I love this time of the year, a blank slate beckoning me. I grow excited with all the possibilities that are ahead of me. And so, I am taking this opportunity to share with you our new program Conscious Communication.
What is it? Conscious communication is an invitation to become more mindful in all aspects of your life, to forge a deeper connection with yourself and those important others around you.
It begins with your relationship with yourself, becoming consciously aware of your inner dialogue and asking yourself whether your conversations with self are spirit depleting or spirit lifting.
Next, the conversation turns to your relationship with others and assessing how present, aware and available t you are.
I am convinced that Conscious Communication is an important step for each of you to engage in this year as a means of knowing yourself and living from your strengths and as a way of forging meaningful relationships with others in both your personal and professional life.
Conscious Communication is built on a program called LUMINA LEARNING SYSTEMS, an amazing series of psychometric tools which allow you to know yourself ans see yourself through the lens of ‘the best of who your are’.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,800 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.
With the approach of 12-21-12 I am feeling a heightened sense of awareness. My nighst have been orchestrated by a dreamscape that has had me travelling around the world. It has been chaotic and occasionally energy depleting.
I cannot seem to make sense of it all either although one dream stuck. I am driving down a very narrow road, a steep rock face off to the right. There are road crews all around, apparently working at widening the road. I can see areas where the rock face is pulling apart, about to give way. As I look closer to examine the surface, the rock face turns into a series of tombstones.
When I awake the dream seems more of a vision and I am left wondering what it meant, what’s the metaphor. I shared the dream with Jim and then my coach Patty, exploring the imagery. Here is what emerged: the tombstones represent all the Old Stories I have travelled with in this lifetime and previous lifetimes.
In my work I have come to understand that Old Stories are frequently riddled with limiting beliefs, the voices of my inner critics, assumptions and judgments, and so much more – a complex web of stuff that simply no longer serves me. And so as I approach the New Age, a time when I pray we find peace on earth, I am tasked with making peace within. And who among us is not travelling the same path?
This is not news to me. The vision simply emphasizes that now, more than ever, a sift within me is important. I want to enter the portal of 12-21-12 with a clean slate, dismantling the clutter of many lifetimes, releasing the stories that no longer serve me and giving myself space to receive all that is in my highest good.
Here is my plan:
1) Although I have done this many times, I plan to record the contents of my Old Stories and burn them. Ashes to Ashes….
2) A deep meditation, filling the open space with breath, possibilities, peace, joy and prosperity
3) A card spread, probably using OSHO Cards, guided by an intentional question to be defined
4) Integration – a wee bit of journaling
5) Celebration – a little dancing, chanting, singing, yelping… you get the picture
Here is one big intention for me in the New Year, to lighten up, and live from my heart more. This is my journey and my work at the moment.
My wish for you: Wonder about your Old Stories and begin to create your New Story. Remember that you do create your life – it begins with being clear about what you want. De-clutter – take a look at anything that gets in your way and find a way to send it off with the wind. Be your own best friend and guide.
None of us wants to admit that we have failed at something and yet, in my view, failure is not an option. It will happen at some point in your life. So perhaps the issue is not whether you fail or not but how you deal with failure when it happens.
Let me propose an alternate thesis to what you can do when you fail versus what you most likely have been doing. Most of you will travel the path of self-recrimination coupled with ample doses of self-criticism. The option – treat failure as a time of celebration.
Before you throw something at me, let me explain the process. Take a moment and turn back the clock of time. Remember the many great lessons you have learned from life. As you do a quick life review, recall the two or three greatest lessons you have learned from your life experience to date. Ask yourself this: ” Did I learn this from a great success or from a significant failure?”
My guess is, that if you are really honest with yourself, failure will be the word that comes up. Here are some of my examples:
– That time in university where partying and play overtook my desire to study and I almost failed my year. I had never faced the possibility of failure before –it shook me to the core when that ’D’ appeared on my transcript. Suddenly I had a new-found respect for the need to study and my desire to complete my degree.
– Or that time not so long ago when I accepted a full-time job even when my intuition was telling me not to go there. My intuition was right – the job was not a perfect fit. Giving it up after 9 months felt like failure (I don’t give up!) and I learned some very valuable lessons. I remembered why I had started my own business and that I did not want to work for anyone else any more. I gained some extraordinary business wisdom which I have since applied to my own organization.
