Category: Intentions

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The Dance

CBC is definitely my preference for radio listening. I especially enjoy the morning show with Jian Ghomeshi, although I don’t always appreciate his taste in music. In listening to radio shows like Jian’s Q, I frequently hear something that is a roadSIGN for me or something that triggers a train of thought or a new understanding. I love that roadSIGNS come in so many different forms.

On Tuesday of this past week, as I started the five hour drive to Toronto, Jian was interviewing well known Canadian dancer Margie Gillis. Many of you may not be familiar with her work – I was not until living in Montreal. She is not only a talented dancer – she choreographs dance works around the world and she is also a recipient of the Order of Canada. All that to say, she is an impressive figure.

At the age of 58 she continues to dance and perform. It was this aspect of the interview that intrigued me as I realized that, despite her age, despite having arthritis in her knees and the limitations this could bring to her dance, she continues. Certainly she has modified her approach and she admitted that she did not dance with the same vigor or style as she did in her twenties. What she does is she listens to her body, and the spirit housed within that body, and adapts her choreography accordingly. To quote Margie, “ Our bodies are a wonderful metaphor for our souls”.

This was the part that intrigued me. It was perfect contrast to a comment which arrived the other day on my blog  from someone who had just turned sixty. To quote her, “I just turned 60 too. It’s so horrible because I am over the hill. I don’t enjoyed the stuff I used to …” You can see where this was going. Obviously it is a point of view to which I do not subscribe, as I believe age is largely based on attitude and the choice you make every day for living your life. Hence my attraction to Margie Gillis’ vitality.

Through these two sources what has become clear to me is that I do not want to make age an excuse for not doing things. I want to listen to my 61 year old body, ask what it is telling me and be guided by its wisdom. I want to be grateful for the road this body has travelled, the places it has taken me, and for standing up with me through all types of weather. I want to adapt my dancing, as Margie is doing, and learn the steps that serve me well at this point in my life. I want to refute the limitations and use them simply as a guide for moving forward and choosing a new choreography.

The ME FIRST message that I embrace and teach specifies that whatever it is you want to change out there, in your life, begins on the inside, with ME first. As you read this, I encourage you to check in with yourself and wonder about your approach to life. Do you embrace everyday as a new opportunity or do you moan about growing older? Are you curious about life and what lies before you or do you focus on the things you can no longer do? Are you learning new dance steps or feeling badly that you can’t jive the way you did in your twenties?

Here is where I want to play and I am inviting you to join me. I plan to start playing my music again. My choices these days are different – I love the uplifting words of Karen Drucker and the jazzy tones of Diana Krall. I can dance to these songs, slow fluid steps around my living room. They are different from the upbeat choreography of the aerobic dance I once did, but they are in tune with my body, my spirit and my soul.

Will you dance with me?

Until next time…

Betty

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90 Seconds

As I read Martha Beck’s column in the most recent Oprah magazine, I was reminded once again of the importance of monitoring our thoughts. As Mike Dooley, www.tut.com, reminds us, “thought become things – choose the good ones”. So what do you do when a less than perfect thought comes bubbling up, apparently out of no where. What do you do when you become aware of these thought forms?

According to the new research emerging on neuroplasticity, spearheaded by folks like Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight), you have 90 seconds to re-program that thought.

WOW – only 90 seconds?

Actually 90 seconds is longer than you might think. First of all it gives you times to become aware of the thought, second it gives you time to shake hands with it, acknowledge it, and recognize that it is way less than perfect. Finally you have the opportunity to call into your awareness a more perfect thought. You get to do what I call ‘flip-it’.

What does that look like. If you find yourself in anger, resentment or judgment, ask yourself, ‘How would I rather feel?”

The answer may be something like, “I want to be in joy, peace or ease, perhaps even gratitude.”

The process then goes like this:

  1. recognize the thought roaming around in your head.
  2. assess how it makes you feel
  3. discern if that’s really where you want to play
  4. shake hands with the devilish thoughts  – do NOT dismiss it
  5. be clear on where you would rather be/play
  6. re-program the thought.

After 90 seconds, if you stay with the thought forms that do not serve you, they are registered in the brain. My best advice, confront, flip and shift  – in the long run this will serve you as it will be the new thought form, the one that serves you and helps you to be positive, which will be registered.

This is some food for thought (no pun intended) don’t you think?

Until next time…

Betty

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Notty or Nice

Every once in a while I receive something through e-mail that really resonates with me or makes me think a little deeper about a specific subject. These are of course one form of the many roadSIGNS which I attract.

Last evening I received the Knots Prayer from one of my neighbors. It sets a great tone for this week’s column:

Dear God:

Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind.

