Category: Intentions

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Facing FEAR

My colleague Andy (not his real name) retired May 5th from a life time in the federal public service. I met him last September as he and I embarked, along with 40 other participants, on a seven-month certificate program in Positive Psychology. We connected as we were two of the older members of the class and we were both examining the great ‘what’s next?’ He was anticipating his retirement with both excitement and trepidation.

Well here he is on the other side. Six of us, graduates now of the certificate program, had a day-long gathering where we checked in with one another and asked the question: What has become clear to you since we last met?  (I love this question as it provokes all sorts of responses).  I was anxious to hear Andy’s musings.

I was not surprised to hear that in the three weeks since his official retirement, Andy had felt somewhat lost. It is a disarming experience to be working one day and free the next. With no reason to jump out of bed, no one to chat with at the water cooler and nothing to structure your days, you simply face the great void.

Andy, whose wife works as a consultant and who works from home, also had a reaction. He was now in her space 24-7. Oh this is a familiar one to me! When Jim retired from the pharmaceutical world nine years ago, I had a similar reaction. Like Andy’s wife, I had been working from home as a coach-consultant for 10 years, and now there he was, every day! I kept thinking, ‘Don’t you have some place to go?’ And then when he decided to partner with me in the business, an entire new dynamic unfolded. Enough said. We fail to realize that our retirement affects others as much as it affects us.

And then there are all the other questions:

  • What do I want (see last blog)?
  • When will it happen?
  • What’s the first step?
  • What’s important to me?
  • Do I still have a brain?
  • Will anyone want to work/play/be with me?

FEAR walks in the door!

And yes, you all know the acronym for FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real. I prefer another option: Face Everything And Rise.

So how do you face FEAR? It’s not new. It happens during most major changes or transitions in life. It occurs because you are uncertain and you have no clear map for what’s next. It often overrides the sense of possibility that retirement holds.

As I was flipping through a book yesterday, I Know I’m in There Somewhere by Helene G. Brenner, I noticed a diagram entitled FEAR is the dark room where all the negatives are developed.

FEAR

Yep, that describes it.

So how do you face FEAR in this place called the Third Act.

A strategy I have used for several years which I believe fits here as well is to do the following:

  1. Embrace the FEAR – it’s there and ignoring will not make it go away. I goes like this, “I see you.”
  2. Challenge the FEAR – ask the following
    – what evidence do you have that what you fear will actually happen?
    – when have you faced similar situations, and fears, and pulled through successfully?
    – Is what you fear happening right now?
    – other than what you fear, what are the other possibilities?
  3. Shift gears: Recognize FEAR does not serve you and is usually driven by your head and your ego. This is the perfect time to begin the 12” journey from head to heart and to know that you can choose to be/do what you want.

I love the conversation with fear, especially the first question regarding evidence. Ninety-nine percent of the time there is no evidence, no real reason to believe the fear will manifest. And the moment you examine it, thoroughly, you really have to chuckle. So pull up your socks and step into your days with the intention that life is full of possibility and you have just been given permission to play in the possibility sandbox. Most importantly don’t push – allow some time to pass, learn to be in the moment and present to what crosses your path. Trust that all your answers, everything you need for your Third Act, is there and ready to be harvested at the perfect time for you.

On yes, and as for your partner who does not know what to do with you, understand that your retirement has a huge impact on him or her as well. Be gentle and kind and as my good friend and coach Patty said to me when Jim retired, “never make her/him wrong!”

Have some fun making friends with your FEARS! Face Everything and Rise.

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Flourishing in the Third Act

My absence from the roadSIGNS Coach blog duly noted, I am now here to say that I am officially back. This last year has been an informative one:

  • I turned 65, that magical age where we are told that retirement is an option
  • I experienced my first ‘mid-life’ crisis – it seems that I did not think turning 65 would mean anything and it did!
  • I enjoyed one of the busiest years on record with our business and subsequently decided that I no longer needed or wanted to work with that same level of intensity
  • I completed my Certificate in Positive Psychology, an intense program offered through the winter
  • and I was introduced to the concept of the Third Act, the final decades of life beginning at age 60.

