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Posted on July 9, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Happy Accidents

I have made a commitment to myself this summer to set aside one day (or more) every week to pursue creative endeavors. In my late teens and throughout my twenties I studied art, pen and pencil, charcoal, and oils. I took classes with artists who were protégés of Arthur Lismer, on of Canada’ Group of Seven. I even sold a few pieces and had several paintings leave for places unknown when my colleagues from Australia, South Africa and England purchased my work.

And then one day we moved to Alberta and for some reason the paint box was put away, tucked into a safe place in the basement. I did have other creative outlets such as rug design and rug hooking and other similar crafts, but my hands never touched a paint brush.

When we returned to the east, I dove into work and teaching part-time, then back to school for another degree. At one point during this time, I attended a show of Georgia O’Keefe’s paintings and while the brushes still remained untouched a little fire was lit. I found myself saying, “Someday I will get back to my painting”. Of course the’ some days’ became weeks, months and years.

Fast forward to 2013: I received an e-mail from OBO Studio run by Tracy Lynn Chisholm and Emily McLeod advertising a workshop called ‘Paint Your Horizon’. An interesting title, I thought – a great metaphor for life. (I am always looking for such metaphors). I sent Tracy an e-mail simply saying this looks like fun, congratulations. She responded by saying, “Thanks for your inquiry, I have you registered in the program”. This was the first ‘happy accident’.

Although it had not been my intention to register, I did not say anything to Tracy. I knew it was time to make friends with the brushes again. I loved the workshop, the technique and felt at home with the brush in my hand. It is like riding a bike!

I immediately signed up for another workshop entitled ‘Georgia O’Keefe’. Now this one absolutely had my name on it! While this time the medium was pastels, I once again felt at home. I also noticed that even if my state of mind was not feeling aligned with my creative juices, it didn’t matter. Once I start I am lost in the process, my head clears, I am engaged, I relax and breathe and for a change, I am totally in the moment. The experience offers me everything I teach to others – another happy accident?

The next SIGN occurred on my birthday. Each year I order my Life Path report from my colleague Shaina Noll. Based on numerology the report identifies the key themes for your life in any given year. One of the themes identified for me this year is ‘Multifaceted Creativity’. Nothing like bringing the point home and evidently, the time is now, where upon I signed up for my third workshop, Flower Play.

Flower Play introduced me to the idea of ‘happy accidents’. Designed to be free zzfrom and abstract, the process of painting a masterpiece occurred through a series of steps where you literally add paint to a canvas in layers, and allow the painting to emerge. No photos to copy, no specific design to emulate, no rules to follow. I felt an unsettling in my belly. It
was one thing to pick up a brush; it was another to trust my imagination. In the previous workshops I had used an image to guide my work. OMG!

As my painting grew, many happy accidents happened: an accidental splattering of fuchsia paint all over the canvas, watered down paint dripping down the canvas when I stood it upright, and a few smudges here and there.

The happiest accident however was when I grew frustrated with my tools and tried to correct something with my finger. The feeling of paint on my finger tip was sensual, the effect amazing, and from that moment forward my finger tip became my brush. It was so cool and so much fun. And as for that initial trepidation, I felt like the lion had been let out of the cage as my fingers attacked the canvas with shades of indigo, purple, violet, yellow and several shades of green. The result may not be a masterpiece but it makes me joyful!

Final Word

I suspect life is full of happy accidents. Likewise I am convinced that many of us may be ignoring them or pushing them away. Life might be very different if you picked up the paint brush again, opened your heart to happy accidents and began painting the canvas of your life in a way that frees you. Is it time to let your lion out of the cage?

Until Next Time,

Betty

Posted on June 24, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Power of Gratitude

Last week I had the privilege of attending a networking event for entrepreneurs. I chose this event at it was billed as The Gratitude Circle. There have been many ‘gratitude roadSIGNS’ in my life of late from simple conversations, to radio programs, to articles, all extolling the importance of gratitude in our lives. In contrast to this however, I continue to find that many people are not aware of the idea of a ‘gratitude practice’ or the important role gratitude can play in your life.

