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It is rare these days to find something truly inspiring on television which is why the ABC interview with Gabrielle Giffords and her husband, astronaut and shuttle commander Mark Kelly, totally captivated me when it aired November 13th. For those of you who don’t know her, Giffords is the congresswoman who was shot in the head outside a shopping center in Tucson, Arizona one year ago. The injury should have killed her but it did not. The injury should have rendered her helpless, perhaps even brain-dead, but it did not. Her indomitable spirit and her remarkable relationship with her husband have steadily led her through a course of recovery which is truly miraculous.

Neuroplasticity

Giffords journey is an example of what neurologists and rehabilitation professionals refer to as ‘neuroplasticity’ – the remarkable ability of your brain to recover from an injury and find other ways to perform the tasks it did prior to the injury. In other words, the brain re-programs its self and forms new pathways. You might be questioning the relevance this has for you. No one wants to experience the need to re-program by attracting the type of devastating injury Gabrielle Giffords sustained and yet all of us have aspects of our thinking which can benefit from re-programming. The example I most often refer to in the ‘ME FIRST’ work has to do with self-talk, re-programming the caustic voice of your self-critic into a voice which is uplifting, that of your self-coach.

From Critic to Coach

Where do you start? Begin by listening in on the tape that is running in your head. I refer to this as your elevator music – you are often only vaguely aware that it is playing until one day you become annoyed with it. Don’t wait to become annoyed; begin to notice what you are saying to yourself while you are alone, while you are driving home for work, what you are saying to your friends about your day and what you accomplished. Notice what you focus on. Do you only remember the things that didn’t get done on your ‘to do’ list, the hiccups in your day, or perhaps where you believe you ‘screwed up’. Can you even recall the highlights of your day, where you made a difference, the many things you accomplished? The critic brings you to the negative side of the equation.

Here is where your re-programing begins. Tell him or her that she is not exactly accurate, perhaps even outdated in their view of you. Be clear with your critic that you would rather hear more about the upside of who you are. Every time the critic steps in, smile and say, “unh-unh!’ and shift the conversation to your coach’s message. Your default system is the critic; you have to form a new neural pathway for the coach. Every time you re-program the brain learns and eventually the critic’s voice begins to fade and you hear your coach’s voice instead.

Make a Choice for YOU!

Gabrielle Giffords has had to fight her way back from the brink of extinction, learning to talk, think, feel, walk, and function again. She has been and continues to re-program her brain, teaching her brain new pathways everyday. Your job is the same, just easier.

First recognize that living with a loud and vocal self-critic does not serve you very well – it simply lowers your self-esteem and diminishes your personal power. You don’t want to play this way in the world, as the world needs you to play differently and to be powerful beyond measure.

Second, give yourself a great gift and begin re-programming your critic into a voice that builds you up, a voice that believes in you and respects you for who you are. You deserve it and you are the only person who can truly give yourself this gift. Re-programming begins with ‘ME FIRST’, then you attract respect from others. I encourage you to check out Gabrielle Giffords story and to be inspired by her. Then make a choice for YOU and begin your own re-programing process.

Make the shift from critic to coach. Start today as time is ‘a wastin’!

Until next time…

Betty

I’m not sure about you, by my recollection is that every preacher or teacher I ever had told me I had to live by the ‘Golden Rule”. You remember it I am sure: ‘Do onto others as you would have done onto you’.

In principle, the Golden Rule is absolutely sound. Of course I want to treat others as I wish to be treated, and, that said, I want to be treated with respect, dignity, and unconditional love. I am also attracted to certain qualities in others, some of which mirror who I am and some of which are quite different. I dislike really loud argumentative people. I don’t care for those people who are really ‘in your face’ and gratingly opinionated. I also dislike people who get buried in detail and by contrast are all over the map. That’s just me.

Noticing what I like and dislike in others  is  interesting. What about those others who are very different from me. Someone who is that ‘in your face’ kind of guy may find me rather plodding and withdrawn. Not that I am, but as his/her opposite, that may be their perception.

So back to the Golden Rule – does it really hold?

Or is it time for an update and consider the Platinum Rule – Do onto others as they would have done onto them. The Platinum Rule challenges us by saying that what others want may differ from what we want.

From my work in the area of communications I know this to be true. Based on the work of Carl Jung, it has been demonstrated that different energies, introvert versus extrovert, thinking versus feeling or sensing (detailed) versus intuitive (conceptual) do vary in how they communicate with others and how they want others to communicate with them.