It is this business of the Third Act that has really captured my attention. In her amazing TedTalk on the topic in December 2011, Jane Fonda stated that we need a new metaphor for aging in our society, one which considers aging as a staircase — the upward ascension of the human spirit, bringing us into wisdom, wholeness and authenticity. Age not at all as pathology; age as potential.

In a society with such a strong youth orientation, it is easy for those of us approaching or beyond 60 to wonder what belongs to us. And yet when I look inward, when I consider my future, I am aware that I want to do so with gusto, perhaps even a bit of bravado. I am struck by how much desire I have to learn, develop and pursue. I am hungry for meaning and a desire to continue to be of service and I am convinced that I am not alone.

As a generation, those of us 60 years plus, are physiologically younger than any generation before us. We have the potential to live 3-4 more decades or more. While we may see some decline in our health, this decline does not have to apply to our spirit. We are in charge of that just as we are in charge of our curiosity, our passion, our attitudes and beliefs. As Fonda suggests:

Entropy means that everything in the world, everything, is in a state of decline and decay, the arch. 
There’s only one exception to this universal law, and that is the human spirit, 
which can continue to evolve upwards — the staircase — bringing us into wholeness, authenticity and wisdom.

Perhaps the Third Act is really our time, a time to FLOURISH, a time to expand on those things that escaped us in our youth, a time to exercise our curiosity and be active learners, a time to finish what was left undone.

I invite you to join me in this conversation as I pursue Flourishing in the Third Act.

Using the principles of Positive Psychology,  I intend to carve out a course for us to follow, one which will allow us to become re-acquainted with the many aspects of who we are and who we wish to become, one which will help to find our way into this new territory called the Third Act.

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Ebb and Flow

I have recently had the pleasure to dive into the work of Joan Anderson, an American author whose books A Walk on the Beach and The Second Journey have truly resonated with me. It is always good to be supported on one’s own journey. Joan’s vulnerability and humanity spoke through the pages, as if she and I were having a conversation. And this conversation was an important one as she disclosed that despite her work, that of encouraging others, especially women, to find room in their lives for themselves, was a message that she personally struggled to live. And in their lies my truth, that despite my ME FIRST teachings, I have lots to learn about ME FIRST.

Like many of us, I am caught up in the flow, forward and backward movement. A self-avowed doing addict, I have trouble at times slowing down and even when I do, I cannot seem to harness my mind. Oh sure there are a few divine moments, when the quiet descends and I find myself in the ebb. I relish those moments and hold on to them greedily, for it is in that ebb space that I see, I know and I am. And then, just as quickly as the ebb appeared I am back in the flow. And I know this is right as well, the ebb and the flow, the movement of the tidal waters around the earth and the tidal waters of our life, is as it needs to be. Nothing is static.

All of this insight falls on the heels of a year of what feels like slumber. One year ago in January 2014, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, a rather serious, although treatable, auto-immune disease. After month of stiff and sore fingers and toes, blood tests and X-rays pointed in this direction. This is an illness familiar to me as I have been part of the Rheumatology community for a few years as the facilitator of the Colour of Communication designed for health professionals working in this field. The irony of suddenly attracting this illness did not escape me. Yet somehow, in the back screen of my mind all this news did not ring true. My intuitive “energy” colleagues supported that belief. Despite this I embarked of a course of treatment which over the next eleven months included two drugs, Plaquinil and Methotrexate (a form of chemotherapy). I saw my energy levels diminish yet I stayed with the program. I saw no observable forms of improvement in my joints yet I stayed with the program. Without recognizing it, I began to slide in my desire and drive to be of service.

Here Comes the Sun - A New Dawn!
Here Comes the Sun – A New Dawn!

Five weeks ago, in a collaborative decision with my rheumatologist, all medications were stopped. We both agreed that while my blood work was highly suggestive of RA, my lack of response to treatment indicated otherwise. Subsequently I have had additional joint studies completed which have revealed osteoarthritic changes in my fingers, no meds required.

I have written previously about Awakening, and I feel that at this moment I am once again in the awakening process. My energy levels have returned, I am waking up with a new sense of vigor and I feel that suddenly I am once again in the game. I have a suitcase full of appreciation for this. You do not realize what you have until it is removed for a period of time. And I, admittedly was under appreciating my life, my passion, my sense of purpose and my drive. I was under appreciating the ebb and the flow.