Being Consciously Aware
Bringing gratitude into your life is really a ‘mindfulness practice’, specifically taking the time to become consciously aware of what your day has offered you and to express gratitude for the many apparently insignificant things that have shown up. For example: a colorful morning sky, an inspiring song on the radio on your way to work, a heartfelt interaction with another person, meeting a client’s needs and receiving great feedback on a job well done, a shared moment after work with a few friends, a great dinner with your family, seeing the first hummingbird of the season, or simply having great health and feeling amazing.

Notice how actively unconscious most of us are. Consider this; you get in the car every morning to drive to work. You arrive and as you pull into your parking spot you suddenly realize, wow, I am already here. I didn’t even notice the drive in – I was on autopilot. The radio was blaring yet I didn’t hear anything anyone said as they were all talking at the same time. I didn’t notice anything along the way – did I miss something? OMG, I really am living in auto-pilot! The day continues, and because much of your life is routine, it slips by, the details of the day unnoticed.

Gratitude Lifts YOU Up!
Gratitude gives you an opportunity to look at your life through the lens of positivity. In her book entitled Positivity, Barbara Fredrickson states that the old story is that anything that feels good is merely a distraction – trivial, inconsequential and expendable. The new story however, backed by science, is that these same good feelings are the active ingredients needed to allow us to flourish, that is feel good about ourselves and our lives. This begins by learning to cherish those special moments in your life, bringing your focus to what you are grateful for.

By cherishing those special moments in your life, you begin to feel better about yourself. This allows you to be more resilient. Research has demonstrated that feeling positive about your life, which is the end product of gratitude, has far-reaching benefits including building a stronger immune system, a cardio-vascular system which is less reactive to stress, and increased optimism. Finally, if you feel better about YOU today, there is a good chance that you will feel better about YOU tomorrow.

I have nothing to be Grateful for!
I do hear this, often! A former coaching client of mine shared that she had nothing in her life to be grateful for, no one loved her and she was all alone. I asked her to take a closer look at her life, her relationship with her son, and her relationship with her colleagues. When she did this, she realized that she had a great deal of love in her life and when she expressed gratitude for this, more love appeared. At the point that I had begun speaking with her, she was engaged in a contentious divorce and child-custody battle with her former husband. As she shifted her focus to love and being grateful, her relationship with him changed and he dropped the suit.

Gratitude shifts your awareness and changes your energy. When your energy changes, so does the energy around you.

Final Word
Gratitude is a powerful energy, bringing you into a conscious relationship with what is right with your life. I encourage you, just as I do my clients, to begin some type of Gratitude Practice as part of your life. This can be a Gratitude Journal where you record your daily gratitudes or, my favorite one, sharing what you are grateful for with your family as you sit down for dinner.

Whatever your choice, know that gratitude will change your life – it has been proven scientifically!

Until next time…

Betty Healey

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Value of Understanding Your Dark and Bright Shadows

Please welcome guest blogger Jean Benedict Raffa, Ed.D., author of Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World. Since making peace with oneself is one of my interests and an important part of what I teach, I am delighted to have Jean contribute to The roadSIGNS Coach.

We all have a shadow composed of everything we don’t want to know about ourselves. If you want to grow as a person you need to come to terms with it, because if you don’t it will create problems for you in your work and relationships. But how do you do that? Here’s a handy guide for recognizing your dark shadow.

Step 1: Notice Symptoms: Each shadow is a complex of tangled attitudes, emotions, thoughts and responses you habitually have to a certain type of situation. You’ve lived with this uncomfortable inner environment for so long that you just don’t notice it coming until it’s too late and the storm is upon you. So your first goal is to notice when something has been stirred up such that your mood, energy, body language, emotions or thoughts are no longer within your comfort zone, and then figure out why this happened. Here’s an example of how this process might look.

Your first clue : Body language: You woke up feeling good this morning. You made your coffee, skimmed through your favorite parts of the paper, started the crossword puzzle. After a while you sigh and prop your chin in your hands. You realize your shoulders are sagged over the table, you’ve put your pencil down, and you don’t feel like finishing the crossword puzzle. What’s going on here? You love doing the crossword puzzle.