In teaching a program entitled the Colour of Communication for one of my clients over the past 14 months, I share with workshop participants the four colour energies of personality. Again, based on Carl Jung’s work, each energy represents a specific set of preferences. The Red Energy, representing the Extraverted Thinker, wants you to communicate logically and offer few details. By contrast the Blue Energy (Introverted Thinking) prefers details, details, details. Then there is the Yellow Energy (Extraverted Feeling) who considers the Blue Energy to be stuck in analysis paralysis because he just wants to move fast and have some fun along the way. Finally we have the Green Energy (Introverted Feeling), working quietly and diligently behind the scenes while focusing on how people are doing. Yes, this is a very brief summary, but you get the picture.

Each of us is different and with these differences come a strong preference for how we wish to be treated, how we want others to communicate with us, and how we want to be in relationships with others. Evidently there is no one size fits all and the Golden Rule needs and update.

I actually love the idea that each person is unique. The colour energy lens is just another way to look at oneself and it raises some interesting questions from a coaching perspective. While your colour energy preferences is clearly your strength and representative of your authentic self, any preference overused becomes a potential weakness. Overall, our colours are what make us tick and the difference, one to another, make the world an interesting place to live and work in.

Are you wondering what your colour preference is? Here’s a set of characteristics we often attribute to the four energies:

RED: Competitive, Demanding, Determined, Strong-willed, Purposeful

YELLOW: Sociable, Dynamic, Demonstrative, Enthusiastic, Persuasive

GREEN: Caring, Encouraging, Sharing, Patient, Relaxed

BLUE: Cautious, Precise, Deliberate, Questioning, Formal

You will see elements of yourself in all colour energies and yet you will recognize that one energy is more descriptive of you than the other. Also notice that you have a second strong colour so that in the end, your colour energy preference is best described a s a Yellow-Red or a Yellow-Green. Like mixing paint, the second colour energy has a significant influence on the first.

Have some fun and play with the energies. and remember, the person sitting next to you will be different from you and may not want to be treated in the same way you want. And that simply makes life interesting!

Have fun…

Until next time,

Betty

I want to RANT!

I think I have been watching too much of Rick Mercer lately as I find myself with RANT – envy. Why do I want to rant – another federal election! More importantly I want to rant because of how the campaign is being run, by all parties. Do these politicians think we are so stupid that we can’t see through all their negative politicking? Is it only me or are you also tired of our federal politicians picking away at the flesh of their fellow political leaders like a bunch of vultures at a road kill buffet. I am tired of it!

Negative politicking is, in my view, a way of telling us that they really either: a) have no idea what their platform is or what they as leaders (I use the word lightly here) stand for or b) they really have no idea what we as Canadians think is important. No wonder the number of voters are declining – we are not clear about what we are voting for, we can only decide which of the evil triplets (I don’t count Duceppe) is the least harmful.

I will take a deep breath at this point – I feel better. I am not however, changing the subject. There is a saying that a country gets the government it deserves. I really dislike this saying. As I survey the political landscape of Canada and the paucity of true leadership that exists at the national level, I realize that somehow we as Canadian citizens have attracted this. I know that as you read this, you are probably throwing your hands in the air and saying not me! I know I have done so and yet I acknowledge that I am partly responsible. For years, like many of you, I have focused on what I dislike about our federal leaders. I have complained and yes, as you know, I have ranted. Not once however have I come up for air and stipulated what, in my view, would be more perfect for me. I have not focused on what I really want from my political leaders, I have been too busy focusing on what I don’t want. The Law of Attraction would tell me that by doing so, I am actually attracting more of what I don’t want.

So I suppose I should simply get off my high horse and get down to earth and become really clear about what it is I really want.

Here goes – my perfect political leader:
• has a compelling vision for our country which inspires me and my fellow Canadians
• has a political agenda which addresses the important issues our country faces
• clearly articulates their vision and their platform to me
• are values-centered and principled/ethical
• believe in and support the Canadian political system
• are honest
• communicate their views passionately, from both their head and their heart
• are environmentally conscious and forward thinking
• focus their attention on communicating who they are and what they stand for rather than criticizing their opponents
• are respectful of us, the Canadian voters
• are in touch with the reality of Canadian society and what our real needs are.

I now hand this over to you with the following invitation – let’s stop complaining and start acting. Your first action is to become clear on what you really want and expect from our Canadian leaders. Use my list as a kick start if you want.

Okay – you can rant too if you really want to! But then take the time to clarify your expectations. This is the only way we can create change.