I have no judgment of the last year or the decision I made to seek and accept treatment for an illness I do not have. Rather I am grateful for my current state of health and for the lessons learned over the past 12 months. A significant aspect of this lesson is to embrace the ebb and the flow, to be in movement and to be in solitude and contemplation; to find the easy balance between the two.

With the newness of 2015 still on my skin, and an appreciation of all the forecasters and pundits, I know this to be a year for transformation. This means casting aside what no longer serves and creating space for what is waiting on the other side of the door. It is in the ebb that I have time to identify the castaways and in the flow that I can reach out and receive what is next.

I encourage you to identify the ebb and flow, the natural rhythm of your life. So much of daily living is forced rhythm. May this leave you with the desire for contemplation and the willingness to step into the ebb for a few moments everyday!

Until next time,

Betty

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The Importance of Stepping Away

I have just returned from a two week vacation on the beaches of North Carolina. The intention was to break completely with the day to day obligations of running a business and have a complete rest. That said, I imagined that I would stay connected, follow my e-mails, keep up to date – not really keeping with the intention you might note!

The Universe has a way of providing what it is you need, so do be careful what you ask for. On the way to our vacation spot I began noticing the SIGNS! First was:

it can wait

Located in the I-81 in New York State, this sign took me by surprise. I could not believe that rest stops had been converted into ‘text stops’ to accommodate those drivers who cannot seem to travel a few short hours without texting. This raised the question, “what are my connection needs?

Arriving at our destination, I noted hat the name of the resort was Barrier Island. Another SIGN?

barrier island

Barrier – suggesting ‘boundaries’ perhaps. Hummm, some food for thought. Perhaps I was being directed in a way that would force me to live up to my intention after all. The next indication: no wi-fi in the condo unit. If I wanted to connect I had to walk to the closest Starbucks, conveniently located about 15 minutes away or the office. While there was access it had to be planned. This was a good thing.

The Importance of Stepping Away
We have become so connected with our electronic devices, Facebook, e-mail, texting or what ever our choice, that it has become an unconscious habit. Without the presence of wi-fi, plus no blackberry or phone as we had not purchased a US plan, we blissfully found ourselves in a vacation vacuum, a space to be filled not by the day to day but simply by ‘being’. I rediscovered books, devouring at least 4 great novels and Cheryl Stayed’s book Wild, walking the Pacific Rim Trail. I spent more time resting, reflecting, meditating, walking the beach, the types of things I rarely give myself permission to enjoy when engaged in a full throttle life.

Returning home, I appreciated the importance of the break – I can breathe again. Yes re-entry has been challenging. As if to keep us dis-connected, our Internet was down when we arrived back in the office today. It is back – a temporary situation, yet a gentle reminder of the benefits of taking time for oneself and for one’s significant relationship. Stepping away also gave Jim and I time to talk without the distraction of technology, to have real conversation outside of work and to re-connect in ways that are vital for couples.

The last SIGN, sighted a few days before leaving our North Carolina Retreat:

good for you

Stepping away gives you both the time, opportunity and a place for you to be good to you. It is an essential ME FIRST act. It offers you perspective on your life, an ability to look at things from the outside in. So here is my parting advice: on your next vacation, disconnect your devices! You might just find yourself again or at least those parts of you that get lost in the busyness of life’s demands.

Until next time,

 

Betty

 

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Awakening

As a facilitator and speaker, it is both challenging and rare to find a team of like-minded individuals to collaborate with. Having been in a solo practice for many years, my learned independence has made me very specific regarding whom I choose to work with. And yet when I was approached recently by colleagues Lianne and Carol regarding the creation of the Awakening Festival, I did not hesitate to say yes.

Over the months of partnership in planning and executing the festival, I felt valued and supported by the team. Without any time to actually become a team, which from my past experience has been a vital component of any success, we simply swung into action. Carol the ever competent coordinator, Lianne the visionary leader, Joanna, Sharon and I the contributors and speakers – we were a team from the moment the conversation began. Perhaps it was a shared vision, our breadth of experience or simply synchronicity, but agreement and forward movement came easy. There are some lessons to be learned from this.

