Tag: Me First

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We have launched!

After weeks of concentrated effort we have launched our new website for roadSIGNS (www.roadsigns.ca) . I have no illusions now that creating a quality website happens easily. This is the first significant overhaul we have completed for several years and one that was badly needed. With the changes in our focus that have occurred through the years, our previous website was not supporting us.

Being Attractive
In the work Jim and I teach regarding Strategic Attraction, we have become clear regarding what we want. Although I am tempted from time to time to interfere, I am learning to leave the ‘HOW” the wants unfold up to the Universe. I am constantly schooling myself in the art of Patience and Trust as a result! An important part of Strategic Attraction however, is being the Lighthouse, helping people find you.; hence the website, with all the proper SEO behind the scenes, and clear attention to the details within the content.

A Labor of Love
While I occasionally forgot, writing the new content was a labor of love. As we launch our new conversation about Conscious Communication, writing helped me to understand what it is and how we want to share this with clients.

What is Conscious Communication
Conscious Communication is the process of learning to be fully present, aware and mindful both with yourself and others. The process is an essential one for understanding yourself, leveraging the best of who you are and ultimately, connecting effectively with others.

It is rare that individuals consider how they are connecting with themselves. They are unaware of the elevator music playing in their ears and the subliminal messages they are feeding themselves. Building on the new research in Positive Psychology, we are learning that these internal conversations must be brought into consciousness if we want to change them. We call this from Critic to Coach, re-programming the messages of your inner critic, the voice that puts you down, into that of your Inner Coach, that which lifts you up.

Once you begin to change your inner conversation, you show up differently in the eyes of others. You are visible and you have the opportunity to engage others differently, whether this is in conversation or simply in who you are being. This is the other side of Conscious Communication – how you are with others and who you are choosing to be from one moment to the next.

What’s in it for YOU?
If you want to feel better about yourself and think more positive thoughts, I invite you into this conversation.   Stay tuned for upcoming posts and I invite you to check us out at www.roadsigns.ca.

roadSIGNSUntil next time…

Betty

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Black Dots and Other Distractions

There is an easy exercise I use when facilitating. I take a black marker and draw a dot in the middle of a large piece of flip chart paper. Do this for yourself. Take out a sheet of white paper and with a pen or marker simply place a dot in the middle of the page. Now, staring at the paper, ask yourself, “What do I see?”

Black Dot

When I ask participants what they see, most people respond, ‘a black dot’. Is that what you see?

Now look again. Notice that the dot takes up less than 1% of the entire page. What is left is a whole lot of white space.

Apply this same principle to life. During any given day, there are black dots that occur. These dots come in many forms – a mistake you made at work, a conversation with a friend that disturbed you, an item of news on the radio, or any other potential distraction.

Unfortunately black dots are coated with Velcro – they seem to stick to you. They occupy your thoughts and dampen your emotions. They are usually charged with something that triggers you and because of that they grow in size and take up a lot of space. You forget about all the white space around the dot.

The white space, by the way, represents reality. For every black dot or similar distraction, there are many more events going on in your life that are positive. Unfortunately when your focus goes to the black dot, the white space is forgotten.

There is an old adage that states, ‘where your attention goes, energy flows’. This is exactly what happens with the Black Dot Syndrome. That one less than perfect event of your day is the event that consumes you. You dive into it again and again, examining it from all sides. As you do so it grows and grows. All the great things that happened in your day are pushed aside and all but forgotten.

This, by the way, is a recipe for undermining yourself!

What is the alternative? Perspective. Black dots are small and deserve an equivalent amount of energy and attention. Your ability to contain them makes a difference. Begin by asking yourself the following:

  • Is this a black dot, or simply a distraction?
  • Before you give your energy and attention to any black dot, ask yourself what is in the white space. In other words, enumerate all the amazing things that happened in your day      and give your energy and appreciation to these.
  • When you return to the black dot, ask yourself how important the distraction is? Most times you will  discover it is simply just an annoyance.
  • Put the dot in perspective,  don’t allow it to grow. Balance the dot with the white space.

