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I was enjoying W5 last Sunday, appreciating a story about two young soldiers who had decided to race a car in Newfoundland’s notorious race the Targa. The story led off with two soldiers, one leg, and profiled two young soldiers, Andrew Knisley and Jody Mitic, who had returned from Afghanistan with significant physical challenges as the result of loosing one or both legs.

Having been a physiotherapist in my past life and having had the opportunity to work with amputees, I was very impressed with their recovery. More importantly I was taken with their attitude and their courage. Andrew Knisley and Jody Mitic had no previous experience with racing and the Targa is not for the faint of heart. They wanted however to make a point that being an amputee does not have to be a disability and to raise money and awareness for their cause Soldiering On. I was inspired.

Turn to the commercials. During the airing of this show I was stunned when a new video game was promoted showing an average Canadian female teenager and other players holding machine guns. Graphics exploded around them with the sounds of war. The commercial ended with ‘there’s a soldier in all of us!’ Are you kidding me – this can’t be real I thought to myself. Here we are watching a show regarding the results of war and surviving the consequences and this game encourages players to go to war. I get it – it’s only a virtual situation, yes and is this really what we want our kids to become. I was shocked.

I know, I am ranting. In one hour I witnessed the heroism of Andrew Knisley and Jody Mitic balanced with a thoughtless video game that promotes war.

Rather than being a soldier, I suggest we become peaceful warriors. Peace begins with each of us making peace within. Peace as I have learned is an illusive concept when a good portion of the world are at war with themselves. Knowing this, wouldn’t time and energy be better used in a video game of self-discovery, of having the courage to visit the inner terrain of self and tame the self-critic, of learning to make peace with all the personal demons. Do we really want to be soldiers?

Until next time…

Betty

Sitting in the Calgary airoort and taking in the view – fresh snow fell over night in the mountains. The white caps are glowing in the morning sun.

I am on my way to Winnipeg, the 8th stop on my second cross country tour for one of my pharma clients. It continues to amaze me that I can travel to all these cities, beginning with London and Toronto week one, then on to St. John’s, Edmonton, Victoria and Vancouver week two, and finally Calgary, Winnipeg and Ottawa week three. Somehow the notion of travelling these great distances continues to defy my imagination, even though I have done it many times.

Jim joined me for a 4 day hiatus over the weekend and we have been fortunate to walk the city trails, enjoying Prince’s Park, as well as driving out to Canmore to visit with friends and enjoy the mountainous scenery up close. The Rockies are a rare beauty to be enjoyed, as is the Harbour walk in Victoria and Signal Hill in NFLD, all of which I have experienced in this last week. I feel like a European tourist completing a cross county tour of Canada in one week.

What have I learned along the way:
– how to disrobe quickly, shedding shoes, belts and jackets, at each check point
– to be diligent regarding any liquid, gel or paste in my hand luggage – I have had several items confiscated
– to always maintain a sense of humour with the folks tearing my luggage apart as it makes my experience and their day that much more pleasant
– to always be early so not to have to panic when the check in process has a very long line
– to offer attractionCARDS to those who cross my path – they always put a smile on the faces of agents and others in jobs that can be challenging.
– to have a light fiction in hand to read and use this for entertainment – sex and smut is the best!
– to have a great mix of work and pleasure, get lots of sleep and eat well
– to breathe deeply whenever any suggestion of stress appears
– to set intentions for each event I facilitate and enjoy the participants for who they are (this is after all a series on communicating with different energies)
– to love my way everyday.

I am so grateful to The Universe for affording me this opportunity to touch the lives of others, if only in a small way (or something better).

Until next time…

Betty

Everywhere I go, whether for a walk or a drive, I see the SIGNS that suggest boundaries. When a new property is about to be developed I watch the surveyors clarifying the property lines. When the actual building begins, chain link fences appear to keep away intruders. As a property matures, the fences change to white picket or sometimes a cedar hedge. Whether plant, wood, metal or simply where the grass meets the road, it is clear where the boundaries are.

If only it were so with you and I. So much of my coaching work of late has been in helping others establish their boundaries. It seems that the expectations of a busy world and juggling the many responsibilities that accompany the various roles you all take on, has bumped most of you off your priority list.

