Category: What Has Become Clear

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Your Legacy Work

As I sit with the Idea of Flourishing in the Third Act, feeling my way into my experience and what I want to create for myself and others, I have a knowing that there is no rush. I have to say this is a new sensation for me. I am not the type to simply sit with things for an extensive period of time. Of course I have been writing this blog and discussing Flourishing in the Third Act with others, and this has raised interest. And yes, that is my intention. And, when asked last week by a colleague when I was starting the program, I had a momentary sense of panic. I am not ready.

As another colleague of mine stated during our monthly Women Entrepreneur’s Network,  I am composting, in the fermentation state. I might prefer the word incubation, regardless, I am sitting and being with the idea.

This morning in our daily read from Robin Sharma, the following text was highlighted:

Confusion always gives rise to clarity over time and
a moment does come when all the new learning becomes
wonderfully integrated within your understanding.
This is the beginning of real wisdom.
Celebrate your confusion because it is simply a reflection of your growth.
It is always a little chaotic when you leave the Safe Harbor of The Known
and sail out in search of New Oceans.

I have decided to celebrate my confusion! To continue to read, research, reflect and learn, throwing all these ingredients into a big pot of stew, knowing that it will emerge as a savory, tasty meal.

The other roadSIGN appearing on my path this past week was a conversation with Lisa Taylor, founder of the Challenge Factory, an organization which specializes in working with individuals approaching or in the Third Act. Lisa spoke about defining your Legacy Career, a turn of phrase which I admit to finding appealing.

In my own lexicon I would undoubtedly use legacy work. I see your work in the broadest of contexts responding to the question of “what is your work in the world, your call to service, your sense of purpose?” To add to this idea and incorporating the notion of legacy, the question further dives into the impact you wish to have on others and your immediate world.

I differentiate work from J.O.B., better known as Justifiable Occupation or Business. How we make a living is not always aligned with our work. When we choose to leave the J.O.B. and pursue our work, we truly are in the legacy conversation. Legacy work can be aligned with what you do for a living just as it can be volunteer work, mentoring, pursuing your creativity, whatever is meaningful to you.

Years ago, while listening to an old Harry Chapin CD, I noticed a monologue Harry had in between cuts. He was telling a story about his grandfather:

My grandfather always used to say,
“Harry, in this world there are two kinds of tired – good tired and bad tired.”

Bad tired can follow a day when you are seen as a winner in the eyes of others, but you know that you won other people’s battles and lived other people’s agendas or dreams. You achieved great things for someone else’s cause. At the end of the day, you see that there is very little of YOU in there. You realize that deep inside yourself, the parts are not connected. You lay your head on your pillow that night, you toss and turn, you don’t rest easy. You know that your doings that day are disconnected from the deepest sense of who you are.

Then there are days when you are good tired. Good tired can be a day when you experience less success, trying but not always satisfied with the outcome. The key is that you are working at the things you love and enjoy. You don’t need to be hard on yourself because you know you fought your own battles, you chased your own dreams, and you lived your days fully. The path may be more difficult and you feel better about yourself because your choices are in-line with who you are and your work in the world. At the end of the day, your rest your head on your pillow and you rest easy. You recognize that what you did that day was connected to your greater purpose.

Your legacy work, your third act, deserves your attention, your intention, your imagination and your commitment to allow it to incubate. I believe you also want your legacy work to be fully yours, to be engaging and which leads you to that sense of being good tired and resting easy. It is a time for you and I to choose the work that inspires and nurtures us. If you are rushing into choices because you feel you have to or others expect you to, push the pause button.

Let’s all agree to play in the confusion for a while and see what emerges.

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It’s a Matter of Head and Heart

In preparing for the Third Act, an easy default position is to fill our heads with facts, expose myths and do whatever it takes to reassure our minds that everything will be just fine. Of course this approach neglects what my heart may be saying about this journey.

In life you can choose many roads, those frequently traveled and those less so. The journey into and through the Third Act of life, undoubtedly needs to be a healthy balance between understanding and feeling, a balance between head and heart. I say this as in my own experience, no matter how much ‘self-discovery’ I engage in, no matter how much I reassure myself that I still have a great deal to offer the world and others, I am still experiencing the myriad of feelings that go with simply growing older.

I have always been a very purposeful and goal-oriented individual. This has served me well, whether I was working a physiotherapist, health care manager or educator. Goals have been the back bone of my life. I suspect I am not alone.

