Category: Roadsigns

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Privilege

Last week friends of mine and their three children participated in the Hunger Awareness Challenge. Each person in the family received $10 for groceries for the week plus a selection of food products from the local foodbank. The fresh produce from the foodbank included a few potatoes, a small bag of fresh beans, an onion, two squash plus a selection canned goods, 1 quart of milk, a dozen eggs, juice and a few other items. The selection is based on what is available that week. Bare in mind now that this was intended to last a family of five for one week. Also note the three children are late teens, early twenties, not young children.

The community we live in is not a wealthy one. The average family income here is on the low side for communities in Ontario with many families existing on two incomes of minimum wage. We call these folks the working poor (probably a really strong rationale for a national minimum wage). It is these families who turn to the local food bank for assistance.

I followed my friend’s postings through the week on Facebook, both their struggles and creativity with the food choices they had to work with. Denise also shared her thoughts at one point in regard to privilege. I share this as privilege has been on the forefront on many conversations these days in the context of the Black Lives Matter movement and “white privilege”. Denise however, extends privilege beyond the boundaries of that particular conversation.

Here is what she offered:
Privilege has been running through my mind because so much of why we have not found this week as hard as we might is because of it (privilege). It sometimes seems an overused word but I think it’s important to recognize the role it plays. Outlining just some of this below:

  1. We know it’s only a week. You can do anything short term. Knowing something will get easier – that’s privilege
  2. We knew Farm Boy regularly has chicken on sale. And we are able to access any grocery store in the city because we are healthy and can walk, and also have cars or bikes. Not everyone does – that’s privilege
  3. I look at whole chicken and think 3 meals: a) roast it b) make pot pie c) soup (did not do soup in end because no vegetables left). We looked at rolled pork pieces, onions, curry paste and coconut milk (all from food bank) with purchased peppers (cheap this time of year) and made last night’s dinner out of it. We made biscuits for our pot pie because we had flour but ran out of potatoes. Knowing that these ingredients would work together as Andrew randomly saw them in food bank, knowing HOW to cook, and having the TIME to do these things – that’s privilege. Basically our knowledge and our job schedules allow us to make food go further.
  4. Not once did we think about the cost of hydro or water as we cooked. Or try to create nutritious meals on a single burner or in a microwave. That’s privilege too.
  5. We talked about how this time of year we are able to take advantage of farm fresh produce (potatoes, red peppers, tomatoes) at excellent prices if you buy in bulk. But you need storage, freezer capacity, canning ability – that’s privilege.
  6. On Monday I work late so Andrew cooks but he was late this Monday too and no one really thought about it until 6:30 when everyone was hungry. Under normal circumstances we’d have just ordered in on a night like that (privilege) or gone out (privilege) to save time and because we were all tired. Instead we got Erik flipping the burgers we got from Agape but had no buns but were able to swing by to pick some up on way home. It was still within our allotted allowance but we wouldn’t have gone if store too far away or inconvenient. That’s also privilege.
  7. We also talked this week about how we ALWAYS have cheese in. And coffee. And how if we see it on sale we buy it in bulk because we know we will use it. We also picked up this week (not as part of this challenge) our order of organic farm chickens to see us through winter. In order to do this, in order to save money and have a house full of food you have to have the money ahead of time, and we certainly would not do that on $10/person/week. Impossible. That’s privilege.

Privilege is defined as “a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group”. Honestly, I have not thought of my life as privileged until recently, my awareness growing through the essays on “white privilege” and most certainly through Denise’s observations.

In discussions with Jim following Denise’s post, we also explored the following:

  1. Both Jim and I came from humble families. Neither of our families had a great deal of money and we both had mothers who saw the value in education, who encouraged us, and set expectations for us. That was privilege, recognizing that many children do not have that.
  2. Jim and I had access to decent schools through our childhood and adolescence which prepared us to go on to higher education. That was privilege.
  3. Jim and I had access to financial aid and scholarships through sports for Jim, academics for me. That was privilege.
  4. Our post secondary studies led us into careers that supported us throughout our adult years. Given the rarity of this currently, that was privilege.
  5. Yes, we both worked diligently in our respective professions. Yes, we lived a financially responsible life and have earned our retirement. And in all of this we have travelled, owned several properties, grown and learned. And this is privilege.

