Category: What Has Become Clear

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Make Procrastination Work for YOU

We all have those moments in our lives where we procrastinate. Chances are that, when this happens, you find yourself being very critical of your ability to put things off. I want to offer you another strategy for dealing with procrastination; one which I believe can help you to make your procrastination habits work for you.

Understand it First:

Before you jump into criticizing yourself, take a step back and understand what is behind your procrastination. Here are some of the common reasons I have uncovered with my coaching clients and some proposed solutions.

1. You don’t understand the goal or desired outcome of the activity you are involved in. This may happen because you are not clear yourself or because the person assigning you the task has not been clear in delegating to you. In this case, slow down and ask yourself what it is you really want, get clear on your specific outcome and what you want as a result. If the task has been delegated to you, sit with the other person and clarify the expectations.

2. You are a perfectionist. When you are playing the perfectionist game you end up stalling. Perfectionism requires that everything is perfect before you begin, all your ducks need to be lined up! Because you also want a perfect outcome, you throw yourself into overwhelm. The cycle is a vicious one! To deal with perfectionism, break your goal or task down into ‘chewable chunks’ and deal with that bite-size piece first. This helps to manage the overwhelm and minimize the planning required. Once you experience success with the first bite, you will have the confidence to move forward.

3. You lack confidence or the no-how to perform the task at hand. This is not uncommon especially when starting something new. A great strategy here is to remind yourself that you already have a great deal of knowledge; you are just applying it in a different way. Take what you know and apply this to the new activity. Bite off that first chewable chunk and start one step at a time.

4. You feel like a fraud. You hesitate to continue or start something new for fear that someone else will think you do not have the necessary education or expertise. Again, using the previous strategy, remember your experience and your accomplishments and remind yourself that you are simply building on this. Feeling like a fraud is usually your ‘stuff’; your sense of what others think is generally not valid.

5. You have previously had a negative experience with something similar. The memory of that ‘failure’ is haunting you and you just can’t get started. This is where you manage your fear and shift it into setting an intention for success. For example, I have all the competence and skill I require to be a success in this project. This is a positive growth experience for me. The last experience taught me all I need to know.

6. What you have been asked to do places you out of integrity with yourself. It is not unusual that other people ask you to do something that is contrary to your core values. If you are sensing a growing uneasiness with a request, it is time to exercise your NO-How and simply refuse to take it on. This is where hesitation works in your favor – you are exercising your judgment.

7. There is fear somewhere down the line and it is not immediately obvious. Fear is a common thing and it can be fear of failure, success, or the unknown. If this is behind your procrastination, take the time to examine what your fear is. Ask yourself this important question, “what is the worst thing that can happen as a result?” When you name the worst case scenario it usually minimizes the risk as you realize the ‘worst’ is not really that bad (and generally doesn’t even happen).

Facing procrastination and staring it down is one of the best things you can do for your life and your business. It helps you to understand what is behind it and take the time to strategize just how to approach it. You do not have to stay in the procrastination zone when you take this approach as, understanding it, helps you conquer it and indeed, make it work for YOU.

As Ottawa psychologist and business consultant Nancy Morris teaches, learn to use procrastination to solve the issues you are currently facing and understand why it is happening. Procrastination is an opportunity. From this point forward you do not have to complain about it or criticize yourself for it. Simply take the time to analyze it and when you understand it, create a strategy for moving forward.

Until next time…

Betty

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Lessons from the Road

As I mentioned in my previous roadSIGNS Column, I have had the opportunity over the last six weeks to travel across Canada. I have learned that it takes a certain discipline to get up each morning, check-in at the airport, travel to a new city, arrive at a new hotel each night and remember what room I have been assigned and finally, show up every evening with and enthusiastic and engaging presentation. As a result of my
observations of myself and others, I have learned many lessons which of course, not only apply to travelling but to life in general. It’s just that travelling puts everything under a microscope.

Lesson Number One: Stay in the Moment.

