Author: Road Signs

Posted on by — Leave a comment

A Pathway to Peace

As much as I might like to deny it, I admit that I am experiencing all the feelings being expressed by others, those of anger, frustration, impatience, even fear. The question, ‘when will this end?’ pervades my thoughts just as I am sure it does yours. It is impossible to avoid. I hear it from my family, friends, business colleagues and clients. And while I endeavor to be the calm eye of this storm, I admit that the sentiments of others rub off on me, never mind my own sense of upheaval. This is not the life I was expecting to experience in 2022. I am sure we all relate to this.

So now what? How do we handle all these feelings? How do we carve a pathway to peace, peace of mind, living a peaceful presence, being a role model for peace? Here are a few ideas I have been playing with in an effort to shift my energy to a healthier state of being.

Acceptance and Compassion:
I have a knack for becoming frustrated with my frustration. Does that sound crazy or what? The antithesis of this is to simply accept it. Why wouldn’t I feel this way with all the restrictions and limitations imposed on us due to COVID? I simply do. If I do accept this, I can also exercise my self-compassion and allow myself to feel what I feel, and in allowing this move through these feelings. What I have learned through the years is that what you resist, persists. What you accept, you understand and move through.

Admittedly no one loves to feel anger or frustration yet they a genuine expression of where we are at the moment. You don’t have to be better than that or above it all. I give you permission to exercise all the feelings you are experiencing right now. Then compassionately embrace yourself and know that you are normal, and that expressing yourself helps you move forward.

Release:
That said, anger is not a place to live in, that is exactly why it is important to allow it, express it, and release it. Peace cannot find its way in if there is no space. How:
1) speak or write about your feelings
2) as you consciously acknowledge your feelings, sit quietly with them and see them evaporating. I suggest placing one hand behind your back and the other hand over your heart as you do this – this is a position that triggers ‘release’
3) clarify your intentions: I want to feel peaceful. I AM peace. I AM walking a peaceful pathway. Make this your daily mantra
4) Notice what brings you peace: a conversation, an uplifting news story, a walk in the woods.
5) Practice holding peace in your heart

Know What You Can Control
I am not sure about you, but most of what frustrates and angers me are things I cannot control and have no responsibility for. Focusing on things outside my sphere of control can take up a great deal of real estate and energy.

Here is what you can take responsibility for: the words you speak to yourself and others, how you behave, the actions you take and the efforts you make, how you own your mistakes and what you learn from them, the ideas you generate and the consequences of your actions, your ability to forgive and move forward, and finally, an ability to apologize to those you may have harmed.

And now, here is what is out of your control: the actions and choices of others, the ideas and fears that others embody and express, the consequences of the actions of others and/or their mistakes, the belief systems others hold and the words they speak in support of these beliefs.

There is a part of us that thinks we can influence the beliefs and values of others, particularly in these times, yet too frequently discussions become confrontations. I am learning to preserve my energy on this one as I have already found myself into a number of heated discussions regarding COVID topics. It consumes a great deal of energy, energy which I am finding would be better directed at more uplifting ventures. In the end, all we can do and be is our best selves, in charge of what is within our control and responsibility.

Prayer
Prayer, meditation and reflection are part of what I refer to as radical self-care; a time to grow clear regarding your intentions, purpose and/or legacy; quality time alone and in relationship with others. Agapi Stassinopoulos, author of Speaking with Spirit, writes that as you pray you find the ‘ocean within you’. “Your mere willingness to go into a state of reverence allows you to unfold. You will then emerge into your fullness. There are eight billion people on earth and eight billion ways to pray.” He goes on to write that John Lennon’s prayer was ‘Imagine’, Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’, Michelangelo’s the statue ‘David’, and so on. Finally, he asks, ‘what will your prayer be?’

Prayer for me is that safe space within me and around me where I can go for comfort, unconditional love, safety and answers. In every sense it is the way I communicate with the God, the higher power, that I know and understand. It is a place where I can unravel my fears, worries and frustrations, ‘let go and let GOD’, understand what I want and set my intentions.

Each of us has the ability to make this connection, each of us is worthy of it. Which means releasing the belief that your ability to pray and access God can be achieved only through a mediator, religion. Prayer allows you to be receptive to your own inner guidance, what you know for sure, to quiet your mind and simply listen. When you set aside logic and ego, you activate your guidance system and receive the support you are looking for. And this is an essential ingredient in weathering any storm.

Finale
Here we are. This is not intended as a recipe, simply the lessons from a well-seasoned crone. Each of us has to find our way through these messy times. What I share comes from my heart destined for yours. I would love the hear your strategies as well, after all we truly are in this together.

Until Next Time, Betty

Posted on by — 1 Comment

Word of the Year

2022 is approaching and as with the arrival of any new year, most of us open the doors of this new year with hope and anticipation. And given the past two years, I believe most of us also have a dream for an end to this global pandemic and a return to a more normal existence, albeit a new ‘normal’. And finally, it is a time to check in with ourselves to understand what it is we want to attract to us, create in our lives, begin or end, achieve, explore and more.

While I no longer believe in setting New Year’s Resolutions or goals, I do appreciate time to take inventory, consider what is next and mindfully engage the energy that I want for myself, my loved ones and the planet. This year, in an effort to change it up somewhat, I have a new strategy: identifying my Word for the Year.

The concept is not new to me. I have been asked many times in the past, by colleagues, what my word is. Honestly, I had never given it any consideration. This past year a colleague of mine, Dimple Mukherjee, wrote a book Word of the Year- True Stories about Intentional Living Using the Power of a Single Word. While this remains on my reading list, I do understand what she means. Choosing a word, and endeavoring to live it daily, holding it in your consciousness, is the same as setting and living an intention. This I know to be powerful from my own experience.