I could go on and I think I have made my point. So much of what we have taken for granted over our lifetimes is simply not available to others either because of lack of resources, family support, or social networks. I am not downplaying the role I played in my own success, I am simply acknowledging that I had the will, the social support and the education, the circumstances for my life to flourish. And yes, I saw this and engaged, made choices along the way to better myself. I also recognize that I have been blessed in many ways.

I write this to encourage all of to take a step back and to recognize privilege in our own lives. Why? Honestly this reflection and understanding is making me far more compassionate and less judgmental regarding how others live and the choices they make. we never know the back story. AND, I am also basking in gratitude for the life I have experienced.

Until next time….

Thanks to Denise Nielsen for her postings.

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Welcoming 2019

With the predictions for a very cold and snowy winter looming, my body began to yearn for warmth and simplicity. The answer: a ten-day getaway to a warmer climate.

After our last ‘all-inclusive holiday’ three years ago, I declared that the appeal of such holidays had waned and that in the future, beach vacations were no logger desirable. WRONG! Winter weather can influence your decision-making I have learned. And opinions can change when influenced by certain circumstances. Celebrating the first anniversary of my first knee replacement Jim and I left for Cuba. Flying there with the intention of simplicity, we held our ground engaging only in ample beach walking coupled with book reading and occasional sun bathing (with SPF 60).

As an avid reader this was a great opportunity – no distractions. I chose three non-fiction books to get me started: No Reservations by Alice Steinbach, On the Brink of Everything by Parker Palmer, and Becoming by Michelle Obama. With my nature, that of a soul always searching for meaning, each book touched me in a specific way. Sharing….

No Reservations
Author Alice Steinbach shares a year-long journey, a travel sabbatical, through her experiences in Paris, London and Oxford and finally Venice and other parts of Italy. Stepping away from her busy life as a journalist with the Baltimore Sun, Alice identifies the challenges of engaging in a quieter life when one is accustomed to the demands and busyness of a journalist’s typical routine. Early in the book she asks, “Are we measuring time or living it?’

I was sure she wrote that question for me. I ‘measure life’.  Of this I am clear. I struggle with being in the moment, with having a day without a plan, with facing a new year with no intentions, goals or resolutions. When I go for a walk, I time it or measure how far I have walked. And even as I write this, I know that I am unlearning these habits. But it is an unlearning, a shift. It does not happen simply by snapping my fingers. As I traveled with Alice on her year of adventure and observed her ‘softening’ if you will, I could and can see myself easing into a different approach and life style.

I also loved this: M = EA (Mishap + Excellent Adventure)
Mishaps happen, and we allow ourselves to become dismayed, upset, angry, or disappointed. OR we can re-program and know that a mishap is an opportunity for an excellent adventure.

Okay, some serious re-programming is underway.

On the Brink of Everything
With the sub-title Grace, Gravity and Getting Old, this book spoke to my ongoing search for healthy aging and living the Third Act full-out. By one of my favorite authors Parker Palmer, this book offers a series of insightful essays and poems. The author, approaching his 80th birthday may have a few years on me and with that added wisdom, a slightly different perspective on living the later years.

In introducing the contents, Palmer had me hooked, inviting the reader to enjoy being old as this is a time in life when we can stand on the brink. It is that time when you can take in the full panorama of your life and understand the past, present and future with new eyes and with unfolding wisdom. His invitation is simple – there is very little left to fear, nothing left to lose so simply go for it!

One of the poems he shared truly touched me.

Harrowing
The plow has savaged this sweet field
Misshapen clods of earth kicked up
Rocks and twisted roots exposed to view
Last year’s growth demolished by the blade.

