Last week I began a two-week hefty travel schedule visiting London, Montreal and Ottawa to deliver Insights Discovery Programs to nurses who specialize in Rheumatoid Arthritis. This is being sponsored by one of my pharmaceutical clients. Next week I will travel to Winnipeg, Calgary, Edmonton, Victoria and Vancouver in five days. I am quite excited to be offering this program within health care as it fulfils one of my business intentions to work once again with health care professionals. To date I have had lots of fun.
This past week ended with a day with Leadership Ottawa where I am serving as a coach and cultivator. This has been a special gift to me as I am working in a program which supports all my personal beliefs regarding leadership. The days with this group are very organic and unfold fully through self-discovery.
The Original Authentically You Group
Finally, I received photographs from friend Rita of our fifth Authentically You Reunion (see above), a group who has travelled with me since 1998 and who have always supported my work. When I first began my business, it was this group who gathered to help me test some of my ideas. ME FIRST has its origins from these initial days.
It’s been just over thirty days since I turned sixty; one of those ‘big large’ moments of life, and as little or large as you make it. There was no great transformation, no wings sprouting from my back and certainly no halo appearing above my head, yet it feels transformative.
I heard on the radio today that our youth oriented culture is also changing with the orientation turning to older generations, perhaps to the dismay of the younger generations who point to us as the responsible villains for creating the world we live in. I am left wondering what this world will look like and in this wonder I asked myself what would be perfect for me? Here’s what I came up with:
– more wrinkles and less botoxed masks
– less fashion and more natural wear
– fewer perfect slender bodies on magazine covers and more ‘real women’
– fewer young models and more models of all ages, cultures and creeds
– fewer stories regarding the famous and infamous and more stories about everyday heroes and heroines
– fewer stories filled with violence and turmoil and more stories which are inspiring and heart warming
– more emphasis on health and less emphasis on weight or body size.
I could continue but you get the drift.
Just after I wrote this I picked up the Globe and Mail – Life Style Section. Featured on the front page was a story: Universe ME – The Empathy Gap; a study of university students, average age twenty, known as the millennium generation. The study found, that compared to a similar study on 1979, there was a 40% reduction in empathy, that is, the ability to see the world from another person’s perspective. This was matched with a dramatic increase in narcissism and materialism. They are known as the ‘ME Generation’, which is interesting as I believe our generation of Baby Boomers were also once known by this name. Regardless, the current culprit for this shift in human behavior is apparently the rise in social networking, a form of communication where deep face to face relationships can be avoided and communication kept at the most superficial, self-focused level.
Back to my list of what would be prefect for me as a newly minted sixty year old – I see my generation as a significant source of coach/mentors for the younger millennium generation. It is interesting that I authored a book called ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die which is anything but narcissistic and all about understanding yourself and how you are called to service. Very different from Universe ME although sounding like kissing kin.
I see this article as a personal roadSIGN, a wake-up call and invitation for generation 60ish. Is it really time for us to retire or is it time for us to Re-Tire, put on new treads, and breathe new life into our days? I believe my generation of soon to be or already sixty year olds are being called to action. If this study is true, if empathy is lapsing and narcissism gaining ground, generation sixty can influence this. We are, after all, the generation who witnessed the Vietnam War, the civil rights movement, feminism and gay rights, and more. We grew up at a time when we touted our values as being upper most in our lives. And yes, then we all went to work and yes, many of those values we espoused were parked in the corner of some room. Yet those same values are there; they ground us and perhaps it is time to retrieve them and dust them off. Perhaps this is the time where we, as a generation, can make our greatest contribution.
There is, in my view, much work to be done to nurture younger generations. It is time to cast judgment aside, for it is easy to judge them. As I was journaling on this topic I was in transit from Montreal to London, Ontario. In Toronto I met a younger colleague attending the same meeting. In the three hours or so we spent together, two were spent sitting beside me ‘thumbing’ her messages on a blackberry. The third hour was on the plane. She exchanged a few words with me but as soon as the little box vibrated, her response was immediate. Somewhere in between texting her messages, she asked me if I had a Blackberry. I said NO, that I was currently evaluating my technology options. She smiled and quipped, “they’re addictive” and returned to the little black box that now seemed to rule her interactions. It occurred to me that she did not know how to converse with me. Wow!
So for those of you reading this, who are of or approaching generation sixty, there is much work for us to do should you choose to accept the challenge. I am not willing to forfeit my work, teaching people how to communicate effectively with themselves and with others, to the rise in social media and the ‘crackberry’ devices that surround me. I believe this study, while limited in scope, is the canary in the coal mine, a warning of what is to come unless we act. Are you up for the challenge? Will you join me?