Today, I still love the idea of purpose. I find myself more curious about how that purpose might manifest and indeed, I feel less inclined to be quite as goal obsessed, in fact, I find myself being intentional instead. Something you might also consider.

One of the perks of the Third Act is less urgency. You have the opportunity to explore and discover, to be curious about what’s next and how this might manifest. It is healthy to have a sense of what is important to you and what lights you up – that important sense of purpose AND rather than launching into a plan, why not relax, breath and wonder what this might look like.

Just for clarity, intention, by my definition, means opening up possibility. Rather than specific goals, attached to specific outcomes and time frames, I recommend simply “attracting all that is in your highest good” or “attracting what serves your purpose”. Then exercise your curiosity and pay attention to what begins to show up.

And then there is the whole issue of choice. While I am not fully ‘retired’, I have chosen to work differently. Three words keep coming up: Freedom, Flexibility and Fun. You would think that these would be natural and easy to adapt to. Right! Not so easy, especially for those goal-oriented, list-making, scheduled individuals like myself. So I am sliding into this choice, gradually. It’s all about choice I remind myself.

 

Spreading Your Wings
Spreading Your Wings

One of my Third Act choices has been a return to painting. In my late teens and twenties, I studied art and various mediums, only to leave it behind for three decades. I can’t explain why that happened. Life I suppose. Then four years ago, two of my coaching clients opened a new studio and the next thing I knew I was taking one of their courses – a happy accident (or perhaps a significant SIGN!).

As I write this I am preparing for my fist Art Exhibit (yes, this was designed to give me a goal!). Painting, like life, is a process. The feeling of paint on a brush and then the movement across the canvas, how a slight flick of the wrist can leave an image that is magical. Testing myself in both abstract and realistic forms and with each step learning more about the important triad of brush, paint and canvas.

And isn’t that what you are doing in the Third Act, painting a new life, body mind and spirit. There will be times when the paint goes on easily and the image simply grows on the canvas just as there will be times when the paint gets muddy and you have to start again. The important thing to remember is that you have the freedom to choose what you will paint. You can exercise flexibility in how you approach your creation and most importantly in you can have fun because in the end, the choices you are making are for YOU!

With this ramble today, and it is that, I simply encourage you to engage your head and your heart for your Third Act journey. As I am so often reminded, I do not want to approach the end of life with regrets, nor I suspect do you. Listen to your heart and begin to explore what is truly meaningful to YOU. Set an intention and explore the possibilities regarding which path might lead you to where you want to land. Enjoy the journey – enjoy your freedom to choose and spread your wings.

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Flourishing in the Third Act -Examine Your Beliefs

We have all fallen prey to the ageist beliefs that pervade society and show up in everyday conversations. Likewise, as you approach retirement and your Third Act, you will be wondering what is in store for me. Speaking for myself, I truly dislike the word “retire” as it had always felt like the equivalent of disengaged, coach potato, slowing down, ‘disappearing’ from life. My preference would be to re-tire, put on new treads, or re-fire, examine the possibilities and ignite my inner fire.

I am in a fortunate position though. I re-tired from health care when I was only 47 and began a new career, forming my own business and engaging in corporate coaching and consulting. Here I am almost 20 years later, still engaged, and changing gears. I get to re-invent myself and I have the experience to do it. This is not so for everyone. Despite this I still hold the same fears about what’s next, will I still be vital and active, will my brain and my body hold up, will what I do and who I be matter, and more.

To that end, I began to explore and examine some of the myths concerning me in terms of the Third Act. Here are a few excerpted from my search.

Your Destiny is Out of Your Control According to the American Journal of Psychiatry, Your Third Act offers you more control over your destiny than you might believe. As you enter the Third Act, your choices actually increase rather than diminish. If you have chosen to retire, even more so. Your choices include how you spend your time, how you engage your personal strengths and accrued wisdom, how you choose to live your life on a daily basis. Remembering that you have control, it is then your choice to take certain steps to define the Third Act you wish to have.

You will Lose Your Tribe and Be Lonely There is no doubt that when you leave the J.O.B. (Justifiable Occupation or Business) and opt for retirement, that a significant loss is your tribe – your work colleagues. The interesting thing is that your social intelligence, your ability to meet and get along with others, grows as you get older. Dr. Margaret Gatz of USC reports that “you get better at sizing people up, at understanding how relationships work and at not getting into an argument”. In other words, you get to choose who you hang with and you no longer have to get along with everyone simply because you work with them. Yeah! Remember, socializing is in important choices in terms of supporting a healthy brain. You are wired to connect.