Great! So how do I choose one word to live by? As intention would have it, I attracted an exercise which would help me choose and now, I offer this to you. Here we go….

Step One: reflect on the last year and ask yourself, what could I use more or less of in my life? What would be a game changer for me?

Okay, WOW! What a year it has been. I attracted amazing new work with women, learned more about self-compassion and divine feminine energy, built new relationships (on ZOOM), settled fully into my new life in Cornwall. I feel excited, engaged, lit up, inspired, compassionate and so much more. What was missing: travel, adventure, face to face time with family and friends, freedom, exploring new places. What would be a game changer for me? I am reflecting on this.

Step Two: Visualize how you want to feel at work, throughout the day and when you go to bed. Meditate or sit in silence and ask yourself, what do I want to focus on in 2022?

What immediately comes up for me is an intention I set for my “retirement” – I want to feel excited, lit-up, inspired and engaged. I want to feel that my actions make a difference for others and the planet. I want to exercise my creative juices and my curiosity. I do not see any of these things changing in the months and years to come. I also want to feel increasingly curious, have opportunities to exercise my learning and accrued wisdom, and open up to new possibilities.

Step Three: Create a List of words that come to mind. Let them flow, do not edit or stop yourself. Do not doubt that you can have anything you want, now write….

Here is my short list: beauty, adventure, inspiration, joy, compassion, love, freedom, courage, grace, abundance, gratitude, community, opportunity, travel, meaning, engagement, divine, wisdom, hope, bounty, being, caring, fortitude, health, wholeness, spirit, connection,….

Step Four: Review and refine your list and narrow it down to your three favorite words. How do you decide? What words jump out at you? Make you feel happy, sad, excited? Go…

My three: adventure, joy, gratitude

How do you decide? First read the list and highlight what pops out, triggers a feeling, engages you. Next ask what precedes others, for example joy, love and compassion…If am joyful does love and compassion naturally follow? Have fun. And guess what, there are no poor choices.

Step Five: Ask yourself, “which word can you say you are 100% committed to? Now choose.

My word of the year: Adventure

I have to admit this choice leaves me a little breathless as it feels like it opens new doors that I have yet to explore. At the same time, it feels like a natural progression to being engaged and inspired.

Step Six: Live your WORD.

Suffice it to say, this may be the most difficult step as it really does require calling in the word every day, seeing it, feeling it, intending it.

A few intentional examples:
My life is an adventure.
My work is revealing new adventures and opportunities.
I am attracting adventure in the many aspects of my life.
I am mindfully noticing the adventure in my life and expressing gratitude for those moments.
I see adventure easily and effortlessly.
Adventure fuels my other life experiences.

As with any intention, you will need to pay attention to how your WORD shows up, changes your life, invited you to change or respond. And when life offers you, opportunities related to your WORD, you will also need to be curious and explore the possibilities.

Thanks to Rashita Jones and her SKETCHNOTE for Finding your Word of the Year. I hope you have some fun with this, play, imagine and then live you ‘word intention’.

Blessings for a fulfilling 2022.

Betty Healey, MEd. CAPP

Posted on by — 1 Comment

Healing

Are you finding these times we are currently in challenging? I am. When the COVID Pandemic began in March 2020 I felt a global shift, a re-unification of the people around the world as we turned our eyes toward a common enemy. As restrictions began, it felt like a time out, an opportunity to push the refresh button, a chance to pause, reflect, re-appraise and re-think the choices we were making.

It is true that none of us could have imagined what would follow – a second, third and now forth wave. And with each wave the energy experienced at the beginning shifted and re-shaped itself into something less loving, less compassionate and certainly less unifying.

Today, despite more optimism and fewer restrictions, it seems like anger and judgment linger. All of us are guilty as society divided into the ‘pro’ and ‘anti’ camps.  And here we linger. Can we stop? Can we heal? Can we once again come together?

This past Friday evening I attended a concert. Susan Algukark, a Canadian Inuit singer, performed, someone I have followed since she first became known to me in the 1990’s. Her music and lyrics move me. Like many of our indigenous people, she has embarked on a journey of healing and her song lyrics reflect this. One that she shared during the concert is O Siem, the lyrics of which are particularly relevant today:

O Siem, we are all family
O Siem, we’re all the same
O Siem, the fires of freedom
Dance in the burning flame

Siem o siyeya, all people rich and poor
Siem o siyeya, those who do and do not know
Siem o siyeya, take the hand of one close by
Siem o siyeya, of those who know because they try
And watch the walls come tumbling down

Siem o siyeya, all people of the world
Siem o siyeya, it’s time to make the turn
Siem o siyeya, a chance to share your heart
Siem o siyeya, to make a brand new start
And watch the walls come tumbling down

“A chance to share you heart, to make a brand new start and watch the walls come tumbling down”. Susan is a gift, an amazing troubadour of healing, a messenger for all of us. Healing and reconciliation, the energy all of us need to embrace to heal ancient wounds with our indigenous people and, if I may suggest, with one another. We need to heal, we need to forgive, we need to once again believe in community and country and the greater good for all. Most importantly we all need to wake up, turn off the news and look across the table at our neighbours and once again have civil, compassionate and loving dialogue.

I understand this may not be easy. I don’t agree with the actions some of my friends and colleagues have taken during the past months. And yes, I judge some of these actions as careless, thoughtless, uninformed and….. All these feelings have absolutely thrown me for a loop. These are emotions that are contrary to my nature and have fueled my own anger and resentment. And I want to stop. Don’t you?

Where do we begin the healing process?

It happens that I am currently involved in teaching a program on self-compassion. Yes, life always provides opportunity to learn what you need to learn, especially when you are the teacher. And as it turns out self-compassion is the first step on the healing journey. It allows me to look at that side of me that I dislike, bless her, forgive her, and move into action differently. I am not denying anything, I am accepting myself warts and all, learning and choosing a new path.