The event, held Saturday April 5th, was for me, a highlight of my career as a speaker. Each of the keynotes we were in harmony and built effectively on the messages of others. Suffice to say, I have never experienced this type of coordination before. The opening meditation with Eleanor, the performers Kathleen and Carrie, the movement and dance by Tiffany, the presentation by Brigitte of Pure Art Foundation, the drumming by Caitlan, as well as the support behind the scenes created a full symphony for the delivery of an amazing day.

I share this as there are moments in life when everything converges: your dreams, your gifts and strengths and the vision of how you wish to live. Awakening Festival, both in preparation and delivery has been such an experience for me. Through the years, I have defined with great clarity the qualities and characteristics of those whom I want to work with as well as those who participate in our programs. This event was the manifestation of this clarity.

It is no surprise to me that the event was called the Awakening Festival. Awakening simply means mindfulness, being fully conscious of what it is you want and aligning your life with these desires.

Clarity + Action = Unlimited Personal Power.

It all sounds so simple when written like this, a perfect prescription for life. Yet in the simplicity lies the complexity for as humans, we are not typically that awake or mindful.

This was a conscious event, built from clarity, the intentions and desired outcomes we had for the experience. Our actions were designed to create the experience, whether this was in our advance planning, setting up to room the day before or coordinating the different speakers and our messages. In terms of attracting the perfect venue, the sponsors and attendees, again we were intentional. Days before the event it was sold out, amazing sponsors appeared, and a hall filled by amazing natural light appeared after the first location fell through.

I know I make this all sound simple, and yes, it still involved all the planning that any event requires. That said, it was for me a profound example of the Law of Attraction and intentionality.

Teamwork, event planning, coordination, and all the things that typically bog us down in organizations can be shifted significantly with a different approach. Setting intentions and outcomes from the get go, CLARITY, and aligning action with those intentions, ACTION, gives unlimited and powerful results.

I have believed and practiced this at a personal level and have found this to be powerful. To experience it at a team level lifts my spirits and renews my faith that everything is possible, that soul connections can be forged with others when you are clear about who you want to attract in your life, and the event management can be inspiring.

I am left wondering what would happen if these same principles were applied to everything we tackle, in both our personal and our work lives. Something to consider…..

Until next time…

Betty

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Open for Business

In my previous post I discussed the steps in creating a Strategic Attraction Plan for your Business/life. Having written these words just a few days ago, I have been observing my colleagues and clients as the approach the new year. It is clear that many of them are going ‘gangbusters’, clearly they are open for business. In contrast there are the stallers, those holding their breath and hesitating to jump in. This raise an important issue for me as a coach and a word to you as a reader which is as follows:

You can plan until the cows come home and
if you are not Open for Business,
nothing will happen or
the results you are expecting will disappoint you.

I know – I have been there.

There are Four ‘C’s’ I have observed in myself and others:

1)      Conditions:
Conditions are linked to the great ‘BUTS’ in life, but I am not quite ready, but I need to sort out my finances, but I need to do more marketing… and so on.

To be attractive, you simply need to jump in. Frankly the Universe doesn’t care if everything is perfect, it simply wants to know if you are ready.

Being Open for Business implies that you are open to receive, believing in yourself and envisioning fully the possibility of what is to come. Conditions exist only in your head and are a distant cousin of fear. Don’t let them hold you back.

2)      Commitment:
The second stalling strategy is lack of commitment. Are you or are you not in the game? Are you or are you not Open for Business?
Commitment means making your business, or whatever other aspect of your life you are endeavoring to change, a priority. This will mean clarifying your boundaries, being clear on what serves your business and what does not.

When it comes to entrepreneurship particularly,  commitment requires that you view yourself as a business person, that you begin to keep business hours which respond to your perfect client’s needs, that you are prepared to say NO to requests that interfere with you creating and growing the business/life you want for YOU.

3)      Complaints:
You get started and things just aren’t going according to plan. Another stalling strategy as you get lost in what is not working.