I have plowed my life this way
turned over a whole history
Looking for roots of what went wrong
Until my face is ravaged, furrowed and scarred.

Enough. The job is done.
Whatever’s been uprooted, let it be
Seedbed for the growing that’s to come,
I plowed to unearth last year’s reasons –

The farmer plows to plant a greening season.

I know that not everyone loves metaphor or poetry as I do (especially metaphor). The idea of plowing my life, uprooting the history of rights and wrongs, has been a habit of mine. The poem reminded me of the philosophy I now embrace which is, ‘Everything is perfect’ and ‘Everything happens for a reason’. I have learned that embracing this philosophy is a breath of fresh air for me. It allows me to forgive and forget the sting of certain events; it helps me appraise the lessons learned when I have fallen hard or screwed up; it has helped me understand the building blocks that life lessons are, making me, allowing me, to be the person I am. Finally, it has helped me understand that perfection is a journey, not a destination, a becoming….

And finally form Palmer’s book, this question: What do I want to let go of and What do I want to give myself to? Isn’t this the perfect question for moving forward?

Becoming
And finally, on this week’s hit list, Becoming by Michelle Obama.

I admit, I was skeptical, lots of hoopla and….more.

Okay, I loved it. I would say to any reader the following: it is a ‘full meal’ book, something hardy and which takes time to digest, uplifting and at times disturbing, well written and relatable, a look at what it is like to grow up in a completely different culture than is familiar to me while still identifying similarities.

And I appreciate the message ‘becoming’, which flows throughout the book, understanding that again, life is a becoming, a journey, not a destination, not about’growing up’. It continues….

There were no big AHA’s or profound messages in this book, just a great read and an engaging story; a read that left my curious about what is next for Obama and what is next for her country.

Final Thoughts
As books are prone to do, they have a lasting effect either through sharing or through ideas that are spawned by the words of others.

Coming into 2019 I keep wondering what it would be like to live life from a platform of JOY. I am far from having the answer, yet this questions was informed by some of my reading. I realized that JOY cannot stand alone and that it is a state that we reach in stages.

What emanated from my musings was something I am referring to as the Joy Equation which is as follows:

Joy = Peace + Gratitude + Love.

I hope to share more with you in future blogs. For now I continue to hold the Joy Equations in my heart as I wonder what joy means to others.

Wishing you all a JOY filled and fueled new year.

Until next time,

 

Betty

 

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Musings

As 2019 approaches, more quickly than I would like to admit, I find myself reflecting over the weeks and months of 2018 and sinking into the many lessons that have popped into my life during this time. As I have not written my blog now for several months, I thought I might take the time to share what I have been thinking about and consider what is important in forging forward.

Learning to Walk Again
I am now officially bionic, or at least in my view. On January 5th and July 11th of this past year, I received two new knees. Even as I write this, doesn’t it sound and seem just a little weird; the idea that my used and very arthritic knees could be replaced by Titanium and Teflon. Cool!

And as I write this and consider that I met my Orthopedic surgeon just over a year ago, I am feeling blessed by the presence of a small miracle. I can walk again, easily and effortlessly. I can no longer kneel or do squats (Darn!) and so what!

Yes, I am being a bit glib as I hesitate to mention how challenging the journey has been. I have had to both literally and figuratively learn to walk again. Literally, because it had been at least four years since I had been able to walk with comfort. This was a huge blow to me as I am a ‘distance walker’ priding myself in walking 6 km or more 3-4 times per week. Walking was where I found solace, quiet and answers, my meditation. All of this had come to a grinding halt. I had had to learn other ways and means of deriving the same benefits walking could no longer offer me.

And although walking has returned, I quickly realized that a few years of less than optimal physical activity had left my walking muscles tight, shortened and weak. Indeed, I have had to learn to walk again, heel to toe, engaging hips, knees and torso. You would think that as a former physical therapist this would have been obvious. My thoughts – it’s not obvious until it happens to you.