Your second clue: Uncomfortable feelings: You notice you’re feeling a bit low. In fact, you’re feeling sad, ashamed, and disgusted with yourself. And maybe a bit sorry for yourself. Why?

Your third clue: Negative self-talk: You ask yourself what you were thinking about while you were working on the puzzle: “I’m a terrible friend. I should have called Mary right away when I heard she was ill. I never think to help others. I’m so self-absorbed and selfish. And my work on my latest project is laughable! I was so proud of my idea and thought I was so smart. And now I hate it! Why was I so stupid to think it was good? I’ll never be any good at this kind of work. What’s wrong with me? Am I lazy? Or just stupid?” Where did those thoughts come from?

Step 2: Locate the trigger: You re-trace your steps. Oh, yes. You were reading the advice column and a lady wrote complaining that she was sick and no one from work called to find out what was wrong or offer to help. The columnist wondered if she was making an effort to be friendly at work. That’s when you started feeling guilty. One thought led to another and soon you were beating yourself up about all sorts of things.

Step 3: Analyze your response: Obviously you’re a very sensitive and well-intentioned person who wants to be kind to people and do good work, but something in you sabotages your efforts and well-being. That one little comment in the paper led to a spate of self-criticism about your character, work skills, and thinking ability. Do you see how you jumped from reading the advice column to criticizing yourself to feeling sad and dejected? If you go to work that way you’re not going to have the energy or desire to be friendly or do your best. So if you can recognize the symptoms of your shadow you can de-fuse it before it takes control of you by giving it a name, like “Critical Bully,” asking it to back off and give you a break, and then forgiving yourself for being human.

The good news is that everyone also has “bright” shadow of which they’re unaware. This is composed of their soul’s true, healthy, undeveloped potential. Why would someone not develop their bright shadow? Because they learned early in life that the way to stay safe and comfortable was to hide parts of themselves.

For example, some families encourage interest in creative pursuits like music, drama, drawing or writing, while others see these things as “putting on airs” or “only for sissies,” or “a waste of time and you’ll never make any money at it!” Many find being smart and aspiring to college admirable. Others might call you a “nerd,” or accuse you of “trying to rise above yourself,” or of thinking “you’re better than everyone else!”

Psychologist Margaret Paul wrote on Huffington Post, “When I was growing up, my parents made it very clear that feelings were to be avoided. I heard homilies such as “don’t cry over spilled milk,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.” When I was upset or crying, I was ignored or sent to my room. The only difficult feeling that seemed to be allowed was my mother’s anger — but not mine. The only feeling I was allowed was ‘happy.’ Not only did I learn never to share any feelings other than ‘happy’ with my parents, I also learned to stay in my head and disconnect from my feelings. It was the only sensible way to cope with life in my home.”

As long as we disconnect from our feelings we won’t find our bright shadow. To “follow your bliss” you have to feel it! Until you do, you’ll project it onto others, and that can become problematic. For example, we might over-idealize someone with a gift or talent we’ve repressed, then reject them when they disappoint us by being as human as everyone else. Other problems arise when we repress genuine strengths and obsess over unfulfilling substitutes. For example, maybe we were criticized as a child for being too proud and bossy, so we repressed our natural leadership qualities and tried to act humble all the time. Not only does this waste a lot of energy, but it can birth resentment, self-righteousness, and a sense of superiority.

Here’s a trick to discovering your bright shadow. Make a list of five people you deeply admire, known or unknown, real or fictional. Beside each name note their qualities that you most like. Re-read your list knowing that these qualities are undeveloped aspects of your bright shadow which you have projected onto these people. They really are, you know. So ask yourself what steps you can take to develop these qualities in yourself, and then…take them.

Jean Raffa is an author, speaker and workshop leader. Her newest book, Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World, is a product of 19 years of research and writing about psychological integration as a spiritual path to evolving consciousness. It recently received the 2013 Wilbur Award from the Religion Communicators Council for best non-fiction book by an individual in secular media who communicates religious issues, values and themes with professionalism and fairness, and encourages understanding between faith groups on a national level. You can find more about Jean’s books at her website, www.jeanraffa.com. Matrignosis, her blog about inner wisdom, is at www.jeanraffa.wordpress.com.