It’s happening already. I was signing up for an opportuntiy to win $6000 at an Exhibitor’s booth. As part of the draw you had to provide specific information. There it was, the box for 60+. OMG I have to check off a new box! Yikes. Note: I did not win!
Yesterday the bank contacted me. Mrs. Healey, you now qualify for our 60PLUS account – this means no more monthly fees! WOW – there’s a perk. And friends are telling me about all the discounts I can get when I travel by train, shop at Shopper’s Drug Mart and go to the movies. Now all I have to do is travel by train, shop in a drugstore and go to the movies to save the money I would not normally spend. Regardless, I still qualify for the discount and I am sure there are more perks on there way.
I also qualify to collect my CPP but I need some financial information from my last employer which was 13 years ago. I have left 4 messages at the hospital now trying to rouse a response – I guess turning 60 doesn’t matter much to them! That;s okay – I am not in a rush.
What bonuses will appear around the next corner?
My question – what will they do as I keep ‘younging’ – will the perks go away?
Moving on from turning sixty, it’s time to simply continuing living fully and being in the world as I love to be. The week started with a trip to Toronto to attend the Your Workplace Conference on the theme of creating the Engaged Workplace. Here are my reflections:
Is it time to start painting outside the lines in your ‘paint by number’ routine? I ask myself this question whenever I feel myself succombing to some unwritten rule that seems to be forcasting my decisions or life choices. These rules, have been defined by the ‘shoulds, have to’s and must do’s’ I have acquired through the years. What about you, do you suffer from the same self-imposed limitations?
Recently, my husband Jim and I participated in the annual Your Workplace Conference. Held in Toronto, the conference theme this year was ‘creating an engaging workplaces’. With that theme in mind, we as exhibitors were asked to engage conference participants when they came to visit our booth. The first task for us, attract a creative idea which would do just that. We decided to engage the artist within each person, knowing that within every individual there lurks a creative soul. Unfortunately that creativity may have been laying dormant for a few years. Our challenge was to invite it out to play.
To create our engraging booth, we purchased a three by four foot canvas, and installed this on an easle at the corner of our venue. We placed boxes of high quality markers around the easle offering everyone the tools they required to be creative. Our invitation was to ‘Paint us a Masterpiece’, simply choose your colors and add to the canvas.
As conference attendees drifted by our booth we pulled them in, asking them to dip their hand into the box of colors, add an element of their choice to the painting and make their contribution. You can imagine the responses. We heard the usual litany of ‘I can’t draw. The artist in me died in Kindergarden. There isn’t a creative bone in my body!”
Your Workplace Conference ParticipantsFinal Painting ~ YWP Conference
The interesting thing we noticed, is that we did not ask people specifically to draw, only to add to the canvas. This could have been a line, a blob, a curly-cue, whatever. The choice was theirs to make.
So how does this experience relate to life and painting outside the paint-by number lines? With the same hesitance as our exhibitor booth visitors demonstrated, I noticed the extent to which we do not allow ourselves to fully engage in life, the hesitation to pick up a pen or brush and add new strokes to the canvas of life. Notice how you are holding yourself back in ways you do not even recognize.
Each of us is an artist. Art comes in different forms, shapes and sizes; it might be a drawing, a simple line or a bold new color; it might appear as a painting, a novel, or a creation of some other form. Whatever it is, I encourage each of you to pick up a crayon, a marker or a paint brush and add something new to the canvas of your life.
As Gordon Mac Kenzie wrote in Orbiting the Giant Hairball, begin wielding a wider brush – pure ox-bristle. Swoop it through the sensuous goo of Cadmium Yellow, Alizarin Crimson, or Ultramarine Blue (not nos. 4, 8, 13) to create the biggest, brightest, funniest, fiercest damn dragon that you can. Because that has more to do with what’s inside of you than some prescribed plagiarism of somebody else’s tour de force.
You have a masterpiece inside you, too, you know. One unlike any that has ever been created, or ever will be. And remember: If you go to your grave without painting your masterpiece, it will not get painted. No one else can paint it. Only you.
Our conference visitors did, in the end, create a masterpiece filled with doodles and swirls, suns and rainbows, stick people and animals, whatever inspired them. The result was impressive (bids for the painting are now being accepted!). Now it’s your turn to stretch a little, step outside your ‘shoulds, have to’s and must do’s’. You might be surprized at what appears – there may even be a dragon lurking there.