Self-compassion seeds compassion and kindness for others. One of the aspects of the self-compassion model, developed by Kristin Neff, is common humanity. In other words, we are not alone. Most of us have been struggling with the same inner demons and reacting in ways we had not expected during these somewhat challenging times. Everyone is affected, albeit differently. As a result, we need to grow our tolerance for the differences and begin to forgive one another.

Let’s also be clear. Forgiveness does not mean we suddenly agree with what others say and do. It is, as Ken Blanchard said in the One-Minute Manager, judge the act not the person. Forgiveness is also a gift we offer to ourselves, perhaps even more than for others. When we forgive, we lift the weight we have been carrying on our shoulders and, in our hearts, we cultivate kindness and understanding, we may disagree but we stop judging, we begin to build bridges.

Care to join me?

Until Next time,

Betty Healey, MEd., CAPP

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Pandemic Pandemonium

I admit, the most recent lock-down sent me spiraling to places I prefer not to mention and thinking in language not suited for this column. I am human after all. Wisely my husband, who is a ‘live in the moment’ kinda guy, reminded me that my planning instincts and thinking about all my tomorrows are not really serving me well. The future is a complete unknown at this point and when I consider it, my nose dive into the wilderness of uncertainty creates a lot of inner chaos. I know living in the moment, considering today and what it has to offer, is my best option. Now to train my mind.

Of course, outside all of this pandemonium, there has been plenty of time to read, reflect, observe the signs or Sacred Synchronicities, and of course learn, so here are a few of the gems that have appeared on the screen of my life over the last month.

Bouncing Back or Forward
One of my favorite people to catch up with during these times is my friend and fellow coach Aileen. Hailing from Aberdeen Scotland, I admit I am also attracted to her Scottish Brogue and the way she expresses herself. In a recent conversation we were discussing resilience, the importance of self-care, gratitude and bounce. Okay, self-care and gratitude are well known to me I thought, but bounce? Aileen went on to share that she is curious about the question “what is your bounce?’ Typically we think about bouncing back, meaning that we are able to recover from difficult challenges easily and hopefully, effortlessly. She explained that make we don’t want to ‘bounce back’, we might want to ‘bounce forward’.

I admit, this got me thinking. When all is said and done and we consider all the lessons learned form these COVID times, do we really want to bounce back? It implies that we are returning to the way things were rather than moving forward. And let’s face it, things are simply not the same. The times have changed, society has changed and we have changed. Maybe we do want to bounce forward and, given that we have the opportunity now to reflect on what this might look like, perhaps we can begin to consider how we want to be in the world from this point forward. Hummmmm!

Questions from Tina
Can I just say that I have met amazing people from around the globe through the years. Tina,a Chicagoan,  now living in San Francisco, shared in a recent Facebook post the following questions:
– What is my truth now?
– How can I show up for myself more?
– What am I ready to allow myself to ….?
– On what do I want to invest my energy? Attention?
– What are my intentions for this season?

Rilke wrote the following about questions:  Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. I love the idea of living my way into questions rather than demanding an answer. This is what I have been doing with Tina’s questions – reading them, savouring them, considering them and knowing that as I do so, answers are appearing. I offer them to you with the same intent.

Personal Infrastructure
I am a self-avowed fan of Huff Post and Adrianna Huffington. Two Sundays ago, in her weekly column, she described an idea which again, ding-ding, felt like an Ah-Ha moment, upgrading our personal infrastructure. I say what?

Okay, we all hear about infrastructure, you know the roads, bridges, sewer systems, electrical grids and more that are aging at an exponential rate and how government needs to dedicate time and resources to upgrading them or society will disintegrate. Phew, but how does that apply to us?

Again, she asked a few questions (I know, stop with the questions already!):
– Is your infrastructure in need of repair?
– How solid is your foundation of well-being?
– Does the architecture of your day and your space allow you regeneration time?
– Do the walls between your work and the rest of your life need shoring up or rebuilding?
– Is technology ruling your life?

I thought these to be really important questions to consider given the circumstances many people find themselves in – working from home, blurred boundaries between home and work life, technology invading every corner of life with the addition of Zoom and similar platforms, flexible schedules and where are you in the schedule, and more.

I am somewhat fortunate as I have had a home office for the last 24 years and had the luxury of learning boundaries early on before technology took over. Never the less screen time occupies a portion of everyday from social media to meetings to family conferences to friend time replacing the many face to face encounters of the past. It can and is overwhelming. So it is time to consider my infrastructure, whether my foundation needs repair or shoring up, and what my boundaries are. This is an important exercise for each of us to examine and address as who knows how long these circumstances will continue.

Finally, Pandemic Pandemonium
It is easy to drop into the downside of all the restrictions imposed on us at the moment. I am not immune to impatience and frustration. At the same time, this time and space offers great opportunity to see the SIGNS, reflect, consider and learn.

Pandemonium, defined as wild and noisy disorder or confusion; uproar describes fully the chaos we have been thrust into. And in the chaos lives change and growth.

Until next time, Betty Healey

Posted on by — 1 Comment

Words To Live By

There are so many speeches being given these days, words and more words. Some may say rhetoric. And as we know words can inspire and they can incite. Words can be uplifting and they can be damaging and soul burning. And, although we teach that words represent only a small percentage of any communication interaction, they continue to carry power.

Despite the ‘rhetoric’ I am a lover of words. The turn of a phrase, a silly pun, a stunning metaphor, or simply a well written piece of journalism. Words deliver me from the doldrums, lift me up, carry me on new adventures and to new places, and introduce me to new ideas and possibilities. It saddens me when words are used by pundits to damage, coerce, misinform or rule. Ah, but there in lies the power of the word.