You will Stop Learning and Growing You can’t teach an old dog new tricks! NO! Studies on neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change its structure as the result of major trauma or brain injury, has helped science to understand that the brain is constantly changing and responding to experience. From a Positive Psychology point of view, you can employ self-directed neuroplasticity, using this to nurture new habits, manage your inner self-talk, develop self-compassion, and so on. Meditation and mindfulness, dedicating quiet time to allow your brain to shift and re-wire is supported by studies done with Buddhist monks and other meditators. It is an exciting new frontier which those of us in the Third Act can employ. Your brain has limitless capacity to learn and re-wire.

Your Physical Abilities will Decline Not true. Just as with the previous decades you get to choose. The adage, use it or lose it applies just as it always has. Muscle strength and tone can be maintained and even grown, depending on the activities in which you engage. And yes, there are all those warnings about ‘arthritis’ setting in and osteoporosis, and while these are risk factors, many Third Acters will never develop these issues. Invest in your body and it will invest in you.

You won’t BE Happy Research doesn’t support this, in fact, studies suggest that once you get beyond the 40’s it is uphill. Most Third Acters report feeling more contentment and opportunity because of their new found freedom. The Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization found that people are “at their happiest at retirement age.” Will this continue? That depends on the decisions you make regarding your Third Act.

You’ll Be Stuck with Bad Habits

Changing habits at any age is a matter of personal choice. The reality of aging is that you have more time to dedicate to your health, should this be a habit you wish to cultivate. From a Positive Psychology Perspective, developing new habits is a matter of understanding your motivation or the reward that you seek, identifying specific cues that you can associate habit formation with, and then supporting the habit you wish to develop. Be forewarned, old habits don’t die, they are replaced with new and better ones.

You’ll Stop having Sex

Here’s the good news for Third Acters, if you have had a healthy sex life before the Third Act, there is no reason for this to abruptly end. In fact, recent studies of those well over 60 suggest that we want to experience and enjoy sex. A national survey of 75-85 year olds reported the ¾ of male and ½ of female respondents reported that they were sexually active. Okay, as women, we have some work to do!

You’ll Feel Old When I was a physiotherapist working in Long Term Care, and during the completion of my Certificate in Gerontology, I conducted a survey with 40 of my most senior residents. I was curious how old they felt, not what they saw in the mirror, but what they felt inside. I was surprised to learn that most of them told me they ‘felt’ about 35. My data is supported by a 2009 PEW Research Study which found that “the older people are, the younger they feel”. The researchers observed that the gap between chronological age and “age felt” grew wider as people grew older. It supports our commonly held belief that you are as old as you feel!

Take time to examine your beliefs in regard to aging and retirement. Ask yourself if these are perfect for you. If they aren’t re-write them. Always remember, you get to choose!

Reference: 10 Misconceptions About Aging, Huffington Post

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Ebb and Flow

I have recently had the pleasure to dive into the work of Joan Anderson, an American author whose books A Walk on the Beach and The Second Journey have truly resonated with me. It is always good to be supported on one’s own journey. Joan’s vulnerability and humanity spoke through the pages, as if she and I were having a conversation. And this conversation was an important one as she disclosed that despite her work, that of encouraging others, especially women, to find room in their lives for themselves, was a message that she personally struggled to live. And in their lies my truth, that despite my ME FIRST teachings, I have lots to learn about ME FIRST.

Like many of us, I am caught up in the flow, forward and backward movement. A self-avowed doing addict, I have trouble at times slowing down and even when I do, I cannot seem to harness my mind. Oh sure there are a few divine moments, when the quiet descends and I find myself in the ebb. I relish those moments and hold on to them greedily, for it is in that ebb space that I see, I know and I am. And then, just as quickly as the ebb appeared I am back in the flow. And I know this is right as well, the ebb and the flow, the movement of the tidal waters around the earth and the tidal waters of our life, is as it needs to be. Nothing is static.

