A coaching client of mine recently shared with me the idea of Bullying by omission. Curious, I asked her what this meant. She shared that this type of bullying is subtle and insidious, occurring behind a person’s back. It is bullying through exclusion, gossip, decision-making and more. With this post, I begin exploring the idea of bullying by omission – gossip. Continue reading Do No Harm
Category: Roadsigns
From Control to Curiosity
“Is it my age?” I wonder. As a newly minted 60 year old all I can think of these days is how important it is to be curious. Curious? Yes! About life, about what’s up for me in the next decade, about my work in the world and more. Life is, if you will, an endless series of question marks.
And it is all perfect for it makes me feel much more youthful, engaged and definitely enthusiastic about life. In fact I cannot imagine it any other way.
It has not always been this way, as when I was younger I was very big on control. It seems to me, as I look back, that curiosity and control are polar opposites. How can you be curious if you need to be in control? Curiosity requires that you step outside the usual boundaries of your life and take a look at things differently or examine things that are different. Well known self-help guru Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Back to control. It really is an illusion, don’t you think? I mean do we really think that we can control things outside of ourselves. YES WE DO and, if you are like me when I was less wise, I thought the tighter I held the reins on my life, the more I could control the world around me.
In my observations of people, I see the toll that control is taking. As one of my coaching clients shared with me today, control creates an air tight box around you. You become very cautious about how you live in the world, especially at work and in that caution, you begin to lose a sense of who you really are. The person who wears your cloths and your skin is simply a framework of the real you, like a skeleton without the flesh. When control looms large in your life, you fear losing it, which further magnifies the problem. What if someone experiences the real you, the person without the masks, the person who might be vulnerable, the authentic self? “Will I be judged”, you wonder? Isn’t it safer to wear that mask and control exactly how people know me?
And this is only one example of how you engage control in your life. I had many strategies, for example, endless plans filled with work and life objectives, subtitled by an equally endless list of activities that would outline how these objectives would be achieved. These lists framed my days and I took great delight in ticking each item off the list. That’s not to say I don’t use lists today, as I do. But they are different, open ended, less focused on outcome, more focused on ‘what if…?’ And that’s where curiosity began.
You may not agree with me that curiosity is important, many don’t. If you do however, this is an opportunity to take your life back and begin to approach things differently. Where do you begin? Consider the question, “If I want to be in curiosity, what control am I choosing to release?” Now there’s a loaded question as that forces you to actually consider where in your life you are control seeking – relationships, work, personal habits, you name it. Then you need to evaluate the risks involved with actually relaxing your standards, becoming more flexible and a little less of a perfectionist. Oh that!
I encourage you to see this conversation as a SIGN that it is time for you to relax a little, stretch your boundaries, and wonder about what lies outside that sphere of control you have been living in. Ask yourself how this is serving you. If it is not, you may be experiencing a sense of disillusionment with how your life is unfolding or you may find yourself daydreaming of escaping the place you are currently occupying. If any of these feelings are present for you at this time, know that the opportunity is here to shift gears, from control to curiosity.
Begin by simply wondering about the ‘what if’s’ of life:
- What if I changes careers?
- What if I started that art course I have been putting on the back burner?
- What if I released the limiting beliefs I have about myself?
- What if I stopped trying to be perfect?
- What if I dropped all the masks I wear?
You get the drift – it’s about starting with a question rather than starting with an answer. Answers are built on what you know and the way you have always done things. They are safe and they give you control. Questions invite in new solutions and ways of examining life and work. They may open up the unexpected and there is no assurance that this will be comfortable. And that is perfect, for questions encourage you to grow.
Is it time to shift from control to curious. I hope so. I hope you never grow up and that you retain the curiosity of the four year old who wants to know why.
Until next time….
Betty
Soon to Be Launched!
Yesterday we (Jim and I) spent the day with a crew for the local cable network Cogeco filming the first five episodes of the roadSIGNS TV Show. I have for years imagined what it would be like to host a TV or radio show, essentially a coaching program, where viewers could pick up tips for their own journey of self-discovery. Okay – not Dr. Phil, no “How’s that working for you?”, and no soap operish psycho-babble, but down to earth conversation regarding the small things people face everyday. Perhaps this is unfair criticism of Dr. Phil – I used to like the show and his no-nonsense advice!