– Or that time where Jim and I drifted too far apart in our relationship and almost lost our way. This may have been my strongest sense of failure ever. I really believe is us and our marriage. Facing this failure down taught me everything I needed to know about re-building our relationship to where we are today.
There have also been numerous business failures – poor investments of money and time, bad decisions regarding training approaches – the list go on.
Failure makes us human. More importantly, other than offering us life’s most important lessons, it also offers contrast.
In ME FIRST vocabulary contrast is what you need to have so you can decide what you really want. Failure represents what it is you don’t want to repeat or to attract on a regular basis. With the experience of failure you can turn things around and define what it is you want to fill your life with. I enjoy looking at my own life through the lens of, “Well that was less than perfect’ and then imagining what it is I would rather have.
Failure is just like that – it shows you what you don’t want. Here’s the good news – you get to choose again!.
That said are you ready now to bless your failures? Okay, maybe that is going too far so let me suggest a slight modification. Here is it: Everything you have experienced in life is perfect.
Still a stretch?
I’ll explain – you are the sum total of all of your life experiences. You are the person you are today because of what you have experienced which includes both successes and failures. If you agree that life’s’ great lessons stem from your failures, then they are perfect events in your life. They taught you what you needed to know. There no longer is any need to feel guilt or remorse over something that happened in the past. Simply chalk it up to experience and be grateful it happened.
Here’s the deal. If you want to learn and grow and expand and reach for more, failure is NOT an option. If you can learn to bless the failures, see them as lessons and laugh at yourself a little more, you are going to be far healthier and happier. The thing is, you get to choose how you respond. Choose well for YOU!
Just coming off a ME FIRST Retreat and feeling the great sense of satisfaction that I derive from facilitating these events. On this occasion Jim and I also had friends, Carol and Wayne present as they prepare to eventually facilitate their own ME FIRST events. This is an intention come true for us – only weeks ago we completed our Strategic Attraction Plan for the upcoming year. Part of our intentionality is attracting perfect partners for collaboration and perfect ME FIRST facilitators. The plan is working.
Despite my experience with setting intentions, I am always surprised when what I ask for shows up. I love it and Jim and I have this little ditty we chant when the SIGNS appear that simply goes ‘it’s working!’
We have learned that to set intentions is one thing and paying attention and seeing the SIGNS another. Certainly paying attention is equally important as what would the point be in setting intentions if you don’t actually follow them. Of course there is the third phase of ‘No Tension’ – gotta love this step. It happens when what you have asked for shows up in a form that surprises you and you look at it and mutter, “I don’t think so!” Guess what – that’s the wrong response.
This is where I have forced myself to be curious and darn if the Universe doesn’t know better than I do what is in my highest good. I just don’t always like it and yet, in the end it is always perfect. I think that perhaps there is a great cosmic joke in there somewhere.
We are vibrational energy
In this weekend’s retreat I believe we did some of our best work in teaching ME FIRST, especially that part that says that everything you want to change or shift outside yourself begins with ME FIRST. This part of the retreat program allows each participant to see the effects that their inner dialogue has, the choice of living with one’s inner critic versus one’s inner coach.
Consider this – you do not have to say anything or do anything, all you need to do is be the vibration you wish to be. Remember Gandhi’s quote, ‘Be the change you wish to see’. Note the emphasis on ‘BE’.
Imagine for yourself walking into any situation you have to face and simply being love, peace, joy at the core of your being. Through a variety of techniques we are able to demonstrate to ME FIRST Participants the impact this has on your environment and those around you. You can’t see it – you experience it. It is a vibrational energy that emits from the core of who you are and it is powerful.
Oh, I do go on – it just gives me chills to remember the effect this has when we teach this part of the program. And it is why I love my work.
Good old Dr. Suess – who knew that he taught ME FIRST principles. So much of what we are teaching is that you get to choose your life. So few people realize this it seems. Once you appreciate that your life is a sum of the choices you have made, and that you can change the course of your life with different choices, you settle into a position of personal power. Oh, and by the way, this is something I have to remind myself of everyday – the choice is mine.
Enough rambling for now. Looking forward to the next ME FIRST Retreat in Ottawa which will be co-facilitated by Wayne and Carol. I am handing over the reigns (and that may take discipline on my part!).