Erase all the will nots, may nots, might nots that find a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all Dear God,

I ask you to remove from my mind, my heart and my life

all the ‘am nots’ that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought that I am not good enough.

Amen

Author known to God

What a wonderful reminder of all the ‘nots’ that show up in your life on a daily basis. It does make you notice them. I like the prayer and part of me also wants to modify it. I am not big on the word ‘not’ and so I propose a second prayer build around the same idea, with slightly different wording. I call this the NICE Prayer, NICE standing for Now I Can Everyday.

The NICE Prayer

Dear God:

I untie all the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.

I release myself from what no longer serves me and attract all that is in my highest good.

I see what I have, that I can and what I do in all parts of my life.

I release myself from the could’s, would’s and should’s imposed on me by others.

And Dear God,

I choose to live in the ‘I AM’,

 understanding that who I am is perfect and definitely good enough,

and that I am powerful just as I am.

Amen

Both, by the way are great prayers and you can judge for yourself the one you prefer. I love the Knots Prayer yet felt myself feeling tangled up in all those nots. Since I understand how the Law of Attraction works, and how the Law does not recognize ‘not’ my preference was to remove them. Try it for yourself.

Most importantly, and here is the real message for today, notice where in your live your ‘nots’ live. Imagine if for every time you said ‘I can’t’ , you said ‘I can’. I imagine if for every time you said ‘I have not’, you said ‘I have’. Apply this rule to all the other ‘nots’ that have been showing up in your life, and change your vocabulary. I can assure you of this, ‘not’ is a word that limits you, holds you back, and diminishes you. The moment you enter the NO’NOT” ZONE, and remove the dastardly word from you vocabulary, you give yourself permission to dream, to grow, to expand, and most importantly, to step into your own power.

How simple is that?

Until next time….

Betty

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Sharp Edges

I am thoroughly enjoying the summer weather we have been experiencing in Eastern Ontario. Yes there is the occasional steamy day, but for the most part the days have been hot and the nights cool. How perfect is that?

Each morning I sit on my front porch with Jim, sipping my morning shake, breathing in the aroma of the flowers and communing with the nature that surrounds us. When I focus on these surroundings, I have noticed that there are days when the edges are sharp and days when the edges are soft. Sharp edge days happen when the weather is hot yet dry, the nights cool or there has just been a refreshing shower. When you look out at the gardens everything is fresh and crisp, the plants alert and singing, shadows clearly defined.

By contrast, the soft edge days are those humid ones where the air is heavy. Life in the gardens looks fuzzy and blurred.

It seems to me that life is also full of sharp and soft edges. When you embrace a sharp edged perspective, you are clear, crisp and clean. You know what it is you want and, as a result, you are able to move forward with your life. You set a course for yourself and take the steps to move in that direction. You have a clear sense of boundaries. You know where and when to say ‘YES’ and, more importantly, when to say ‘NO’. You have defined your core values, those important principles by which you choose to live. Sharpness means clarity.

Softness implies the opposite. You are unclear about what you want and find yourself focused on what you don’t want. As a result, little in your life changes because you keep attracting the same things over and over again. As a result, your life is on hold. Your edges, your boundaries, are fuzzy and blurred, perhaps even non-defined. You find yourself saying ‘YES’ to any request and frequently find yourself overburdened or overwhelmed.

As a life coach-consultant, it is clear to me that the clients who choose the path of sharp edges, manifest the life they really want. They embrace the idea of clarity, naming what they want and follow this with clear actions that match what they want. They step-up fully to their full potential and to everything life has to offer them. They are amazed that when they actually take the time to be clear and sharp, what they want manifests quickly.

If you are living a soft edge life, is it time to shift? If you are ready, take the following steps.

First turn all of your ‘do not wants’ into ‘do wants’. What most people don’t recognize is that wherever your attention goes, energy flows. That is to say, when you focus on what you don’t want, you get more of it.

Second, take action. Action implies doing something specific that takes you in the direction of what you want. It may also be a new way of being such as believing in yourself, believing you are worthy of having what you want, and turning down the volume of your self-critic.

Finally, establish your personal boundaries and start being clear about your ‘YES’s’ and ‘NO’s’. Assess what is important and meaningful to you and what is yours to own. If a request is made of you and intuitively you know it is not yours to own, chances are it belongs to someone else.

These are the three easy steps for living in the land of sharp edges.

Are you ready?

 

Until next time…

Betty

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Growing Pains

There are moments in your life when it feels like something is shifting. If you are asked to pinpoint exactly what it is, you hesitate because it is difficult to name. You have a sense that you are approaching a new junction in your life, perhaps related to career, relationships, or simply how you are choosing to live every day. It is almost like holding your breath.