All of this insight falls on the heels of a year of what feels like slumber. One year ago in January 2014, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, a rather serious, although treatable, auto-immune disease. After month of stiff and sore fingers and toes, blood tests and X-rays pointed in this direction. This is an illness familiar to me as I have been part of the Rheumatology community for a few years as the facilitator of the Colour of Communication designed for health professionals working in this field. The irony of suddenly attracting this illness did not escape me. Yet somehow, in the back screen of my mind all this news did not ring true. My intuitive “energy” colleagues supported that belief. Despite this I embarked of a course of treatment which over the next eleven months included two drugs, Plaquinil and Methotrexate (a form of chemotherapy). I saw my energy levels diminish yet I stayed with the program. I saw no observable forms of improvement in my joints yet I stayed with the program. Without recognizing it, I began to slide in my desire and drive to be of service.

Here Comes the Sun - A New Dawn!
Here Comes the Sun – A New Dawn!

Five weeks ago, in a collaborative decision with my rheumatologist, all medications were stopped. We both agreed that while my blood work was highly suggestive of RA, my lack of response to treatment indicated otherwise. Subsequently I have had additional joint studies completed which have revealed osteoarthritic changes in my fingers, no meds required.

I have written previously about Awakening, and I feel that at this moment I am once again in the awakening process. My energy levels have returned, I am waking up with a new sense of vigor and I feel that suddenly I am once again in the game. I have a suitcase full of appreciation for this. You do not realize what you have until it is removed for a period of time. And I, admittedly was under appreciating my life, my passion, my sense of purpose and my drive. I was under appreciating the ebb and the flow.

I have no judgment of the last year or the decision I made to seek and accept treatment for an illness I do not have. Rather I am grateful for my current state of health and for the lessons learned over the past 12 months. A significant aspect of this lesson is to embrace the ebb and the flow, to be in movement and to be in solitude and contemplation; to find the easy balance between the two.

With the newness of 2015 still on my skin, and an appreciation of all the forecasters and pundits, I know this to be a year for transformation. This means casting aside what no longer serves and creating space for what is waiting on the other side of the door. It is in the ebb that I have time to identify the castaways and in the flow that I can reach out and receive what is next.

I encourage you to identify the ebb and flow, the natural rhythm of your life. So much of daily living is forced rhythm. May this leave you with the desire for contemplation and the willingness to step into the ebb for a few moments everyday!

Until next time,

Betty

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Choose Love

On Tuesday October 21st, Jim and I travelled to Ottawa with our friends Lynn and Norm. As they were visiting us from New York, we wanted to take the opportunity to briefly tour the nation’s capital and take in an event at the National Arts Center. After parking the car we walked by the National War Memorial. Norm, who is former US Army Corp of Engineers, noticed the two soldiers keeping watch and commented on how respectful this was. Interestingly, as many times as I have been to Ottawa in the past, I had never noticed the soldiers standing there before. Our day continues with the joy of sharing our capital city and enjoying an evening performance of ‘Once’.

Then Wednesday arrives. Following our friends departure I become suddenly aware of the activity on Facebook and expressions of horror, fear, sadness and more. Canada and Canadians have, in a few short moments, seen the arrival of terrorism at the foot of Parliament Hill. One of those soldiers, perhaps one of the same soldiers we saw the previous day, has been gunned down. In a country of peacekeepers, the guns they lean into during their guarded stance, are not loaded. That same gunman heads for parliament hill where havoc reigns for several hours until he too is killed. Again, as Canadians, we have never required the extreme security measures of our southern neighbours and as a result, he easily entered the building.

More than inheriting fear from this sudden attack, I feel that we as Canadians have lost something much larger – our innocence and perhaps our peacekeeping soul. I will admit to having shed tears this morning, at the unnecessary loss of a young soldier’s life and at the enormous loss we as Canadians are experiencing.

And, this is only a beginning. Now comes CHOICE!

I have long understood that there are only two ways to live in the world, in LOVE or in FEAR. Yesterday’s incident thrusts into a crisis of consciousness and an opportuntiy to decide where we, individually and collectively, will play from here. Will we dive into fear because of this act and in response to the terror that reigns in locations around the world or will we hold ourselves in love because this is really what we want to perpetuate.

I ask you to choose Love!

Radiate Love - Painting by Betty Healey
Radiate Love – Painting by Betty Healey

Through sceptical eyes you might ask me why.

My simple answer is this: what you give energy to grows.

Do we want to grow FEAR – no! Do we want to grow LOVE – yes!

And so with that in mind, this is my request and advice. Feel outraged! Express it through writing or discuss with a friend. release it. Fill the space with LOVE, peace, gratitude and all the emotions that you consciously want to perpetuate and grow in your corner of the world. This is the way we curtail terrorism.

