Tag: self-esteem

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Living from Your Strengths

Your child or teenager comes home from school and presents his report card to you. You review the list of subjects and note the grade assigned to each one: English – A,  French: B+, History: A, Science: C, Math: F. In the following minutes you discuss the results with your child. What do you focus on?

According to Marcus Buckingham, author of GO, Put Your Strengths to Work, more than 70% of parents will zone in on the F grade, ignoring the decent to great marks in the other subjects. It seems that we are programed to focus on weaknesses rather than strengths.

I am sure that most of you have been on the receiving end of this flawed assumption. In an interview recently with one of my clients discussing the annual performance review, they admitted that little time was given to successes and accomplishment during the review process. Time was dedicated instead to what did not happen and the weaknesses they believed the employee needed to address.

Building a Foundation

Imagine building a house or any type of structure using the same principle. Basically the foundation of human development is being built upon the premise that weaknesses must be addressed and strengths taken for granted. If this were a house, what kind of foundation would that be? Would you want to build on a weak infrastructure or would you choose to build on something strong, resilient, secure and so on.

A New Paradigm

In the work we are introducing to organizations and to individuals, we are convinced that building on strengths is the way to go. Buckingham suggests that there are three myths associated with personality and living from our strengths:

Myth #1: As you grow your personality changes.

Truth: As you grow, you become more of who you really are.

That doesn’t imply that you don’t change and grow at all, this simply means that you are born with the personality you have, and with that your innate strengths. Over time what may change are your values, your beliefs, and even your behaviors, the result of your personality gaining life experience.

 

Myth #2: You will grow the most in your areas of greatest weakness

Truth: You will grow the most in your areas of greatest strength

New medical research is actually showing that those who focus their development from their weaknesses are prone to chronic pain and other illnesses. Spending time investing in your strengths however, keeps you engaged, inquisitive, resilient, creative and invested in your learning.

 

Myth #3: A good team member does whatever it takes to help the team.

Truth: A good team member deliberately volunteers his strengths to the team.

We are taught that we must be all things to all people. This is sure to burn you out. A great person or team member is not well-rounded, a great team is. A great team is well rounded because each member comes to play from their respective strengths. It is not your job to be all things.

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Final Word

If you are feeling disconnected from yourself in any way, chances are you have invested a lot of time addressing your weaknesses. This is not a criticism of you. In all likelihood, you were told you had to, by a parent, a teacher, a colleague or a boss.

Guess what – it’s time to change the conversation because trust me; it is time to start investing in building a strong foundation for your inner house. Find a way to identify your strengths (we use the Lumina Spark Portrait for these purposes). Take a stand for them once they have been identified. Educate those around you, your colleagues, your manager, your family members, about who you are through the lens of your strengths. This is not bragging – it is stating a fact!

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Take some courses that help you in invest in your strengths and engage them in doing your work, whatever that may be. And finally, address your least favorite activities by activating your strengths.

Each person is unique, possessing a cadre of strengths that defines who they are and how they play in the world. Wouldn’t it be amazing if each person played from their strengths while respecting the strengths exhibited by others? This is true collaboration.

 

What are your strengths?

 

Until Next Time….

Betty Healey

 

roadSIGNS is offering two programs in the upcoming weeks:

 

The Living from Your Strengths Coaching Circle: go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/our-focus/conscious-communication-for-self-discovery/coaching/coaching-circle/, beginiing September 24th.

The Living from Your Strengths Retreat Day – Saturday, Nov. 23rd/13

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The Power of Gratitude

Last week I had the privilege of attending a networking event for entrepreneurs. I chose this event at it was billed as The Gratitude Circle. There have been many ‘gratitude roadSIGNS’ in my life of late from simple conversations, to radio programs, to articles, all extolling the importance of gratitude in our lives. In contrast to this however, I continue to find that many people are not aware of the idea of a ‘gratitude practice’ or the important role gratitude can play in your life.

Being Consciously Aware
Bringing gratitude into your life is really a ‘mindfulness practice’, specifically taking the time to become consciously aware of what your day has offered you and to express gratitude for the many apparently insignificant things that have shown up. For example: a colorful morning sky, an inspiring song on the radio on your way to work, a heartfelt interaction with another person, meeting a client’s needs and receiving great feedback on a job well done, a shared moment after work with a few friends, a great dinner with your family, seeing the first hummingbird of the season, or simply having great health and feeling amazing.