More about roadSIGNS – our intentions for the show were set around a number of themes:
– to model the difference between coaching versus counselling
– to offer people, who may find coaching inaccessible to them, the opportunity for a coaching conversation
– to help others see how truly unique they are and to have tools for stepping fully into their personal power, and of course
– to have some fun, as life is far too serious.
The crew from Cogeco were amazing, coaching us along, being patient with me when I flubbed the opening of the show numerous times, laughing with us as we fumbled through the first show. All in all the process was quite painless and I noticed that, by the time we got to the fifth show, the process truly flowed. Unlike many shows filmed by the crew, we also had a live studio audience with whom to interact with so thanks to Tracy, Emily, Ann and Janet, who patiently sat with us through six hours of taping.
By mid-October, the shows will begin airing. You can learn more at http://www.tvcogeco.com/cornwall/shows. And with this, I hold the intention that the shows make a difference, are viewed by many, are shared, and that before we know it, the roadSIGNS Show is the talk of the town. Not too much to ask, is it? I’ll keep you posted re: when the shows air.
I have been noticing that as I set my intentions to open doors to opportunities, most of which I am currently not aware of, that there are surprises. For example, I set an intention to grow our business, and what has appeared is several requests to train in our ME FIRST/roadSIGNS model. This definitely would grow our work yet I assumed, that growth meant me delivering more programs.
As I teach, when you ask for something, be prepared for it to show up in a form that is different from what you imagined and then, be curious and open to the possibility. That is where my journey is leading at the moment and I have decided that my WORD for this time in my life is curiosity.
Until next time…
Betty
Pre-Occupations
It’s one of those lazy rainy fall days where all you want to do is curl up and read a book. It is quiet business wise. This is not a complaint simply a notice as in those quiet times I get to plan, reflect and to notice what’s going on around me.
A lot of SOS (Space Occupying Stuff) got sorted out today, relationships with business partners, decision about applying for CPP, planning for upcoming events. It ia all good and is great Space Management.
This Wednesday, that is 2 days from now, Jim and I begin taping the roadSIGNS show for Cogeco, the local cable network. One could say that this arose through happenstance, yet as I believe in roadSIGNS, I know this was divinely guided at some level. Whatever it is, we will tape the first five shows, a new series.
I have thought a great deal about why we are doing this, beyond having fun and being of service to our community. This probably has been provoked by the book I am currently reading called Start WithWhy by Simon Sinek.
The ‘why’ is not a foreign concept to me, in fact I teach organizations and individuals to name their why, I am simply reflecting on mine and assessing its accuracy. In many ways it’s a larger than life concept, certainly something that one aspires to and inspires you and others.
I know that my intention for the roadSIGNS TV Show is to create opportunities for our viewers to learn more about themselves and to see the greatness that lives inside of them. I know, this sounds very altruistic, it’s just that I see things in others that they do not naturally see in themselves. You know what I mean. And I want to offer them opportunities for turning on the lights and creating an inner space that is self-loving and kind.
Enough rambling, TV shows, speaking, coaching, whatever it is – it’s perfect. I am learning to trust everyday is lined up just as it is intended to be and that each day will bear a gift of its own. YOU?
On another note, my friends Kathy and Lucie married this past weekend and we attended the reception and pre-wedding celebration. I am so pleased for them and proud that I live in a country where 2 women can legally tie the knot. Which brings me to another topic, as of last week I can now legally marry people in Ontario. I don’t know how often I will use these credentials and judging from the paperwork involved, hopefully a limited number. I need a system to get organized with this and given all the other things on the plate, I have not created any space for weddings in my calendar yet. Good notice – if there is no space, there will be few opportunities.
My eyes grow weary and it’s time to finally curl up with that book. What pre-occupies you these days? I want to know.
Until next time,
Betty
Finding Felix
When I was a little girl, my mother told me endless stories about her brother Felix Conrad. He was, in my child’s mind, a mysterious character who left his native Nova Scotia as a young man for a life of adventure in Canada’s north. Although he came from sea faring stock, it was clear that Felix was of the land. He joined the Hudson’s Bay Company and traveled to Baffin Island, where he embarked on a career as a fur trapper and trader.