The Final Masterpiece
Remember this is not about perfection, imperfection is better. It is what cracks you open. As a yoga instructor said to me recently, the poses don’t have to be perfect. Lack of perfection creates cracks and it is the cracks that allow the light to come in. Let the light in. Step up- start painting your masterpiece, stretch a little, crack your life open!
Just the other day, my friend and business colleague and I were on our way to WXN – Women’s Executive Network, in Ottawa. It was an ungodly hour as the breakfast meeting began at 7:15 and we live an hour out of Ottawa. Add time for parking and catching our breath, I was up at five and on the road 20 minutes later on my way to rendezvous with Doreen. I could continue to carp or switch gears and tell you how magical it is to be out on the road before most lights have even been turned on in the homes I passed and to witness the colour rising in the sky as I wound through the back roads of North Glengarry. And then there is the comradeship that Doreen and I share, both of us being entrepreneurs and both of us working full-time with our life partners. It was Doreen who I turned to for advice in the early days of Jim’s retirement as she and her husband Heinz had years of experience in the ‘work together’ arena.
Weeks ago we had decided to attend two networking events in one day, one at breakfast, and one late afternoon, allowing ample time in between for play – a spa date, lunch and conversation. Despite our best intentions, talk turned to work, sharing our excitement and occasional frustration with what we do. Both of us actively work with the Law of Attraction however, so we allow little air in the frustration balloon, choosing instead to fuel the fires of attraction.
Doreen introduced me to a book she is currently reading by Suzy Welch entitled 10-10-10: A Life Transforming Idea. I have yet to read this myself however I gleaned an interesting idea from our conversation, related to day-to-day decision making and the impact our decisions have. 10-10-10 is a filter. Consider this, when making a decision, you ask yourself what effect will this decision have on your business or your life in the next 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 weeks or on a larger scale, 10 days, 10 months, 10 years. I have been steadily reflecting on this and it has helped become aware of how often I make decisions because they feel urgent. I don’t necessarily pause to consider the long term consequences; I react. I am wondering what would happen to my decisions if I engaged the 10-10-10 filter.
I am sure Suzy’s book is much richer than what I have suggested, I simply like the idea of considering this 10-10-10 philosophy and beginning to apply it to my daily decision-making, especially as it applies to business development. Business, as we all know, requires responses that will sustain and grow our business in both the short and long-term. Using 10-10-10 as an aid to decision-making could be a simple yet powerful strategy. So, thanks Doreen!
On another note, I wanted to comment on networking. One year ago, as I was beginning to re-build my business following a writing sabbatical, I decided, with the encouragement of my colleagues, to begin networking in earnest. I am proud to tell you that I am now the member of at least 6 networking groups. I also want to share that networking effectively is not what I thought it was a year ago. It is far more than exchanging business cards, follow-up, and searching for new business opportunities. It is, in my view, a way of connecting with others, seeing them, make a heart-felt connection with 2-3 unique people with each networking opportunity, building community, contributing, and more. I have learned that seeing networking through this lens is much more attractive than the card exchange and chasing people – an important learning on my part.
Life is one great lesson – I am eager to hear yours as well!
I had the opportunity this past week to present to two different West Island audiences – a public lecture sponsored by AMCAL Family Services and the English Montreal Coach’s Breakfast. It has been awhile since I have given key note presentations and it was refreshing to return to this energy and have a conversation with an audience. It was certainly a SIGN for me that this is where I want to play.
One of the topics that frequently arise during my presentations is, “Do you believe is counselling?” I assume the question is asked as I bill myself as a coach. I address this question by first clarifying the difference between coaching and counselling.
Here is my explanation: Coaching focuses on forwarding the action in your life. It does not look back; it assesses where you are at the present time and assists you in becoming clear about what you want to attract to your life. In this sense it is about today and the future.
Coaching utilizes the art of inquiry and deep listening. It may be the first time in your life that you feel totally understood and that you are valued unconditionally.The focus of coaching is to allow you to re-discover the many facets of who you are. This includes your strengths, gifts and talents; those aspects of yourself that you may be overlooking.
Is this similar to counselling? Counselling and Coaching have two things in common, they both begin with the letter ‘C’ and they are both based on working directly with a client to examine an aspect of their life. Counselling tends to focus more on the past, an excavation process which allows the client to examine old wounds, relationships, and the many aspects of life which could be intefering with the present. In this way counselling serves a purpose.
In responsing to the question “Do I believe is counselling?”, the anwser is yes and no. From a personal perspective I have always asked myself, how does it serve me to dig up the past. I ask my clients and audience participants the same question. It is not for me to decide on their behalf. I will add however, that where our attention goes, energy flows, that is to say, I believe that if we focus on the wounds of the past we will attract more of the same. That is unless we become very clear regarding what we want instead of this ‘Old Story’.
