Ah yes! Time to breathe. Even in the Third Act, where apparently we should be smarter and wiser, the hours can fill up. Whether intentionally or not, the hours of this past week have been filled and fueled by much doing balanced with a smidgen of being.
The highlight of the week was the weekend retreat we facilitated with three couples; WE FIRST. It is easy to forget when we are tossed into the throes of retirement, that this act of retiring affects not only us, it affects those around us. Most of you have probably heard the stories and the comments:
- My husband retired and now he is underfoot
- I keep asking my husband, ‘don’t you have someplace to go?”
- my wife thinks that my entire retirement should be dedicated to the ‘honey do’ list
- I thought when we retired we would have some quality time together but she is gone all the time volunteering for everything that comes her way.
- and more….
The couples who gathered here this past weekend have all been in long-term relationships ranging from 26 to 43 years married. Some of our participants were solidly in the Third Act, others not. What is interesting is the recognition that marriages, like our lives, enter transitional phases as well. This stage of marriage beckons the opportunity for new conversations, a new understanding of how each partner wants to play with the other. Clearly, with the many years already invested in a relationship, and a strong foundation upon which to build, it is a perfect time to challenge old habits and develop new ones and reflect on how to raise the bar for an even more amazing couples’ experience.
Through a journey that included mindful communication, love languages, strengths, values and legacy, we encouraged the couples to build the ‘Blueprint of WE”, a contract for moving forward, honoring the past and imagining the future.
Third Act divorces are on the rise, the result of years of failing to pay attention to one’s partner and the relationship. The Third Act opportunity is to recognize the freedom you and your partner have in re-defining what lays before you, communicating your desires, and carving a path for the future. You can leave to chance or you can decide to be intentional.
I will always opt for the intentional route as I do believe I can co-create my future together with the person who has been at my side for 43 years. I want to remain engaged. I want to have fun. I want to explore the possibilities relationships have to offer.
All of this lays before me just as it did when I was younger, except now I know better, I am a tad wiser and I have learned to ask for what I want.
Here’s to flourishing relationships in the Third Act!