Living in FEAR offers fuel to a fire that I do not believe most people want to live in.

I invite you to join hands with me and feed the fire, feed yourself, feed your life with Love and Peace. You get to choose.

Until next time,

Betty

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Adding Value

Four weeks ago while browsing through Facebook I came upon a TEDx talk by fellow Canadian Drew Dudley entitled This Game has No Winners. The fifteen minute presentation not only had an impact on me, it validated my personal beliefs and the work we have been doing with organizations.

In his talk, which I invite you to watch (see link below), Drew talks about the education system we have been raised in and how we have been cultured to not challenge the ‘truths’ we are taught, nor the rules or perspectives that are downloaded to us. These so called truths and rules form what I refer to as the IBSC (better known as the Itty Bitty Sh—- Committee), that choir of critical voices that sings in our ear and tells us how we are expected to play in the world. We teach our children that life and work is a game, that there are winners and losers, the great competition and the fight for resources. It is a scarcity rather than an abundance model.

The symptoms of this game are all the things we complain about in today’s world: greed, jealousy, bullying, empire building, spiritual dis-ease, lack of meaning, and more.

Many of us believe that there is another way. The what if is, what if we chose not to play this game? What if collaboration, understanding, and yes, LOVE, were the more powerful and potent tools. What if rather than beating the other guy down we endeavored to simply Add Value! What if we lived our lives through our compelling ‘WHY’, our sense of purpose and how we chose to serve the world? Same or different?

As Drew stated in his talk, there really is only one goal to strive for in life:

I will add aim to add tremendous value in every single interpersonal interaction in which I am a part of.

I will strive to give someone something they didn’t even know they needed or wanted.

…this is a matter of no longer asking what we need to do, rather asking who we need to be

(and to choose) to be the type of person who allows the people around me to shine brighter.

Drew Dudley

 

(To view this TEDX Talk go to http://youtu.be/d02UlBC3knw )

In the last two years we have focused our work on Conscious Communication, developing your communication intelligence. This has two fronts, one internal and one external.

The internal front addresses those conversations you have with yourself and asks if these conversations are uplifting or diminishing. It requires listening in on the IBSC to assess the messages that are running in your head and what you are feeding yourself. Are you telling yourself the truth? Are your messages driven by ‘them’, all the voices which told you the rules and expectations? Is your internal conversation intelligent? If it does not lift you up, it isn’t!

The external front addresses your relationship with the world, friends and family and work colleagues. It begins with self-knowing and acceptance which then allows you to see others and how they are similar or different. Communication Intelligence or CQ teaches that life is about understanding and working with diversity, learning about, celebrating and embracing your personal strengths as well as the strengths of others. It teaches that the approaches others take in their communication to us are not about us, they are about the individual speaking. Hence it teaches how not to take things personally. Of course the ultimate vision is collaboration and adding value.

I invite you to examine both your CQ as well as the value you add to every conversation and interaction. This might just be the new start you need….

For more information regarding Conscious Communication go to www.roadsigns.ca.

 

Until next time,

 

Betty

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Writing for Self Discovery

I never saw myself as a writer nor did I set out to become an author. Pulling my thoughts together in what has now become a total of five books seems more like a happy accident than a specific goal.

Writing really happened when I began to understand that when I wrote things down, I shifted. Journals became a place to ‘dump’ my hurts and vent my anger; a place where emotions which are sometimes difficult to express verbally could be placed and not judged by others. Recording my ideas has allowed me to expand them.

If your brain works at all like mine, ideas appear in rapid succession and unless written down, disappear. As a result I always have a journal with me to simply capture what is in my head, imbed it on the pages and move on. These are the ideas that spawn my work and also feed my own sense of self-discovery.

In her book The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes that “the pages are a pathway to a strong and clear sense of self”. It was her book that started my writer’s journey. One of the exercises within the twelve week program outlined within the book are something called Morning Pages, which Cameron refers to as the primary tool for creative recovery.

What are Morning Pages: three pages of handwritten, stream-of-consciousness writing. Yes I am aware that most of you now write with a computer and I have to share that writing longhand is different. Somehow the physical connection of pen in hand is different than pecking at keys. Stream-of-consciousness means that once you begin writing, you do not stop until all three pages are filled. At first it may be nonsense, like ‘good morning world, I have no idea what I am writing about this morning, blah, blah…’. That’s okay for at a certain point something switches and your hand starts writing things that seemingly come from out of nowhere and now you are in the ‘juicy zone’.