My mother had few details of his life there although he had gifted her with a photo album. I remember leafing through the pictures and examining the round faces of his Inuit companions. A few knickknacks could be found on the corner hutch in our living room passed on to my mother from Felix. The one I most remember was a cribbage board carved from Ivory, brass inlay denoting the necessary markings and pin holes. I played with this as a child and can still feel the slippery smoothness in my hands.
All these memories seemed to have slipped away following my mother’s death although I suspect the album and the ivory are tucked away somewhere in my brother’s basement waiting to be re-discovered. What I do have is the remnant of a fox fur collar also gifted to my mother. She had this attached to every dress-up coat she ever owned even when that coat became worn and tattered. The fur that framed her face gave my mother an air of aristocracy and I suspect she derived some hidden connection to Felix from its softness.
Felix died long before I was born, simply disappeared. Rumor was he had been murdered. No one knew for sure as he died in the north. There is little indication that he even existed except for an inscription in St. Mathew’s Lutheran Church in Upper Lahave, NS, where he is listed in the first confirmation class.
Recently however, his name has come to light once again. Due to the curiosity of one of my nephews, who decided a few years ago to begin a genealogical dig of our family tree, we have discovered the details of Felix’s life in the north and his mysterious death. I have now learned that Felix is buried in Cape Dorset and that he died from alcohol poisoning, drinking brew from his own home-made still. I can only assume that alcohol became a necessary companion during the never ending nights of the Arctic North.
I have learned these details from William Tagoona, my Uncle Felix’s grandson. Felix had a son named Armand, who went on to father eleven children, all of whom are my second cousins. As I share this, the truth of Felix’s life, and the generations which followed him, continues to unfold in a delightfully curious way. This part of Felix’s life was completely unknown to my mother, my brother and to me; we had no idea that he had fathered a son.
This unfolding has been a significant roadSIGN for me. Following my mother’s death I had this great sense of loss, not only at loosing my mother, but at not having a family. As far as I knew, I was alone except for my brother and his two sons. I thought what a tragedy that my grandparents, Ida and Aden bore four children, two of whom died in infancy and one of whom disappeared as a young adult. While my mother lived until her sixties, she too was gone and this part of the Conrad clan had simply vanished.
I knew nothing of the generations before me. Nothing was recorded, as far as I was aware. And then everything changed. Through a website, GenForum, my nephew met Melanie, Felix’s great granddaughter, and the rest as we say, is history. The Conrad family tree has been traced back to the late seventeen hundreds in Germany, to the original members who immigrated to Canada. I am enjoying the discovery and excited about what is to come as William and I continue to share and I peel away the layers of my lost family which was never truly lost, simply unknown to me. It makes me wonder what else I don’t know about the past and about history and how, each member of my family tree contributed to the person I am, the genes in one great genetic pool.
I am not sure why this seems so important although it feels like that missing puzzle piece that you search for at the completion of a jigsaw puzzle and that somehow got misplaced. The puzzle has been sitting there for years waiting, holding the space for someone to find the missing piece and to drop it in. The mystery of Felix Conrad, his disappearance, his life in the north, his legacy, has been solved. I am deriving great comfort from the knowing and immense curiosity about what continues to unfold.
I invite you to be curious. Be prepared to be surprised!
Until next time….
Betty
The ‘U’ in YOU
I was listening to author Carol Graham, Happiness Around the World – The Paradox of Happy Peasants and Miserable Millionaires, being interviewed on CBC. My husband Jim and I were traveling to Ottawa where I was to deliver a talk. Part of my preparation prior to giving any presentation is listening. That may be inwardly, to my own quiet voice, or outwardly, to whatever voices appear in my immediate environment. Whatever appears is a roadSIGN and this particular interview had a bearing on what I was about to present as Graham discussed happiness.
There were few surprises as she expanded on the notion of happy peasants and miserable millionaires; money, it seems, does not assure us happiness. Despite this, we in western societies are on the ‘hedonic treadmill’ pursuing our belief that the more we acquire the happier we will be. This of course is a fallacy and as Graham’s research revealed, many of the poorest people on earth, leading simple and uncomplicated lives, experience happiness in ways we can only dream about.