Notice how actively unconscious most of us are. Consider this; you get in the car every morning to drive to work. You arrive and as you pull into your parking spot you suddenly realize, wow, I am already here. I didn’t even notice the drive in – I was on autopilot. The radio was blaring yet I didn’t hear anything anyone said as they were all talking at the same time. I didn’t notice anything along the way – did I miss something? OMG, I really am living in auto-pilot! The day continues, and because much of your life is routine, it slips by, the details of the day unnoticed.

Gratitude Lifts YOU Up!
Gratitude gives you an opportunity to look at your life through the lens of positivity. In her book entitled Positivity, Barbara Fredrickson states that the old story is that anything that feels good is merely a distraction – trivial, inconsequential and expendable. The new story however, backed by science, is that these same good feelings are the active ingredients needed to allow us to flourish, that is feel good about ourselves and our lives. This begins by learning to cherish those special moments in your life, bringing your focus to what you are grateful for.

By cherishing those special moments in your life, you begin to feel better about yourself. This allows you to be more resilient. Research has demonstrated that feeling positive about your life, which is the end product of gratitude, has far-reaching benefits including building a stronger immune system, a cardio-vascular system which is less reactive to stress, and increased optimism. Finally, if you feel better about YOU today, there is a good chance that you will feel better about YOU tomorrow.

I have nothing to be Grateful for!
I do hear this, often!  A former coaching client of mine shared that she had nothing in her life to be grateful for, no one loved her and she was all alone. I asked her to take a closer look at her life, her relationship with her son, and her relationship with her colleagues. When she did this, she realized that she had a great deal of love in her life and when she expressed gratitude for this, more love appeared. At the point that I had begun speaking with her, she was engaged in a contentious divorce and child-custody battle with her former husband. As she shifted her focus to love and being grateful, her relationship with him changed and he dropped the suit.

Gratitude shifts your awareness and changes your energy. When your energy changes, so does the energy around you.

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Final Word
Gratitude is a powerful energy, bringing you into a conscious relationship with what is right with your life. I encourage you, just as I do my clients, to begin some type of Gratitude Practice as part of your life. This can be a Gratitude Journal where you record your daily gratitudes or, my favorite one, sharing what you are grateful for with your family as you sit down for dinner.

Whatever your choice, know that gratitude will change your life – it has been proven scientifically!

Until next time…

Betty Healey

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Finish the Race

In the wake of the devastating attack on one of the most prestigious races in North America, the Boston Marathon, I am choosing to focus on an inspiring lessons rather than the devastation.

If you have watched the images of the explosions you will have noticed that one of the runners fell down from the impact of the explosion, just before reaching the finish line. The runner’s name is Bill Iffrig, a 78 year old gentleman from Washington state who was completing his 3rd Boston marathon.

In his own words Bill described the impact of the blast, a shockwave which turned his legs into noodles. Although dazed, he recovered, and once back on his feet was determined to finish the race. Imagine, despite the devastation around him and being literally knocked off his feet, he decided to finish the race.

This is an inspiration for me – I hope it is for you as well. Never mind that Bill is 78, never mind that he was dazed and pummeled by the blast, he still had the drive and the focus to finish the race. That takes courage and purpose, a lesson which I believe all of us can learn from.

In watching CNN today (yes I admit I tuned in), much of the focus was on the fear such an incident creates and how people go on. The truth – you choose to finish the race.

There are so many things that get in the way, that can keep you from fulfilling your dreams or living your life as you choose it to be. As a life coach and ME FIRST facilitator, I see the casualties every day, the symptoms of a ‘life unlived’.

Fear is the biggest foe, whether it is the fear created by an incident such as that experienced in Boston yesterday, or a fear that is much more subtle and simply whittles away at your self-confidence.

In her book I Will not Die an Unlived Life, author Dawna Markova describes fear as passion without breath. Fear, she suggests, takes our breath away and for all the wrong reasons. Markova goes on to say that to be fully alive, the only choice you have is to move closer to what it is you fear rather than veering away from it. When you veer away, you can’t finish the race.

Each of you have a race you want to win, whether this is a project that beckons to be finished, a desire that remains unfulfilled, a relationship that needs healing, or  a journey that keeps calling to you. Stop and consider your life for a moment and ask the question, ‘What is left undone for me to finish?”