I refer to these moments as growing pains. You may be thinking, “I haven’t had growing pains since I was a teenager.” Well look again. Take a glance back over your life and ask yourself, when has my life changed directions in some way or another. I sincerely hope your response is not “NEVER’.

In my baby boomer generation there was a notion which I really never understood and that was one job, one set of lifelong friends, perhaps even one home. Is it only me or was that the ultimate fallacy. And it has not been my experience.

I am not judging you if it was yours but you have to admit that somewhere along the way your life changed course with or without you and you were forced to look at life differently than what was once promised to you. Certainly as time goes on, and each subsequent generation enters the workforce, these promises have changed significantly. Now we prepare young adults for the possibility of 3-4 careers over a lifetime, frequent changes in geographical location, and virtual relationships through social networking. It is rapidly becoming a different world. Growing pains.

These describe the external variables. The landscape within you is another world of shifts and changes. Who among you would say that you are the same person you were ten years ago or even yesterday. Every moment of every day adds a new experience to your life. It would be foolish for us to think that we are not changed by life’s events. And why would we want to be static anyway when life is a dynamic process. Changes can be trying and change can be exciting and for some reason all change is perfect. It may not feel so at the time, but let me assure you that everything within your life occurs for a reason. Growing pains.

But what do you do with all this growth, with this sense that something inside you is changing. Do you have control over it? Can you give this change within you direction? Absolutely. The first step is to choose to be conscious, to be aware that you sense a change occurring. Secondly be curious and ask yourself, and your higher power if you ascribe to the idea of the Universe, what it all means. Third, watch for the roadSIGNS that are appearing all around you. This is where being aware and paying attention becomes very important. Forth, relax, be in the energy of change; embrace it and go with the flow.

Growing pains – this is what makes life an interesting journey. Be honest – would you have it any other way? Welcome aboard the change train. You might as well come along for the ride ‘cause with or without you the train is pulling out of the station. It is time to change, time to stretch and yes, time to grow in ways you had not even considered. WeHoo!

Until Next Time…

Betty

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Do No Harm

A coaching client of mine recently shared with me the idea of Bullying by omission. Curious, I asked her what this meant. She shared that this type of bullying is subtle and insidious, occurring behind a person’s back. It is bullying through exclusion, gossip, decision-making and more. With this post, I begin exploring the idea of bullying by omission – gossip. Continue reading Do No Harm

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From Control to Curiosity

“Is it my age?” I wonder. As a newly minted 60 year old all I can think of these days is how important it is to be curious. Curious? Yes! About life, about what’s up for me in the next decade, about my work in the world and more. Life is, if you will, an endless series of question marks.

It's All Perfect!
It's All Perfect!

And it is all perfect for it makes me feel much more youthful, engaged and definitely enthusiastic about life. In fact I cannot imagine it any other way.

It has not always been this way, as when I was younger I was very big on control. It seems to me, as I look back, that curiosity and control are polar opposites. How can you be curious if you need to be in control? Curiosity requires that you step outside the usual boundaries of your life and take a look at things differently or examine things that are different. Well known self-help guru Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Back to control. It really is an illusion, don’t you think? I mean do we really think that we can control things outside of ourselves. YES WE DO and, if you are like me when I was less wise, I thought the tighter I held the reins on my life, the more I could control the world around me.

In my observations of people, I see the toll that control is taking. As one of my coaching clients shared with me today, control creates an air tight box around you. You become very cautious about how you live in the world, especially at work and in that caution, you begin to lose a sense of who you really are. The person who wears your cloths and your skin is simply a framework of the real you, like a skeleton without the flesh. When control looms large in your life, you fear losing it, which further magnifies the problem. What if someone experiences the real you, the person without the masks, the person who might be vulnerable, the authentic self? “Will I be judged”, you wonder? Isn’t it safer to wear that mask and control exactly how people know me? 

And this is only one example of how you engage control in your life. I had many strategies, for example, endless plans filled with work and life objectives, subtitled by an equally endless list of activities that would outline how these objectives would be achieved. These lists framed my days and I took great delight in ticking each item off the list. That’s not to say I don’t use lists today, as I do. But they are different, open ended, less focused on outcome, more focused on ‘what if…?’ And that’s where curiosity began.

You may not agree with me that curiosity is important, many don’t. If you do however, this is an opportunity to take your life back and begin to approach things differently. Where do you begin? Consider the question, “If I want to be in curiosity, what control am I choosing to release?” Now there’s a loaded question as that forces you to actually consider where in your life you are control seeking –  relationships, work, personal habits, you name it. Then you need to evaluate the risks involved with actually relaxing your standards, becoming more flexible and a little less of a perfectionist. Oh that!