In measuring happiness over the adult life span, beginning at age 18 and upward, Graham also identified a ‘U’ curve. Happiness tends to be at its lowest point between the ages of forty-two and fifty. Is this what we in western cultures have for so long labeled as the mid-life crisis? Is this the big ‘U’ in YOU?
I thought Graham’s research to be very interesting. As a coach I have certainly identified this mid-life anxt among my clients, although not always limited to this specific age group. It is, in my view, a critical time in both our personal lives and careers, a time where typically one sits back and takes a look at what one has accomplished and what is coming next. By the age of forty, most of us have 15 to 20 solid years of work experience behind us and, if you have traveled a similar path to me, you begin to assess what it is you really want to achieve through your work. You might even ask the question what is my work, what do I believe I am here to do? How am I being asked to serve? What is my ‘WHY’, the meaning behind my choices? Am I making a difference?
I believe that your JOB may or may not be your work. Let me illustrate this with a story. A friend of mine and fellow writer, Dawna, experienced a serious form of cancer in her mid-thirties. She was hospitalized for an extended period of time receiving chemotherapy and other cancer treatments. She was very sick and during that time admits to losing her sense of who she was. Her illness simply took over her thoughts.
Dawna admits that the most difficult time of each day was after 8:00 p.m. when visiting hours ended and she lay awake in her bed, alone with her thoughts. Every evening however, she would have a visitor. As the darkness settled around her, she would hear the sound of the mop coming down the hallway, its familiar swooshing sound approaching her room as the evening janitor cleaned the hallways of the day’s accumulated dust. As this night worker approached her room, the mop handle would click against the wall just outside her room and this person would glide into her room. She would sit beside Dawna’s bed, take her hand and whisper to her, “Dawna you are bigger than cancer; Dawna, you are bigger than your illness. Dawna you have much more to give this world, focus on this”. After a few moments of sitting with Dawna, the person would rise and leave her room. The swooshing sound of the mop would resume and disappear down the hall.
Throughout Dawna’s journey, this woman visited her. Dawna did heal and she eventually left the hospital. She did not know the woman’s name and in fact had never seen her face, for they always met in the dark. As you consider this story, you will recognize that this woman’s JOB was to be a janitor. Her work however, was to be a healer. While her JOB gave her the avenue to pursue her work in the world, she had many choices as to how she approached her job.
The ‘U’ in YOU, that time when you happiness wanes, is an opportunity. Rather than judging it, why not use the time as a signal for checking in with yourself and asking those critical questions about meaning and how you are experiencing life.
Imagine for a moment that you are a pebble. You are thrown into a smooth, glassy surface of water. The moment you and the water connect, you create a ripple effect and those ripples continue to expand affecting life around you. The ripples represent your choices, how you engage in life and the world around you.
As you reflect on the ripple you want to create, here are the three critical questions to examine:
1) How do I choose to live in the world? What are my core values?
2) What do I choose to do in the world? What is my work, my call to service?
3) Who do I choose to ‘be’ in the world? What makes me tick?
Let these be your roadSIGNS.
By the way, according to Graham’s research, the happiest people are healthy and in stable relationships. Happy people live longer, enjoy life, are politically active, believe in God or a higher power, and have friends and family they can rely on. Interesting how none of these attributes are directly connected to ‘material goods’.
Until next time….
Betty
Taking Flight – Part Two
Where do I begin? After a ten day delay, yesterday I finally made the big jump, faced my fear and took the leap. For the first time in my life I went skydiving. I am not sure how one describes the experience as some of the expletives I might like to use are not appropriate to put in this column. Suffice it to say that the two young ladies who dove before us simply said, “Freaking Awesome”. And that is a great summary!
Getting here has been an eighteen month journey which began at Beyond Courage, a five-day retreat in November 2008. As part of the program, we were learning how to pack a parachute. I actually thought I was going to be using it but it turned out to be simply a team exercise. The seed however, was planted, my 60th birthday the occasion.
Jim and I arrived at the airport about two hours before our flight allowing us to see other skydivers come in and land. It looked easy and effortless. It was also incredibly beautiful, to look into the sky and see that speck of black high above separate from the plane, breaking free like a baby being birthed among the clouds. Moments later the multicolored chute opens, wings are sprouted in that instant, the pace slows. The skydiver dances through air, painting designs in the sky. The landing, the part I most feared ismanaged by the tandem master, and looks like sliding into first base. The entire experience looked magnificent!