In sitting with one of my coaching clients this morning, the complaint that was voiced was what to DO and who to BE next. There is a common malaise that I am witnessing which related to too many projects on the go, too few ever brought to completion. The race is never finished.

Completion is important. It leads to a sense of fulfillment; you experience a sense of success. Success breeds self-esteem which in turn builds self-confidence.

When you have too many balls in the air, too many incomplete projects, your fall into overwhelm. Overwhelm is a state where your energies are scattered, where priorities are unclear and where there is no strategy or direction for moving forward.  The only way to shift or change this is to simply stop, choose one project, put everything else in the ‘parking lot’, move forward with that one project and bring it to completion. Finish the race. Once completed, you can celebrate your accomplishment and move on to the next project.

I call this breaking life into chewable chunks. I am certainly guilty of occasionally biting off more than I can chew, and I easily fall into overwhelm. The only strategy is to simplify, to understand that I don’t have to give up anything but that I do need to put some things in the parking lot for another time. And like you, I do love the feeling that comes with completing something. I like to finish the race.

Thank you Bill Iffrig for the lesson.  As we all send our blessings for healing to those who suffered loss and injury in yesterday’s race, we can also be grateful to the unsung heroes like Bill who teach us valuable lessons for our own life.

Whatever your race may be, I invite you to commit to finishing the race. Make your life count for something. Do it for yourself first and remember that when you make this choice, you are also serving others.

And live by these words from Dawna Markova:

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I chose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

Until Next time

Betty Healey

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The Value of Understanding Your Dark and Bright Shadows

Please welcome guest blogger Jean Benedict Raffa, Ed.D., author of Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World. Since making peace with oneself is one of my interests and an important part of what I teach, I am delighted to have Jean contribute to The roadSIGNS Coach.

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We all have a shadow composed of everything we don’t want to know about ourselves. If you want to grow as a person you need to come to terms with it, because if you don’t it will create problems for you in your work and relationships. But how do you do that? Here’s a handy guide for recognizing your dark shadow.

Step 1: Notice Symptoms:  Each shadow is a complex of tangled attitudes, emotions, thoughts and responses you habitually have to a certain type of situation. You’ve lived with this uncomfortable inner environment for so long that you just don’t notice it coming until it’s too late and the storm is upon you. So your first goal is to notice when something has been stirred up such that your mood, energy, body language, emotions or thoughts are no longer within your comfort zone, and then figure out why this happened. Here’s an example of how this process might look.

Your first clue :  Body language: You woke up feeling good this morning. You made your coffee, skimmed through your favorite parts of the paper, started the crossword puzzle. After a while you sigh and prop your chin in your hands. You realize your shoulders are sagged over the table, you’ve put your pencil down, and you don’t feel like finishing the crossword puzzle. What’s going on here?  You love doing the crossword puzzle.

Your second clue: Uncomfortable feelings: You notice you’re feeling a bit low. In fact, you’re feeling sad, ashamed, and disgusted with yourself. And maybe a bit sorry for yourself. Why?

Your third clue: Negative self-talk: You ask yourself what you were thinking about while you were working on the puzzle: “I’m a terrible friend. I should have called Mary right away when I heard she was ill. I never think to help others. I’m so self-absorbed and selfish. And my work on my latest project is laughable!  I was so proud of my idea and thought I was so smart. And now I hate it! Why was I so stupid to think it was good? I’ll never be any good at this kind of work. What’s wrong with me?  Am I lazy?  Or just stupid?”  Where did those thoughts come from?

Step 2: Locate the trigger:  You re-trace your steps. Oh, yes.  You were reading the advice column and a lady wrote complaining that she was sick and no one from work called to find out what was wrong or offer to help. The columnist wondered if she was making an effort to be friendly at work. That’s when you started feeling guilty. One thought led to another and soon you were beating yourself up about all sorts of things.

Step 3: Analyze your response:  Obviously you’re a very sensitive and well-intentioned person who wants to be kind to people and do good work, but something in you sabotages your efforts and well-being. That one little comment in the paper led to a spate of self-criticism about your character, work skills, and thinking ability. Do you see how you jumped from reading the advice column to criticizing yourself to feeling sad and dejected?  If you go to work that way you’re not going to have the energy or desire to be friendly or do your best. So if you can recognize the symptoms of your shadow you can de-fuse it before it takes control of you by giving it a name, like “Critical Bully,” asking it to back off and give you a break, and then forgiving yourself for being human.