As I began my own writer’s journey, I kept to the habit of morning pages for over a year. Poems emerged, feelings were exposed, truths realized. I came to know me. Because I could record anything, free of the judgment of others, I had a sense of freedom rarely experienced in my outer world. In this type of writing, grammar doesn’t matter nor does punctuation. There is no English teacher staring over your shoulder assessing these things. You write only for yourself.

Morning pages is only one of many writing tools however. I no longer keep my ‘pages’, I am more prone to simply record random thoughts and ideas as they show up in my day. There are no rules in my world although serious journal writers would disagree with me.

Journal B W sketch ORIGINAL SCAN

Writing, if you choose this path, is there to serve you, no one else. Writing for self-discovery is designed to feed your soul, lift your spirit, help you to see yourself through the lens of your inner world rather than through the eyes of others. It is designed for appreciation rather than a place for your self-critic to put you down.

That said, I suggest that if you decide to take up your pen, you begin by recording everything you know about yourself, your gifts, strengths and values. As you place these attributes on the pages of your journal, you create an amazing foundation for moving forward and directing your personal journey.

Thanksgiving Day I picked up a book at a friend’s place and found the following poem by author Dawna Markova, which describes my relationship with writing:

 

Thinking Ourselves Home 

I write to fuse inside with out,

to salve wounds and broken dreams. 

I write to understand the many things no one has told me,

to stroke my moments clean,

to squeeze them into tiny mirror fragments shining with mind light. 

I write to turn my bold to ink, to fertilizer, to sap. 

I write so that my yes can feel, so that my heart can lick,

so that my soul can crawl from its hiding place and

gaze upon a mystery which can be neither solved nor explained.

I write to breathe my spirit live.

 

Final Thoughts

I write to breathe my spirit live. Even though you may not see yourself as a writer, I encourage you to pick up the pen. Do it for YOU, no one else. Do it to serve the journey, not to write a book. Do it to find yourself and to discover who you are today and who you are choosing to become, not to live in the past. Do it to celebrate yourself.

 

Upcoming Events: Living Your Strengths Coaching Circle, Saturday, Novemeber 23rd. For details go to:

http://www.roadsigns.ca/upcoming-retreats-events/coaching-circles-retreat/

 

Until next time…

 

Betty

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Living from Your Strengths

Your child or teenager comes home from school and presents his report card to you. You review the list of subjects and note the grade assigned to each one: English – A,  French: B+, History: A, Science: C, Math: F. In the following minutes you discuss the results with your child. What do you focus on?

According to Marcus Buckingham, author of GO, Put Your Strengths to Work, more than 70% of parents will zone in on the F grade, ignoring the decent to great marks in the other subjects. It seems that we are programed to focus on weaknesses rather than strengths.

I am sure that most of you have been on the receiving end of this flawed assumption. In an interview recently with one of my clients discussing the annual performance review, they admitted that little time was given to successes and accomplishment during the review process. Time was dedicated instead to what did not happen and the weaknesses they believed the employee needed to address.

Building a Foundation

Imagine building a house or any type of structure using the same principle. Basically the foundation of human development is being built upon the premise that weaknesses must be addressed and strengths taken for granted. If this were a house, what kind of foundation would that be? Would you want to build on a weak infrastructure or would you choose to build on something strong, resilient, secure and so on.

A New Paradigm

In the work we are introducing to organizations and to individuals, we are convinced that building on strengths is the way to go. Buckingham suggests that there are three myths associated with personality and living from our strengths:

Myth #1: As you grow your personality changes.

Truth: As you grow, you become more of who you really are.

That doesn’t imply that you don’t change and grow at all, this simply means that you are born with the personality you have, and with that your innate strengths. Over time what may change are your values, your beliefs, and even your behaviors, the result of your personality gaining life experience.

 

Myth #2: You will grow the most in your areas of greatest weakness

Truth: You will grow the most in your areas of greatest strength

New medical research is actually showing that those who focus their development from their weaknesses are prone to chronic pain and other illnesses. Spending time investing in your strengths however, keeps you engaged, inquisitive, resilient, creative and invested in your learning.

 

Myth #3: A good team member does whatever it takes to help the team.

Truth: A good team member deliberately volunteers his strengths to the team.

We are taught that we must be all things to all people. This is sure to burn you out. A great person or team member is not well-rounded, a great team is. A great team is well rounded because each member comes to play from their respective strengths. It is not your job to be all things.