This is a question I ask audiences when I speak to them, “Where are you on your own priority list?” Ask yourself the question. Are you surprised to hear yourself say that, “I am not even on my own priority list or if I am, chances are I am at the bottom”. Why is this? As you take a look at this question you might also consider, what are the SIGNS showing up in your life, that suggest that getting back on your priority list and bumping yourself up the list may be important. I know the SIGNS are there. It might look like fatigue or a sense of disengagement. You no longer feel connected to what you are doing, asking yourself, what does it all mean? You might be spinning, going in many different directions at the same time without a sense of accomplishment. Whatever it is, it begs to be noticed and heeded.

In coaching the question that looms larger than most, is when will you start saying the most important two letter word in the English language, ‘NO’. You might respond that this is a sure way to end relationships, or if the ‘NO’ is used at work, a career limiting option. I challenge you to reconsider this and wonder if it is simply a boundary issue. YES is also an important word, but you want to be saying YES to the things in your life that are the most important, that make a difference for you and your relationships, that allow you to step into your own power. If you forget or hesitate to say ‘NO’ when NO is the right answer, you steal power from the YES’s that will really make a difference in your life. Of course the most important YES, if saying YES to yourself.

Boundary work is, from my perspective as a coach, the journey of selfness. It requires a commitment to re-discover the true meaning in your life. Too often the coaching conversation begins with, “Everything in my life is perfect, at least on the surface yet I am not sure what it all means anymore!” The areas of your life which beg to be re-examined include your core values, that is, how you choose to live. This is followed by understanding what is really important to you in terms of how you want to make a difference and finally, re-visiting your gifts and strengths and how these are engaged in your work.

Many of these aspects of yourself have simply been buried of the daily ‘to do’s, should’s and have to’s’ of life. Once re-examined, they help you determine those important boundaries in your life and when ‘NO’ is important. For example, if you have a core value of integrity, and a co-worker or friend asks you to participate in something which is dishonest, ‘NO’ is the right answer. To say YES may appease the other person but you are cheating on yourself.

Back to the priority list of your life. You will not find your way onto this list unless you are willing to begin putting yourself first and to explore those important boundaries. I invite you to consider where you are on your priority list and where you want to be. Take the first step. Begin saying ‘NO’ to those requests you know are not yours to own, perform, or take on. Remember you are not saying NO to another person, you are saying YES to you.

Until Next Time…

Betty

There is a saying that goes like this: Where ever your attention goes, energy flows.

It serves as a reminder for you and me to wake up and recognize what we give our energy to everyday.

For example: I was at a networking meeting yesterday. As I often do, I took a few minutes at the end of the allotted time to sit with someone I had met during the event. (These networking events can be very superficial if you do not take the time to get to know at least one person in the room whom you did not know before). As I chatted with Paul, I made inquiries about his business. He was very engaging and friendly, and genuinely enthusiastic about his work until I mentioned the issue of management. In sharing with him some of my work I described a program we are currently running designed to teach managers how to be more effective coaches and the benefits of this to the organization.

“Man, we sure could use some of that where we work. I don’t know what my manager is thinking! He seems to be able to identify the things I have done wrong and completely overlook all the wonderful work I have accomplished in the last few months. It gets me down and I have another meeting with him tomorrow to discuss my apparent performance issues.” Paul’s frustration was evident. 

I call this the ‘black dot’ phenomenon. To understand this, simply take out a sheet of blank paper, preferably with no lines. In the center of the page draw a small black dot. Put your pen down. Stare at the page. What do you see? Most of you will say, “I see a black dot” and you will be right. And, what else do you see? Again, this may be puzzling as you are thinking, is she crazy, I see a black dot! 

And therein lays the problem. We see the black dots in life and we completely overlook all the white space that remains on the page. Now that you have noticed that the sheet of paper has two things on it, the dot and the space, notice the size of the dot compared to the rest of the page. Proportionately, the white space is much larger. My point- most of us see the black dots, and forget about the white space completely. As we give our focus to this black dot, representing a problem that has arisen in some aspect of our life or, as in the case above, some aspect of performance, the dot grows. Like a dried up sponge, the energy you give it is absorbed and it doubles, triples, quadruples in size until you can’t see the white space any more. And wherever your attention goes energy flows. 

You may notice a few black dots in your life. For example, your inner critic is chastising you for not completing all the ‘to do’s’ on your lengthy list, and you find yourself ruminating about these uncompleted projects. It pulls you down. You are so focused on this black dot that the white space around it is obliterated. The white space contains all the accomplishments of your day – the projects that were completed, the meetings you attended, the interactions with co-workers or clients, your many successes. 