The good news is that everyone also has “bright” shadow of which they’re unaware. This is composed of their soul’s true, healthy, undeveloped potential. Why would someone not develop their bright shadow?  Because they learned early in life that the way to stay safe and comfortable was to hide parts of themselves.

For example, some families encourage interest in creative pursuits like music, drama, drawing or writing, while others see these things as “putting on airs” or “only for sissies,” or “a waste of time and you’ll never make any money at it!” Many find being smart and aspiring to college admirable. Others might call you a “nerd,” or accuse you of “trying to rise above yourself,” or of thinking “you’re better than everyone else!”

Psychologist Margaret Paul wrote on Huffington Post, “When I was growing up, my parents made it very clear that feelings were to be avoided. I heard homilies such as “don’t cry over spilled milk,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.” When I was upset or crying, I was ignored or sent to my room. The only difficult feeling that seemed to be allowed was my mother’s anger — but not mine. The only feeling I was allowed was ‘happy.’ Not only did I learn never to share any feelings other than ‘happy’ with my parents, I also learned to stay in my head and disconnect from my feelings. It was the only sensible way to cope with life in my home.”

As long as we disconnect from our feelings we won’t find our bright shadow. To “follow your bliss” you have to feel it! Until you do, you’ll project it onto others, and that can become problematic. For example, we might over-idealize someone with a gift or talent we’ve repressed, then reject them when they disappoint us by being as human as everyone else. Other problems arise when we repress genuine strengths and obsess over unfulfilling substitutes. For example, maybe we were criticized as a child for being too proud and bossy, so we repressed our natural leadership qualities and tried to act humble all the time. Not only does this waste a lot of energy, but it can birth resentment, self-righteousness, and a sense of superiority.

Here’s a trick to discovering your bright shadow.  Make a list of five people you deeply admire, known or unknown, real or fictional. Beside each name note their qualities that you most like.  Re-read your list knowing that these qualities are undeveloped aspects of your bright shadow which you have projected onto these people. They really are, you know. So ask yourself what steps you can take to develop these qualities in yourself, and then…take them.

Jean-Raffa-Headshot

Jean Raffa is an author, speaker and workshop leader. Her newest book, Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World, is a product of 19 years of research and writing about psychological integration as a spiritual path to evolving consciousness. It recently received the 2013 Wilbur Award from the Religion Communicators Council for best non-fiction book by an individual in secular media who communicates religious issues, values and themes with professionalism and fairness, and encourages understanding between faith groups on a national level.  You can find more about Jean’s books at her website, www.jeanraffa.com. Matrignosis, her blog about inner wisdom, is at www.jeanraffa.wordpress.com.

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Attractively YOU

The last week of March I travelled to Edmonton and Calgary. I was fortunate that my schedule gave be two nights in Calgary which allowed me to enjoy two morning walks along the Bow River Walk, part of the TransCanada Trail.

Travelling can be taxing. What I once considered to be enjoyable has become a mélange of new hotels every day, long taxi drives to and from airports, and then the airport itself. I remember the days when getting on an airplane were pleasurable – yes, I remember Wardair! These days it is check-in via a machine, drop off your bag, jump into a line for the security check, take off your jacket, belt, shoes – virtually undress, then pull yourself together again. The entire process, if you’re lucky, takes less than one hour. Where has the pleasure of flying gone?

Likewise to be an employee in an airport has also lost its luster. Airline personnel are more disgruntled. It’s as if the entire system has been dehumanized. This requires a strategy!

A few years ago Jim and I created attractionCARDS, a box of 88 inspiring and attractive messages. We decided this would be a way of changing our interaction with others as we travel. At every opportunity along the way, we offer people a card. Occasionally I am given a look of skepticism to which I respond, “it’s like a fortune cookie without the calories”. That said, the recipient, upon reading the message, always smiles. More importantly, when they read the message, which is always stated in the ‘I’ voice (Example: I acknowledge the greatness of who I am every day!) we experience a shift in their energy.

Jim and I have had numerous examples through our travels. In Chicago, which has to be one of the busiest airports and one where you inevitably are delayed, tension always runs high. As we were exchanging our tickets, because our flight had been cancelled, we were greeted by a lovely man who dealt with us with great caution. Many flights had been cancelled that day. Before beginning our negotiations with him, we offered him a card. He read it, looked at us, tears welling in his eyes and said “Thank you – you have made my day”. He then made ours by searching for the best possible connection for us.