And then there was the metaphorical learning to walk again. In the last few years I have stepped more fully into my third act. Knee surgeries, and a few other health hiccups this past year, have given me ample time to rest in the ‘neutral zone’ of transition; time to wonder, reflect, explore and probe the possibilities of what’s next. Going slow is not my usual speed. I enjoy action. This has been new territory for me. I continue to learn how to walk in this space.

Love, Loss and Lessons
In August my brother-in-law David left us. He died by his own hands; yes, it is difficult for me to say – suicide. This act is one of those things that you hear about and which happens to other families. And now it arrives on our doorstep.

At the wake, watching a series of slides featuring Dave and the way he lived, looking into his eyes, I asked my brother-in-law Todd where Dave went to. We were both puzzled. This is the hidden story of depression and anxiety and our inability as a society to understand the pain, hopelessness and frazzled brains that leads to this choice. Dave’s descent into all of this was rapid and insidious. Therapy, medications, support – nothing reached him.

The lesson for me, as I hope it is for our family, has been to exercise my understanding, to celebrate who he was in health (an amazing father, husband and citizen), and to exercise non-judgment. I have endeavored to understand that he died of depression, as malignant and aggressive as any cancer I have ever experienced. I am sad; our family is sad. We are a relatively tight knit family and a hole had been punched in the fabric of who we are.

And on the other side, Jim and I have been privileged to be part of Mary’s journey. My sister-in-law has amazed me with her courage, her ability to face this sudden loss and the effect this has on her life, her capacity to support her three children, and most importantly, to move on. She is and has been a role model for all of us.

Cultivating Curiosity
When I grow up, I want to be….. How many times do you hear that from youngsters and the occasional adult. And, do we really want to grow up. Doesn’t it imply that there is an endpoint to reach. And once reached, then what? This has me wondering.

I have decided that growing up is overrated. That end point I mentioned feels too finite, that once I reach it I will have learned all I need to know, that growing up is the death of curiosity. Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration AND…..

If I have learned anything over this past year is that curiosity is the life blood of remaining young and vibrant; it may even be a significant antidote to aging. Curiosity is more than just learning although learning is definitely involved. For me it is living with the ‘what if …’ What if I made different choices, what if I go in this direction, turn that corner, jump, leap or run. What if I stopped doing all the things I habitually do and do well, what would show up? What if I created more ‘being’ space, what would I learn or experience? What if I traveled and explored more, what surprises would reveal themselves to me?

You get the drift. I recognize not everyone will agree with me just as I understand that curiosity is like breath to me. And with that understanding, I will continue to cultivate curiosity and to endeavor to understand what is left for me to be and do as I continue my life journey. Care to join me?

Living in the White Space
Take out a clean sheet of paper. Now take a pen or pencil and draw a dot on the paper. You chose how large. Step away, avert your gaze for a moment. Now look at it again. What do you see?

Most people will see the black dot. Do you? What else do you see? Do you see the white space around the dot? Which occupies more of the paper, the black dot or the white space?

Imagine for a moment that the black dot represents all the negativity around you – sickness, loss, negative news, fake news. Yes, these are the things that both capture and hold our attention. And yet, in reality, they are only a single black dot in the whole. Negative events exist in a field of other events, mostly positive and uplifting, small miracles happening around us, generally unwitnessed because the black dot holds our attention.

I want to learn to live in the white space. I fear that the black dots may take over and I will lose my sense of optimism. The white space does not imply ignorance, it simply means learning to be in the small miracles of everyday from waking up, to a new flower or fresh snow, to the abundance of life and to the good and great things happening in the world around us.

I remember listening to an Abraham (Esther Hicks) tape a few years ago on the topic of negative news. She was counselling an audience member with a fatalistic and downward spiraling attitude and reminding him that for every piece of negative news reported, there are thousands of uplifting and positive events occurring and unreported. Fear makes news. Love does not.