You might consider this conversation regarding black dots to be abstract or not important. If that’s where you are, ask yourself how you feel at the end of every day. Are you exhausted? What consumed your energy?

Or

Are you uplifted? What fed this feeling?

You have choice to make every day, and believe me it is YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to let the black dots dominate your landscape or you can pull you focus to the larger part of the canvas, the white space. Remember, the white space is filled with all the good and great things that happen to you in a day. Unfortunately they will slide by you unless you pull them into consciousness and examine them.

Begin making a choice today to choose thoughts and feelings which uplift you rather than deplete you. As Mike Dooley says in his daily ‘message from the Universe’, thoughts become things, choose the good ones.

Choose to be conscious and aware of what is playing in the background. Bring your attention to what really matters – the white space. This is reality more than any black dot you can identify, for in truth, it represents 99%  or more of what is in your life. Making this choice will allow you to live a more authentic and optimistic life for truth lies in the white space.

Until Next time…

Betty

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The Invitation

I am standing at our roadSIGNS Booth at the Ottawa Health and Wellness Expo Friday evening, setting up and in anticipation of the next day. The setting up process is exciting and intentional as I imagine the conversations that will take place the next day and the amazing energy we will attract.

I stop for a moment to chat with the vendor next to us representing a nutrition company that I am also a part of, that is, I use their products. I mention this to her and she immediately backs away from me and with a glaring look asks, “Are you a competitor?”

What is it I hear in her voice? Certainly not a tone that I appreciate and so I looked at her and asked her, “Why would you say such a thing to me. There is no such thing as competition, at least not in my view. Competition is a choice, one you can make and how about we simply agree to collaborate?”

She stumbled over her words at that point. I recognize that I was pretty straight forward with her but I just could not stop myself. This is the old thinking pattern, the old masculine way, compete and conquer. She muttered, “Well one of the vendors over there (pointing across the room) said that to me earlier.”

I put my arm around her shoulder and said, “You get to choose who you want to be and how you present yourself to others. Be a collaborator – that will take you a lot further.”

I feel like the game is up and that we need to hold ourselves to a more evolved way of being and thinking. That means being consciously aware of what we are communicating to ourselves and others. The world will not change unless we change, each of us.

And this is my invitation to you.

Begin today to become consciously aware of the conversation going on inside your head. Are you lifting yourself up or putting yourself down?

When you are in conversation with others, are you listening, more importantly are you hearing them?

What about the words that you choose – words are the vehicles of your thoughts, they reflect the inner dialogue. Words matter. It may be time for all of us to put our brains in gear before our mouths are in action. Better still,  maybe we need to engage our hearts more and speak from there and give our heads a break.

Be a messenger

Let’s all take pause and become more conscious communicators, with ourselves first and with others next. Begin listening in on your inner dialogue and noticing what you are saying to YOU. The turn outward and observe how you are communicating with others and what you are saying. Be clear about what you want to attract and choose your words accordingly.

 

Until next time…

Betty

 

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The Seven Habits of Highly Happy People

I have to thank Bob Carscadden for setting this one up as he spoke about this at last week’s Your Stage. It just got me thinking…

The Seven Habits of Highly Happy People:

  1. BE Happy! Too many people chase happiness or believe it is outside of themselves. It isn’t – it is simply a belief that you hold.
  2. Be Intentional – know what it is that you want and stake claim to it. Ask for it. Watch for it. Set yourself up for success and when it arrives celebrate!
  3. Build an attractive community around you. Be clear on the relationships you want in your life and release the ones that no longer lift you up.
  4. Believe in yourself. Be aware of your inner conversations and whether you are pumping yourself up or putting yourself down. Manage your critic’s voice and flip him/her into your coach’s voice.
  5. Approach life with a glass full attitude – be an optimist. See the everyday miracles around you and express gratitude for all that is right in your life.
  6. Perform Random Acts of Kindness. Notice how a simple act light people up – whether this is a smile, opening a door, helping someone cross an icy street. Notice how their response lights you up as well.
  7. Develop your NO-How. Have a clear sense of what perfect for you and what is not. Remember, you are not saying NO to others, you are saying YES to YOU!

