Tag: health

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Black Dots and Other Distractions

There is an easy exercise I use when facilitating. I take a black marker and draw a dot in the middle of a large piece of flip chart paper. Do this for yourself. Take out a sheet of white paper and with a pen or marker simply place a dot in the middle of the page. Now, staring at the paper, ask yourself, “What do I see?”

Black Dot

When I ask participants what they see, most people respond, ‘a black dot’. Is that what you see?

Now look again. Notice that the dot takes up less than 1% of the entire page. What is left is a whole lot of white space.

Apply this same principle to life. During any given day, there are black dots that occur. These dots come in many forms – a mistake you made at work, a conversation with a friend that disturbed you, an item of news on the radio, or any other potential distraction.

Unfortunately black dots are coated with Velcro – they seem to stick to you. They occupy your thoughts and dampen your emotions. They are usually charged with something that triggers you and because of that they grow in size and take up a lot of space. You forget about all the white space around the dot.

The white space, by the way, represents reality. For every black dot or similar distraction, there are many more events going on in your life that are positive. Unfortunately when your focus goes to the black dot, the white space is forgotten.

There is an old adage that states, ‘where your attention goes, energy flows’. This is exactly what happens with the Black Dot Syndrome. That one less than perfect event of your day is the event that consumes you. You dive into it again and again, examining it from all sides. As you do so it grows and grows. All the great things that happened in your day are pushed aside and all but forgotten.

This, by the way, is a recipe for undermining yourself!

What is the alternative? Perspective. Black dots are small and deserve an equivalent amount of energy and attention. Your ability to contain them makes a difference. Begin by asking yourself the following:

  • Is this a black dot, or simply a distraction?
  • Before you give your energy and attention to any black dot, ask yourself what is in the white space. In other words, enumerate all the amazing things that happened in your day      and give your energy and appreciation to these.
  • When you return to the black dot, ask yourself how important the distraction is? Most times you will  discover it is simply just an annoyance.
  • Put the dot in perspective,  don’t allow it to grow. Balance the dot with the white space.

You might consider this conversation regarding black dots to be abstract or not important. If that’s where you are, ask yourself how you feel at the end of every day. Are you exhausted? What consumed your energy?

Or

Are you uplifted? What fed this feeling?

You have choice to make every day, and believe me it is YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to let the black dots dominate your landscape or you can pull you focus to the larger part of the canvas, the white space. Remember, the white space is filled with all the good and great things that happen to you in a day. Unfortunately they will slide by you unless you pull them into consciousness and examine them.

Begin making a choice today to choose thoughts and feelings which uplift you rather than deplete you. As Mike Dooley says in his daily ‘message from the Universe’, thoughts become things, choose the good ones.

Choose to be conscious and aware of what is playing in the background. Bring your attention to what really matters – the white space. This is reality more than any black dot you can identify, for in truth, it represents 99%  or more of what is in your life. Making this choice will allow you to live a more authentic and optimistic life for truth lies in the white space.

Until Next time…

Betty

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Resilience

It’s that time of year when expectations seem to mount. The Holiday Season is quickly approaching, family members are voicing their expectations of you, there’s a big sale at Sears you want to take advantage of and you just found out you have three Christmas parties booked the same evening. Match all these ‘extra’ demands with the demands of an already busy life and you may feel like you are out of breath.

So what do you do, how can you keep your sanity with all the additional demands this season seems to impose. It is meant to be a time of celebration and joy and yet as you look around you, you’re not sure there is a whole lot of that going around! Time to shift gears.

A Resilience Check-In
Here’s an opportunity to take your pulse and assess just how you are doing. You can do so by measuring your resilience, your ability to bounce back in response to added responsibility or adversity and not become overwhelmed. Take a look at the following statements and give yourself a score from 1, I strongly disagree to 5, I strongly agree.