Suffice it to say I have given some thought to the words I choose to live by. As a consultant, coach and facilitator words are essential. Spurred on by a column I read last Sunday, I decided to look back and to ask myself, ‘What are the words I live by?’ What are the phrases, poems, and quotes that inspire me and serve as my guidance, which become imbedded in my work and how I live? Here we go….

Be the change you wish to see in the world….Gandhi
When I left healthcare after 25 years to begin my own business, I had only a sense of what I wanted to achieve. I did not have a masterplan, or for that matter a business plan. I simply had a knowing that I needed to be engaged in work that had meaning and purpose and which lifted others up. As I launched into my consulting practice, at the time focused on team and leadership development, I began to read, and read, and read. Leadership, self-help, spiritual, business books, basically anything that seemed relevant. The year after we launched roadSIGNS, Jim and I decided to take a month-long sabbatical from life, and to celebrate 25 years of marriage, and rented a cottage in rural PEI. I took a suitcase of books with me and dedicated much of the time to exploring words.

Be the change… It seemed that every book I picked up, regardless of genre, contained these words. I am not sure that initially I understood, but like a hammer to one’s head, the message finally seeped in. The foundation of Law of Attraction (unknown to me at the time) – whatever I desired to teach, offer or coach in others had to live within me. I needed to change before I could create change.

WOW! This was an AHA moment! This continues to be my credo.

Our deepest fear….Marianne Williamson
Early in my consulting days I was introduced the Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. The famous quote used by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech, comes for this book:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The final two lines of this piece, “as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”, have been another anchor for me. As my own work evolved I came to a point where I wanted to dedicate my work to enabling others to find their light and see themselves lovingly, these words have been my fuel. And of course, like Gandhi’s words, it meant I needed to see my own light and allow it to shine before coaching others to do so. Holding my hand to the fire!

I will not die an unlived life… Dawna Markova
Shortly before leaving health care, I had the opportunity to meet Dawna, then a consultant with Peter Senge’s The Learning Organization Group. We became colleagues, meeting at conferences a few times. Then she disappeared off the radar for a while, although to be fair she told me she was retreating to write. The result was her book, I Will Not Die and Unlived Life.

The book, inspired by a poem she had written years before, was a read which like Return to Love, changed my life. The poem however, remains a short powerful instrument in and of itself:

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid, more accessible,
to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as a seed goes to the next as a blossom
and that which came to me as a blossom, goes on as fruit.

This poem has been an invitation to live boldly, to take risks, to listen to what my intuition and spiritual guidance impart to me without fear of what others think. These words have given me permission to pursue dreams I did not even know I had.

Thoughts become things…Mike Dooley
I have been a student of the Law of Attraction for many years, hence the reference to ‘be the change’. I also subscribe to Mike Dooley’s Messages from the Universe which arrive daily in my inbox. And at the bottom of every message is the quote, thoughts become things.

I love it frankly, a daily reminder to check in with the inner dialogue, to assess what I am telling myself and what I am thinking and to renovate the thought stream if it is warranted. I have learned that when my thoughts and desires are clear, I can manifest. Thoughts do become things.

Highest Good
I am not sure of the source of these two words. What I do know for sure is that they serve as a comfort when I am confused, anxious, fearful, lost. I set the simple intention, “I am attracting what is in my highest good.”

In the last year alone, these simple words have seen me through many things, including the sale of our country home and finding a new place to live, making our way home from Portugal in March after the state of emergency was declared, significant downsizing and too many decisions to count. It may sound crazy but I simply feel that those words allow me to ask for help and share responsibility with a higher power.

There are other words and phrases that inspire me every day, books which have played a huge role in how I evolved our work through the years. I plan to share more of this as I launch into another year of blogging. While new books come on the market every day, the latest and the greatest and novel concepts, I am inherently aware that there really is no new knowledge. Simply said, new books re-frame what we already know. I have decided to go back to my favorites, look at the highlighted bits and reflect on how these words have guided me.

I encourage you to do the same. What are your words to live by?

Until next time….

Betty

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Privilege

Last week friends of mine and their three children participated in the Hunger Awareness Challenge. Each person in the family received $10 for groceries for the week plus a selection of food products from the local foodbank. The fresh produce from the foodbank included a few potatoes, a small bag of fresh beans, an onion, two squash plus a selection canned goods, 1 quart of milk, a dozen eggs, juice and a few other items. The selection is based on what is available that week. Bare in mind now that this was intended to last a family of five for one week. Also note the three children are late teens, early twenties, not young children.

The community we live in is not a wealthy one. The average family income here is on the low side for communities in Ontario with many families existing on two incomes of minimum wage. We call these folks the working poor (probably a really strong rationale for a national minimum wage). It is these families who turn to the local food bank for assistance.

I followed my friend’s postings through the week on Facebook, both their struggles and creativity with the food choices they had to work with. Denise also shared her thoughts at one point in regard to privilege. I share this as privilege has been on the forefront on many conversations these days in the context of the Black Lives Matter movement and “white privilege”. Denise however, extends privilege beyond the boundaries of that particular conversation.