Lumina Circle

Final Word

If you are feeling disconnected from yourself in any way, chances are you have invested a lot of time addressing your weaknesses. This is not a criticism of you. In all likelihood, you were told you had to, by a parent, a teacher, a colleague or a boss.

Guess what – it’s time to change the conversation because trust me; it is time to start investing in building a strong foundation for your inner house. Find a way to identify your strengths (we use the Lumina Spark Portrait for these purposes). Take a stand for them once they have been identified. Educate those around you, your colleagues, your manager, your family members, about who you are through the lens of your strengths. This is not bragging – it is stating a fact!

On the Mat 06

Take some courses that help you in invest in your strengths and engage them in doing your work, whatever that may be. And finally, address your least favorite activities by activating your strengths.

Each person is unique, possessing a cadre of strengths that defines who they are and how they play in the world. Wouldn’t it be amazing if each person played from their strengths while respecting the strengths exhibited by others? This is true collaboration.

 

What are your strengths?

 

Until Next Time….

Betty Healey

 

roadSIGNS is offering two programs in the upcoming weeks:

 

The Living from Your Strengths Coaching Circle: go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/our-focus/conscious-communication-for-self-discovery/coaching/coaching-circle/, beginiing September 24th.

The Living from Your Strengths Retreat Day – Saturday, Nov. 23rd/13

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Lessons from Goddess Camp

For the fifth year in a row, Jim and I hosted Goddess Camp on the weekend of August 17-18th. I always approach this weekend with a sense of excitement and trepidation. Why? Because it changes every year; there is no set plan, it simply arrives. And then there are the quizzical looks I receive from others when we begin advertising the event, that “I say what?” expression followed by “Goddess Camp?” The look grows when I share that the camp is also for men at which point the conversation shifts to “yeah, right!”

All this to say that the idea of Goddess Camp requires some explanation. The concept began with my desire to understand ways in which the world is changing. I hear the experts talking about energy shifts and of course we just experienced the 2012 phenomenon. It’s not like you can nail it down. Like gravity you know that the energy around you is shifting but you cannot see it, touch it or even name it. It simply is.

Part of this current phenomenon is the shift from masculine to feminine energy. This claim triggered my research. Did it mean simply that women are taking over?

As I discovered the shift to feminine energy or to the Divine Feminine as it is called, is an opportunity for women to step into their power and for men to step into their heart. It is not about men versus women, it is simply a learning opportunity for all of us to grow with the changing times. And so Goddess Camp was birthed around the question, how can we facilitate this shift for both men and women.

Each year we listen to what is happening around us, the conversation we hear, the concerns expressed by our coaching clients and retreat participants, and simply what we observe. This past year I was struck by how disembodied people have become. As a former physiotherapist I have a developed an eye for observing people and their relationship with their bodies. I began to notice that in fact, people were not really in their bodies, they seemed to be living in the space around their bodies.

This created the challenge for Goddess Camp. In the world I live in, we speak of the body-mind-spirit connection in almost everything we do. The conundrum posed by our observations was how do people make the body-mind-spirit connection if they are not really in their bodies – there is a missing link.

The idea for this year’s Goddess Camp was birthed. We began to focus on activities in which we could offer our campers grounding and ways in which to be in their bodies differently. With that clarity we set our intentions for the event.

I am always delighted with how life informs us once the intentions are set and then observe who crosses our path. In the months preceding the weekend I found myself attracted to two individuals whom I felt could help us create magic. Enter Sandra, a belly dancer par excellence, who led our participants through a series of moves which led to a full 3 minute choreography by the end of the second day. You could visibly see the shift in energy and how each person had a new sense of their physicality.

GC 2013

Secondly came Rosanne, who led our campers through several meditations/journeys, each one grounding individuals in one of the energy chakras. Again, observing the changes across the two days, I could see the significant shift in energy and body relationship. Mission accomplished!

Final Word
Goddess Camp lessons apply to everyday life, imparting the importance of having a relationship with your body. You grow to understand the need for self-care versus self-neglect,  for acknowledging your body for what it offers you versus complaining about what it doesn’t do and for communicating with your body in a way that allows your body to share what is going on.

Learn to stay grounded through your breath, through frequent ‘body check-in’s’, or by walking barefoot. All of these have been proven to dramatically change your energy and bring you back to your body.