Shifting back to coaching, the process I engage clients in is creating and recording their New Story. This involves listening in on the self-critic, who represents all the fears and limiting beliefs of the past wrapped up in one complex messy fur ball; untangling the strings that bind this mess together, and becoming clear on the messages you want to feed yourself everyday. My suggestion is that these messages stem from your Heart Voice, a guidance system deep within you that truly wants you to attract all that is in your highest good. These messages would be self-affriming; they would acknowledge you and the gifts and strengths you bring into the world in both your relationships and your work, and would encourage you to step fully into your personal power in terms of living the life you know to be the one you actually want to live.
The New Story is rich and deeply textured and it is built upon all the lessons of the past. As a coach, I don’t avoid discussing the past with clients, in fact I encourage clients to complete what I refer to as a life review. The purpose of this exercise however, is not to dwell there, but to assess those ‘bliss moments’ of your life. These moments represent those times in your life where all the dots lined up – you felt successful, you felt joyful, you felt complete. You knew that this was a significant achievement.
I offer this exercise as I have noticed, both in myself and others, that we rarely acknowledge ourselves. Instead we focus on what we did not achieve, on our failures if you will. As a result we do not really see ourselves and the contributions we have made to the world.
I hope the SIGN for you in this blog, is to step up and begin celebrating YOU. If you don’t know where to start or how to do this, find a coach. Although there is much to be learned from examining the past, today and the future is where your life is really playing out. It no longer serves you to linger in the days of memory, it is time for all of you to step into the New Story of Me, and begin living the life you have always wanted and which has been there waiting for you to claim it.
We arrived home at 12:45 a.m Wednesday, March 24th after 18 hours of driving. Was this what we intended? NO, yet the closer we got to home, the stronger the urge was to continue driving. This must be the same instinct that calls geese back to their summer homes.
For much of the route to Georgia from Tennessee and then home I had no map. I realized how much I like maps – that visual image of where you are travelling. In fact I felt rather blind without it. We did however have a GPS system which of course was reliable and guided us easily to our destination. Still I was lacking in trust!
Then I realized that in ME FIRST I assist others in identifying their PGS (Personal Guidance System) which of course has a similar purpose to your car’s GPS. Our PGS is established from our intentions and where we want to go. It is guided by our core values, our call to service and our tick (Your Authentic Voice or who you ‘BE’ in the world). I always teach my clients to trust it and to let it guide you to your destination.
Obviously I saw the parallels between my car’s GPS and my personal PGS and I was left wondering if I fully trusted my Personal Guidance System without the benefit of a map to give me all the details of the journey.
Once again I understood that intention is designed to open up the landscape of possibility and calls to us to enjoy the journey. Details, the map, are not necessary, and when I am not following a map I can raise my eyes and enjoy the scenery.
Back at home we are getting ready to facilitate a team retreat tomorrow using one of my favorite tools, Insights Discovery. This is a Jungian Psychometric System that provides an opportunity for individuals to learn more about themselves and then subsequently their team members. I always enjoy introducing teams to this material as it enhances communication and relationships among team members.
The Great Smoky Mountains are the oldest mountains on earth, or so we are told. I have not checked this out from any scientific source and there is no reason to disbelieve what I have been told by the local residents. Certainly this place speaks of ancient wisdom – it is in the air, the mist, rooted in the trees and circling the peaks. As we hiked the other day through the forest and up a gentle climb, the forest floor was waking up, evidence of lilies and trilliums, jonquils, mountain laurel, dogwood and rhododendron about to burst into bloom. Spring is in the air and I love that we are here teaching “If I should wake before I die” just as everything around us is awakening.
We are now in Augusta Georgia after travelling another 6 hours today, south and east. Not exactly in the Tennessee neighbourhood yet when you are already in the south, difficult to say no to. Our friends and dousing teachers Joey and Jill Korn reside here. We have been constantly reminded throughout this three-week tour of the hospitality and generosity of our American friends.
Yesterday ended with a good tired feeling after 4 consecutive ME FIRST events. We had three extraordinary evenings and one full day retreat. Most events have been well attended, others small and I am learning it is not about the numbers, it about the quality of the people who join us for discussion and discovery. This trip was also the great experiment – we set an intention to reach people with ME FIRST and at this point we have attracted about 70 people to the different events and we have established a network here in the south. This is the critical first step.