As someone who is notorious for thinking about what’s next, or what is happening next week, I have learned that this is not an effective strategy when I am travelling. Staying grounded and living in the moment however, is. The routine of changing locations everyday has forced me to wake up, ask what city and hotel I am in, assess where I am travelling to that day and upon arrival, focus on that evening’s program. Thinking ahead too far only creates confusion and distraction.

Lesson Number Two: Be Patient and Smile a Lot

When you have to go through airline security for several days in a row, it is very easy to become annoyed. I have never taken jackets, boots and belts off so many times in my life and I feel constantly embarrassed about undressing in public. The key to surviving this daily assault is to be patient, to joke with the security guards (imagine having their job!) and to smile a lot. That smile changes everything and lights people up along the way. I have learned that airport security is simply a job that has to be done and not to take it personally.

Lesson Number Three: Inspire Others

As I travel through these airports, I hand out attractionCARDS, inspiring messages which we produce here at roadSIGNS. This may be the agent at the check-in desk, the server at Starbucks, the occasional flight attendant, waiters and waitresses or shop keepers. What I have noticed is how a small thing like offering someone a message for their day makes a difference. One server at the airport in Halifax shared with me that travelers
are not nice people. They are always in a hurry and chronically grumpy. After offering her and her colleague an attractionCARD they lit up and stated that I had “made their day!” It’s not difficult to inspire others.

Lesson Number Four: When I Inspire Others I am Inspired

I have also noticed that when I take a moment to be pleasant, to smile, or tooffer a message, the same energy returns to me. As I leave an interaction with anotherperson, I frequently see them smiling and sharing the message I offered themwith someone else. And that lights me up. I realize that if I stay lit up and inspired it has an impact on my being, my work and my relationships. Energy given; energy received.

Lesson Number Five: Stay Rested

A constant change in time zones, a new hotel bed every night and evening programs which keep me awake thinking, make staying rested a real challenge. I developed the habit of meditating before each event, 15 to 30 minutes, of quiet reflection and breathing. It is interesting that I don’t afford myself that luxury when I am not travelling even though I know the benefits and how it allows me to be ‘on’ during my evening workshops. It is important ME FIRST time, that opportunity to serve myself first so that I can serve others well.

I am sure there have been other lessons as well – these are the principle ones. They apply to all of our days not just the travelling ones. And so I invite you to join with me and practice being present, being patient and smiling a lot, inspiring others and as a result, being inspired and staying
rested with a daily dose of ME FIRST time. These simple lessons can change your life in so many ways.

 

Until next time…

Betty

Betty Healey is the roadSIGNS Coach, coaching people back to life! Her new book, The ME FIRST Playbook, is now available at
the roadSIGNS website, www.roadSIGNS.ca

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90 Seconds

As I read Martha Beck’s column in the most recent Oprah magazine, I was reminded once again of the importance of monitoring our thoughts. As Mike Dooley, www.tut.com, reminds us, “thought become things – choose the good ones”. So what do you do when a less than perfect thought comes bubbling up, apparently out of no where. What do you do when you become aware of these thought forms?

According to the new research emerging on neuroplasticity, spearheaded by folks like Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight), you have 90 seconds to re-program that thought.

WOW – only 90 seconds?

Actually 90 seconds is longer than you might think. First of all it gives you times to become aware of the thought, second it gives you time to shake hands with it, acknowledge it, and recognize that it is way less than perfect. Finally you have the opportunity to call into your awareness a more perfect thought. You get to do what I call ‘flip-it’.

What does that look like. If you find yourself in anger, resentment or judgment, ask yourself, ‘How would I rather feel?”

The answer may be something like, “I want to be in joy, peace or ease, perhaps even gratitude.”

The process then goes like this:

  1. recognize the thought roaming around in your head.
  2. assess how it makes you feel
  3. discern if that’s really where you want to play
  4. shake hands with the devilish thoughts  – do NOT dismiss it
  5. be clear on where you would rather be/play
  6. re-program the thought.