And so part of my learning to walk again, despite the changes and challenges contained within 2018, is to remain in the white space, to identify the daily miracles, to cultivate my curiosity and seek out the amazing things that are happening around me.

I would love to hear your thoughts and observations.

Wishing everyone a joyful holiday season and celebration.

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Courage and Clarity

“You need two things to get unstuck: Clarity and Courage. And, clarity is the reward of having courage.”

It has occurred to me in the last two weeks that courage is something to embrace as the opportunities for self-expression continue to unfold in my Third Act. Why courage? I am finding it challenging to crack open the eggshell of old habits and daily routines which have governed my life for so long. One of my greatest gifts in life has been my purposefulness and goal orientation. One of my greatest liabilities in life is my purposefulness and goal orientation!

It takes courage to face it down, to challenge it, to understand how I trip myself up by relying on what I have always known. It is a bit of a trap, for even though we can agree that purposefulness and goal orientation is a great thing, I also see the limitations, the blinders these habits impose.

Enough self-flagellation; this is not meant to be a critique of me. The question really is ‘now what’?

In a moment of clarity, the other day I realized that what I really wanted to release was the ‘need to work’. Yes need. I don’t know how it has been for you, but I was raised in the school of responsibility, obligation and ‘shoulds’. The reality for me is that I no longer need to work. Now on the government payroll with CPP and OAP, I may not be completely set for life and I know that our financial health is strong. So what is this need thing, this drive?

In its place I would much rather embrace the joy of work and be open to whatever that may be. I still love what I do and offer clients. I thoroughly enjoy coaching, facilitation and teaching. Am I not fortunate? And there are as many opportunities out there for me now as there were 20 years ago when I started my business, perhaps even more.

And here’s where courage comes in – saying ‘NO’ to the less than perfect opportunities, releasing the work that lingers that no longer engages me, because I don’t need to hang on. This gives me the space for clarity, the opportunity for opening new avenues of connecting with and serving people. None of this is a surprise; I have been ruminating on this for a while.

I am a person that also enjoys structure and routine and again I am asking if I need it. With summer upon us, I dream of morning walks, time on the front porch in the early morning sun, gardening and painting, hammock time with a good book, evenings in the gazebo sharing a glass of wine with friends. My usual work schedule does not accommodate these things or this life style.

As I envision the July and August landscape, I see great possibility. The second week of July is fully booked with a series of workshops we will be facilitating from Quebec City to Vancouver. Yes, it will be an intense week. More importantly, by having the courage to speak honestly with our clients, we will be engaged in work that we love and which we believe will make a significant difference for our client. Clarity was our reward.

Then guess what, the remainder of July and August is a fallow field. Will I have the courage to ‘BE’ in it allowing time for new possibilities to emerge and clarity to grow?

So onto you. Some things to consider. Are some of your greatest strengths also your liabilities? It is a great exercise to recognize this.

Is it time for you to address some on the repeating patterns that have governed your life and crack open the egg? What would you like to replace these patterns with? Remember if you can’t name it, it is unlikely you will get it.

Summer is such a wonderful time to relax and allow yourself to sink into the days. Why not do so? I plan to and hope you will join me, perhaps even share with me a few of your AHA’s that show up.

Have the courage to let go of what you have always known and create space for clarity to walk in the door.

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Ebb and Flow

I have recently had the pleasure to dive into the work of Joan Anderson, an American author whose books A Walk on the Beach and The Second Journey have truly resonated with me. It is always good to be supported on one’s own journey. Joan’s vulnerability and humanity spoke through the pages, as if she and I were having a conversation. And this conversation was an important one as she disclosed that despite her work, that of encouraging others, especially women, to find room in their lives for themselves, was a message that she personally struggled to live. And in their lies my truth, that despite my ME FIRST teachings, I have lots to learn about ME FIRST.