Minutes later we sat down for lunch. The waitress, who was rushing around like the proverbial headless chicken, threw the menus at us. Now we see this as a challenge so when she took our order, we offered her a card. She barely looked at it and scowled at us. About 30 minutes later she came over to our table to thank us and have a conversation. The message it seems landed.

These are but two of many examples. These days I gift cards wherever I go: meetings with clients, grocery stores, my favorite coffee shop, people standing in line, banks, meetings, you name it. My boldness has no limits. The reception is amazing.

Years ago a friend of mine Dawna Markova was co-author on a series of books entitled Random Acts of Kindness. The books addressed those little deeds you do every day for someone else simply because you want to and offered suggestions and stories. This is what attractionCARDS offer me – an opportunity to offer someone an uplifting message that will lift their spirits, and in lifting their spirits lift the world just a little bit.

kindness

One of my favorite stores is Talbots and the best one I know is located in the upper Hudson Highlands just outside Coldwater, New York. For a few seasons Jim and I were so well know there that the staff would greet us and wait for their card, their message of the day, and then show the ones they had drawn previously to us. They were stored on the screens of their computers. Message: you cannot take for granted what a simple act of kindness will do or the meaning the other person will derive from it.

My belief is that each person will pull the message that is perfect for them at that moment in time, and that despite only being a few inspiring words, it will have a meaning beyond what I will know. I trust this implicitly – that’s why they are called attractionCARDS.

Whether you use cards such as these to gift forward or simply engage in other random acts of kindness, you lift spirits and in a subtle yet influential way, you contribute to making the world a better place. Here is my call to action to each of you – let’s work together to change the world. Let’s prove the media wrong and focus on the good in the world, in others and in ourselves. Let’s find opportunities every day to lift the spirits of others through random acts of kindness. The result – you will be inspired as well.

 

Until next time…

 

Betty Healey

Note: attractionCARDS can be ordered at www.roadSIGNS.ca

 

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Resilience

In recent years much has been said about our ability to work under less than perfect conditions. There are a variety of things that happen within the modern day workplace which continually attract attention these days, issues such as the ‘toxic boss or colleague’, bullying (yes! It’s not just an issue for kids!), feeling underemployed or underappreciated, and simply spinning from the many demands placed upon you.

So how do you protect yourself? How do you remain resilient?

During the closing session of our most recent Coaching Circle in Cornwall, we all put our heads together and came up with the following strategies:

  • Practice Gratitude – In the day to day working of life and living, we humans have the habit of focusing on the negative events and happenings of life. When you switch gears and re-focus on those aspects for which you are grateful, it lifts your spirits. Having a gratitude practice where you do this on a daily basis, creates resilience.
  • Don’t Take It Personally – Create space between yourself and the negative nellies in your life. Their stuff is their stuff and always remember not to take what they have to say      personally. It has nothing to do with you.
  • Speak UP – Learn to speak up for yourself and to speak from your authentic self. You cannot expect others to know what you want or what you are thinking.
  • Stay Positive – Appreciate that everything that happens in life is perfect; it is there for a reason and a lesson. Learn from mistakes or hiccups, laugh at yourself, and move on with this new lesson tucked under your arm.
  • Flip-It! – whenever you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want; flip it to what you do want. Remember you attract what you focus on.