I encourage you to see this conversation as a SIGN that it is time for you to relax a little, stretch your boundaries, and wonder about what lies outside that sphere of control you have been living in. Ask yourself how this is serving you. If it is not, you may be experiencing a sense of disillusionment with how your life is unfolding or you may find yourself daydreaming of escaping the place you are currently occupying. If any of these feelings are present for you at this time, know that the opportunity is here to shift gears, from control to curiosity.

Begin by simply wondering about the ‘what if’s’ of life:

  • What if I changes careers?
  • What if I started that art course I have been putting on the back burner?
  • What if I released the limiting beliefs I have about myself?
  • What if I stopped trying to be perfect?
  • What if I dropped all the masks I wear? 

You get the drift – it’s about starting with a question rather than starting with an answer. Answers are built on what you know and the way you have always done things. They are safe and they give you control. Questions invite in new solutions and ways of examining life and work. They may open up the unexpected and there is no assurance that this will be comfortable. And that is perfect, for questions encourage you to grow.

Is it time to shift from control to curious. I hope so. I hope you never grow up and that you retain the curiosity of the four year old who wants to know why. 

Until next time….                                                      

Betty

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Soon to Be Launched!

Yesterday we (Jim and I) spent the day with a crew for the local cable network Cogeco filming the first five episodes of the roadSIGNS TV Show. I have for years imagined what it would be like to host a TV or radio show, essentially a coaching program, where viewers could pick up tips for their own journey of self-discovery. Okay – not Dr. Phil, no “How’s that working for you?”, and no soap operish psycho-babble, but down to earth conversation regarding the small things people face everyday. Perhaps this is unfair criticism of Dr. Phil – I used to like the show and his no-nonsense advice!

More about roadSIGNS – our intentions for the show were set around a number of themes:

– to model the difference between coaching versus counselling
– to offer people, who may find coaching inaccessible to them, the opportunity for a coaching conversation
– to help others see how truly unique they are and to have tools for stepping fully into their personal power, and of course
– to have some fun, as life is far too serious.

The crew from Cogeco were amazing, coaching us along, being patient with me when I flubbed the opening of the show numerous times, laughing with us as we fumbled through the first show. All in all the process was quite painless and I noticed that, by the time we got to the fifth show, the process truly flowed. Unlike many shows filmed by the crew, we also had a live studio audience with whom to interact with so thanks to Tracy, Emily, Ann and Janet, who patiently sat with us through six hours of taping.

By mid-October, the shows will begin airing. You can learn more at http://www.tvcogeco.com/cornwall/shows. And with this, I hold the intention that the shows make a difference, are viewed by many, are shared, and that before we know it, the roadSIGNS Show is the talk of the town. Not too much to ask, is it? I’ll keep you posted re: when the shows air.

I have been noticing that as I set my intentions to open doors to opportunities, most of which I am currently not aware of, that there are surprises. For example, I set an intention to grow our business, and what has appeared is several requests to train in our ME FIRST/roadSIGNS model. This definitely would grow our work yet I assumed, that growth meant me delivering more programs.

As I teach, when you ask for something, be prepared for it to show up in a form that is different from what you imagined and then, be curious and open to the possibility. That is where my journey is leading at the  moment and I have decided that my WORD for this time in my life is curiosity.

Until next time…

Betty

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Pre-Occupations

It’s one of those lazy rainy fall days where all you want to do is curl up and read a book. It is quiet business wise. This is not a complaint simply a notice as in those quiet times I get to plan, reflect and to notice what’s going on around me.

A lot of SOS (Space Occupying Stuff) got sorted out today, relationships with business partners, decision about applying for CPP, planning for upcoming events. It ia all good and is great Space Management.

This Wednesday, that is 2 days from now, Jim and I begin taping the roadSIGNS show for Cogeco, the local cable network. One could say that this arose through happenstance, yet as I believe in roadSIGNS, I know this was divinely guided at some level. Whatever it is, we will tape the first five shows, a new series.

I have thought a great deal about why we are doing this, beyond having fun and being of service to our community. This probably has been provoked by the book I am currently reading called Start WithWhy by Simon Sinek. 

The ‘why’ is not a foreign concept to me, in fact I teach organizations and individuals to name their why, I am simply reflecting on mine and assessing its accuracy. In many ways it’s a larger than life concept, certainly something that one aspires to and inspires you and others.