After 90 seconds, if you stay with the thought forms that do not serve you, they are registered in the brain. My best advice, confront, flip and shift  – in the long run this will serve you as it will be the new thought form, the one that serves you and helps you to be positive, which will be registered.

This is some food for thought (no pun intended) don’t you think?

Until next time…

Betty

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From Comfort to Courage

During the taping of the roadSIGNS TV Show for Cogeco Cornwall yesterday, a wonderful question arrived. Here it is:

What would it take for you to step out of your Comfort Zone and into your Courage Zone?

I love it when one of my clients, or in this case a member of our studio audience, asks one of those great questions. This is what keeps me on my toes and keeps me learning as well.

Yesterday we were filming a series of shows called Living in GRACE, GRACE being an acronym for Gratitude, Respect, Acknowledgment, Courage and Enthusiasm. As you can imagine this specific question came up during the conversation on Courage.

Courage shows up in so many ways everyday. Example:

  • the courage to choose something different or new , something outside your comfort zone
  • the courage to be curiosity and play in the land of what if…
  • the courage to set boundaries for yourself and say NO to others when you need to say YES to you
  • the courage to confront fears you have or those limiting beliefs that hold you in your comfort zone
  • the courage to stay the course once you have stepped onto it.

The great opportunity before each of us is to step out in courage and see what the world look like on the other side of our comfort zone. I had no idea what it would be like to have a TV Show. My curiosity went to the what if… and the rest is history. Do I get nervous. Darn right! It feels a little scary to be putting yourself out there, whether that is writing a new book, speaking to an audience or hosting a TV Show. Courage is required every time you make a new choice and that’s where excitement, enthusiasm and enjoyment live as well.

Are you ready to leave comfort behind for courage?

Let me know.

We will be launching the ME FIRST Playbook later this month, a fun and funky companion book to ME FIRST – If I Should Wake before I Die. You can pre-order at http://www.roadsigns.ca/products.html   or join us on Sunday, October 16th at the Cornwall Public Library, 1 PM for the official book launch.

Until next time…

Betty

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Amity Farm

About an hour outside New York City, in the Hudson Highlands, you will find a community called Warwick. Like most of the communities in that part of New York State, the homes are sprawling century old properties which speak of old wealth. The surrounding area is hilly and pastoral. Horse ranches and mixed farming abounds.

A few minutes out of Warwick, you will find Amity Farm, a training facility for budding equestrians (www.amityequestrianenterprizes.com) . It is Amity Farm that attracted us to Warwick, specifically two young ladies, Corey and Christine, who own and operate the business.

Amity Farm is more than an equestrian business however. It is a place for self-discovery through our relationship with horses. Jim, myself and our artist colleague, Tracy, were invited to participate in a day long program facilitated by Corey and Christine which offered participants a unique opportunity to discover more about themselves through horse companions.

Although I am not an expert on horses, this is what I learned that day. Fundamentally horses are no-nonsense kinds of beings. In other words, they get you. They know if you are calm or frazzled, honest or deceitful, grounded or scattered and they respond to you accordingly. They connect with you from the inside out. They will not be bullied or pushed around by you. The only way to really communicate with them is to be truly centered and sure of yourself.

Throughout the day at Amity Farm, we experienced a number of activities with our horse companions which truly did hold up the mirror. Those of us who participated were forced to see ourselves with new eyes, to understand that true leadership comes from deep within and connecting with others rather than be forceful and pushy. We learned about personal boundaries and how easily we allow these to blur when they are challenged.

As for my personal experience, following the workshop I had my first lesson in horsemanship with Corey coaching me through mounting and riding a horse. For some of you that may not be significant but as this was a new experience for me I had some initial trepidation. ROM, the largest of all the horses we played with that day, was my mount – he was very patient with me. Once in the saddle (and this was the greatest challenge for me) Corey gently coached me to get centered, both with my breath and my posture.

