Finally, time for a blog post. Yes, it has been a few months. It is really an issue of having something to share. Not to suggest that the spring, summer and early fall were devoid of lessons and learning. I found myself needing to pause and consider more, contemplating the lessons and the SIGNS, breathing into understanding and perhaps a few shifts.
Sitting on the Threshold
I love Sunday mornings. I subscribe to two Sunday morning news feeds, both uplifting sources of information. It is time to sit in my old family rocking chair, with a cup of piping hot coffee and to savour. The reading material is usually thoughtful, often provocative, leading me to dive in and journal and asking the questions that need to be asked at this juncture in my life. Yes, I believe I attract exactly the right questions/quotes at the perfect time!
June 9th, an article by John O’Donohue, sent me on a summer long conversation with self, (in fact one that continues today), with a series of evocative questions:
- At which threshold am I now standing?
- At this time in my life, what am I leaving?
- Where am I about to enter?
- What is preventing me from crossing my next threshold?
- What gift would enable to do it?
In this context O’Donohue describes threshold as follows, “A threshold is not a simple boundary; it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms and atmospheres. It is wise in your life to recognize and acknowledge the key thresholds, to take your time, to feel the presence that occurs there, to listen inward with complete attention until you hear the inner voice calling you forward.”
For those who have followed my blog, you are aware that the threshold I am now standing at is that of the Third Act, and if we must, retirement. I know what I am leaving and also what I have already released. As an entrepreneur, staged retirement is absolutely possible.
As to where I am about to enter, this I know not. I see glimpses of it through filters of more opportunity for creative ventures, travel, teaching opportunities and ????
For now, I have decided to continue to ‘sit on the threshold’, as I explore, feel into this moment and the moments of each day, recognize what brings me joy, engages me, or keeps me curious. Yes and, giving attention to my inner voice, allowing myself to recognize it and what I truly want. This journey continues.
Responsibility
In early June I gave myself the gift on experiencing a Shamanic Journey, facilitate by a colleague of mine. Sounds ‘woo-woo’; maybe OR simply food for thought and a few SIGNS for moving forward.
Simply said, the results were powerful. Through several small messages came one huge one that has left me at times gasping for breath. Here is a small summary I what I was told, in my words:
“You have always taken on a great deal of responsibility, and you did so from a very early age. Your need to be responsible and the expectations of others, have prevented you from experiencing many things in life. Spirit wants you to know that it is time to ‘hang up the BAG’.
As I discussed this with my guide for this experience, I recognized not only the truth of what was shared but the reality that if I do not hang up the bag of responsibility, there will be no space for new energy to flow in. Truth is, my responsibilities take up a lot of time and space. I had not examined whether or not they were mine to own. They felt like an essential part of who I am. How would I define myself if I gave up the many little and large responsibilities I had assumed. Was my role in all things essential or was I simply holding on?
This, plus other AH-HA’s during the reading led to a journey of evaluating, pretty much everything. I looked at my existing responsibilities and assumed roles and evaluated them. Some were released.
I evaluated some new responsibilities I was planning to assume as a volunteer and asked myself what I was doing. Was this going to be a ‘gift’ or was it following the same course I have been on. I stepped back.
With each turn and each opportunity to jump onto something and assume responsibility, I decided to change my behavior. I stopped, stood back, and asked myself a really important question, “Is this my responsibility?” The answer, 90% of the time, or more, NO! Boy can I tell you, this created a lot of space.
With each new work request I also now ask; is this a responsibility I want to assume? Do I still love teaching and facilitating? What does NO look like? Checking in on what brings me joy.
Sitting on the Threshold, releasing responsibility that no longer serves me, pausing before leaping into something new.
The Role of Creativity
With more space in my life, one thing I knew I wanted to harness and create space for was painting. In many ways my paintbrush became my pen through the spring and summer months. I was no longer writing as somehow my expressive needs were being met through painting. I scheduled 6 or more hours every week, with dedicated studio time, to create a collection of paintings for a local Art tour Sept. 28-29th.
I felt rusty and tight as I began and as the weeks peeled by, my expression relaxed, I began to discover myself through the art, I listened to spirit and the canvas, it evolved.
One of my colleagues asked me what I thought about when I was painting and the simple answer was, ‘nothing’. It is simply me and the canvas, and an exploration of colour, of brush strokes, of relaxing and expanding, and mostly, of trusting myself and my expression.
The results: you decide.
Quazar
Cascade
Firedance
Final Word
I encourage you to take a look at those questions posed by John O’Donohue. As I am learning, living in the Third Act is not a recipe; it is not a model; it may have guidelines and stages but I want to break them all; it is very personal experience; it opens slowly as in a time line that is perfect for us; it is healthy to sit on the threshold for a while.
To be continued…..