Complaints are simply roadSIGNS and an opportunity to shift what is not aligned with what you want or expect to what is. A simple strategy is to take your complaint, for example, clients who sign up for your services and then cancel. Now make your complaint about them , then Flip-It and specify the qualities of your perfect client, for example, my clients are reliable and committed.

Complaints are simply contrast and give you the opportunity to clarify and to re-work your Strategic Attraction plan. Simply remember this, if you do not flip your complaints, you will continue to receive exactly what you are complaining about.

4)      Celebration:
This may seem like an odd one yet celebration is a key part of the equation.

Celebration evokes gratitude, an ability to be consciously aware of what is already happening in your business/life and acknowledging this. It is an important element of being Open for Business as celebration stokes the fires and fuels your passion.

Celebration/gratitude also allows you to inform the Universe about what appeals to you, allowing you to attract more of the same.

Final Thoughts
If you are feeling stalled with your business or your life, be aware of the Four ‘C’s’. You are the boss of YOU and Your Business, Your Life. You get to choose to be Open for Business.

Until next time….

Betty

Betty Healey, MEd, is a consultant-coach-facilitator of Conscious Communication. Learn more about her,  her business, her books and upcoming retreats at www.roadsigns.ca.

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Strategic Attraction

New Year’s Resolutions – I am not sure about you  but I am tired of being asked what mine are. Truth is, I don’t do them anymore – it seems to me that in a few short weeks they get broken. Now that’s not to say that I begin the New Year with a blank slate. Nope! In fact I am quite clear about what I want my year to look like, I just use a different approach. I call it building my Strategic Attraction Plan.

Open for Business
As you begin the Strategic Attraction Planning process, begin by being open for business!

Many people we know identify what they want, however, they are not really committed to manifesting their desires. They have numerous conditions on what they would need to have in place before they are ready for business, whether this is in life or work.

Conditions show up in the form of limiting beliefs, the ‘should’s, must do’s and have to’s’ handed to them by others or the great YES BUT!  It is time to make sure that the doors of your business/life are open, really!

Strategic Attraction
The Strategic Attraction Process is all about engaging the Law of Attraction strategically in your life. While we most often teach this in a business context it can, in fact, be applied to any aspect of your life from attracting perfect clients, friends, life partners, to attracting your perfect job, home, business partner.

Rather than setting resolutions, Strategic Attraction helps you to clarify what you want from your life and business and then step into it energetically. Years ago, with the appearance of the movie The Secret, there was much ‘to do’ about the Law of Attraction and, in my view, a great deal of misunderstanding. The notion that you can ask and then receive is solid, except that there needs to be a little mortar between those bricks of asking and receiving, like clarity, like belief that you are worthy, and like stepping into the reality that what you are asking for is in some way already reality. This is one of those simple-complex aspects of life.

Strategic Attraction is a four-part plan. Based on the book Attracting Your Perfect Customer by Jan Stringer, you begin by clarifying the relationships you want to have with others.

Part One: What are the qualities and characteristics of your perfect client/friend/life partner/relationship.
It may seem obvious to you that you know who you want to have in your life. Trust me, most people are not; there is an illusion that either you don’t deserve to attract great people to your life or that you are simply too picky. WRONG!

First don’t confuse the word perfect with perfection. Perfect simply means that you want to work or play with others who are closely aligned with you, who share your values, who see you for who you are and appreciate you. Second, why would you choose to live any other way? You are worthy and you certainly deserve to be surrounded by people who respect you and appreciate you.

Part Two: What is your WHY? What makes you TICK?
In his book, It Starts with WHY, Simon Sinek states that your WHY is more important that what you do and how you do it.

Your WHY is your raison d’etre, your mission, your compelling reason for getting out of bed every morning. It represents that which passionately engages you in life and work. It may include an important cause you want to influence/shift or change in the world around you.

Part Three – Your Intentions
Intentions are statements that describe what it is you want to attract to your life/your business. They differ from goals however, in that they do not have a fixed outcome. This is where Strategic Attraction Planning shifts gears from Strategic Planning. There are no concrete targets or timelines.

Intentions are designed to expand your energy and open you to new possibilities. Intentions do not make goals wrong, just different. Your intentions begin with I want….