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  • Go Downstream – If you find yourself in a battle with yourself, your work or someone else, change directions. Recognize that you are swimming upstream and ask yourself what it would take to change directions to downstream.
  • Be clear on your ‘I AM” – Your I AM statement represents who you are choosing to be in any situation. It is your source of inner power and clarity. It begins by saying to yourself I AM —-, breathing it in, feeling it and radiating it.
  • Attract your  Perfect Tribe – Be clear on who you want to surround yourself with. Make sure these are people who lift you up and love you unconditionally.
  • Have ME FIRST time – Commit to a minimum of 15 minutes/day of ME FIRST time. This is time just for you, not to be shared, for breathing, meditation, setting your ‘I  AM’ statements or for gratitude.
  • Space Management – It’s not really about time management, it’s about space management . Be  clear about your ‘have to’s’ versus your ‘can do’s’. You can all do lots  of things, the question is do you want to, is it necessary or does it  belong to you or someone else.
  • Develop your NO-How      – Be clear on your boundaries. Know what your priorities and t your responsibilities are. Develop your ability to say NO to what is not yours to own or take care of.
  • Single Task – Much attention has been given to our ability to multi-task. The thing is it doesn’t  really work. You find yourself with many balls in the air yet nothing ever  really gets completed. Learn to set your priorities and take on one task  at a time. When you bring tasks to completion, you will grow your  self-esteem and confidence.
  • Affirm Yourself –Check in and make sure you are not diminishing yourself with negative inner talk. You are in charge of this. Become consciously aware of what you are saying to yourself and change the message to something uplifting.
  • Self-Acknowledgement – When you receive complements form others, accept them graciously and simply say ‘Thank-You’.  Take it in like a sponge and acknowledge yourself for the complement you just received.
  • Choose Inspiring Messaging – Monitor what you choose to read or watch and choose that which inspires you. A highly recommend two sources of daily messages: www.tut.com and www.pattidigh.com.
  • Listen to Your Body – When you feel unwell or something hurts, turn inward and have a  conversation with your body. Ask “what are you trying to communicate to me?” then listen. It’s better than anything a doctor can give you.
  • Laugh a Lot – Find a friend to have fun with or watch some comedy, whatever it takes to bring laughter into your world. Laughter is a great healer.
  • Go with the Flow – Notice where the big rocks or obstacles in your life are and move around them versus pushing against them. As one member of our group shared, “It’s easier to ride the horse in the  direction the horse is going!”

You will recognize that these suggestions really are just common sense and yet, common sense is not common! I encourage you to take this list and pin it up in a place where it is fully  visible and then practice 1, 2 or more of these suggestions daily.

Until next time…

 

Betty

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Finding Your Tribe

In the months since we began facilitating coaching circles, one of the unanticipated outcomes of the circles has been the building of community. I’m not sure why, but it had not occurred to me just how alone people have been feeling. Certainly I have noticed it myself. I just assumed that because I choose to live rurally now, that being alone was my new way of life.

With the start of each coaching circle, we ask participants to share with us their intentions for what they want to gain from the experience. Inevitably several of the participants mention that they are looking for community. Specifically they want to connect to like-minded individuals who, like themselves, are choosing to step on the path of self-discovery and shape their life differently.

As facilitators we have learned that the coaching circle is a transformative experience, partly due to the coaching and largely due to the sharing of experience of the individual participants. Participants relate to the feelings, thoughts and experiences of others. Suddenly they realize that they are not alone in those sometimes dark places and that their struggles to live their life differently are shared by others.

In a recent blog posting from colleague Lianne Bridges, www.shiftvillage.com, Lianne shared her experience of attending the Wisdom 2.0 Conference in San Francisco, “To be in the presence of conscious individuals is awe-inspiring….What was so amazing about this conference were the sixteen-hundred people from all walks of life and four corners of the world who shared one main perspective – the strong desire to use their expertise and gifts to better the world.”

Lianne also refers to community as one’s tribe. By her definition, tribe does not necessarily refer only to people who are bound to you by familial, geographic, political, cultural or even racial ties, but also includes people who share your closely held beliefs or world views.

Finding our tribe, our community, may be one of the healthiest and most essential gifts we can give ourselves. People do feel alone. The isolation people are experiencing is a secondary effect of our technological prowess. We have grown attached to the I-phones, Blackberries and other gadgets that give us the illusion of being connected. It is however superficial – words with no depth, no real meaning, no eye to eye contact.

We have also lost many of the social structures that once connected us – the church communities, the service clubs, the back yard BBQ’s. Is it that life has simply become too busy?

Whatever the reason, the loss of these social systems has left people searching for ways to connect.

Developing community, or finding your tribe as Lianne has suggested, has become important. It is part of feeling whole and consciously connected to a shared meaning and an opportunity to learn more about you through the eyes of others.

So where do you start; how do you find your tribe?