Corey, who calls this program “Ride Your Life”, stresses the importance of sitting in your own power. You can only communicate fully with the horse when you know who you are and sit confidently in that place. This is personal power, the ability to see yourself through the eyes of truth, knowing your strengths, gifts and talents and acknowledging them with gratitude. Through their intuition, horses know this about you. I guess that’s what they mean by horse sense.

I share this experience with you, as I am learning that there are many ways in which to discover the truth of who we are and how we play in the world. It had never occurred to me that I could learn anything from a horse, but then, until recently, I did not hang out with horses. This may have to change.

 

Until Next Time…

 

Betty

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Tug of War

I have been on vacation for exactly six days now, excluding weekends and the Civic holiday. I don’t count these as they are days I would normally gift to myself anyway. Vacation is an interesting time for me as I am sure it is for you. I keep telling myself that I can’t wait to put my feet up, get in some serious hammock time, bask in the sun (with lots of sunscreen) and read the latest New York Times best seller. And then the first day of vacation arrives, the hours span out in front of me. There is no schedule. There are no work projects to be completed. The ‘to do’ list is empty and I can breathe, finally!

That’s when the ‘tug of war’ begins. Suddenly the ‘to do’ list is resurrected, now filled with other items outside of the usual work ones. There are garden chores to be completed, the garage to be cleaned and perhaps the basement too, repairs on the deck, doors to be painted. Is this the ‘staycation’ I dreamed of. NO!

I need a Permission Slip, perhaps even a prescription from my doctor.
Something like: Two hours ‘being’ time t.i.d. (three times per day).
Best taken twice after meals with an ample amount of water and an occasional glass of wine.
Feet should be elevated and head well supported.
Accompanied by 15 minutes of meditation or daydreaming.
No self-critics allowed during this ‘being’ time.

I like that prescription – is it one you could follow? Or, like me, do you sometimes equate stopping, being quiet, settling in with a great novel to being lazy? It seems to me that when I was young I had no problem with this. As I have grown older I seem to have a greater sense of urgency about getting things done. Why is that? It is time to change gears.

One of the things I know for sure is that busyness precludes being quiet and that each of us, both you and I, need that down time. I call it opening space. This space is important because that is the time when we can actually receive, whether this means receiving from friends and family, or simply receiving from the ‘Universe”. If you have no time for reflection, you curtail your ability to learn, to think about your life, to ponder the important questions in your life, and to be open to new answers. I know this because when I choose to give myself the gift of time, not only do I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually better, I become more creative and attuned to what is next for me and our business.

It is interesting to notice that the word vacation is derived from vacate. Typically we vacate our premises or vacate our work. But perhaps we need also to vacate the usual routines of our life, the ‘to do’ lists, the family obligation and give ourselves the gift of time and space.

Here’s what’s up for all of us. Life, whether vacation or not, is filled with a number of ‘tug of wars’, our desires and wants versus the ‘shoulds’ often imposed on us. At every step we have choices to make. We get to choose what fills our days. We get to choose how we manage the space in our life.

If you are committed to your journey of self-discovery, I encourage you to become conscious and aware of the choices you make every day for you. It is time for space management – discerning what you give your energy to, how your daily doings feed your spirit and how much time you need specifically for you, that important downtime. Life is a journey, one that is meant to be lived fully and enjoyed.

I am headed for the hammock!

Until next time… Betty

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Do No Harm

A coaching client of mine recently shared with me the idea of Bullying by omission. Curious, I asked her what this meant. She shared that this type of bullying is subtle and insidious, occurring behind a person’s back. It is bullying through exclusion, gossip, decision-making and more. With this post, I begin exploring the idea of bullying by omission – gossip. Continue reading Do No Harm

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Soon to Be Launched!