Part Four – I AM Statements
The final part of the Strategic Attraction Planning process is to become clear on who you are choosing to BE. Being refers to creating an inner landscape that allows you to attract everything you desire from the external world, believing that it is not only possible, it has already begun.

This clearly differentiates Strategic Attraction form Strategic Planning, as Strategic Attraction is more about being that doing. It begins by turning all the I want statements into I AM Statements.

Visioning:
In addition to completing the Strategic Attraction Plan, I like to add in a Vision Board This helps with Part Four of the Plan, stepping into what you want as if it has already begun. Take time to create your vision board.

Vision Board

Final Thoughts
For a Strategic Attraction Plan, to work, must be written down. So many people I know hesitate to record their plans because then they are forced to commit. Exactly. Give yourself some time to make a commitment to yourself. Forget about the resolutions and simply step up and get started on clarifying what you want to attract in 2014. It promises to be an awesome year!

Betty Healey

 

Betty Healey is an award-winning author, coach and inspiring speaker Betty offers regular Strategic Attraction Planning Workshops. If you are interested go to www.roadSIGNS.ca or contact her at betty@roadSIGNS.ca.

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The GIFT

As the holiday season approaches and the pace picks up for everyone, I find myself reflecting on the meaning of gift giving. So much focus has been placed of giving others material things contributing to the accumulation of stuff. The other day I found a capella version of the Little Drummer Boy and as I listened to the lyrics was reminded that he no gift to give and offered to play his drum for the infant Jesus. I considered what my ‘drum’ was and what I had to offer in lieu of traditional gifts.

Here is what I heard whispering down the corridors of my mind, “Give GIFTS of YOU.”

Building on that my offering to you for this season is the GIFT: Grace and Gratitude, Intuition, Freedom and Truth.

 

Grace and Gratitude
I have always embraced the notion of Grace which for me denotes flow, being in the moment and present to life’s offerings. Grace feels unforced and is that part of the GIFT that allows you to be present for another person. Presence is the greatest gift of all, something that is a rare gift in a time where communication has become electronic and quality time with others has become rare.

In grace, you have the opportunity to be in gratitude for the abundance of your life, to be present to it. It allows you to appreciate YOU and your gifts, your relationships, your family and friends,  and the natural abundance that surrounds you. When you are present to this, stuff becomes less meaningful.

 

Intuition
Intuition is the blend of head and heart and learning to be both open-hearted and open-minded. In those seasons where expectations and obligations run amuck, intuition, listening for what you know to be true, can easily become clouded. Somewhere long ago you knew that the gifts you want to give to others have little to do with the things you can buy. When you create a little space for yourself and check-in, you realize that the great gifts you have received over time had more to do with hugs, a shoulder to lean on or someone listening to you and giving you support.

As the GIFT giving season approaches check in with your intuition and rather than checking out the sales, listen in and ask what would be truly meaningful. What about a gift certificate for 12 wholesome hugs, 11 conversations, 10 homebrewed lattes, 9 shoulder rubs, 8 thank you notes, 7 random acts of kindness, 6…. As the MasterCard ad suggests…priceless.

 

Freedom
Call this breath – freedom from the should’s, have to’s, and must do’s of the holiday season. Freedom is your permission slip to do it your way. It is the opportunity I am offering you to approach this season in a way that is meaningful to you, no more conditions, walking to the beat of your own drum and playing this for others.

If you ask yourself these questions, “This holiday season, whether that be Christmas, Chanukah, of any other tradition:

  • What would be perfect for me?
  • In what ways do I want to celebrate?
  • How would I like to spend my time?
  • What gifts would I love to give?”

how would you respond? You are free to choose.

 

Truth
There is a strong chance that when you choose an alternate approach to this season, that others will point fingers at you calling you a Grinch. So what? Is this true or are you simply re-connecting with meaning and what is an authentic expression of you and the season.

The critics will be there, your own and those of others. And as you pursue your path, giving gifts of meaning, you intentionally begin the shift back to what the season was originally meant to represent. This is truth, being true to yourself, your values and traditions, and to the important relationships in your life.