I remind   myself every day of the things I have accomplished. 1 2 3 4 5
I am able   to take things in stride and remain calm in most circumstances. 1 2 3 4 5
I have the   ability to handle a number of different things at the same time. 1 2 3 4 5
I have a   strong sense of what my priorities are and put these first. 1 2 3 4 5
I know   when to say ‘NO’ and stick to my guns, even when others may not like my   answer. 1 2 3 4 5
I am able   to laugh at myself and circumstances when things don’t go as planned. 1 2 3 4 5
I have a   strong sense of my core values and purpose, engaging these to guide me   through each day. 1 2 3 4 5
I am   resourceful and can find my way out of most difficult situations. 1 2 3 4 5

Add up your score – you will have a range for 8 to 40. While this is not a scientifically valid questionnaire, you can use your score to understand the degree to which you are handling the demands of your life. A score close to 8 suggests you are approaching overwhelm, perhaps feeling frantic, fatigued or even postponing the things that need to be done. A score close to 40 suggests you are dealing with the day to day easily and effortlessly and coasting into the holiday season. Most of us will most likely score mid-range.

This is not a diagnostic, just a notice, and as you notice where you fall, let me offer you some strategies for managing the approaching holiday season in a way that will assure you that Joy and Celebration care the main theme.

Holiday ‘Sanity’ Tips:

  1. At the end of the day, bring your attention to all the things you accomplished during the day. You may notice that your habit is the opposite, focusing on what you did not get done. Stop that!
  2. Give yourself time during the day to come up for air – that may mean sitting at your desk and taking a few deep breaths, closing your eyes for a short meditation or going for a 10 minute walk.
  3. Be planful. Look at your days and make sure you identify your priorities. These are your big rocks. Once these are achieved, other things fall easily into place.
  4. When you are faced with decisions regarding your time and various commitments during the holiday season and the upcoming weeks, let your intuition guide you. Say NO to what does not serve you. This will make your YES’s much more powerful.
  5.  Learn to laugh at yourself over the innocent mistakes. Little damage is done in most cases and laughing goes a long way to disperse any negative energy.
  6. Take some time to identify your core values. Your values are the guiding principles by which you choose to live. They help you to say NO and to choose the direction in which you want to move.
  7. Simplify – attend fewer events and buy fewer gifts. Focus on the meaning of the season.
Know your NO’s

The holiday season can be challenging or easy – the choice is really yours. Make this your best holiday season ever by making perfect choices for you. Pass this gift along to others.

Until next time,

Betty

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Surrender

Surrender is not necessarily one of my favorite words. Despite this it keeps coming up in conversation and is evidently a SIGN. I think my resistance to the word is that old visual from cowboy or war movies where surrendering involves sticking your hands high into the air and offering yourself up to another person, potentially the enemy.

Okay, I know this is not what it really means and that to surrender does not mean giving up or giving in. Nor does surrender imply weakness or loss. According to the dictionary to surrender means to relinquish control, and detach from results. Darn – there’s that control thing again.

I turned back to one of my favorite all time books, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, seeking some solace and clarity on this subject. She suggests that surrender is powerful nonresistance, being open and receptive to allowing our lives to be guided by a higher power. In this state of nonresistance you allow ‘spirit to infuse your life and to offer you meaning and direction’.

I have to say that I am all for that. It simply gets confusing when I try to figure everything out for myself not to mention that I also step back into being a control freak. When you stop trying to control all the events in your life, you notice that things fall into place anyway and that there is a natural order to them.

So how do you surrender? Now that is the $20,000,000 question. Even as I say to myself all I have to do is surrender I feel the trepidation and wonder how do you so this. I can only share what I am learning at the moment and to suggest to you, that although surrender seems unfamiliar and uncomfortable, I suspect we are all in this boat together. It is a new experience.

Let go of what you can’t control

 

Re-Connect with your Heart
The starting point for me is to forge a new relationship with my heart. This begins by putting aside 10 to 15 minutes of quiet ME FIRST time, sitting or lying comfortably, away from all distractions. Place your hand on your heart and feel it beating under your hand.

