mental-health Archives

Your child or teenager comes home from school and presents his report card to you. You review the list of subjects and note the grade assigned to each one: English – A, French: B+, History: A, Science: C, Math: F. In the following minutes you discuss the results with your child. What do you focus on?

According to Marcus Buckingham, author of GO, Put Your Strengths to Work, more than 70% of parents will zone in on the F grade, ignoring the decent to great marks in the other subjects. It seems that we are programed to focus on weaknesses rather than strengths.

I am sure that most of you have been on the receiving end of this flawed assumption. In an interview recently with one of my clients discussing the annual performance review, they admitted that little time was given to successes and accomplishment during the review process. Time was dedicated instead to what did not happen and the weaknesses they believed the employee needed to address.

Building a Foundation

Imagine building a house or any type of structure using the same principle. Basically the foundation of human development is being built upon the premise that weaknesses must be addressed and strengths taken for granted. If this were a house, what kind of foundation would that be? Would you want to build on a weak infrastructure or would you choose to build on something strong, resilient, secure and so on.

A New Paradigm

In the work we are introducing to organizations and to individuals, we are convinced that building on strengths is the way to go. Buckingham suggests that there are three myths associated with personality and living from our strengths:

Myth #1: As you grow your personality changes.

Truth: As you grow, you become more of who you really are.

That doesn’t imply that you don’t change and grow at all, this simply means that you are born with the personality you have, and with that your innate strengths. Over time what may change are your values, your beliefs, and even your behaviors, the result of your personality gaining life experience.

Myth #2: You will grow the most in your areas of greatest weakness

Truth: You will grow the most in your areas of greatest strength

New medical research is actually showing that those who focus their development from their weaknesses are prone to chronic pain and other illnesses. Spending time investing in your strengths however, keeps you engaged, inquisitive, resilient, creative and invested in your learning.

Myth #3: A good team member does whatever it takes to help the team.

Truth: A good team member deliberately volunteers his strengths to the team.

We are taught that we must be all things to all people. This is sure to burn you out. A great person or team member is not well-rounded, a great team is. A great team is well rounded because each member comes to play from their respective strengths. It is not your job to be all things.

Final Word

If you are feeling disconnected from yourself in any way, chances are you have invested a lot of time addressing your weaknesses. This is not a criticism of you. In all likelihood, you were told you had to, by a parent, a teacher, a colleague or a boss.

Guess what – it’s time to change the conversation because trust me; it is time to start investing in building a strong foundation for your inner house. Find a way to identify your strengths (we use the Lumina Spark Portrait for these purposes). Take a stand for them once they have been identified. Educate those around you, your colleagues, your manager, your family members, about who you are through the lens of your strengths. This is not bragging – it is stating a fact!

Take some courses that help you in invest in your strengths and engage them in doing your work, whatever that may be. And finally, address your least favorite activities by activating your strengths.

Each person is unique, possessing a cadre of strengths that defines who they are and how they play in the world. Wouldn’t it be amazing if each person played from their strengths while respecting the strengths exhibited by others? This is true collaboration.

What are your strengths?

Until Next Time….

Betty Healey

roadSIGNS is offering two programs in the upcoming weeks:

The Living from Your Strengths Coaching Circle: go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/our-focus/conscious-communication-for-self-discovery/coaching/coaching-circle/, beginiing September 24th.

The Living from Your Strengths Retreat Day – Saturday, Nov. 23rd/13

There is a saying which goes, “Fake it until you make it”. It is not one of my favorites and I have often been tempted to dispute it. It’s the ‘fake it’ part that bothers me as it seems inauthentic.

This past weekend I attended the inaugural conference for the Canadian Positive Phycology Association in Toronto. There were a number of impressive presentations all leaving me with a desire for more learning and immense sense of curiosity. One of my favorites was the opening keynote address by Dr. Greg Wells a neurophysiologist from the Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, skyped in from the Olympic Village in London. (Watch for him as part of the CTV broadcast team). He covered a number of topics within the context of his presentation. One of the pieces that stuck with me was ‘act-think-feel’ – you guessed right, fake it until you make it.

In his work with athletes and the mind-body connection, research has demonstrated that what you show on the outside is replicated on the inside. The two key variables which have been researched are smiling and posture.

You have all heard the other phrase, ‘smile and the world smiles with you.” While that theory has not been examined scientifically, the reality is that when you smile, outwardly, your inner world begins to smile. You lighten up and your attitude shifts. When you act – smile, you begin to think and feel differently. Your smile activates a physiological response that makes you feel better.

Remember your mother saying, “Johnny or Jane, stand up straight!” It really annoyed you because you were a teenager and slouching was simply cool. Well it turns out that slouching is not only bad for your posture, it’s bad for your attitude and your health.

The second part of the act-think-feel equation is that standing tall, stretching your height upward and elongating your torso, makes you feel better about you. It is almost impossible to think positively about yourself and feel the resulting emotions if you slouch and slink. Stretching upward enhances your esteem and boosts your confidence.

Step outside yourself for a moment and begin to notice others. Imagine for a moment the person who is frowning, slouching and slinking. What is your response to them? Do they appear positive or confident? No they don’t. You are probably judging them and wondering why such an attractive person wouldn’t stand tall and occasionally smile.

Here’s your choice point – start acting different yourself. Decide each morning to begin the day with a smile, even if it does feel fake. Just plaster it on and then notice:

How you feel about yourself as the day goes on
How others respond to you

Next, begin to check your posture. You don’t want to stand military style; you simply want to stand tall, as if there was a pulley attached to the crown of your head stretching you upward. As you elongate your posture, your shoulders naturally pull back a bit, you can breathe more easily, your chest opens up, you are more receptive, and others will notice.

As a former physiotherapist, there are numerous other advantages to improved posture, including preventing long term back issues and, for women as they age, that ‘dowager’s hump’. Remember, checking in with your posture and standing tall, supports what you think and feel and positively affects how your brain functions.

As you tune into the Olympics this summer, watch the athletes as they prepare for their event. You will see intense concentration; you will see them correct their posture and stand tall, and if you are lucky you may catch a smile or two.

Most importantly, check in with yourself and begin today to smile more and to stand tall. Do your own research project – begin every day with a smile and by stretching your head to the sky. Do both regularly each day and notice what changes or shifts in your energy, confidence and esteem. I guarantee you will feel better and your thoughts will be more positive. Notice how others respond to you and when that friend says to you, ‘what are you smiling about?’ simply say, smiling is changing my world inside and out – want to join me?

It’s really up to you.

Until next time,

Betty

Tag: mental-health

Living from Your Strengths

Act-Think Feel