Until next time… Betty

In the February edition of the roadSIGNS newsletter, I shared with my readers the following:

I want to tell you, in case you have yet to realize it, that each of you has a diamond within you. Your diamond represents all the special aspects of you that make you unique, whether this is a specific talent you possess, the gift your presence gives to others, the strengths you bring to the things you do, or simply just the way you ’be’ in this world.

 I want to remind you, that this diamond grows dull and unpolished as it gets covered over by self-criticism, lack of self esteem, unworthy thoughts and self-limiting beliefs, and simply not seeing the miracle of who you are. And it is easy to do this, as when we fail to appreciate the truth of who we are, it is difficult to be seen by others.

I am here to remind you that you are a miracle and that I SEE YOU! I am here to ask you to search for the diamond that you may have lost track of and to take out a soft cloth and begin polishing this stone to a sparkling brilliance. It is time for your light to shine in this world, and, as Marianne Williamson wrote, “As you let your light shine, you unconsciously give others permission to do the same.”

Since writing this, the theme of Mining Diamonds continues to show up for me and it seems that with each additional thought I have regarding the subject, I have a roadSIGN, yes actual SIGNS. It started in Charleston with Diamond Cleaners, then Columbia with the Diamond Plaza, on to New York with Diamond Point. Each sign appeared during a conversation I was having with Jim. And so it is, that my life /spirit speaks to me, assuring me that the road I find myself on is the perfect one and inviting me to continue along this path.

Our life speaks to us – interesting don’t you think. What is your life saying to you? And, are you mining your diamond – trust me, it’s in there!

Until next time,

Betty

As our vacation on Kiawah Island draws to a close, Jim and I are taking in those important beach walks, this evening to the light of an almost full moon. The weather here is finally warming up and as we strolled along this evening, it felt down right balmy.

In the final days, I can feel myself gearing up, first gear – beginning to think about the journey home, second gear – initial thoughts about what awaits us when we land back at TighShee. That’s as far as I have gotten so far – fortunately for me I drive a five speed Versa, so I have a few more gears to shift into before being in full speed.

We have enjoyed the southern cities of Charleston, Savannah and today, Columbus. By far, our favourite is Charleston. Love the older homes, the feel of the city.

As we drove to Columbus today, we (Jim and I) began to chat about the idea we have for the next book – Mining Diamonds – The many Facets of Self (working title only!) The Diamond analogy comes from the idea that each of us have a diamond inside of us, a diamond which many of us don’t see. As we pulled off the highway in Columbus, in search of gas and bathrooms, one of the first SIGNS we saw was for Diamond Plaza. Was this a SIGN for us we wondered. Always interesting to notice your surroundings. Stay tuned for how this idea grows.

Until next time…

Betty

I checked my e-mail this morning, the day after Valentine’s Day and found the following message from Michelle Allinotte:

The truth is, most of us are suckers for love stories, but not the unsexy stories that focus on real acts of love.  We like romance.  And when it comes to our kids, we enjoy those special warm and fuzzy moments like Christmas or birthdays, but we don’t feel warm and fuzzy about the loving acts that we do every day.  Changing a diaper is a loving act, trust me.  (Consider the alternative.)  Going to work every day is a loving act.  Making sacrifices to raise your kids according to your beliefs is a loving act.  Sometimes, sacrificing the feel-good moments for the greater good is a loving act (like when you have to say no to something your kid wants to buy, because you are spending that money on something more important, like contributing to your retirement account).

I am grateful to Michelle and Candice for sharing this after so much to do about the perfect Valentine’s gift, flowers, chocolates, diamonds. What about simply being with another person in a truly meaningful way.

All this from the person whose husband celebrates the 14 days of Valentines, a now 20-year tradition in our home and yes, everyday for 14 days, Jim presents me with a small token of his appreciation for me and our relationship. I enjoy January as I can see Jim sneaking off to do his pre-Valentine shopping and then harbouring the gifts into the house to some secret hiding place. Occasionally I come upon them accidentally – NO, I don’t peek!

Back to the meaning of LOVE – I love what Candice shared about love also being about boundaries as well as those essential caring acts that may not be things we love to do. Most importantly, in my view, love is about being in love with yourself as well, an act of selfness, valuing who you are. When we see ourselves first we can truly see others.