To all of you, you get to choose your thoughts, words and feelings – choose well!
Every two weeks Jim and I are leading a Coaching Circle. We began this program during the summer as a way of reaching more clients and offering them a coaching experience. It is different from a one-on-one coaching experience as circle participants also hear the stories others share and learn through the shared experience. It has been a miracle in my view, as we see the transformation of the group and each individual member – the shining faces, the energy shift, the realization that none of us are alone and that life is a shared experience.
In our discussions last evening, several members shared that they have recently lost friends, have friends recently diagnosed with serious life threatening illness or are living with illness themself. The notice was that often people don’t start really living until there is a threat of dying. Illness may not be the only trigger, it could be an accident, aging, or a significant life event.Whatever the root cause, it seems to be a common issue for we humans – we need to be awakened.
So I am wondering what it is about the human experience that encourages us to be complacent and to take so much for granted; why we need those wake-up calls to really start living. Certainly most of our circle participants have experienced a wake-up call in one form or another and still we slip back into that complacent place. What can we do to prevent this slip/slide – what is it we can do to stay awake – to live?
We have been introducing our clients to what we call Conscious Communication. Understanding that communication resides at all levels, that is communication with self, your higher power and then others, conscious communication means communication from an awakened state. It implies being alive and present, being intentional and clear, being tuned in to self and others; it means raising the bar significantly on how we have been living with ourself and others for most of our life.
Am I there yet? NO. And it is where I want to be. My fear is that with increasing separation, because of social media and the lack of face to face interactions these days, that we will grow not just complacent but unskilled in the basics of communication never mind conscious communication. So I write this as an invitation to each of you to reach out today to the important others in your life and step away from the computer and into the coffee shop. Create more opportunities for those face to face conversations – they are richer.
Become consciously aware of the conversation you are having with yourself – is your critic’s voice singing loudly in your ear or is your inner coach feeding you these days.
As you sit with another, are you in love or judgment? Turn on the love channel and be clear on how you want to be with others – set intentions for your relationship rather than leaving it up to the great ‘whatever’.
If you are in an intimate relationship, set time aside to really talk. Be compassionate and caring of the other – they are only human. It is easy to take life partners for granted – I know I both live and work with mine 24-7. It is important to ask the great questions and to listen deeply to the answers; to seek to understand the other person before judging or assuming.
All of this in my view is LIVING although there is much more to this conversation.
Again last evening we took time with the group to have them define and claim their core values. From that conscious place, the take away from this activity is to now start being those values and holding yourself to these consciously.
I know there is much more to share and I am curious about your responses and thoughts. Let me know. I leave you with this simple question – Are you living?
Surrender is not necessarily one of my favorite words. Despite this it keeps coming up in conversation and is evidently a SIGN. I think my resistance to the word is that old visual from cowboy or war movies where surrendering involves sticking your hands high into the air and offering yourself up to another person, potentially the enemy.
Okay, I know this is not what it really means and that to surrender does not mean giving up or giving in. Nor does surrender imply weakness or loss. According to the dictionary to surrender means to relinquish control, and detach from results. Darn – there’s that control thing again.
I turned back to one of my favorite all time books, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, seeking some solace and clarity on this subject. She suggests that surrender is powerful nonresistance, being open and receptive to allowing our lives to be guided by a higher power. In this state of nonresistance you allow ‘spirit to infuse your life and to offer you meaning and direction’.
I have to say that I am all for that. It simply gets confusing when I try to figure everything out for myself not to mention that I also step back into being a control freak. When you stop trying to control all the events in your life, you notice that things fall into place anyway and that there is a natural order to them.
So how do you surrender? Now that is the $20,000,000 question. Even as I say to myself all I have to do is surrender I feel the trepidation and wonder how do you so this. I can only share what I am learning at the moment and to suggest to you, that although surrender seems unfamiliar and uncomfortable, I suspect we are all in this boat together. It is a new experience.
Let go of what you can’t control
Re-Connect with your Heart The starting point for me is to forge a new relationship with my heart. This begins by putting aside 10 to 15 minutes of quiet ME FIRST time, sitting or lying comfortably, away from all distractions. Place your hand on your heart and feel it beating under your hand.
With each breath in imagine that your heart is expanding. Infuse your heart with love on each in-breath and on the out-breath imagine this love extending you your entire self. As you continue, notice any stress in your body, and then release it on each out-breath.