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Black Dots and Other Distractions

There is an easy exercise I use when facilitating. I take a black marker and draw a dot in the middle of a large piece of flip chart paper. Do this for yourself. Take out a sheet of white paper and with a pen or marker simply place a dot in the middle of the page. Now, staring at the paper, ask yourself, “What do I see?”

When I ask participants what they see, most people respond, ‘a black dot’. Is that what you see?

Now look again. Notice that the dot takes up less than 1% of the entire page. What is left is a whole lot of white space.

Apply this same principle to life. During any given day, there are black dots that occur. These dots come in many forms – a mistake you made at work, a conversation with a friend that disturbed you, an item of news on the radio, or any other potential distraction.

Unfortunately black dots are coated with Velcro – they seem to stick to you. They occupy your thoughts and dampen your emotions. They are usually charged with something that triggers you and because of that they grow in size and take up a lot of space. You forget about all the white space around the dot.

The white space, by the way, represents reality. For every black dot or similar distraction, there are many more events going on in your life that are positive. Unfortunately when your focus goes to the black dot, the white space is forgotten.

There is an old adage that states, ‘where your attention goes, energy flows’. This is exactly what happens with the Black Dot Syndrome. That one less than perfect event of your day is the event that consumes you. You dive into it again and again, examining it from all sides. As you do so it grows and grows. All the great things that happened in your day are pushed aside and all but forgotten.

This, by the way, is a recipe for undermining yourself!

What is the alternative? Perspective. Black dots are small and deserve an equivalent amount of energy and attention. Your ability to contain them makes a difference. Begin by asking yourself the following:

Is this a black dot, or simply a distraction?
Before you give your energy and attention to any black dot, ask yourself what is in the white space. In other words, enumerate all the amazing things that happened in your day and give your energy and appreciation to these.
When you return to the black dot, ask yourself how important the distraction is? Most times you will discover it is simply just an annoyance.
Put the dot in perspective, don’t allow it to grow. Balance the dot with the white space.

You might consider this conversation regarding black dots to be abstract or not important. If that’s where you are, ask yourself how you feel at the end of every day. Are you exhausted? What consumed your energy?

Are you uplifted? What fed this feeling?

You have choice to make every day, and believe me it is YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to let the black dots dominate your landscape or you can pull you focus to the larger part of the canvas, the white space. Remember, the white space is filled with all the good and great things that happen to you in a day. Unfortunately they will slide by you unless you pull them into consciousness and examine them.

Begin making a choice today to choose thoughts and feelings which uplift you rather than deplete you. As Mike Dooley says in his daily ‘message from the Universe’, thoughts become things, choose the good ones.

Choose to be conscious and aware of what is playing in the background. Bring your attention to what really matters – the white space. This is reality more than any black dot you can identify, for in truth, it represents 99% or more of what is in your life. Making this choice will allow you to live a more authentic and optimistic life for truth lies in the white space.

Until Next time…

Betty

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Finding Inspiration

Finding inspiration can, at times be challenging. It may require that you pause and look a little more deeply into a situation. When identified, that which inspires you is worth it. It lifts you up and in the true definition of what inspiration means, gives you breath.

This has been a week of inspiration for me. I took time yesterday from my work schedule to watch the Inauguration of President Barak Obama as he begins his second term in office. Yes, he is an inspirational presence in world leadership. More than that, the circumstances inspire me.

I am old enough to remember that time 50 years ago when thousands gathered for the march on Washington, and I remember with great clarity Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

As Barak Obama delivered his inaugural address on Martin Luther King Day, what inspired me was the legacy Dr. King created with his dream. Like any intention, he set change in motion, without understanding how it would happen or what it would take, he shared his desires with the world. The power of intention is amazing. Would Dr. King have imagined that his words would open up the possibility for a black man to become president in such a short time?

In 2008 Jim and I visited Washington for the first time. We walked up the stairs of the capital building and looked down the mall to the Monument. The view is breathtaking. When I looked down at my feet, I saw immediately in front of me a stone with the following inscription: I HAVE A DREAM – Martin Luther King, the March on Washington for jobs and freedom, August 28, 1963. This was the spot from where the speech had been delivered.