Jim and I were called over to the prep area. We were given a few minutes of basic instruction. “You will crawl on your knees to the door. Sit and put your feet on the step just outside the plane. Your tandem master will be behind you, firmly attached and then 1-2-3 jump! Sounds easy, non?” Maurice asked in his French accent. “Once you jump, ” he added, “you make like a babana. Press your head back into my shoulder and tuck your legs backward between mine. That will give me more control and trust me, you want me to be in control!”
He was full of humour and fun, gently teasing and reassuring us as he ‘geared us up’. The gear: a blue and orange jump suit; next a heavy leather harness which when tightened fully felt like a chastity belt and a very tight ‘lift-up’ bra combined. I can’t say what it did for Jim’s ‘family jewels’. The helmet was the most charming part of the equipment, Red Baron like in style, with large plastic goggles. Thumbs up and we were ready to go.
- Thumbs Up!
In addition to the pilot and co-pilot, we were seven in all. My tandem master Dennis (who thankfully was tall and strong as I had dreamt the night before that my tandem partner was a midget!), Jim and his partner, Maurice, and two camera men to record the event. One additional jumper joined us just for the ride. The belly of the plane is small and very crowded; everyone literally packed in like sardines, the person in front between the back person’s legs. Once everyone has boarded, there is no changing your mind. As the plane taxied down the runway and then took off, I still felt remarkably calm, as if this was an everyday occurrence.
The fields below fell away. Beyond the hills of Gatineau Park appeared. In the far distance I could see Ottawa on the skyline. The sky was dotted with late afternoon clouds, wispy and billowy and I knew I would soon be among them. Suddenly the door opened and our tandem masters yelled, helmets on! The first diver jumped, gone, so fast. There was no time to think and before I knew it we were moving toward the back of the plane.
Just before taking off Dennis had asked me if I wanted to experience a back flip rather than jumping front first. I said sure. What did I know! I was later thankful for this as Jim described facing forward and looking into the abyss as one of his most breath taking moments.
Jim and his partner were out the door and before I knew it I was facing the inside of the plane, at the doorway, placing my feet on the step, Dennis behind me. I heard him yell 1-2-3 and before I realized what was happening we rolled backwards, doing back flips in the sky like a gymnast with wings. OMG! The air rushed by me, assaulting me at first while I caught my breath. I could feel the wind pushing at my face, teasing my lips upward. Someone had told me this was the ultimate facelift and I was thinking they were right.
Once we stopped flipping I felt absolute joy as I looked around me and I shouted to the wind, “I am FLYING!” The downward rush came to a sudden halt when the chute opened and I feel a sudden upward thrust, as if the hand of God has just reached down and caught me. The air rushing by my ears stopped. It grew very quiet. We glided through the sky, circling Maurice and Jim, then approached them allowing the two chutes to ‘kiss’.
Dennis passed me the controls and told me to direct the chute. I hesitated but he insisted and I turned us to the left, then to the right. He re-assumed control as we circled the landing area, performed a few large circles giving us a 360 degree view of the landscape.
The ground approached quickly. Dennis brought us in for a smooth effortless landing and before I knew it I was sitting on the grass and it was over. The entire flight from 13, 000 feet downward took only a few minutes.
As I rose from the grass I felt barely a quiver in my knees. I was still calm and I noticed at no point in the entire experience had I been in the grip of fear. I felt awe, and wonder, and freedom and bliss, and yes, just a wee bit of pride that I had actually allowed myself the experience! And I would do it again!
What did I learn? What was the SIGN? I want to experience awe, wonder, and bliss more often. I want to give myself permission to embrace fear and go beyond it and, most importantly, I want to sky dive again, both metaphorically and realistically. I want to jump into life everyday and feel that kind of excitement excitement! What about YOU?
Until next time….
Betty
Anniversaries and Weddings
Today is the tenth anniversary of our move to Tigh Shee, a move which took us from downtown condo living in Montreal to a country home in rural Ontario.