New Beginnings

 

Final Word
Life is about choices. This season is about choices. My invitation is to begin to make the shift back to meaning, giving of YOU differently, being present, listening to your heart guidance, freeing yourself from imposed expectations and being true to yourself. It is an opportunity to identify your authentic expression of what Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving and any special occasion means to you and to begin living this message.

I invite you to come back to the GIFT of giving meaning.

Blessings to YOU this season and choose to be wildly attractive as a new year approaches!

 

Betty Healey

 

Betty Healey is an award-winning author, coach and inspiring speaker. As a coach-facilitator she offers a number of coaching packages and retreats. To learn more visit  www.roadSIGNS.ca or contact her at betty@roadSIGNS.ca.

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The One Percent Rule

The pressure is on, the Christmas rush has begun. Black Friday and now, Cyber Monday are behind you yet you still have a thousand things to do. There is baking and decorating and partying and…..OMG I am out of breath. The list of to do’s stretches for three pages and every other minute you are adding another item to the list. And you just noticed that as long as this list is YOU ARE NOT ON IT!

STOP! Come up for air. I am giving you permission to make this season easier on you. By the way, this is not only a suggestion, I think you will find that it is a must do. Are you ready?

The 1% Rule

1 percent rule

Here is my recommendation for you for this upcoming season – dedicate 1% of everyday to YOU. I will save you the trouble of calculating it: 1% of 24 hours equals 14.4 minutes. Oh go crazy, make it 15 minutes each day.

Here is how it works. This time slot of 15 minutes must be used for you and only you. It is a time for BEING not doing. That means it is not a time dedicated to lengthening the ’to do’ list, or shopping, or chatting with a friend. It is meant to renew you and re-energize you which means it is a 15 minute pause for no one but you. No friends are invited to share it unless you are being quiet together.

I hear your panic, how could you possibly fill 15 minutes if you are not allowed to DO anything! What a concept. Ready for some suggestions:

  1. A 15 minute meditation
  2. A massage
  3. A warm bath to candlelight, eyes closed, soft music playing
  4. Dancing by yourself around the living room
  5. A nap
  6. A 15 minute walk in nature
  7. A break where you simply allow yourself to breathe and escape
  8. A yoga class

 

My final suggestion I refer to as Book Ends. This one I have to explain as it is a strategy I teach as part of our ME FIRST Program. First, split the time into two chunks of 7-8 minutes each.

Book ends

Dedicate the first chunk to early morning. Before you jump out of bed in the morning, consider your day. Breathe into it. Before you review your ‘to do’ list for the day, check in with who you plan to BE that day. Example, “I am calm and energized.” Next set your intentions for the day. Example: My day will unfold easily and effortlessly. Everything on my ‘to do list’ will occur naturally.” This approach allows YOU to be clear on what you are attracting that day as well as  influence the energy around you.

The second chunk of 7-8 minutes is for your evening. As you lay your head to rest, and before you go to sleep, take a moment to review your day and to express gratitude for how the day unfolded. Remember the intention you set in the morning and notice how this influenced the activities and interactions of your day. Should you fall asleep while doing this, consider this – you will fall asleep in gratitude.

The Book Ends are designed to lift your spirits. By being intentional in the morning, you have more influence regarding how things unfold in your life and by being grateful in the evening, you hold yourself in a positive energy field. Overtime this simple practice will keep you spiritually uplifted and feeling less exhausted by the pace of your life. And yes, it is a strategy for any season, not just this one.

What will this do for YOU?

In times when expectations of self and others are high, the thing that suffers the most is making time for self. I recognize that placing yourself on your priority list at this time of year seems like an impossible task. Or is it? Can anyone not claim 15 minutes each day for oneself? In my view 15 minutes is a chewable chunk that anyone can bite off and dedicate daily to oneself.

The benefits are simple, a strategy for keeping yourself healthy and resilient during one of the busiest and most demanding seasons. Your health allows you to then be fully of service to others, just as you choose to be, and to land in the holidays with energy and an ability to actually enjoy the festivities. Unless I am wrong, many of those whom I see preparing for the season become so engrossed in getting ready that they are totally pooped when Xmas arrives. This year make a choice to change this.