History can inspire us; we simply need to focus on the right things. It is easy to get lost in a sea of negativity and all that is wrong with our world. And when we give this view our focus, we also energize it.

By contrast, there are many events each day from which we can derive inspiration. In fact, if we were to pay close attention, we would find many more good deeds than negative ones. Again, when we bring our attention to the good deeds, we energize them.

I once heard it said that the nightly news, which as you know is riddled with all the drama in the world, the bad and the ugly, represents less than 1% of what is actually happening in the world, the unreported events of everyday. These are typically buried as they provoke love and appreciation rather than fear.

Our world is out of balance. Despite this, you and I get to choose, to be inspired or simply tired.

Make a choice for your highest good – choose to breathe. Find people who inspire you and forge relationships with them. Notice that everyday miracles that are unfolding around you and breathe them in. Limit your exposure to CNN – Constantly Negative News.

When you nourish your spirit with the inspirational people and events that are happening, you become inspiring, and isn’t that what we really want?

Until Next time…

Betty

Posted on January 15, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Invitation

I am standing at our roadSIGNS Booth at the Ottawa Health and Wellness Expo Friday evening, setting up and in anticipation of the next day. The setting up process is exciting and intentional as I imagine the conversations that will take place the next day and the amazing energy we will attract.

I stop for a moment to chat with the vendor next to us representing a nutrition company that I am also a part of, that is, I use their products. I mention this to her and she immediately backs away from me and with a glaring look asks, “Are you a competitor?”

What is it I hear in her voice? Certainly not a tone that I appreciate and so I looked at her and asked her, “Why would you say such a thing to me. There is no such thing as competition, at least not in my view. Competition is a choice, one you can make and how about we simply agree to collaborate?”

She stumbled over her words at that point. I recognize that I was pretty straight forward with her but I just could not stop myself. This is the old thinking pattern, the old masculine way, compete and conquer. She muttered, “Well one of the vendors over there (pointing across the room) said that to me earlier.”

I put my arm around her shoulder and said, “You get to choose who you want to be and how you present yourself to others. Be a collaborator – that will take you a lot further.”

I feel like the game is up and that we need to hold ourselves to a more evolved way of being and thinking. That means being consciously aware of what we are communicating to ourselves and others. The world will not change unless we change, each of us.

And this is my invitation to you.

Begin today to become consciously aware of the conversation going on inside your head. Are you lifting yourself up or putting yourself down?

When you are in conversation with others, are you listening, more importantly are you hearing them?

What about the words that you choose – words are the vehicles of your thoughts, they reflect the inner dialogue. Words matter. It may be time for all of us to put our brains in gear before our mouths are in action. Better still, maybe we need to engage our hearts more and speak from there and give our heads a break.

Let’s all take pause and become more conscious communicators, with ourselves first and with others next. Begin listening in on your inner dialogue and noticing what you are saying to YOU. The turn outward and observe how you are communicating with others and what you are saying. Be clear about what you want to attract and choose your words accordingly.

Until next time…

Betty

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Seven Habits of Highly Happy People

I have to thank Bob Carscadden for setting this one up as he spoke about this at last week’s Your Stage. It just got me thinking…

The Seven Habits of Highly Happy People:

BE Happy! Too many people chase happiness or believe it is outside of themselves. It isn’t – it is simply a belief that you hold.
Be Intentional – know what it is that you want and stake claim to it. Ask for it. Watch for it. Set yourself up for success and when it arrives celebrate!
Build an attractive community around you. Be clear on the relationships you want in your life and release the ones that no longer lift you up.
Believe in yourself. Be aware of your inner conversations and whether you are pumping yourself up or putting yourself down. Manage your critic’s voice and flip him/her into your coach’s voice.
Approach life with a glass full attitude – be an optimist. See the everyday miracles around you and express gratitude for all that is right in your life.
Perform Random Acts of Kindness. Notice how a simple act light people up – whether this is a smile, opening a door, helping someone cross an icy street. Notice how their response lights you up as well.
Develop your NO-How. Have a clear sense of what perfect for you and what is not. Remember, you are not saying NO to others, you are saying YES to YOU!