Happy Thoughts

Now – Smile, stand tall, take a deep breath, insert happiness file into your computer, move forward.

Have a great day!

 

Betty

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The Gift Certificate

The holiday season is one of those happy sad occasions, sad because those who have gone before us are no longer here to celebrate with us. It has been close to forty years since my mother passed away and yet I find myself missing her as Christmas approaches. I also like to remember the gifts that she left me and so in this week’s column I would like to share a story I wrote several years ago called the Gift Certificate.

The Gift Certificate
It came wrapped in a beautiful ribbon, jewel tones of ruby and amber and emerald threads woven into the fabric. The box was beautifully adorned with a tissue paper so delicate that I hesitated to touch it for fear of tearing the translucent skin. A hint of lavender tugged at my nose as I gently examined this beautiful package left for me deep inside my mother’s cedar chest. Someone had taken care and pleasure in wrapping this gift for me.

I pulled at the ribbon, releasing the box from its grip; the ribbons fell gently to the side, cascading around the corners of the box.  Eagerly I scratched at the paper and then, remembering its beauty, slowed myself down. I unfolded the paper carefully so as not to tear it, preserving every special touch that had been taken as it was wrapped.

As I gently peeled back the paper, the treasure held within was revealed. I reached inside and pulled from the wrapping a deep blue velvet box, you know, the type that jeweler’s use for something very fine and precious. I held it with reverence, feeling the texture on the palm of my hand, hesitating for a moment, anticipation rising in my chest. What could this be?

As I pulled back the lid, I closed my eyes, not wanting the moment to end, and then opening them, I gazed with disappointment at the contents held within. The box was empty except for a single piece of paper. Tears welled up in my eyes. I placed the box on the table in front of me and lifted the paper from its velvet nest, examining it more carefully. It was not ordinary paper but an ivory colour and textured. Across the top of the paper, embossed in beautiful gold lettering were the words Gift Certificate. This was followed by a message penned in my mother’s familiar hand.

 

My Darling Daughter;

I have wrapped this gift for you with great care for it is the legacy I leave behind and wish to offer you.

I give to you the Gift of Courage – an invitation to lead your life without fear; an invitation to pursue your dreams and live the life you choose free of the opinions and demands of others. It is an invitation to believe in yourself, never doubting that what you can conceive and believe,  you can achieve. Lastly it is an invitation to grab the brass ring of life and never let it go.

Secondly I give you the Gift of Love – of love you will always have from me even though our journey together in this lifetime has come to an end; of love for yourself – perhaps the most important gift of all; of love for others which I encourage you to give often and freely; and of love for life and all that you touch during your time here on earth.

Daughter, I also give you the Gift of Grace – the joy of living full out, free of the burden of guilt, or blame or shame; an invitation to live your life forgiving yourself of all the sins you believe you have committed against others while also releasing the sins you believe others have committed against you. See and celebrate the abundance in your life and express gratitude for all of life’s magnificence.

And finally my darling daughter, I give you the Gift of YOU – of recognizing your own beauty, your great gifts, and, perhaps most importantly, your flame, the spirit that burns deep within you.  Show this light to the world – this is the Gift of Authenticity.

Betty, will you do one thing for me? (And this is my last request of you). Live this gift as I ask and as you travel through life, give this gift freely to others; for you see my daughter, it is in the living and the giving that the true meaning of life resides.

Love

Mom

I placed the paper, now my most treasured possession, back in the velvet box, gently closed the lid, and hands resting on the top of the case, remembered my mother and the numerous other gifts she had given to me over a lifetime – patience, encouragement, a listening ear, the warmth of her arms around me, conversations over dinner, her laughter and sly sense of humor, and so much more.

These I knew were the important gifts, more important than all the material things, the toys and clothes she had also provided. And I also knew that these were the gifts that I wanted to be remembered for, to be my legacy.