Consider an issue which has been troublesome for you and perhaps what actions you have been taking to control it. On the next out breath release these actions and ask your heart the question, “what would be in my highest good?” Don’t expect an immediate answer; simply rest with the question for a few moments, then ask again, “what would be in my highest good?”
Your heart is the seat of amazing wisdom and knowledge. Unfortunately it is overruled by your head and buried under worry, anxiety, frustration and impatience. Impatience by the way is the highest form of resistance, like pushing at something. When you push there is an equal and opposite force in return.
As you continue your heart ‘meditation’, imagine yourself floating in a sea of light. The water sparkles, infused with hues of purple, turquoise and yellow. These colours dance around you. You feel all the resistance you have been experiencing begin to float away and as you drift, your heart opens even further. You begin to appreciate that all you need to know is there, you need only to relax and allow it to come to you.
Back to Reality I hear you, REALLY! Can this possibly work? YES! And it takes time. As with any new habit it must be practiced. I wish there were a simple switch you could turn on and off, to step from control freak into control free and to experience complete surrender. Wouldn’t that be blissful.
The thing is, and you know this as well as I do, you are simply getting in your own way when it comes to moving forward in life. Everything you want is waiting for you. Your work is to conceive it (ask for what you want), believe it (imagine that what you want is already a reality) and receive it (get out-of-the-way and allow it).
Here’s the challenge: changing any habit takes 21 days. My invitation to you is to take the time each day for the next 3 weeks to re-connect with your heart. Follow the instructions I have offered and see what happens. You never know, new doors may open and something you never expected may arrive on your doorstep!
Forgiveness is a huge topic – one that arises time and time again for me and of course a frequent topic of discussion with coaching clients. The most powerful book I have read on the topic is Forgiveness by Jerald Jompolsky, and this I read years ago. One statement in the book has helped my on my own forgiveness journey : Forgiveness does not imply that you agree with the actions taken by another person. Whew!
I do think that many people don’t forgive because they believe they are condoning the actions of others. I have seen it in myself. Then this week I read the following in Heartmath by Childre and Martin:
…it’s not a question of whether someone deserves to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving your transgressor for his or her sake; you’re doing it for yourself.
Forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option you face, and the only one that will foster health and well-being.
It frees you up from the toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let villains live rent-free in your head.
If they’ve hurt you in the past, why let them keep hurting you …
The part I really love in this quote is: Don’t let villains live rent-free in your head. Dah! OMG they take up so much space and mixed in with the mish mash of other things that take up equal amounts of space, I wonder that I can even function some days. Enough!
This summer and now into fall I have been in a deeply reflective state. I want to understand how to release the annoying habits I have over thinking things, which tends to lead to worry by the way. I am releasing them as they no longer serve me and it is a process. I wish it were a light switch – ON – OFF. Wouldn’t that be so easy!
Heartmath as described in the Heartmath Solution, is one of the tools I am using. I find this a fascinating area of study and learning, literally the search to understand to live by one’s heart intelligence and bring this into coherence with the head. I do see it as a solution for me – I encourage you to check it out as well.
As with anything, forgiveness and changing my long entrenched habits takes time – ah that – PATIENCE. And then there is forgiving yourself for all the mistakes you have made over a life time. Now that one is getting easier for I have learned that regrets serve no purpose (and I hear people expressing regret all the time, the great if only…) Here’s how I approach regret. I simple say, what if everything is absolutely perfect, what if everything happened for a reason, as part of the Divine Plan? This forces me to recognize that I could not be the ME I am today without all that has preceded this moment. I am a product of my life experience and I kind of like where I have landed.
What about you? Is there some real estate in your head that is being hoarded by a villain or possibly even your past mistakes? What would it take to release it? Care to join me on the journey?
Fall Equinox arrives tomorrow. As the days grow shorter, we are left with more darkness. It is a great time to reflect, for although our world of work seems to expand in these Fall-Winter hours, the truth is this time of year is designed for rest. Mother nature knows this, as the plants die off and energize their roots for the seasons to come, the animals hibernate for a long winter nap, and the world relaxes, like a great global sigh.
This week I received an e-mail from a colleague who celebrates the anniversary of cancer recovery on this date, outliving all predictions and celebrating her life. A SIGN I though and an apt theme for our labyrinth walk.