I just returned from a sunrise walk on the beach. I admit that I debated leaving my warm bed for the coolness of the still winter mornings, but I forced my body into my yoga suit and dragged myself out the front door. Once the colour of the morning sky assaulted my senses, I was no longer drawn back to my cocoon. There was no other human being on the beach as I began my walk. A few seagulls eyed me from their one-legged stance, like yogi maters in their own right. Teams of willets ran in and out with the waves, digging their pointed beaks into the sand between their dances, in search for whatever prize lay hidden there. A single pelican flew across the water, inches above the breaking waves, a dark shadow on a pale pink backdrop. I watched the colour in sky change from sky blue pink to orange to yellow, until finally the crescent of the new sun broke free of the water, and rose and came into the full ball of fire. The waves picked up the light, sparkling with the new day, reflecting back to the sun the magnificence of its light. My head filled with an old refrain from Joni Mitchell, “And the seasons they go round and round, And the painted ponies go up and down. I am captive on a carousel of time”. It’s one of my long-term favourites  – a carryover from university days.

We have a few precious days left here at the beach. I am so grateful for the experience of being here, for simply BEING for a few days, for quality time with Jim, for experiencing our love which has extended over 43 years, for life, and for all the possibilities that stretch out before me.

Be with love!

Until next time,

Betty

It has been three months since my last post. No, I won’t bore you with the usual trite excuse ‘where did the time go’? It went and here I am once again. I took some time off after landing myself in the hospital in late November. The time was booked off for a vacation in Stowe Vermont, meaning the good news was I had the time to be sick. I had set an intention of complete relaxation, spending my days in bed, signing off from any and all responsibility and being looked after and pampered. Well guess what I got – what I asked for with the exception of course that I did not bargain on having this sejour in a hospital bed.

As I believe that life really is a series of perfect events, I recognize that my life was speaking to me and offering me the break I wanted in a form I had not anticipated. I had ample time for reflection and in that reflection I was working through something that had been brewing as a theme in my life. There had been multiple roadSIGNS by the way, and as we as humans are wanton to do, I had been sorta dealing with them and sorta not.

The body, mind, spirit connection is amazing. When I failed to honour my spirit, my body decided to give me the wake-up call I needed. It shut down literally, my bowel obstructing and, well, you get the picture.

What was up. I was feeling an enormous sense of responsibility in my life, a long-term pattern I admit. Responsibility for everything – projects, work, people, everyone and everything my life touched. Have you ever felt that way? And in this place, I was shutting down. There was no space for my curiosity, my desire to learn and to expand, to create – the space was full of all the have to’s and must do’s. I have visited this place before and one would think that I would have moved on. Yes, and there is a new lesson to be learned each time I arrive here.

Since then, I decided to give myself additional time to breathe and to evaluate where all my energy was being invested. I like that word – invested. Wouldn’t it be interesting if all of us made an appraisal on a regular basis as to where our time is invested and in this process assessed what is really ours and what is not. Wow! I am signing on for that.

Currently I am on vacation in South Carolina. We arrived here on February 7th, a small condo on the beach, Kiawah Island just outside of Charleston. We have many friends in the south – Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina and my apologies to all of you as we will not be seeing you on this trip. I have learned that a visitation is different from a vacation. I love and enjoy my friends and there are simply times when I am ‘peopled out’. And this is a good thing, as on this vacation it has been Jim and I, the beach and the sand dunes, several varieties of sea birds, books, sleep, meditation, and romance movies. Oh yes, and we did squeeze in a concert – the Indigo Girls as well as a play, Raisin in the Sun.

Something else has shifted. As I released the responsibility that seemed to be weighting me down and shifted into flow, being where I wanted to be with my work in this world and accepting only what is truly mine, I did find the space to once again be curious and excited. And I am wanting to share this with all of you through my blog. Who reads me – a few and eventually more. I want to write here from a sense of true desire and love rather than obligation and responsibility – you will know the difference.

What excites me these days: A lot!
– we are launching our ME FIRST Leadership Program, a five-day in-house retreat in April. This is a leadership from the inside out program as well as teaching others an in-depth view of our work.
– the ME FIRST Playbook has been written in draft form and will be coming out later this year. it is whimsical and creative, the right brain version of the book, ME FIRST, If I Should Wake Before I Die.
– we will be recording the Chakra meditation we use during our retreats in March
– we see all the SIGNS that ME FIRST is going corporate as more and more people understand that to change what they want around them, they must first look inside.
– we are launching some new self discovery tools this spring -more to come!
– finally I am excited about the emerging field of Positive Psychology, the study of happiness and what makes people thrive. You can see the relevance to our work here at the roadSIGNS Coach.

I am back! I hope you will choose to take a few moments from your busy days to travel with me on the journey of 2011, that you will comment on the blog, ask questions and be attracted to our work. I hope you too will choose to be curious and I will keep you posted as to where my curiosity lands me.

Until next time….

Betty