Yesterday we (Jim and I) spent the day with a crew for the local cable network Cogeco filming the first five episodes of the roadSIGNS TV Show. I have for years imagined what it would be like to host a TV or radio show, essentially a coaching program, where viewers could pick up tips for their own journey of self-discovery. Okay – not Dr. Phil, no “How’s that working for you?”, and no soap operish psycho-babble, but down to earth conversation regarding the small things people face everyday. Perhaps this is unfair criticism of Dr. Phil – I used to like the show and his no-nonsense advice!

More about roadSIGNS – our intentions for the show were set around a number of themes:

– to model the difference between coaching versus counselling
– to offer people, who may find coaching inaccessible to them, the opportunity for a coaching conversation
– to help others see how truly unique they are and to have tools for stepping fully into their personal power, and of course
– to have some fun, as life is far too serious.

The crew from Cogeco were amazing, coaching us along, being patient with me when I flubbed the opening of the show numerous times, laughing with us as we fumbled through the first show. All in all the process was quite painless and I noticed that, by the time we got to the fifth show, the process truly flowed. Unlike many shows filmed by the crew, we also had a live studio audience with whom to interact with so thanks to Tracy, Emily, Ann and Janet, who patiently sat with us through six hours of taping.

By mid-October, the shows will begin airing. You can learn more at http://www.tvcogeco.com/cornwall/shows. And with this, I hold the intention that the shows make a difference, are viewed by many, are shared, and that before we know it, the roadSIGNS Show is the talk of the town. Not too much to ask, is it? I’ll keep you posted re: when the shows air.

I have been noticing that as I set my intentions to open doors to opportunities, most of which I am currently not aware of, that there are surprises. For example, I set an intention to grow our business, and what has appeared is several requests to train in our ME FIRST/roadSIGNS model. This definitely would grow our work yet I assumed, that growth meant me delivering more programs.

As I teach, when you ask for something, be prepared for it to show up in a form that is different from what you imagined and then, be curious and open to the possibility. That is where my journey is leading at the  moment and I have decided that my WORD for this time in my life is curiosity.

Until next time…

Betty

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Pre-Occupations

It’s one of those lazy rainy fall days where all you want to do is curl up and read a book. It is quiet business wise. This is not a complaint simply a notice as in those quiet times I get to plan, reflect and to notice what’s going on around me.

A lot of SOS (Space Occupying Stuff) got sorted out today, relationships with business partners, decision about applying for CPP, planning for upcoming events. It ia all good and is great Space Management.

This Wednesday, that is 2 days from now, Jim and I begin taping the roadSIGNS show for Cogeco, the local cable network. One could say that this arose through happenstance, yet as I believe in roadSIGNS, I know this was divinely guided at some level. Whatever it is, we will tape the first five shows, a new series.

I have thought a great deal about why we are doing this, beyond having fun and being of service to our community. This probably has been provoked by the book I am currently reading called Start WithWhy by Simon Sinek. 

The ‘why’ is not a foreign concept to me, in fact I teach organizations and individuals to name their why, I am simply reflecting on mine and assessing its accuracy. In many ways it’s a larger than life concept, certainly something that one aspires to and inspires you and others.

I know that my intention for the roadSIGNS TV Show is to create opportunities for our viewers to learn more about themselves and to see the greatness that lives inside of them. I know, this sounds very altruistic, it’s just that I see things in others that they do not naturally see in themselves. You know what I mean. And I want to offer them opportunities for turning on the lights and creating an inner space that is self-loving and kind.

Enough rambling, TV shows, speaking, coaching, whatever it is  – it’s perfect. I am learning to trust everyday is lined up just as it is intended to be and that each day will bear a gift of its own. YOU?

On another note, my friends Kathy and Lucie married this past weekend and we attended the reception and pre-wedding celebration. I am so pleased for them and proud that I live in a country where 2 women can legally tie the knot. Which brings me to another topic, as of last week I can now legally marry people in Ontario. I don’t know how often I will use these credentials and judging from the paperwork involved, hopefully a limited number. I need a system to get organized with this and given all the other things on the plate, I have not created any space for weddings in my calendar yet. Good notice – if there is no space, there will be few opportunities.