Here is what she offered:
Privilege has been running through my mind because so much of why we have not found this week as hard as we might is because of it (privilege). It sometimes seems an overused word but I think it’s important to recognize the role it plays. Outlining just some of this below:

  1. We know it’s only a week. You can do anything short term. Knowing something will get easier – that’s privilege
  2. We knew Farm Boy regularly has chicken on sale. And we are able to access any grocery store in the city because we are healthy and can walk, and also have cars or bikes. Not everyone does – that’s privilege
  3. I look at whole chicken and think 3 meals: a) roast it b) make pot pie c) soup (did not do soup in end because no vegetables left). We looked at rolled pork pieces, onions, curry paste and coconut milk (all from food bank) with purchased peppers (cheap this time of year) and made last night’s dinner out of it. We made biscuits for our pot pie because we had flour but ran out of potatoes. Knowing that these ingredients would work together as Andrew randomly saw them in food bank, knowing HOW to cook, and having the TIME to do these things – that’s privilege. Basically our knowledge and our job schedules allow us to make food go further.
  4. Not once did we think about the cost of hydro or water as we cooked. Or try to create nutritious meals on a single burner or in a microwave. That’s privilege too.
  5. We talked about how this time of year we are able to take advantage of farm fresh produce (potatoes, red peppers, tomatoes) at excellent prices if you buy in bulk. But you need storage, freezer capacity, canning ability – that’s privilege.
  6. On Monday I work late so Andrew cooks but he was late this Monday too and no one really thought about it until 6:30 when everyone was hungry. Under normal circumstances we’d have just ordered in on a night like that (privilege) or gone out (privilege) to save time and because we were all tired. Instead we got Erik flipping the burgers we got from Agape but had no buns but were able to swing by to pick some up on way home. It was still within our allotted allowance but we wouldn’t have gone if store too far away or inconvenient. That’s also privilege.
  7. We also talked this week about how we ALWAYS have cheese in. And coffee. And how if we see it on sale we buy it in bulk because we know we will use it. We also picked up this week (not as part of this challenge) our order of organic farm chickens to see us through winter. In order to do this, in order to save money and have a house full of food you have to have the money ahead of time, and we certainly would not do that on $10/person/week. Impossible. That’s privilege.

Privilege is defined as “a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group”. Honestly, I have not thought of my life as privileged until recently, my awareness growing through the essays on “white privilege” and most certainly through Denise’s observations.

In discussions with Jim following Denise’s post, we also explored the following:

  1. Both Jim and I came from humble families. Neither of our families had a great deal of money and we both had mothers who saw the value in education, who encouraged us, and set expectations for us. That was privilege, recognizing that many children do not have that.
  2. Jim and I had access to decent schools through our childhood and adolescence which prepared us to go on to higher education. That was privilege.
  3. Jim and I had access to financial aid and scholarships through sports for Jim, academics for me. That was privilege.
  4. Our post secondary studies led us into careers that supported us throughout our adult years. Given the rarity of this currently, that was privilege.
  5. Yes, we both worked diligently in our respective professions. Yes, we lived a financially responsible life and have earned our retirement. And in all of this we have travelled, owned several properties, grown and learned. And this is privilege.

I could go on and I think I have made my point. So much of what we have taken for granted over our lifetimes is simply not available to others either because of lack of resources, family support, or social networks. I am not downplaying the role I played in my own success, I am simply acknowledging that I had the will, the social support and the education, the circumstances for my life to flourish. And yes, I saw this and engaged, made choices along the way to better myself. I also recognize that I have been blessed in many ways.

I write this to encourage all of to take a step back and to recognize privilege in our own lives. Why? Honestly this reflection and understanding is making me far more compassionate and less judgmental regarding how others live and the choices they make. we never know the back story. AND, I am also basking in gratitude for the life I have experienced.

Until next time….

Thanks to Denise Nielsen for her postings.

Posted on by — Leave a comment

A Blank Canvas

It has been a short 20 weeks since we moved from our country home with a small acreage to a condo in downtown Cornwall, ON. We have traded the country silence, bird song and the evening peepers for traffic noise, buses and sirens. We have shifted from occupying 3200 sq. ft. + basement for 1600 sq. ft. We have given up the 45-minute drives to Cornwall to run errands, see friends and family for the convenience of being able to walk almost everywhere.

Yesterday I ran into a friend of mine on my way back from the bank. Chatted and caught up as I had not seen her since the move. She commented that she has been following our transition on Facebook and shared that she and others were surprised at the ease with which we adapted. I reflected on this on the rest of my way home and find myself this morning thinking about this easy transition; is it true?

Blank Canvas and More
Significant life decisions are never easy to make, the key is how you approach them. I am fortunate to have a life and love partner who is generally on the same page as I am when it comes to the major decisions. Three years ago, we began discussing the sale of our country home. This was a heart talk, there is no other way to describe it. Tigh Shee, as we had named the house and property, had been a an affair of the heart, a space and a place where we did everything with intention turning it into a sanctuary and retreat center. We engaged Mother Earth and all the sentient beings who cohabitated with us in this creation. As I write this, I feel at the very depth of my soul how meaningful and significant this journey was. I remember the many retreats, workshops and gatherings held in the space and the hundreds of people who found a safe place to re-discover themselves. These are happy/sad memories.

And like all phases of life there is a beginning and an end. We gradually phased out all the programs we offered there. Our love for gardening turned to obligation and work. It was time to move on. There was a new canvas to paint. With much forethought and planning we decided to sell the property. It took 2 ½ years to attract the perfect buyer. Yes, that seems like a long time and it gave us the time to downsize, sort, de-clutter, reminisce, remember and to know that the decision we were making was in our highest good.

An easy transition – YES! We were prepared and the Blank Canvas has been painted with bike rides and walking along the magnificent St. Lawrence River which lies two blocks from our door. Within the limitations of the current COVID guidelines, we have entertained friends and now have easy access to Jim’s 90+ year old parents, our three favourite restaurants are within walking distance, the library across the street, shopping a few blocks away. Convenience cannot be underrated after years of driving everywhere.