  • It begins with reaching out to others whom you sense have a similar desire or who may want to rally around a shared cause.
  • It begins with your desire to understand yourself and to share the experience of personal discovery with others.
  • It begins by being clear about who you actually want to ‘BE’ with and taking the time to describe who would be perfect for you at this time in your life.
  • It begins by being open-hearted, generous and kind – first with yourself, then with others.  You can only attract these kinds of companions when you give it to self-first.
  • It begins by stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching out to others, or perhaps signing up for a program which you believe will attract others you want to be with.
  • It begins by trusting your  heart more than your head, listening to your intuition when you encounter  others and your deep sense of knowing they are a perfect companion.

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There is an opportunity to begin to notice the opportunities that may already exist in your community. Who around you shares common values, desires and perhaps stories. Take the first step – put out a call to your friends, colleagues and acquaintances and start a conversation. Create a gathering around a book, a question, a theme.

You may find your tribe!

Until next time…

Betty

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WORK or J.O.B.

I was inspired this morning after listening to an interview with a favorite author of mine, Simon Sinek, who wrote the book ‘Start with WHY’. In the interview he began by saying that when you do something that you love, it’s called passion. When you work at something you don’t love however, it’s called stress.

This for me defines the difference between your WORK versus your J.O.B. Your work is connected to your ‘WHY’, your sense of purpose or mission, or what you want to stand for in this lifetime. It is rooted in your early years, something that you are deeply connected with and something that you felt would make a difference in the world.

As I think back, my earliest memories are linked to playing in my back yard, lining up my dolls and teaching them what I then knew to be the important lessons of life. Even at the early age of ten I knew that I wanted to influence the world in a way that allowed others to believe in themselves and to see the beauty and power of who they are.

Isn’t it interesting that you can know that so young and somewhere along the way lose track of it. Why does that happen? You learn more, life becomes more complicated and you lose sight of that simple truth, your all important work. Then you find a J.O.B. – a Justifiable Occupation or Business, which pays you a good salary but, (and here is the rub) does not light you up. It is simply a job. It is not connected with your passion and you lose sight of who you really are.

Can Your J.O.B. be your WORK?
Yes. Skeptically you may look at what you are currently doing and think that there can never be a connection between what you are currently doing and your passion. Frankly you don’t really know, at least not until you take the time to search back to your roots and consider what is really important to you. In our roadSIGNS work we call this your Personal Guidance System which is formed by your core values, the guiding principle by which you choose to live, and your ‘WHY’, what you really stand for and who, as a result, you choose to be.

Only in remembering your ‘WHY’ can you understand whether or not this is connected to your J.O.B. Those workplaces which truly value their employees will understand that any time an employee can connect their ‘WHY’ to the ‘WHY’ of the organization, passion and performance are unleashed.

WHY, How and what
In his book Sinek describes the Golden Circle. Like a bull’s eye with WHY in the center, the next circle is your how and the third circle your what. You will notice that most of you focus on what you do and how you do it, both in your work and other aspects of your life. Ask yourself if this is where you currently play? What would change or be different if you took the time to re-connect with your ‘WHY’, your sense of true purpose.

Living Authentically
Living authentically requires consciousness and courage. First it requires that you actually slow yourself down and step off the treadmill which has become your life. Secondly you must ask yourself what is really important to you, what contribution are you here to make to the world around you. Everyone wants to make a difference and reflecting on this allows you to claim your unique desire to change or shift the world in some way.

Next is courage. It is one thing to become aware of what lights you up, your ‘WHY’, and it is another to live it. There are plenty of naysayers out there who will put you down once you stand up and start living your ‘WHY’. I refer to them as crabs. Crab fishermen know that you never have to put a lid on a crab bucket because as soon as one crab tries to escape, the others pull him back in. It takes courage to live from your ‘WHY’ and ignore the crabs.

Crabs and Other Creatures

Take the time to step back and discover your work by remembering your ‘WHY’. This has the capacity to release your passion and we sure could use more of that in the world!

Until next time…

Betty Healey

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We have launched!

After weeks of concentrated effort we have launched our new website for roadSIGNS (www.roadsigns.ca) . I have no illusions now that creating a quality website happens easily. This is the first significant overhaul we have completed for several years and one that was badly needed. With the changes in our focus that have occurred through the years, our previous website was not supporting us.

Being Attractive
In the work Jim and I teach regarding Strategic Attraction, we have become clear regarding what we want. Although I am tempted from time to time to interfere, I am learning to leave the ‘HOW” the wants unfold up to the Universe. I am constantly schooling myself in the art of Patience and Trust as a result! An important part of Strategic Attraction however, is being the Lighthouse, helping people find you.; hence the website, with all the proper SEO behind the scenes, and clear attention to the details within the content.

