (or perhaps a significant SIGN!).

As I write this I am preparing for my fist Art Exhibit (yes, this was designed to give me a goal!). Painting, like life, is a process. The feeling of paint on a brush and then the movement across the canvas, how a slight flick of the wrist can leave an image that is magical. Testing myself in both abstract and realistic forms and with each step learning more about the important triad of brush, paint and canvas.

And isn’t that what you are doing in the Third Act, painting a new life, body mind and spirit. There will be times when the paint goes on easily and the image simply grows on the canvas just as there will be times when the paint gets muddy and you have to start again. The important thing to remember is that you have the freedom to choose what you will paint. You can exercise flexibility in how you approach your creation and most importantly in you can have fun because in the end, the choices you are making are for YOU!

With this ramble today, and it is that, I simply encourage you to engage your head and your heart for your Third Act journey. As I am so often reminded, I do not want to approach the end of life with regrets, nor I suspect do you. Listen to your heart and begin to explore what is truly meaningful to YOU. Set an intention and explore the possibilities regarding which path might lead you to where you want to land. Enjoy the journey – enjoy your freedom to choose and spread your wings.

How do we change or influence the ageist views of society, especially our youth? This past weekend I viewed a video on Facebook created by AARP (American Assoc. of Retired People) in which millennials were interviewed. When asked what age defined old the majority responded late 4o’s or 50’s. The interviewers went on to ask the subjects to perform certain tasks the way they thought an older person would. The results were interesting. Ah yes, perception! Then they young’un’s were introduced to some seniors, who for the most part outperformed them on certain tasks as they were invited to teach one another. The change in perception was amazing and when re-interviewed about their attitudes and thoughts about aging, it was evident the seniors had an impact.

I was left with a personal ‘WOW!’; is that what they really think. Have young people become so distanced from elders, their parents and grandparents, that they really view us as ‘incapacitated’? We have some work to do!

And, what are we as ‘Third Acters’ believing. Have we bought into the same ageist philosophy which suggests that retirement is a near death experience?

Through the years I have coached many folks who are retired and my sense is that they have lost their way. They retire with the belief that golfing will occupy their time; or perhaps volunteering, or reading, sewing, knitting, woodwork…..the list goes on. They grow disenchanted because they become bored or they realize that the activities which they are pursuing are not engaging. They did not understand, or they forgot, that the Third Act is the opportunity for a New Beginning and that the new beginning requires some thought and reflection and definition.

In his book Transitions, William Bridges examined the human side of change. In his model, change or transitions evoke three stages: Endings, Neutral Zone and New Beginnings. The model is an excellent beginning to approaching the Third Act, specifically when you are leaving a job behind. Endings is that opportunity to assess, and if you will, mourn, the loss. When you step away from a job or profession, you shift your identity; you lose your tribe, those whom you have worked with; you give up your routines and habits. While you may be looking forward to all of these things, many people approach the Third Act with little or no consideration regarding what it will mean everyday. Many have never considered or planned for the empty hours.

While this sounds negative, perhaps a little daunting, the upside is the opportunity for New Beginnings, the re-invention of self. My experience with coaching clients has been that they forget that they have choice on their side and that there are many things they do not forfeit by retiring: the essence of who you are, your strengths, your values, your accrued wisdom and experience and so much more. These are the important building blocks for what’s next.

The there is the magical time between these two stages – the Neutral Zone. This is the fallow field, the time to release the past, reflect, dream, consider and play with possibility. It is the time to dabble and experiment, to question and to research. Clearly it involves more being than doing. And this is the time where flourishing begins to be defined and where the work begins in defining the New Beginning.

I have had my own journey with transitions through the years, first when I left health care almost 20 years ago to begin roadSIGNS, and then most recently as I begin to consider my plans for My THIRD ACT. The journey I am developing for Third Acters is the one I am experiencing and supported by my previous work and Positive Psychology. These are exciting times. For those of you sharing the journey with me – hop on board. The best is yet to come.

Tag: Third Act

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