Strategies

  1. We all know that moving is high on the list of things that are most stressful in life. Might as well acknowledge it – there were a few very challenging days. The key was communicating with Jim and our friend Carol, who was living with us throughout the move, how we were feeling.
  2. No regrets: I cannot tell you how many friends have looked at me with great sympathy and asked me how I am doing after giving up the house. Two points here – their sympathy was pointed in the wrong direction as I had done my work. Tigh Shee had a special place in the hearts of many people and it was their sadness they were addressing, not mine. I endeavored to understand and listened but was very clear not to take on their feelings. Second, regret is not productive. It freezes you in the past and keeps you away from living the moments of today and planning for your tomorrows. Accepting that there is no going back and making peace with your decisions is essential.
  3. Live in the moment. Once the move was completed and we had for the most part settled in, we grabbed that Blank Canvas and began to plan what we wanted to paint. It had been many years since we had experienced a carefree summer with no obligations for house repairs, gardening and business. Wow – FREEDOM 70. We purchased e-bikes with the help of our nephew and hit the magnificent and bountiful bike trails that run along the St. Lawrence. I ramped up my walking and challenged my new knees, building my strength and endurance. Days were planned according to the weather and what showed up day by day. It has been lovely.
  4. Finally, there have been moments where I absolutely miss our former home, the gardens and most significantly the energy of the place. When this happens, I cry. There is no shame in a few tears, the moments pass quickly because, as I mentioned, I have no regrets, I am simply acknowledging how I feel and completing the grief process.

Next Steps
So now what. As the weather grows cooler, and the winter months inevitable, I am examining how I want to invest my time. COVID had pretty much pushed us into (I hate to say it) retirement. Or at least a version of it. All this really means is where do I want to invest my time and what brings me joy. Back to that blank canvas as I have not held a paint brush in my hand since February 28th. I am on the lookout for a studio and am in the process, as I write this, of confirming details on a space. It is my intent that this space be the seat of my creative juices, flow, discovery and who knows what.

Finally, I simply want to embrace love and joy. As I step into the 8th decade of my life, a world filled with both wonder and turmoil, I am determined to live in a meaningful way and to continue to attract what is in my highest good. With that intention stated, I know there will be a few surprises along the way.

2020 has been life changing for all of us. Each of us is experiencing our own unique journey. I encourage all of us to release the past, especially what no longer serves us, to attract highest good and to consider the Blank Canvas. What is the life you want to paint?

Until Next Time…

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Finding Your Grace Point

For some reason I awoke this morning in a searching frame of mind. What kept emerging through this search was GRACE. I have always considered GRACE as one of the four pillars of my work and life. I define it as ‘ Being is a state of Grace with the world and within your relationships; allowing yourself to surrender and be in the flow.’

As I continued my rumination my mind tracked back, remembering a chapter in the ME FIRST Playbook in regard to the GRACE Diet. Themes repeat themselves in my life and I saw this as a SIGN to resurrect and review some of the tools and exercises I have created in the past. Memory is an interesting thing for me as I often lose sight of what I have written and taught over the years, not in a way that invalidates it, simply that my mind marches on.

Given the body of work I have accumulated, moving on at this point may mean returning to what I have known and practiced and resurrect the principles, ideas and teaching which have been the backbone of my work. Since I have been called back to GRACE, I have decided to use this as my starting point.

The GRACE Diet was created to address the junk food diet many of us feed ourselves on a daily basis. I am not referring to the food you put into your body in the context of what you consume, rather the diet you are feeding your spirit. Are your words to self spiritually uplifting or depleting? And if you have developed the art of putting yourself down, how can you begin re-programming that inner conversation. This is where the GRACE diet comes in, an acronym standing for Gratitude, Respect, Acknowledgment, Courage and Enthusiasm.

Gratitude: gratitude practices are bountiful these days, whether you keep a gratitude journal, have a daily practice of sharing gratitude with friends, or at the end of day as a before bed ritual. It is easy to assume that such a simple practice is fluffy or unsubstantial yet research has shown that those who practice gratitude regularly are more positive in their view of themselves and of life. Knowing this, why not give it a try. I can personally testify that I have had a daily gratitude practice for over twenty years and it is an activity that fuels my positivity every day.

Here is your opportunity– try the 21 day gratitude challenge, recording 3-5 gratitudes every day for 21 days in a gratitude journal and see what happens. Gratitude helps you notice what is right with your life.

Respect: I am referring to self-respect. In fact you can not elicit respect from others if you do not respect yourself. This is a simple truth. Time to check your inner dialogue and listen to the stories you are weaving about yourself. Remember that a large portion of your story was never yours; it was given to you by others – a parent, a teacher, a friend, some external source. What they saw or believed is not yours to own. Respect implies that you begin to see the truth of who you are and re-direct the inner-critic to becoming your inner-coach. Most importantly begin simply with I am enough.

Your opportunity: listen in to your inner dialogue, record the five most common things you tell yourself and, if they are not uplifting, re-write them. Now say them to yourself repeatedly. You are now in the process of ‘neural re-programming’, creating a new inner pathway.

Acknowledgment: acknowledgment marries gratitude and respect, in fact I often refer to self-acknowledgment as the highest form of gratitude. This takes respect a step deeper but encouraging you to see the gifts and strengths you possess, the impact you have in the world, the important roles you play in the lives of others. This is no small thing even though you may not feel important. I refer to it as the highest form of gratitude as self- acknowledgment means thanking your higher power for the gifts you possess, whether this refers to your abilities within your career, as a parent of family member, for your creativity or expertise. It goes like this, ‘I acknowledge my love for writing and relaying messages of hope and selfness to others.’

Your opportunity: as part of the 21 day gratitude journal, add on 2-3 self-acknowledgment statements. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself. BTW a great source for self-acknowledgment can be harvested from the feedback you receive from others.