This may seem like an odd lesson to learn. You may be saying, “really, could I possibly be living outside my body?’ The answer is yes, there are times when we all do. The sensation is usually one of feeling disconnected and ungrounded. Begin to grow your awareness and simply check in. Your body needs you!

 

Coming Soon:

Living Your Strengths Coaching Circle begins September 24th. For details go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/our-focus/conscious-communication-for-self-discovery/coaching/coaching-circle/

ME FIRST Retreat: The next program is October 19-20th. You can register at: http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/our-focus/conscious-communication-for-self-discovery/retreats-programs/me-first/

Until next time…

Betty

 

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Art is the Message

About a year ago, I was sitting at The Grind, in a meeting with one of my colleagues when a new comer to town, Bruce Davis, was introduced to me. My colleague, meaning well I am sure, explained that Bruce had just been given the task of facilitating the development of the new Arts and Culture Council for the region. The conversation expanded, my colleague noting that I had been involved in coaching local artists for many years in business practices, something most artists don’t have naturally. On we went, travelling the landscape until I was asked if I would be interesting in running for the Arts and Culture Board.

Do you ever wonder how you get yourself involved with such things or perhaps more importantly, what is the meaning of it all?

I have been a member of the Your Arts Council (YAC) Board now since its inception. There have been some frustrating moments as we, a group of 13, stormed and normed on our way to becoming a team. Several months later, we have slightly fewer members and we have just completed our ‘Governance Process”. We have learned how to be an effective board and we have reached a point of unity and performance.

Aside for the effort and dedication required in being a board member (and this is true of any board) there have been many additional advantages to my involvement. Personally I have been challenged to once again take a look at my artistic persona or lack thereof. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago in my column ‘Happy Accidents’, I had abandoned my art 30 years ago. Now I find myself on the YAC Board, representing the interests of artists and the art community and feeling rather alienated as I am not a part of it. This is not an attractive place to be. I realized that if I wanted to see our community filled with artists who are engaged and successful, I needed to re-connect with my artistic soul. I needed to be part of it.

In stepping back into this arena, re-engaging my passion for art and tapping back into my own artistic desires, I have begun to appreciate once again the importance of art. Art is, in my view, a message. Like music and dance, art is an international language, one that is instantly understood by those who experience it. The appreciation of music, dance and art is individual, guided by our own preferences and experiences, our likes and dislikes. The arts communicate to us, convey a message. There is the intention of the creator and there is the experience you have as a result. The interesting thing is the intended message and the received message don’t really matter. What is important is the connection that art, music, dance and other expressive arts create.

With my increased involvement in the arts and culture community, I have begun to realize how much we need art, dance and music in our life. Consider this for yourself – a painting that stole your breath, a dancer who floated across the stage and took you with her, or a piece of music that plays just behind your ears and makes you smile when you hear the chords or words.  I love music, dance and art that makes me think, that pulls me in and perhaps even shakes me up a bit, or that makes me grin and see the humor in life.

Here is what I want you to know. Our world is filled with gifted and talented people, artists, dancers, musicians and much more. They are easy to miss unless you become aware of them. The Seeker has been great at letting us know what is happening, and there is always something: an open-mike night at the Grind, Arts Fest or Apples and Art (coming late September), an exhibit at TAG (The Art Gallery), drumming circles, dance. All you need to do is be curious, become aware and step out.

Final Word

People are always asking you to support the Arts. I suggest you support yourself and take in the arts and experience the message. In a world that is busy and often filled with negative news, choose to shift your energy to a place where you can allow your spirit to soar. Take in a show or take a class.  Re-claim your artistic soul. Oh, and by the way, all of us are artists; artistic expression takes on many forms. Is it time for you to find yours?

Upcoming Coaching Circle
If you are interested in re-discovering your inner artists and/or identifying and living from your strengths, join us for the upcoming Coaching Circle. This is a 7 week program that begins Tuesday, September 17th. for details go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/upcoming-retreats-events/coaching-circles-retreat/

The Evolutionary Process
Are you experiencing the challenge of living in the higher vibrational energy of 2013? Would you like to have tools and practices designed to help you ‘plug-in’ to this higher vibration, attract greater wellness and live easily in this new reality?

The Evolutionary Process – Galactic Healing is designed to help you heal at every level. Join us September 21-22 for an amazing two-day retreat facilitated by Denine Savage, P.T., I.M.T., C. P.A., C. For more information go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/guest-host-retreats/

Until next time,

Betty