This holiday season, remember the important gifts that have been given to you and consider the gifts you want to leave with others.

Until Next time…

 

Betty

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Resilience

It’s that time of year when expectations seem to mount. The Holiday Season is quickly approaching, family members are voicing their expectations of you, there’s a big sale at Sears you want to take advantage of and you just found out you have three Christmas parties booked the same evening. Match all these ‘extra’ demands with the demands of an already busy life and you may feel like you are out of breath.

So what do you do, how can you keep your sanity with all the additional demands this season seems to impose. It is meant to be a time of celebration and joy and yet as you look around you, you’re not sure there is a whole lot of that going around! Time to shift gears.

A Resilience Check-In
Here’s an opportunity to take your pulse and assess just how you are doing. You can do so by measuring your resilience, your ability to bounce back in response to added responsibility or adversity and not become overwhelmed. Take a look at the following statements and give yourself a score from 1, I strongly disagree to 5, I strongly agree.

I remind   myself every day of the things I have accomplished. 1 2 3 4 5
I am able   to take things in stride and remain calm in most circumstances. 1 2 3 4 5
I have the   ability to handle a number of different things at the same time. 1 2 3 4 5
I have a   strong sense of what my priorities are and put these first. 1 2 3 4 5
I know   when to say ‘NO’ and stick to my guns, even when others may not like my   answer. 1 2 3 4 5
I am able   to laugh at myself and circumstances when things don’t go as planned. 1 2 3 4 5
I have a   strong sense of my core values and purpose, engaging these to guide me   through each day. 1 2 3 4 5
I am   resourceful and can find my way out of most difficult situations. 1 2 3 4 5

Add up your score – you will have a range for 8 to 40. While this is not a scientifically valid questionnaire, you can use your score to understand the degree to which you are handling the demands of your life. A score close to 8 suggests you are approaching overwhelm, perhaps feeling frantic, fatigued or even postponing the things that need to be done. A score close to 40 suggests you are dealing with the day to day easily and effortlessly and coasting into the holiday season. Most of us will most likely score mid-range.

This is not a diagnostic, just a notice, and as you notice where you fall, let me offer you some strategies for managing the approaching holiday season in a way that will assure you that Joy and Celebration care the main theme.

Holiday ‘Sanity’ Tips:

  1. At the end of the day, bring your attention to all the things you accomplished during the day. You may notice that your habit is the opposite, focusing on what you did not get done. Stop that!
  2. Give yourself time during the day to come up for air – that may mean sitting at your desk and taking a few deep breaths, closing your eyes for a short meditation or going for a 10 minute walk.
  3. Be planful. Look at your days and make sure you identify your priorities. These are your big rocks. Once these are achieved, other things fall easily into place.
  4. When you are faced with decisions regarding your time and various commitments during the holiday season and the upcoming weeks, let your intuition guide you. Say NO to what does not serve you. This will make your YES’s much more powerful.
  5.  Learn to laugh at yourself over the innocent mistakes. Little damage is done in most cases and laughing goes a long way to disperse any negative energy.
  6. Take some time to identify your core values. Your values are the guiding principles by which you choose to live. They help you to say NO and to choose the direction in which you want to move.
  7. Simplify – attend fewer events and buy fewer gifts. Focus on the meaning of the season.
Know your NO’s

The holiday season can be challenging or easy – the choice is really yours. Make this your best holiday season ever by making perfect choices for you. Pass this gift along to others.