Now – Smile, stand tall, take a deep breath, insert happiness file into your computer, move forward.

Have a great day!

Betty

Posted on January 6, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Why?

I was listening to an interview on CBC with Amanda Lang regarding her recent book The Power of Why. While I have yet to read the book, I was intrigued by her comments regarding our Canadian attitude which she labelled as the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ That means, we as Canadians do not like to stand out in a crowd and as a result we shy away from being different. How does that impact us – we are typically 30% less innovative than our American counterparts, we are more hesitant to take risks and when it comes to business much more traditional.

While all of this may be fine on the surface, it leaves us lagging for the long-term. This is where WHY comes in, the curiosity to ask why we do what we do, why we continue travelling down the same path, why we resist change.

Amanda’s suggestions – start thinking like a four-year old – begin asking why!

I think it is time to look at things differently. As Wayne Dyer says, ‘when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change’.

It’s time to start asking WHY? Am I about to become really annoying?

Betty

Posted on December 6, 2012 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Gift Certificate

The holiday season is one of those happy sad occasions, sad because those who have gone before us are no longer here to celebrate with us. It has been close to forty years since my mother passed away and yet I find myself missing her as Christmas approaches. I also like to remember the gifts that she left me and so in this week’s column I would like to share a story I wrote several years ago called the Gift Certificate.

The Gift Certificate
It came wrapped in a beautiful ribbon, jewel tones of ruby and amber and emerald threads woven into the fabric. The box was beautifully adorned with a tissue paper so delicate that I hesitated to touch it for fear of tearing the translucent skin. A hint of lavender tugged at my nose as I gently examined this beautiful package left for me deep inside my mother’s cedar chest. Someone had taken care and pleasure in wrapping this gift for me.

I pulled at the ribbon, releasing the box from its grip; the ribbons fell gently to the side, cascading around the corners of the box. Eagerly I scratched at the paper and then, remembering its beauty, slowed myself down. I unfolded the paper carefully so as not to tear it, preserving every special touch that had been taken as it was wrapped.

As I gently peeled back the paper, the treasure held within was revealed. I reached inside and pulled from the wrapping a deep blue velvet box, you know, the type that jeweler’s use for something very fine and precious. I held it with reverence, feeling the texture on the palm of my hand, hesitating for a moment, anticipation rising in my chest. What could this be?

As I pulled back the lid, I closed my eyes, not wanting the moment to end, and then opening them, I gazed with disappointment at the contents held within. The box was empty except for a single piece of paper. Tears welled up in my eyes. I placed the box on the table in front of me and lifted the paper from its velvet nest, examining it more carefully. It was not ordinary paper but an ivory colour and textured. Across the top of the paper, embossed in beautiful gold lettering were the words Gift Certificate. This was followed by a message penned in my mother’s familiar hand.

My Darling Daughter;

I have wrapped this gift for you with great care for it is the legacy I leave behind and wish to offer you.

I give to you the Gift of Courage – an invitation to lead your life without fear; an invitation to pursue your dreams and live the life you choose free of the opinions and demands of others. It is an invitation to believe in yourself, never doubting that what you can conceive and believe, you can achieve. Lastly it is an invitation to grab the brass ring of life and never let it go.

Secondly I give you the Gift of Love – of love you will always have from me even though our journey together in this lifetime has come to an end; of love for yourself – perhaps the most important gift of all; of love for others which I encourage you to give often and freely; and of love for life and all that you touch during your time here on earth.

Daughter, I also give you the Gift of Grace – the joy of living full out, free of the burden of guilt, or blame or shame; an invitation to live your life forgiving yourself of all the sins you believe you have committed against others while also releasing the sins you believe others have committed against you. See and celebrate the abundance in your life and express gratitude for all of life’s magnificence.

And finally my darling daughter, I give you the Gift of YOU – of recognizing your own beauty, your great gifts, and, perhaps most importantly, your flame, the spirit that burns deep within you. Show this light to the world – this is the Gift of Authenticity.