With each breath in imagine that your heart is expanding. Infuse your heart with love on each in-breath and on the out-breath imagine this love extending you your entire self. As you continue, notice any stress in your body, and then release it on each out-breath.

Consider an issue which has been troublesome for you and perhaps what actions you have been taking to control it. On the next out breath release these actions and ask your heart the question, “what would be in my highest good?” Don’t expect an immediate answer; simply rest with the question for a few moments, then ask again, “what would be in my highest good?”

Your heart is the seat of amazing wisdom and knowledge. Unfortunately it is overruled by your head and buried under worry, anxiety, frustration and impatience. Impatience by the way is the highest form of resistance, like pushing at something. When you push there is an equal and opposite force in return.

As you continue your heart ‘meditation’, imagine yourself floating in a sea of light. The water sparkles, infused with hues of purple, turquoise and yellow. These colours dance around you. You feel all the resistance you have been experiencing begin to float away and as you drift, your heart opens even further. You begin to appreciate that all you need to know is there, you need only to relax and allow it to come to you.

Back to Reality
I hear you, REALLY! Can this possibly work? YES! And it takes time. As with any new habit it must be practiced. I wish there were a simple switch you could turn on and off, to step from control freak into control free and to experience complete surrender. Wouldn’t that be blissful.

The thing is, and you know this as well as I do, you are simply getting in your own way when it comes to moving forward in life. Everything you want is waiting for you. Your work is to conceive it (ask for what you want), believe it (imagine that what you want is already a reality) and receive it (get out-of-the-way and allow it).

Here’s the challenge: changing any habit takes 21 days. My invitation to you is to take the time each day for the next 3 weeks to re-connect with your heart. Follow the instructions I have offered and see what happens. You never know, new doors may open and something you never expected may arrive on your doorstep!

Until next time,

Betty

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Act-Think Feel

There is a saying which goes, “Fake it until you make it”. It is not one of my favorites and I have often been tempted to dispute it. It’s the ‘fake it’ part that bothers me as it seems inauthentic.

This past weekend I attended the inaugural conference for the Canadian Positive Phycology Association in Toronto. There were a number of impressive presentations all leaving me with a desire for more learning and immense sense of curiosity. One of my favorites was the opening keynote address by Dr. Greg Wells a neurophysiologist from the Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, skyped in from the Olympic Village in London. (Watch for him as part of the CTV broadcast team). He covered a number of topics within the context of his presentation. One of the pieces that stuck with me was ‘act-think-feel’ – you guessed right, fake it until you make it.

In his work with athletes and the mind-body connection, research has demonstrated that what you show on the outside is replicated on the inside. The two key variables which have been researched are smiling and posture.

You have all heard the other phrase, ‘smile and the world smiles with you.” While that theory has not been examined scientifically, the reality is that when you smile, outwardly, your inner world begins to smile. You lighten up and your attitude shifts. When you act – smile, you begin to think and feel differently. Your smile activates a physiological response that makes you feel better.

Remember your mother saying, “Johnny or Jane, stand up straight!” It really annoyed you because you were a teenager and slouching was simply cool. Well it turns out that slouching is not only bad for your posture, it’s bad for your attitude and your health.

The second part of the act-think-feel equation is that standing tall, stretching your height upward and elongating your torso, makes you feel better about you. It is almost impossible to think positively about yourself and feel the resulting emotions if you slouch and slink. Stretching upward enhances your esteem and boosts your confidence.

Step outside yourself for a moment and begin to notice others. Imagine for a moment the person who is frowning, slouching and slinking. What is your response to them? Do they appear positive or confident? No they don’t. You are probably judging them and wondering why such an attractive person wouldn’t stand tall and occasionally smile.