Courage: courage is the backbone of GRACE. The ME FIRST journey is not for the faint of heart, it is for the brave. It is easy to go through life accepting everything, never addressing your inner dialogue and riding the wave of self-deprecation. It may not be healthy yet many people will not addressing it on. Trust me; it takes courage to face yourself, go inward, re-shape the inner landscape, face the self-critic and tell him/her they are out of date, and design a new conversation. And those who choose not to join you on the journey will share their skepticism and endeavor to pull you back. Courage, listening to your heart – it desperately wants to heal, which wants to guide you forward into a more positive and beneficial relationship with yourself.

Your opportunity: create a daily practice where you pause, reflect and ask your heart, not your head, what it wants. Simply listen in.

Enthusiasm: begin to identify moments of joy in your life; pay attention to what lifts you up; limit your access to negative news (lord knows there is plenty of that these days), and play with people who generally have an optimistic attitude. In other words, feed your enthusiasm for life. Allow yourself to dream and consider the future. Share those dreams with others and encourage them to share theirs. Create a vision board that lights you up and which, when you look at it, inspires you.

Your opportunity: back to the 21 day gratitude journal, add 1-2 things which are fueling your joy and enthusiasm each day. One of mine: I am enthusiastic about the new opportunities opening to me at this time in my life. (BTW I have no idea what they are, I simply trust they exist!).

Let me close with a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh: “ If you are capable of living deeply one moment of your life, you can learn to,live the same way in all other moments of your life.”

The GRACE diet is a recipe for emotional and spiritual health that can sustain you and lead you to a more meaningful life.

Blessings and Until Next Time,

Betty

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Mental Pay Cheques

You show up every day, sometimes mindfully and sometimes not. You want to make a difference, in the lives of clients and co-workers, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. Your intentions are sound, to live a life of purpose and hopefully passion, to be of service and to make a difference. You step into each day, into your work, and you engage, hoping that your efforts will make the world a better place.

This is how I have endeavored to live my life. But how do you measure success; how do you know what your ripple effect has been and whether you have had a beneficial influence on others and the world around you. Reality – for the most part you don’t!

So here I am, about to turn 70 years old (OMG!). I have been working in my career since I was 22. You can do the math – I have been working a long time. Sometimes I have worked in a J.O.B. – Justifiable Occupation or Business. For the most part I have worked in my Passion Place, which makes work play. I suspect that in my Passion Place I have been more successful in having an impact.

Recently, while not looking or asking, I have received a few Mental Pay Cheques, a series of comments from random sources speaking to the impact my/our (Jim and I) work has had through the years. This feedback is not solicited, it simply shows up. It is not ego building it is humbling. And yes, it does feel good especially as I am of an age where I often look back and reflect on the many roads I have traveled career wise and wonder if it has made a difference.

Now it is true that not everyone is carved for the same stone as I am. Not everyone has the luxury of pondering their purpose and designing their work accordingly; so to this end I have been fortunate.

Recently, while attending the National Sales Meeting for our primary client, Jim and I were greeted warmly by more people than we can count. We have been fortunate to work with many of the teams who are part of this multinational Pharmaceutical company over the last ten years.

Our inaugural event with this organization was a Continuing Health Education Program, The Colour of Communication, which we co-designed with their Education Department. This program was created to provide Rheumatologists, and their staff, strategies for being more effective in their communication and teaching with their patients. Over a period of three years, I had the opportunity to teach this program in twenty-three cities across Canada reaching about eighty percent of the Rheumatology community. It was demanding and it was a privilege.

At the recent National Sales meeting, rheumatologists were asked to provide feedback to our client regarding the impact they had had over the last decade. Of the three areas highlighted by the RA Community, this program, the Colour of Communication, took top billing. While Jim and I were not present for this feedback, the business unit manager made sure it was delivered to us when she saw us at the meeting. The organization was thrilled with this feedback as was I. Truly a Mental Pay Cheque.

There have been other such moments recently which I do not need to detail, only to say that when your work feels rewarding, when you sense you are making a difference even if you cannot measure it, there is a good chance you are. If your work is intentional, fueled by a sense of purpose, of being of service, you can be reassured that you are having a beneficial impact. When you go to work versus having a J.O.B. you play in an entirely different field of energy.

Pause – as I am writing this blog the phone rings. Damn, an interruption, just when I am in the flow of writing. And, nope – a coaching client calling unexpectedly just to check in and give me an update on how his business is turning around. He simply wanted to share the good news. A Mental Pay Cheque !

I am waking up and appreciating that Mental Pay Cheques are my roadSIGNS. For months now, maybe even years, I have been struggling with the idea of retirement. In fact, I really dislike the word. In conversation with some of my colleagues, I have also come to appreciate that I have nothing to retire from. It seems to me that these random Mental Pay Cheques are reminding me to stay in the world. I realize that teaching, facilitating and coaching are in my DNA, they are not roles that I play, they are me. They are a part of every conversation I have, whether that is a friend, a family member or client. It is not a J.O.B., it is my work in the world.

Whether I continue to work for remuneration or not, this is a part of me that will remain. Whew! No need to retire, I am who I am who I am.

And I am fortunate. As I mentioned earlier, I have been the creator of my own career for the last 23 years. I do not represent the majority. Some folks have to retire or are retired from their J.O.B. Then what?

I believe it is a new beginning, an adventure, an opportunity to fulfill unlived dreams, passions, and desires. Yes, I am an optimist and I believe that the Third Act, as this phase of life is now referred to, is a second chance at life. It is not to be wasted or endured. It is designed to help you live in ways you had not imagined; a time to be curious as to what is possible.

If you are reading this and wondering where to start, here are the questions that I play with and offer to clients:

  1. As I look around the world today, what is it I want to influence, shift or change?
  2. What is it that gives me joy, lights me up?
  3. What is my sense of purpose?
  4. When I decide to step away from work, what do I want my legacy to be?
  5. How do I wish to influence the world around me?
  6. What are my core values? Am I living from these?
  7. In what ways am I experiencing my joy, my purpose/passion, my values in my life/work?