I still remember arriving here, two cats and some personal possessions in tow, to an empty house. Jim stayed behind to supervise the packing. The house, while beautiful, was sad; the walls in almost every room painted a pale grey. The outside was a mirror image, a landscape devoid of any gardens except for a few well placed shrubs. a deck made from grey PVC material and surrounded by a hedge.
It was a blank canvas, and while five years old, an invitation to re-create the environment. Jim and I had a dream, to open space here, to make this place a welcome one for travellers, a place to heal and find peace and with this we began to transform this property.
Over the ten years we have resided here we have built the gardens and labyrinth. We did so because Jim felt called after having a vision that he was to do so. We named our home Tigh Shee, Celtic for House of Peace. Just before 911 we received a message from a friend and the Universe that there was great danger coming somewhere in the world and we were asked to open our home and property to the sentient beings (fairies and the like) so we walked the boundaries of our property and with great intent and created a loving safe place for all beings, human, animal and otherwise, whom might choose to visit or dwell here.
While I recognize this smacks of Woo Woo, come and visit our fairy garden and you will experience their energy. We have hosted many events here, public labyrinth walks and numerous retreats and our work continues.
Today we have a wedding here. What an amazing gift for this tenth anniversary, to have two wonderful folks share their special day with us and in the Celtic tradition. It is yet again a SIGN for us that what we are creating has meaning and is calling to others to be here. It is our intention to continue creating and building this energy, inviting you and others, travellers, to come and rest.
Until next time…
Betty
Taking Flight
Several years ago I watched a movie called the Bucket List featuring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. I am sure many of you enjoyed the antics of these two aging fellows who were facing life’s final journey. The Bucket List is of course, all those ‘to do’s’ that have accumulated over a life time and which you actually want to experience before you ‘kick the bucket’.
With this reminder, I embarked on creating my bucket list which included traveling to the two places on earth I have yet to see, New Zealand and Costa Rica. I knocked the Alaskan Cruise off the list four summers ago.
I won’t bore you with all the details of my lengthy list, except to share that one item on my Bucket List is to sky dive. Why you might ask? I have this fascination with flying and being in the silence of the sky once you are you there. Oh yes, and did I mention, I have had a lifelong fear of falling. Yep, you got it! FALLING. And so I have decided that in celebration of my 60th birthday I am going to make the great leap. The event is scheduled for this Friday, five days away, at 1 P.M. Did I mention that I asked Jim, my husband to take the leap with me and he consented, so there will be two fools dropping out of a plane.
This is of course a tandem jump. As a first timer, and a person too impatient to take the months necessary to learn the inner workings of sky diving, I decided that this was all I needed, but who knows, perhaps it will be addictive and I will feel compelled to do it again and again.
As I have shared my plans with friends and family, most have looked at us with ample amounts of skepticism and an occasional, “you’re crazy!” I have examined my motives further and have concluded that because I am sixty, this entitles me to some eccentricity. And then there is this issue of my fear of falling. This fear keeps poking up its ugly face, not as often as it used to, but never the less, still a nuisance. It is what I call a limiting belief, stemming from my mother who was always warning me not to try this or that, that I might fall and I might get hurt.
Eighteen months ago I attended a program in California called Beyond Courage. I had signed up for this as I wanted to be tested. I believe there are some areas of my life where I am quite fearless and I wanted to check out the final frontiers of courage. The first day, the first event, was a ropes course. This involved climbing a telephone pole (no problem!) and once at the top of the pole, standing on top of it unsupported (big problem!). Of course you realize that I was on a harness and supported by a very reliable team of comrades. Regardless, I spent a very long time clinging to the top of the pole convincing myself I could make the final ascent because of course, I was afraid of falling. In my lengthy and convoluted conversation with my inner critic, I realized I could not fall because I was on a harness. Recognizing this, my voice then said, well if you try and you fall, you will have failed. Then I realized to fail would be not to try, success would be to do it anyway even if I fell.
You will notice, if you are listening, that voice of fear inside of you holds you back in ways you have not even been aware of. The voice is quiet yet insidious. By the way, I made the final climb and I did stand up. Once the pole and I stopped shaking, I was able to take a look around me. The view was magnificent! And then I jumped and grabbed onto the trapeze that beckoned me, and I flew through the air. I suspect it was in that moment that the seed for sky diving was planted.