Final Thoughts

Here is my final challenge. For the next 21-days, dedicate 15 minutes each day for you. Use any of the techniques listed above. It takes 21 days to establish a new habit and this is one habit I believe you will want to continue.

 

Betty Healey

 

Betty Healey is an award-winning author, coach and inspiring speaker. You can book Betty for a workshop or speaking engagement at www.roadSIGNS.ca or contact her at betty@roadSIGNS.ca.

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Do No Harm

There is an ethical code that guides most of our lives. You may refer to this code as your personal principles or perhaps your core values. For most of us, integrity, the importance of telling truth and keeping your promises, is central to a sense of Integrity.  That said, there is another important aspect of integrity that sometimes is overlooked, that of do no harm.

How do we harm?
Harming another is often unintentional. It can be as simple as an offhand comment to someone to as serious as gossip.

Ah yes, gossip. A few years ago I heard the following story:

A priest in his weekly sermon shared with his congregations the confession of one of his parishioners. In her confession she confided that she had sinned, for she had been gossiping about her neighbors.

The priest, as her penance, told her to return to her home, cut open her feather pillows, go to the roof of her apartment building and release all the feathers over her neighborhood.

She did as he said, then returned to the confessional.

“Father, I have done as you said”.

“That is perfect my daughter. Now return to your neighborhood and retrieve all the feathers you released.”

“That is impossible”, she responded.

“Exactly”, he replied. “When you gossip, the words travel everywhere. You have no idea where they will fall or whose ears your words will reach. There is no way to control the harm that gossip creates and there is no way to retrieve it.”

You know the moral of the story. Not only is gossip harmful, it spreads, like a wildfire in dry bush. If you cannot speak of another with care and concern or in acknowledgement or singing their praises, don’t share.

What's right about you

Your principles and Values
Whether it is gossip or some other harmful interaction with others, always remember that the person you harm the most is yourself.

As a young professional in my early twenties I am sure I frequently harmed others. I had a ‘mouth’, a large one. I said things that in hindsight were frequently harmful to others. It was a way of getting attention. I wanted to leave my wallflower roots behind and to be noticed. Well, I was in a most unbecoming way.

And the effect on me was even greater. I believed that if I could be the center of attention by putting others down, I would elevate myself. My self-esteem would grow and I would feel better about me. It did not work. In fact the more I pursued this path, the worse I felt. I was not really being me; I was not authentic; I was playing a role I believed others would be attracted to.

As time went on, I checked-in  with my values and principles. My wonderful husband held my hand to the fire and pointed out that I was acting in a way that was very different from who he knew me to be. He wondered why?

I am not sure what the wake-up call was exactly. Perhaps it was a realization that my tactics were backfiring. Not only was I offending others, I was on a self-destructive path, doing more harm to me than anyone. I decided to simply stop using words as my weapon and attitude as my armor and start being me.

It was difficult initially – I had some very well established habits. One day at a time, occasionally moment by moment, I changed, returning to my true roots. My colleagues and friends noticed. “What happened to Betty?” they would ask. “You are different”. I made no excuses and just thanked them for their feedback.

Slowly I emerged, the authentic me. I became happier because others accepted me for who I was. I was honouring my values and using my principles to filter my actions. Slowly my self-esteem came out of the gutter. This was the first step in saving me.

Final Thoughts
I am frequently alarmed at what I hear, see and read, the things that are being said about others –  half-truths, innuendo, always with the suggestion that something else is amuck. I want to say to all of us let’s simply STOP IT! Let us all commit to do no harm and set the intention to lift others up.

Be aware of those who openly criticize others and spread gossip. They are not truthful. Understand that putting others down is simply a strategy to elevate oneself. When you experience these behaviors in others, bless them, for they cannot possibly feel good about themselves. If they did, they would not have to do harm .

This is my invitation to you to choose the path to higher ground, to lift yourself up by lifting others. See you at the top!

 

Betty Healey
Betty Healey is an award-winning author, coach and inspiring speaker. You can book Betty for a workshop or speaking engagement at www.roadSIGNS.ca or contact her at betty@roadSIGNS.ca.