Betty, will you do one thing for me? (And this is my last request of you). Live this gift as I ask and as you travel through life, give this gift freely to others; for you see my daughter, it is in the living and the giving that the true meaning of life resides.

Love

Mom

I placed the paper, now my most treasured possession, back in the velvet box, gently closed the lid, and hands resting on the top of the case, remembered my mother and the numerous other gifts she had given to me over a lifetime – patience, encouragement, a listening ear, the warmth of her arms around me, conversations over dinner, her laughter and sly sense of humor, and so much more.

These I knew were the important gifts, more important than all the material things, the toys and clothes she had also provided. And I also knew that these were the gifts that I wanted to be remembered for, to be my legacy.

This holiday season, remember the important gifts that have been given to you and consider the gifts you want to leave with others.

Until Next time…

Betty

Posted on November 28, 2012 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Resilience

It’s that time of year when expectations seem to mount. The Holiday Season is quickly approaching, family members are voicing their expectations of you, there’s a big sale at Sears you want to take advantage of and you just found out you have three Christmas parties booked the same evening. Match all these ‘extra’ demands with the demands of an already busy life and you may feel like you are out of breath.

So what do you do, how can you keep your sanity with all the additional demands this season seems to impose. It is meant to be a time of celebration and joy and yet as you look around you, you’re not sure there is a whole lot of that going around! Time to shift gears.

A Resilience Check-In
Here’s an opportunity to take your pulse and assess just how you are doing. You can do so by measuring your resilience, your ability to bounce back in response to added responsibility or adversity and not become overwhelmed. Take a look at the following statements and give yourself a score from 1, I strongly disagree to 5, I strongly agree.

I remind myself every day of the things I have accomplished.	1	2	3	4	5
I am able to take things in stride and remain calm in most circumstances.	1	2	3	4	5
I have the ability to handle a number of different things at the same time.	1	2	3	4	5
I have a strong sense of what my priorities are and put these first.	1	2	3	4	5
I know when to say ‘NO’ and stick to my guns, even when others may not like my answer.	1	2	3	4	5
I am able to laugh at myself and circumstances when things don’t go as planned.	1	2	3	4	5
I have a strong sense of my core values and purpose, engaging these to guide me through each day.	1	2	3	4	5
I am resourceful and can find my way out of most difficult situations.	1	2	3	4	5

Add up your score – you will have a range for 8 to 40. While this is not a scientifically valid questionnaire, you can use your score to understand the degree to which you are handling the demands of your life. A score close to 8 suggests you are approaching overwhelm, perhaps feeling frantic, fatigued or even postponing the things that need to be done. A score close to 40 suggests you are dealing with the day to day easily and effortlessly and coasting into the holiday season. Most of us will most likely score mid-range.

This is not a diagnostic, just a notice, and as you notice where you fall, let me offer you some strategies for managing the approaching holiday season in a way that will assure you that Joy and Celebration care the main theme.

Holiday ‘Sanity’ Tips:

At the end of the day, bring your attention to all the things you accomplished during the day. You may notice that your habit is the opposite, focusing on what you did not get done. Stop that!
Give yourself time during the day to come up for air – that may mean sitting at your desk and taking a few deep breaths, closing your eyes for a short meditation or going for a 10 minute walk.
Be planful. Look at your days and make sure you identify your priorities. These are your big rocks. Once these are achieved, other things fall easily into place.
When you are faced with decisions regarding your time and various commitments during the holiday season and the upcoming weeks, let your intuition guide you. Say NO to what does not serve you. This will make your YES’s much more powerful.
Learn to laugh at yourself over the innocent mistakes. Little damage is done in most cases and laughing goes a long way to disperse any negative energy.
Take some time to identify your core values. Your values are the guiding principles by which you choose to live. They help you to say NO and to choose the direction in which you want to move.
Simplify – attend fewer events and buy fewer gifts. Focus on the meaning of the season.

The holiday season can be challenging or easy – the choice is really yours. Make this your best holiday season ever by making perfect choices for you. Pass this gift along to others.

Until next time,

Betty