I am not suggesting that you need to take the steps I am taking to face your fears. I simply encourage you to become aware of what fear might look like to you, where it came from and how it serves you at this point in your life. If, like me, you are tired of it, then it may be time to try something outside your comfort zone.
Finally, if you are reading this, you may want to also visualize me taking the great leap five days from now, eyes wide open, taking in the vista of Gatineau Park and the Ottawa River Valley, and laughing all the way down!
Until next time….
Betty
Discovery
I am well into my cross Canada tour, London, Montreal, Ottawa, Winnipeg, Calgary, Edmonton, Victoria and Vancouver, waking up each morning wondering what city I am currently in, and checking on the time for my next flight. Each evening is punctuatued with a new group of health care professionals and observing the fun they have with their Insights Discovery profiles. Laughter ripples through the room as the envelopes containing the profiles are torn open and eyes are cast on the opening paragraphes of the profile. “You called my mother!” Yes I have had a number of participants say that to me as they see the story of self described.
I am in the process of crossing the country delivering a wonderful program call Insights Discovery to health professionals who work in the field of rheumatology. These individuals have demanding jobs supporting a patient population with Rheumatoid Arthritis and associated diseases, a population where the illness and the treatment is complex and difficult. My role is to facilitate and coach the Colour of Communication Program we have developed with our sponsor and which is designed to support participants professionally and personally. It is a program I enjoy offering as it gives individuals the opportunity to see themselves as the unique person they are and to understand how to connect more deeply with others, including their co-workers, and more specifically their patients.
Of course as I teach, I witness many roadSIGNS. I have the pleasure of observing participants interact with the material and the fun that this creates as individuals read their Insights Discovery profiles and drill down into the truth of who they are. In my view people get so caught up in the busyness of their days; they don’t claim time to pause and understand themselves. Have you noticed how sometimes you simply find yourself spinning your wheels, caught up in doing and failing to assess what it is within you that is driving you?
Insights Discovery is certainly not the whole answer. It is however, a piece of the puzzle, a source of feedback which allows you to look in the mirror and take a good long look at yourself.
In this program I teach the four colour energies of personality, what Carl Jung referred to as our personality preferences. What is a preference? Take a moment and write your name on a piece of paper. Now switch hands, and with your non-dominant hand write your name again. What is the difference? You’ll notice that when you write as you normally do, it is natural, easy and free flowing. By comparison, writing with the non-dominant hand requires concentration and effort. In a very simple way this describes personality preference as well. There are preferences which are easy and natural for us and there are preferences that require energy and concentration.
What are the color energy preferences of personality? Red, yellow, green and blue. A red energy preference has the following characteristics: competitive, demanding, determined, strong-willed and purposeful. It is what I refer to as a ‘fast energy’ and the hallmark descriptor is be brief, be bright, be gone. It is an extraverted energy and it is founded in logic. Yellow is the sister energy in extraversion. The difference is it is a feeling preference and is driven more by values that by logic. The characteristics of yellow energy include: sociable, dynamic, demonstrative, enthusiastic, and persuasive. Those having a yellow energy preference are the ultimate networker and fun-lover.
Green and blue energies come from the introverted side of the house, and as such appear as quieter energies, more reflective. I always remind extraverts that for the introvert, the party is going on inside even if there is no outward expression of this.
Green energy is expressed as caring, encouraging, sharing, patient and relaxed. I often describe them as the integrity of the team, home or organization as they remind us of the promises we have made and hold us to them. Finally we have the blue energy, again driven by logic, only in this case wanting all the details. Blue is described as cautious, precise, deliberate, questioning and formal. It is very process oriented. You want your accountant or your IT consultant to have plenty of this energy.
All of us have all four color energies within us, most of us have a preference for two or more in our daily lives. When I teach this material I remind participants that no one is just red, yellow, green or blue; each of us is a color combination and it is this combination that makes each of us unique.
On this journey of life, tools such as Insights Discovery offer a valuable opportunity for self assessment and knowledge – they are a door opener to a deeper conversation you may want to have with yourself, an opportunity to become more consciously aware of who you are. This may be your SIGN to dip into one of the many opportunities that exist for self-assessment and dive in!
Until next time….
Betty