Until next time,

Betty

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What I Know for Sure

As a subscriber to ‘O’ Magazine, I generally turn to the last page of the magazine first to read Oprah’s ‘What I Know for Sure’ column. An interesting column, it usually leaves me wondering what I know for sure – in fact this came up in the recent ME FIRST retreat and I challenged everyone to take the time to write down their list. Of course this requires that I do the assignment as well. Last week, while sitting at my favourite table at The Grind Cafe in Cornwall, I put pen to paper and this is the result:

What I know for sure:

  • that love trumps fear and all other negative emotions.
  • that when I live from my heart and trust my intuition I make better decisions
  • that no matter how it is cooked, I still hate liver (okay some liver pate is palatable!)
  • that paying it forward is better than paying it back, and expands the energy of good will
  • that making peace with my body, warts and all, has a huge impact on my self-esteem
  • that intentions have a much bigger impact on my life than simply setting goals and objectives
  • that I look and feel better in red than pink, in turquoise vs. navy, purple vs mauve and emerald green vs olive
  • that answers do not reside within books, they live inside me
  • that I waited too long to go sky diving for the first time
  • that getting lost in a creative project, whether that is writing, vision boarding or doodling in my ME FIRST Playbook, shifts my energy to a magical place
  • that when I share the load, and remember I am not responsible for everything, my life and my heath is a heck of a lot better
  • that sun rises and sunsets, rainbows and full moons lift me up as nothing else can
  • that I love my work and that work is very different from a J.O.B.
  • that the moment I began to mine my own diamond, see myself for who I really am,  is the moment I finally began to live
  • that my self-critic is sadly out of date and I really prefer the tune my self-coach is humming
  • that I get to choose my life
  • that when I take care of ME FIRST, everyone around me benefits as well.

That’s my list for now and I invite YOU to record yours and share your ‘what I know for sure’ here in this forum.

Until next time…

Betty

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Reflections on Surrendering

It is Sunday morning – the last Sunday of September 2012. As I lay in bed this morning, indulging in a few blissful moments alone, I took an inventory of the abundance that I live in. Gratitude filled my heart as I appreciated Jim (now out playing hockey), Tasha, Cleo and Max, our feline clan, Tigh Shee, our wonderful home and property that we have co-created with Spirit over the last 12 years, and for the work I have been called to do and be. The are the precious moments of life. Basking in gratitude relieves me of any anxiety or stress I feel for what is to come.

Tigh Shee Sign – installed Sept. 22, 2012

 

A few months ago friends of mine did a presentation on FEAR and I was reminded that an apt acronym for FEAR is Forgetting that Everything is All Right. And I do forget. So I have started asking myself these questions in my quest to surrender:

  • Where am I right now?
  • Is everything all right?
  • Is what I am fretting about happening at this moment?
  • What is happening now?

As I walk through these and sometimes some other related questions I realize how perfect things actually are. Worry always lives in the future even though it exists in our thoughts today. And (oh-oh!) worry is also attractive – if we focus on it, it will happen.

In my conversations with self and Spirit this morning, I realized that much of what I have been engaged in is shifting, in transition, and I understood that like everything else that has happened in my life, it must be for a reason. The times are changing. Energy is evolving. I am being called to grow and expand the work I am engaged in.

I have a strong platform to build on with our ME FIRST Programs and it is clear that this is to be protected and yet there are new learnings on the horizon. For example, this ‘surrender‘ thing! It is a call for me to live more from more heart, to step fully into trusting my accrued wisdom and my intuition, to begin learn, then teach, new strategies for being in our physical bodies.

Just the other day a friend asked me what the next book would be. I said I had no idea and then yesterday the pot began to bubble. I am not sure yet and I know it has something to do with building a new relationship with our bodies and finally forging the body-mind-spirit connection. We talk about it but do we live it? I see so many clients who have been disconnected from their bodies and I know intuitively that the road to healing is to reconnect with one’s physical form. All of this is percolating. Rather than Conversations with God is may be Conversations with Your Body.

Blessed are the Curious

Life keeps on giving. My work is to keep on receiving and allowing. To set the course for this, I must release any encumbrances (worry, anxiety, shoulds and have to’s).

These are my reflections for this cloudy, fall day! What are yours?

Until next time…

Betty

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ME FIRST Time

Enjoyed the vibrant colours of an early fall day. Went on a long walk in the woods with Alyssa – sharing time with a kindred spirit and breathing together. Difficult to discipline myself to go digging in the gardens when just relaxing and enjoying the day is an option. Important ME FIRST time!