It seems to be human nature to focus on the negative, you need only to turn on the TV each day and listen to the news. In less than 30 minutes every human infraction and tragedy from around the globe is downloaded onto your shoulders and by the end of the program you feel assaulted by a tsunami of bad news. Is it really possible, that in the entire world, there can be only tragedy? Every once in a while a story of heroism or a random act of kindness makes the air waves, and when it does, you notice that it lights you up just a little. The focus of National News however, is to report the black dots with an occasional glimpse at the white space. 

You and I do have a choice however. You can decide what you feed yourself and what you give energy to. The next time you see yourself focusing on the black dot, ask yourself what else is on the sheet of paper. You may be surprised to see that an amazing array of accomplishments occupies the white space. 

Is it time for you to check in with you and to ask, “Do I naturally see the black dots in my life, or do I see the white space which surrounds them?” Be aware that if your focus is constantly drawn to the black dots, the things that deplete you emotionally and spiritually, you will continue to attract more of the same. Likewise, when you bring this into balance by appraising the amazing accomplishments that also fill your days, the white space, you feed yourself emotionally and spiritually. I highly recommend that you see the black dots and the white space in your life proportionately.

Until next time….

Betty

I have been thinking about space a lot recently, the space in my life and what occupies it. This SIGN appeared during conversations with several of my coaching clients and as I am prone to do, when a theme repeats in my life, I know it is a call to pay attention.

Here is an example of what the conversation has been about. You find yourself complaining about something that you really want to attract. This could be a new job or a new relationship. Despite this desire, and repeated work on the details,  for example, the qualities and characteristics of a perfect mate,  there are no signs that this person is showing up in your life. 

At the same time you are registering this complaint about your current single status, you also notice that you are extraordinarily busy, with other friends, with your work, with life’s responsibilities. In other words, the space in your life is full. 

I remember when I was involved in various change management processes back in my health care days. It was a time when we were shifting to program management. The chronic complaint from managers was the lack of time to take on all the new tasks required with this shift in focus. Part of the problem was the lack of understanding that, as you take on new responsibilities and the associated duties, you also have to release some of the things that you used to do that no longer serve a purpose. The difficulty was that people did not want to let go. It was the way things were always done, and like DNA, these tasks had become part of the fabric of each person’s working life. I can remember constantly using the analogy of the dinner plate and reminding others that the plate can only hold so much before things begin to fall off. 

This was not time management, it was space management. Here I am once again, looking at this issue with others. The difference now is that space management is required for all aspects of life whether this has to do with your work and the inherent responsibilities, your relationships or even your spiritual care. 

Melanie (not her real name) came to me with the following concern: “I want to know what my life means and what I am here to do.” As I coached her through an inventory regarding what currently takes up space in her life, she noted that she takes care of three men – her father, her husband and her son – in different ways. In addition she is the go to neighbor when anyone needs a ride somewhere or an errand run. Her days fill up, she is chronically busy, yet most of the activity is relatively meaningless to her. Despite wanting to understand the meaning of her life, this does not happen as there is no space left over for her. 

I believe that to some degree we are all guilty of space invasions. Again, when I was in health care, I would often see on the daily OR list ‘removal of space occupying lesion’. These lesions were occasionally cancerous, but more often than not benign, slow growing tumors that simply took up space in the body. My own mother-in-law had two grapefruit size lesions removed from her ovaries in 2001. She looked about six months pregnant prior to the surgery. This was indeed a space occupying lesion (SOL). Similarly it has occurred to me that most of us have SOL’s of our own life, often not physical, frequently emotional or spiritual. Some examples: that old emotional baggage about how we were treated as a child, an old wound that never quite heals because we can’t forgive someone, an old belief system that serves no purpose today yet lingers around. You get the drift.

So what would it look like if you began to clear space in your life? This is the question I am currently resting with. Specifically I am curious about my work, what I have habitually been doing that no longer makes any difference and is simply a long term habit. I am asking myself what kinds of programs I have been offering and have on my website that no longer meet a need or are not in demand. What affiliations I have that may be tired. I can’t help but wonder what I could attract if I cleared some space. I am not clear at the moment what it is I want exactly, so I have set an intention that as I clear space I open doors to possibility and potentiality for things I cannot currently see and I attract all that is my highest good. I will keep you posted as to what shows up. 

The important thing is to be curious and open-spirited, to be willing to stop and take a look at your life and to ask the important question: What SOL’s do I have in my life? You may find a few, some of which will be no surprise to you and others which may be unknown to you until you dig. Whatever they are, understand that SOL’s bind you up, leave no space, closing the door to opportunity. If something you really want is evading you at the moment, you need only ask, what is taking up all the space in my life that prevents the new from coming in?