In some way I feel like I can breathe again. I am in gratitude for the clients who continue to choose to work with us and I am content in the knowledge that when this ends, something else will appear. And I appreciate the random Mental Pay Cheques coming my way, reminding me of the ripple effect my work has had and continues to have.

It has taken years for me to appreciate myself and to be authentically grateful for the gift of my work in the world. It is worth pausing, taking a look at the ripple effect you are creating and have created, to receive the feedback and compliments with an open heart, and to see the gift of who you are in the world.

On that note…until next time

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Living in the Mystery

Living in the Mystery

On December 30th, the brink of the arrival of a new year and a new decade, I read the following quote by Brian Andreas, author and cartoonist:

“I don’t know how long I can do this,” he said. “

I think the Universe has different plans for me and
we sat there in silence and I thought to myself
this is the thing we all come to and this is the thing we all fight
and If I am lucky enough to lose (the fight),
our lives become beautiful with mystery again
and I sat silent because that is not something that can be said.”

Beautiful with mystery.

These words resonated with me. And as for the entire quote, I do believe the Universe has plans for me which I am not yet aware of, and yes, I have in my own way need fighting the fight for, like anyone else, change and uncertainty can be a bit scary. The quote goes to the heart of everything I have been exploring over the last couple of years from thriving in the third act to sitting on the threshold.

I do love when words wake me up. As I began to contemplate what living a life beautiful with mystery looks like, I felt that light within me being re-ignited. Mystery suggests curiosity, wonder, imagination and more. And yes, it is undefined, has no boundaries or framework. It suggests allowing life to unfold, engaging patience and trust, embracing new ideas and notions.

OMG, that is scary. That means being in flow. That means no New Years Resolutions, lofty goals, and all the should and must do’s. It means living in the moment, being intentional and clear with your wants and desires, understanding what brings you joy and lights you up, paying attention to the roadSIGNS and when opportunities present themselves, taking action.

Yes, I do live my life this way and yes, I have done so for a long time. And I am not an expert, I remain a student. I want a life filled with mystery.

Staying Upbeat

Sometimes when I am writing about life and living, I wonder if I am being naïve. I am well aware that we in Canada and other civilized nations have the great privilege of working on ourselves and determining the choices by which we want to live. Meanwhile, around the world, millions of people struggle to simply put one foot in front of the other every day. You can feel guilty or you can express gratitude and do your personal work, understanding that your work matters to the world. This is an important reminder.

Likewise, the news. As I write this blog, 2020 began with catastrophic wildfires in Australia, a pending war in Iran because of the stupidity and will of one man…I could continue. As an empath, the situation in Australia had led me to feel great sadness at the loss of millions of animals and maybe the termination of certain species. These events challenge my optimistic spirit even as I endeavor to embrace the mystery.

Two days ago I listened to an interview with Margaret Wheatley, a well know leadership guru and community builder. She spoke to the despair she feels with the state of today’s world. Despair, a word not generally in my vocabulary and yet, exactly what I have been experiencing. As Meg continued, she described her new relationship with despair. Although she felt despair was something she always avoided, she now believes that it is perfect experience it, be in it, move through it. Avoiding it only buries the feelings.

Considering this, I realize that staying upbeat means acknowledging the feelings you have, experiencing then to the extent they need to be experienced, crying if you need to or finding another way to release. Feeling emotional pain, moving through it, and then returning to the mystery is a key step of remaining resilient in a challenging world.

Wheatley went on to share her current work (BTW she is now 76), a program for developing ‘Warriors for the Human Spirit’. To quote her,

We need leaders who recognize the harm being done
to people and planet through the dominant practices that
control, ignore, abuse, and oppress the human spirit.
We need leaders who put service over self,
stand steadfast in crises and failures, and
who display unshakable faith that
people can be generous, creative, and kind.

Margaret Wheatley

I may need to investigate this further, being a warrior for the Human Spirit. It feels like the path I have been on or could be– a roadSIGN?

Unraveling

In a previous blog I wrote about sitting on the threshold, which is equivalent to living in the mystery. I also shared my thoughts on responsibility and how taking, being and living responsibility has been a hallmark for this life’s journey. This was my work of 2019, or so I thought. After noticing the old habits of assuming responsibility for others and for who knows what else, I now realize that responsibility is an enormous, thick knitted sweater I have been wearing since my earliest memory. I am now unraveling it, stitch by stitch, row by row. I am making progress and every now and then I run into a knot which takes effort to undo so that I can continue unraveling. Evidently this work continues in 2020.

I have shared my insights regarding responsibility with a number of folks now and have been met with tears, AHA’s, OMG’s, and more. It seems I am not alone. And so, in approaching a new year, a new decade, an upcoming transition, I encourage you to practice, embrace, be open to the following:

  • Begin living in the mystery. Ask yourself what you want at this time in your life, what brings you joy, what lights you up? And play there for a while.
  • Be intentional, pay attention for the roadSIGNS, and when opportunities appear, explore them.
  • If you are sad, if you feel despair, allow it, understand it, move though it. Always remember that for all the bad/detrimental events occurring in the world, there of hundreds of uplifting events occurring. Direct your attention to these as well and look at your life through the eyes of gratitude.
  • Assess what you are assuming responsibility for. Before jumping in to rescue anyone or takeover a situation, ask yourself, “Is this my responsibility? Is this mine to own? If I take responsibility am I helping or hindering others in their learning and living?

Final Thoughts:

Last evening I watched An Astronaut’s Guide to Optimism 2020, with Chris Hadfield. I encourage you to take a look, as it creates perspective and balance in what is happening in our world.

Until next time…..