Here’s your choice point – start acting different yourself. Decide each morning to begin the day with a smile, even if it does feel fake. Just plaster it on and then notice:

  1. How you feel about yourself as the day goes on
  2. How others respond to you

Next, begin to check your posture. You don’t want to stand military style; you simply want to stand tall, as if there was a pulley attached to the crown of your head stretching you upward. As you elongate your posture, your shoulders naturally pull back a bit, you can breathe more easily, your chest opens up, you are more receptive, and others will notice.

As a former physiotherapist, there are numerous other advantages to improved posture, including preventing long term back issues and, for women as they age, that ‘dowager’s hump’. Remember, checking in with your posture and standing tall, supports what you think and feel and positively affects how your brain functions.

As you tune into the Olympics this summer, watch the athletes as they prepare for their event. You will see intense concentration; you will see them correct their posture and stand tall, and if you are lucky you may catch a smile or two.

Most importantly, check in with yourself and begin today to smile more and to stand tall. Do your own research project – begin every day with a smile and by stretching your head to the sky. Do both regularly each day and notice what changes or shifts in your energy, confidence and esteem. I guarantee you will feel better and your thoughts will be more positive. Notice how others respond to you and when that friend says to you, ‘what are you smiling about?’ simply say, smiling is changing my world inside and out – want to join me?

It’s really up to you.

Until next time,

Betty

Posted on by — Leave a comment

What House Will YOU Live In?

“If you don’t look after your body, what house are you going to live in?” I am coiled up in a pretzel like yoga pose as our instructor cites this quote from some unknown author. At that moment it wasn’t clear to me if I was actually being kind and taking care of my body – my hamstrings were screaming too loud! Despite this, and five yoga classes later, I am appreciating the slight advance in my flexibility and a greater sense of well-being.

Back to the quote – it keeps rolling around in my head and I have found myself musing more and more about ‘my house’. Mostly I have been realizing how, over the last 60 years, I have really not appreciated my body, and have certainly not treated it like my house. If my body could only talk, what stories it would tell! I have abused it with unhealthy choices. I have criticized it for not being perfect – too fat, too round, too flat chested, too….

Rarely have I stopped to appreciate the appendages that fall from my pelvis nor have I thanked these sturdy legs of mine for standing with me through thick and thin, for walking me through difficulties and triumphs, and for supporting me wherever I go. Rarely have I acknowledged my arms and hands for giving and receiving hugs, for assisting me as I reach for what I want and pushing away what I don’t, or for simply allowing me to wash my face, brush my teeth and comb my hair.

I have not consciously thanked my heart for pumping life giving blood through my arteries and veins every moment of every day. Nor have I expressed gratitude to my lungs for ‘prana’, the breath of life. Then there is my brain which serves as computer central for everything I do, feel and think – how neglectful have I been of her as she helps me navigate the complexity of everyday living?

Isn’t it time to step up and to become consciously aware of the gift our bodies are? Although your body, like mine, may not be absolutely ‘perfect’ (at least in our eyes), it is still pretty darn amazing.

The day I turned 60, I stood in front of a full length mirror and spoke to the reflection, “This is what 60 looks like”. After years of war with my physical form I had finally made peace. My only regret is that it took me 6 decades to get there. How much time I had wasted trying to be more perfect in one way or another? What a waste of time and energy this was.

I like the peaceful place I have now landed in. I am filled with gratitude for my skin, bones, flesh and fat and every molecule that completes my physical form.

Thanks to my yoga instructor, I was pulled back and offered yet again another reminder to love, honor and cherish me and in doing so, to take care of my body. Yoga is new to me and I think it will be staying around for a while as it is teaching me a new relationship with my house.

What about you – will you join me and identify one thing you can do for you that honors the house you live in. It doesn’t have to be yoga; it can be as simple as stopping from time to time, taking a deep breath and on the exhale expressing appreciation to your body. It is really not a stretch. It starts with closing your eyes and saying to your body “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for your endurance, for your support and for housing my spirit”.

By the way, if you do not appreciate you and if you do not look after YOU, who will?

Until next time…

Betty