I know that my intention for the roadSIGNS TV Show is to create opportunities for our viewers to learn more about themselves and to see the greatness that lives inside of them. I know, this sounds very altruistic, it’s just that I see things in others that they do not naturally see in themselves. You know what I mean. And I want to offer them opportunities for turning on the lights and creating an inner space that is self-loving and kind.

Enough rambling, TV shows, speaking, coaching, whatever it is  – it’s perfect. I am learning to trust everyday is lined up just as it is intended to be and that each day will bear a gift of its own. YOU?

On another note, my friends Kathy and Lucie married this past weekend and we attended the reception and pre-wedding celebration. I am so pleased for them and proud that I live in a country where 2 women can legally tie the knot. Which brings me to another topic, as of last week I can now legally marry people in Ontario. I don’t know how often I will use these credentials and judging from the paperwork involved, hopefully a limited number. I need a system to get organized with this and given all the other things on the plate, I have not created any space for weddings in my calendar yet. Good notice – if there is no space, there will be few opportunities.

My eyes grow weary and it’s time to finally curl up with that book. What pre-occupies you these days? I want to know.

Until next time,

Betty

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Grow Up!

Grow up! How many times did you have a parent, sibling, or teacher say that to you? I am sure you can also remember all the times you reflected on who you were going to be when you grew up, or what you were going to do. As a child, growing up may simply be reaching your teen years, the magic age of thirteen. As an adolescent the bar is raised to turning twenty-one – ‘legal age’ – and being able to drink and vote. Now there’s an interesting marriage. Then one day you are twenty-one, or thirty-one or fifty-one, and you realize you are still contemplating who you are going to be when you grow up and wishing, sometimes with an ounce of desperation, that someone would simply tell you what it is and you could just get this growing up thing over with.

Here is an alternate thesis. What if we never grow up? What if not growing up is the perfect equation? What if growing up is overrated?

Growing up has been the conversation among a number of my friends and clients recently, and I believe that we have come to the conclusion that growing up simply isn’t in the cards for us. Imagine if you did grow up, then what? What would you turn your attention to next? What would keep you engaged and curious about life? What would drive you to continue learning?

If you grew up, would you have to stop playing? Would you inner child be left in the dust, forbidden from peaking his/her head out every once in a while? Would you have to assume only adult responsibilities?

I am thinking that if this is so, life could become very boring and quickly overwhelming. I want to propose, here and now, that we all agree that growing up is overrated! What is a grown-up anyway? Consider this for a moment. Perhaps re-visit your childhood and teenage ideas of what a grown-up was. Old comes to mind for me, hard working, tired, responsible. Hmmmm – that’s not perfect. Let’s try another definition: clear about what they want, curious, always learning something new, experimenting, knowledgeable. That description is much more palatable for me yet as I write it I realize that were I to fit this description I would have to commit to lifelong learning, the ability to change, and a desire to constantly reset my compass as I understand what it is I truly want.

I think the reason I am responding to the idea of being grown up negatively is that it feels like if I were, I would stop and stand still.; that being grown up is the end point, the destination rather than the journey. And this really is it isn’t it. You become so focused on where it is you want to land in your life, the great goal in the sky, that you forget to enjoy the ride and take in the scenery along the way. Then one day you attain that goal and you sit back and wonder, “What was this all about? I am here and I feel empty.”

I have many friends hitting landmark birthdays this year, many of whom are turning fifty, and just as many others turning sixty, including me. Without hesitation most of them are laughing gently at themselves as they realize that even though they have hit these landmark ages, they still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up. And I respond great, that’s refreshing. And if they continue by saying, “One day I will grow up”, I respond with, “That’s too bad!” A few chuckle at my response as they understand that to grow up is to be in a rut (by the way, the difference between a rut and a grave is that one has a lid!), to be finished with life. Some are surprised and inquire as to my response and I gleefully embark on an explanation.

Grow up! I don’t think so. Let’s re-think this shall we. I propose we start saying ‘be alive’, implying that regardless of age, we retain a joyful approach to life, that we lighten up.

What do you think – are you ready to join me in a revolution in which we release the idea of growing up forever and embrace the idea of staying young and curious.

The conversation about growing up is one all of us have been in for a very long time and it will continue. I dare you however; to throw it aside and really decide if that is perfect for you. I have decided it is not for me. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in acting like an adult and assuming my adult responsibilities, I just want to do so with a zest for life and a craving to continue to learn and dream. In my view, growing up is fluid rather than static, it is not the end point, it is the journey. I will never get there!

What do you think? Care to join me in the sandbox of being alive, young and curious? Come on in and play with me? Until next time….

Betty