My eyes grow weary and it’s time to finally curl up with that book. What pre-occupies you these days? I want to know.

Until next time,

Betty

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Finding Felix

When I was a little girl, my mother told me endless stories about her brother Felix Conrad. He was, in my child’s mind, a mysterious character who left his native Nova Scotia as a young man for a life of adventure in Canada’s north. Although he came from sea faring stock, it was clear that Felix was of the land. He joined the Hudson’s Bay Company and traveled to Baffin Island, where he embarked on a career as a fur trapper and trader. 

My mother had few details of his life there although he had gifted her with a photo album. I remember leafing through the pictures and examining the round faces of his Inuit companions. A few knickknacks could be found on the corner hutch in our living room passed on to my mother from Felix. The one I most remember was a cribbage board carved from Ivory, brass inlay denoting the necessary markings and pin holes. I played with this as a child and can still feel the slippery smoothness in my hands.

All these memories seemed to have slipped away following my mother’s death although I suspect the album and the ivory are tucked away somewhere in my brother’s basement waiting to be re-discovered. What I do have is the remnant of a fox fur collar also gifted to my mother. She had this attached to every dress-up coat she ever owned even when that coat became worn and tattered. The fur that framed her face gave my mother an air of aristocracy and I suspect she derived some hidden connection to Felix from its softness.

Felix died long before I was born, simply disappeared. Rumor was he had been murdered. No one knew for sure as he died in the north. There is little indication that he even existed except for an inscription in St. Mathew’s Lutheran Church in Upper Lahave, NS, where he is listed in the first confirmation class.

Recently however, his name has come to light once again. Due to the curiosity of one of my nephews, who decided a few years ago to begin a genealogical dig of our family tree, we have discovered the details of Felix’s life in the north and his mysterious death. I have now learned that Felix is buried in Cape Dorset and that he died from alcohol poisoning, drinking brew from his own home-made still. I can only assume that alcohol became a necessary companion during the never ending nights of the Arctic North.

I have learned these details from William Tagoona, my Uncle Felix’s grandson. Felix had a son named Armand, who went on to father eleven children, all of whom are my second cousins. As I share this, the truth of Felix’s life, and the generations which followed him, continues to unfold in a delightfully curious way. This part of Felix’s life was completely unknown to my mother, my brother and to me; we had no idea that he had fathered a son. 

William with Peter Mansbridge, August 6, 2010

This unfolding has been a significant roadSIGN for me. Following my mother’s death I had this great sense of loss, not only at loosing my mother, but at not having a family. As far as I knew, I was alone except for my brother and his two sons. I thought what a tragedy that my grandparents, Ida and Aden bore four children, two of whom died in infancy and one of whom disappeared as a young adult. While my mother lived until her sixties, she too was gone and this part of the Conrad clan had simply vanished.

I knew nothing of the generations before me. Nothing was recorded, as far as I was aware. And then everything changed. Through a website, GenForum, my nephew met Melanie, Felix’s great granddaughter, and the rest as we say, is history.  The Conrad family tree has been traced back to the late seventeen hundreds in Germany, to the original members who immigrated to Canada. I am enjoying the discovery and excited about what is to come as William and I continue to share and I peel away the layers of my lost family which was never truly lost, simply unknown to me. It makes me wonder what else I don’t know about the past and about history and how, each member of my family tree contributed to the person I am, the genes in one great genetic pool. 

I am not sure why this seems so important although it feels like that missing puzzle piece that you search for at the completion of a jigsaw puzzle and that somehow got misplaced. The puzzle has been sitting there for years waiting, holding the space for someone to find the missing piece and to drop it in. The mystery of Felix Conrad, his disappearance, his life in the north, his legacy, has been solved. I am deriving great comfort from the knowing and immense curiosity about what continues to unfold. 

I invite you to be curious. Be prepared to be surprised!

Until next time….

Betty