A Labor of Love
While I occasionally forgot, writing the new content was a labor of love. As we launch our new conversation about Conscious Communication, writing helped me to understand what it is and how we want to share this with clients.

What is Conscious Communication
Conscious Communication is the process of learning to be fully present, aware and mindful both with yourself and others. The process is an essential one for understanding yourself, leveraging the best of who you are and ultimately, connecting effectively with others.

It is rare that individuals consider how they are connecting with themselves. They are unaware of the elevator music playing in their ears and the subliminal messages they are feeding themselves. Building on the new research in Positive Psychology, we are learning that these internal conversations must be brought into consciousness if we want to change them. We call this from Critic to Coach, re-programming the messages of your inner critic, the voice that puts you down, into that of your Inner Coach, that which lifts you up.

Once you begin to change your inner conversation, you show up differently in the eyes of others. You are visible and you have the opportunity to engage others differently, whether this is in conversation or simply in who you are being. This is the other side of Conscious Communication – how you are with others and who you are choosing to be from one moment to the next.

What’s in it for YOU?
If you want to feel better about yourself and think more positive thoughts, I invite you into this conversation.   Stay tuned for upcoming posts and I invite you to check us out at www.roadsigns.ca.

roadSIGNSUntil next time…

Betty

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Black Dots and Other Distractions

There is an easy exercise I use when facilitating. I take a black marker and draw a dot in the middle of a large piece of flip chart paper. Do this for yourself. Take out a sheet of white paper and with a pen or marker simply place a dot in the middle of the page. Now, staring at the paper, ask yourself, “What do I see?”

Black Dot

When I ask participants what they see, most people respond, ‘a black dot’. Is that what you see?

Now look again. Notice that the dot takes up less than 1% of the entire page. What is left is a whole lot of white space.

Apply this same principle to life. During any given day, there are black dots that occur. These dots come in many forms – a mistake you made at work, a conversation with a friend that disturbed you, an item of news on the radio, or any other potential distraction.

Unfortunately black dots are coated with Velcro – they seem to stick to you. They occupy your thoughts and dampen your emotions. They are usually charged with something that triggers you and because of that they grow in size and take up a lot of space. You forget about all the white space around the dot.

The white space, by the way, represents reality. For every black dot or similar distraction, there are many more events going on in your life that are positive. Unfortunately when your focus goes to the black dot, the white space is forgotten.

There is an old adage that states, ‘where your attention goes, energy flows’. This is exactly what happens with the Black Dot Syndrome. That one less than perfect event of your day is the event that consumes you. You dive into it again and again, examining it from all sides. As you do so it grows and grows. All the great things that happened in your day are pushed aside and all but forgotten.

This, by the way, is a recipe for undermining yourself!

What is the alternative? Perspective. Black dots are small and deserve an equivalent amount of energy and attention. Your ability to contain them makes a difference. Begin by asking yourself the following:

  • Is this a black dot, or simply a distraction?
  • Before you give your energy and attention to any black dot, ask yourself what is in the white space. In other words, enumerate all the amazing things that happened in your day      and give your energy and appreciation to these.
  • When you return to the black dot, ask yourself how important the distraction is? Most times you will  discover it is simply just an annoyance.
  • Put the dot in perspective,  don’t allow it to grow. Balance the dot with the white space.

You might consider this conversation regarding black dots to be abstract or not important. If that’s where you are, ask yourself how you feel at the end of every day. Are you exhausted? What consumed your energy?

Or

Are you uplifted? What fed this feeling?

You have choice to make every day, and believe me it is YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to let the black dots dominate your landscape or you can pull you focus to the larger part of the canvas, the white space. Remember, the white space is filled with all the good and great things that happen to you in a day. Unfortunately they will slide by you unless you pull them into consciousness and examine them.

Begin making a choice today to choose thoughts and feelings which uplift you rather than deplete you. As Mike Dooley says in his daily ‘message from the Universe’, thoughts become things, choose the good ones.

Choose to be conscious and aware of what is playing in the background. Bring your attention to what really matters – the white space. This is reality more than any black dot you can identify, for in truth, it represents 99%  or more of what is in your life. Making this choice will allow you to live a more authentic and optimistic life for truth lies in the white space.

Until Next time…

Betty