In following this theme of celebrating life, I was drawn to one of my favourite books, Anam Cara by John O’Donohue, choosing one of his blessings for the event:
May you recognize in your life the presence,
power and light of your soul.
May you realize that you are never alone,
that your soul in its brightness and belonging connects you intimately with the rhythm of the Universe.
May you respect your own individuality and difference.
May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, that you have a special destiny here, that behind the façade of your life there is something beautiful, good and eternal happening.
May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride, and expectation with which God sees you in every moment.
John O’Donohue
Blessings to all of you for this Fall Equinox, the final months before December 21, 2012. Celebrate YOU and wonder about why you are here and who you are called to BE.
Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to say something positive about yourself? There is an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach and perhaps even the image of a wagging finger, usually attached to a parent or teacher, reminding you that to speak of yourself in such terms is EGO-CENTRIC! Bah. Humbug.
As a result most of us are inclined to put ourselves down rather than pump ourselves up, for to do otherwise would be bragging. Okay, it is time to switch this story up. Enough, I say! It’s time that WE, you and I, begin to see ourselves through a different lens and to take stock of all the great things we offer the world around us. By this I mean acknowledging yourself for those aspects of you that make YOU UNIQUE.
I am uniquely ME!
Here’s an opportunity and an exercise if you are interested. Take a blank piece of paper and fill the page with all of your accomplishments. Notice that these may have to do with work and they may be things that were simply personal successes for you. They may reflect the role you play in your family or with your friends or they may refer to your creativity, courage or simply your interests. It really doesn’t matter just note that an accomplishment is something personally meaningful to you and may not be of any real significance to others.
Once your list is completed, review the list. Notice those accomplishments or achievements that were the most meaningful to you, perhaps a time where you felt you grew as a person or where you stepped out of your comfort zone. You decide. Choose 3-4 then write a short story about that time in your life. It does not have to be long, simply capture the essence of the event, what happened and how you felt. What strengths of character came into play; what values guided you; what did others notice?
When the stories are written, read them aloud to yourself. I know this sounds funny and adding voice to a story is very powerful, especially when it is about you. Read it as if it is about another person if you have to. And, by the way, if you can share it with someone else, even better. Following the sharing ask them what they noticed about you.
The goal of this activity is to begin to notice where and when you shone in your life. This has nothing to do with ego and has everything to do with YOU seeing YOU. Take note of the skills you used in the situation, the strengths that you have and the values you engaged. Then pat yourself on the back for having made a difference for yourself or for someone else.
The next step is to begin to see how you engage these same strengths and skills every day, to notice how you play in the world, how you interact with others and most importantly, how you make a difference. You will notice that most of the time you focus on what you haven’t done versus what you have achieved. Ah that – your fatal flaw. Please note: when you focus on the positive aspects of your character and contributions you attract more opportunity to do the same. Vice versa, when you focus on the character flaws, you will attract ample opportunity to continue to examine them. Where do you want to play?
Next is acknowledgement. In our ME FIRST work we suggest that acknowledgement is the highest form of gratitude. It is a little bit like a quiet prayer to your higher power saying thank you for giving me the aptitude and talent to do what I do, to be what I be, every day. Each of you was born as a unique individual and whether you recognize it or not, each of you makes a unique contribution when you use those gifts. Have you ever expressed gratitude for all the things you were born with?
Here is how you begin. Simply say to yourself, “I acknowledge myself for…” It’s that simple. You don’t have to shout it from the mountain top you can start by saying it to yourself in the mirror. It may feel uncomfortable at first as your critical choir hums, “Yeah right!” Ignore them and keep on going. They are out of date anyway!
Next, sit with a few of your friends and share this message with them. You can start by acknowledging one another. Be as specific as possible. For example, instead of saying, “Sue I acknowledge you for being a good mom”, say “Sue I acknowledge you for the way you handled your son’s mishap at school. You were really kind and understanding and a really good role model for me.” The have each member of your circle acknowledge themselves. Again, be as detailed as possible.
If you have a daily gratitude practice, add in 2-3 self-acknowledgements as part of this. Start today as it is time for you to see YOU and your unique ability to influence the world around you.
It’s a new year!
Follow us in the upcoming days to learn more!