One topic of discussion since we have been here relates the Health Care Reform introduced by President Obama. Today when I opened my e-mail, I received a message from Laura Davis, fellow author who stated the following:
I spent much of the afternoon, not getting a massage, not hiking, not writing personal stories, but watching the C-SPAN coverage of the health insurance debate.
Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the vote. And for me this vote isn’t about someone else’s health coverage. It’s about mine.
Laura is a breast cancer survivor and is well aware of the costs of her care and what would have happened were she not covered by her partner’s health insurance. Her insurance will lapse soon as her partner retires. Another friend of mine who has had a long-term chronic illness has over one million dollars of accumulated health care debt which she states costs her the equivalent of 3 mortgage payments every month. As a Canadian it is unimaginable to me not to have easy access to health care and trust me despite our complaints and concerns about our system, we have no reason to complain. There are so many people here who simply cannot access health care and there is much fear evident among those who don’t want reform. I heard it the other day on the hiking trail as one of my fellow hikers asked me about our system, from friends and on the news. And there are many misconceptions about our system, so much so that I have wondered who fabricated the stories I hear. I cannot help but be engaged in the debate as this place, the wealthiest nation on earth, has a poverty mentality when it comes to sharing resources and offering equal access to all. Over the last 2 weeks I have watched my friend Betty Jones lobby with her friends and family for the reform. We as Canadians can set an intention for tomorrow’s vote that generosity and common sense rule.
The rain has returned after several wonderful days of sun and warmth. We will rest here for one day and then begin the trek homes, setting intentions for safe travel northward.
This morning we travelled from Townsend Tennessee to Asheville, NC. The mountain passes were freshly opened after a night of snow. Magic best describes our passage through the uppermost points of the Great Smokey Range this morning, as each tree wore garments of lacy white snow, the air about them misty and mysterious. We stopped along the way for a few photo opp’s, children everywhere pouring out of cars and engaging in spontaneous snowball fights. Another car from Ontario rolled down their windows to chat with us, sharing notes on the local sights and our enjoyment of the region. Even though we are fully enjoying this trip, it was good to greet fellow Canadians.
We have just arrived at our friends Maureen and Zelle’s place in Flat Rock. Maureen and I met back in the late 90’s as part of the Higher Ground Community. She is a graceful, creative spirit, who with her partner Zelle, have created the State of Grace document. I encourage you to take a look.
This past weekend kick started our ME FIRST activities – a series of three events. While participation was lower than we expected it was perfect just the same, and met the most amazing people. In addition to this our friends and hosts Betty and Bud have been introducing us to their very eclectic circle of friends as well as the local culture. I feel so blessed to be experiencing all of this. It is interesting to note once again that every journey is about learning.
Last evening I attended a ‘wining women’ event with 11 other women. It was the Ides of March and the requirement was to wear a toga (okay a bed sheet wrapped around me!) There were many courses of food, each one paired with a different wine, lots of laughter, sharing and a fun! Gathering possibilities for hosting similar events at home.
There have been so many wonderful roadSIGNS this past week, not the least of which was an event I co-facilitated for Leadership Ottawa (LO). Of interest is that LO does not call their team facilitators, but cultivators. You have to love that, cultivating, seeding, nurturing and so on. For me it conjures up an entirely different energy.
In sharing this with my colleague and fellow coach Patty Walters this morning, I was able to notice that years ago I set an intention to work with individuals who understood that Leadership is an inside out process, that to be an effective leader one must first address the inner landscape of self. And this is where I was called to play during the LO retreat.
I am so grateful. And I have a dream of running a leadership event where this is the focus. I want to merge ME FIRST with leadership, in fact ME FIRST is exactly that, leadership of self. What follows naturally is stepping into being a leader in the eyes of others. Leadership, again in my view, is rarely about doing. It is a state of being.
And this is the beginning of our ME FIRST road trip, planned many months ago and now underway. Currently we are in Garrison, New York, in the upper Hudson Highlands. Tomorrow we will run a ME FIRST Retreat Day hosted by our friends Lynn and Norm. Sunday we will dip into NYC to see friends. Next week we travel on to Tennessee to run a series of ME FIRST Events. I will keep you posted as frequently as possible.
Something I recognize is that I have not been keeping up with my blog – unfortunately I have allowed this venue to become simply one more thing on my to do list, a chore. That is not where I want to play. I enjoy writing. I enjoy having this conversation with all of you, even though I am not aware of who is visiting. And I want to be attractive, inspiring and uplifting. This is the energy I insert here, in the spaces between my words.
I invite you to share my intention for a leadership event/retreat which is inspiring, uplifting, provoking. Without knowing where or when, I can absolutely see it happening and see you there.