Until next time….

Betty

August had been, so far, a lazy month, at least in the sense of relaxing a bit more, spending time in the garden and receiving. Like most of us, I often forget about the receiving end of the equation, I am too busy giving. And that giving takes many forms. I am realizing how complex life has become. People ask me, What is roadSIGNS?, what is it you do as a company? I sometimes struggle to find the words to describe it because we work in different arenas and each arena is perfect in its own unique way. What I do know for sure is that we are guides on that important journey of self-discovery, whether that happens to be through coaching, our retreats or the corporate work we do. And it is all perfect.

On August 28th we have scheduled the second annual Goddess Camp (We still have a couple spots available). Registration has been easy and effortless attracting the perfect participants.

Jim and I have asked the Universe how to bring more people here to TighShee to share in the energy we have created through the gardens and the labyrinth. Retreats are one way and weddings another. I am also applying as a registered wedding celebrant for Ontario. It continues to unfold.

ME FIRST has now surpassed 1000 copies sold, 20% of the way to becoming a Canadian best seller. We are already anticipating a second print run as feedback on the book continues to arrive as do the orders. This has been an amazing journey for both Jim and I, shaping our lives in a new way and guiding our work as we build additional related programs including WE FIRST for couples and TEAM FIRST for teams. I am holding the intention that a tidal wave of ME FIRST energy embraces our planet as we contemplate how this will all unfold.

The other wonder has been the unfolding of my family history. My cousin William and I will soon connect by phone – I want to hear his voice, and learn more about the uncle I never knew and my new extended family.

I am left with this overwhelming sense of ‘ain’t life great’, the wonder of it all, the roadSIGNS that appear everyday and open up new opportunities, the untapped resources. Intentionally, I am attracting possibilities and potentialities that I have not even dreamed of and which the Universe is lining up for me everyday! Do you want to play with me?

Until next time…

Betty

It has been one week since taking flight. Part of me  is still flying while another part of me rests in disbelief – did I really jump from a plane? Three days after the jump our evidence arrived – the videotape of our experience. Other than the usual critique on how I looked in full flight gear (especially the helmet), I remain in awe as I see the door open and each person jump. In the final moments before my leap of faith I am staring into the camera unaware that I am being filmed, in full concentration and focused on positioning myself. I hear the staccato one-two-three and then see me disappear out the door ass over teakettle as we do our back flip. It takes my breath away as I watch it and yes, I feel the sense of exhilaration take hold of every muscle in my body. Both Jim and I enjoyed watching the evidence and I am sure will re-visit this many times as we share it with friends.

Since then, friends and acquaintances have asked my if my fear of falling is now gone? I can’t say for sure. In those moments before jumping I was extraordinarily calm and it is that feeling I want to hold onto, to call it in whenever I am facing fear and let the calmness guide me. Will this be a challenge? It’s too early to tell and I feel like I have a strategy, a new tool in my arsenal of  choices.

Then the next question – what’s next on the bucket list? It’s time for an update and there is one small bucket list item that I plan to knock off fairly soon, one that is not as dramatic. I want a small tatoo of a flying heart over my left shoulder. I will keep you posted!

Critic to Coach
I have been playing with a new idea : From Critic to Coach. The idea has come up in conversation with my coaching clients as a side bar to re-programming the message of our self-critic. Several of my clients have noted that part of the critic’s voice is simply there to watch out for them and that perhaps not all of his/her messages are negative or damaging. I wanted to give this consideration. It occurred to me that while the critic’s message is less than ideal for most of us, it is based on old beliefs which no longer serve us and may be outdated. That said elements of the message may be valid albeit they need re-framing. The question simply stated is: Is your critic’s message spirit building or spirit depleting? If you wanted to shift it from spirit depleting (critic’s voice) to spirit building (coach’s voice) what would that sound like?

My thinking on all of this is that we do need to acknowledge the critic but we don’t have to believe her. We can value what she has to offer and challenge the message. We can re-frame the offering in a way that serves us and builds us up rather than diminishing us.

I would love to have your comments on this idea. It is the seed of a new work book associated with ME FIRST. Your thoughts?

Goddess Camp
For those of you living locally, we will be hosting the second annual Goddess Camp on August 28th, 2010. Join is for a day or reflection and intention.

Until next time….

Betty