Like many of us, I am caught up in the flow, forward and backward movement. A self-avowed doing addict, I have trouble at times slowing down and even when I do, I cannot seem to harness my mind. Oh sure there are a few divine moments, when the quiet descends and I find myself in the ebb. I relish those moments and hold on to them greedily, for it is in that ebb space that I see, I know and I am. And then, just as quickly as the ebb appeared I am back in the flow. And I know this is right as well, the ebb and the flow, the movement of the tidal waters around the earth and the tidal waters of our life, is as it needs to be. Nothing is static.

All of this insight falls on the heels of a year of what feels like slumber. One year ago in January 2014, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, a rather serious, although treatable, auto-immune disease. After month of stiff and sore fingers and toes, blood tests and X-rays pointed in this direction. This is an illness familiar to me as I have been part of the Rheumatology community for a few years as the facilitator of the Colour of Communication designed for health professionals working in this field. The irony of suddenly attracting this illness did not escape me. Yet somehow, in the back screen of my mind all this news did not ring true. My intuitive “energy” colleagues supported that belief. Despite this I embarked of a course of treatment which over the next eleven months included two drugs, Plaquinil and Methotrexate (a form of chemotherapy). I saw my energy levels diminish yet I stayed with the program. I saw no observable forms of improvement in my joints yet I stayed with the program. Without recognizing it, I began to slide in my desire and drive to be of service.

Here Comes the Sun - A New Dawn!
Here Comes the Sun – A New Dawn!

Five weeks ago, in a collaborative decision with my rheumatologist, all medications were stopped. We both agreed that while my blood work was highly suggestive of RA, my lack of response to treatment indicated otherwise. Subsequently I have had additional joint studies completed which have revealed osteoarthritic changes in my fingers, no meds required.

I have written previously about Awakening, and I feel that at this moment I am once again in the awakening process. My energy levels have returned, I am waking up with a new sense of vigor and I feel that suddenly I am once again in the game. I have a suitcase full of appreciation for this. You do not realize what you have until it is removed for a period of time. And I, admittedly was under appreciating my life, my passion, my sense of purpose and my drive. I was under appreciating the ebb and the flow.

I have no judgment of the last year or the decision I made to seek and accept treatment for an illness I do not have. Rather I am grateful for my current state of health and for the lessons learned over the past 12 months. A significant aspect of this lesson is to embrace the ebb and the flow, to be in movement and to be in solitude and contemplation; to find the easy balance between the two.

With the newness of 2015 still on my skin, and an appreciation of all the forecasters and pundits, I know this to be a year for transformation. This means casting aside what no longer serves and creating space for what is waiting on the other side of the door. It is in the ebb that I have time to identify the castaways and in the flow that I can reach out and receive what is next.

I encourage you to identify the ebb and flow, the natural rhythm of your life. So much of daily living is forced rhythm. May this leave you with the desire for contemplation and the willingness to step into the ebb for a few moments everyday!

Until next time,

Betty

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Choose Love

On Tuesday October 21st, Jim and I travelled to Ottawa with our friends Lynn and Norm. As they were visiting us from New York, we wanted to take the opportunity to briefly tour the nation’s capital and take in an event at the National Arts Center. After parking the car we walked by the National War Memorial. Norm, who is former US Army Corp of Engineers, noticed the two soldiers keeping watch and commented on how respectful this was. Interestingly, as many times as I have been to Ottawa in the past, I had never noticed the soldiers standing there before. Our day continues with the joy of sharing our capital city and enjoying an evening performance of ‘Once’.

Then Wednesday arrives. Following our friends departure I become suddenly aware of the activity on Facebook and expressions of horror, fear, sadness and more. Canada and Canadians have, in a few short moments, seen the arrival of terrorism at the foot of Parliament Hill. One of those soldiers, perhaps one of the same soldiers we saw the previous day, has been gunned down. In a country of peacekeepers, the guns they lean into during their guarded stance, are not loaded. That same gunman heads for parliament hill where havoc reigns for several hours until he too is killed. Again, as Canadians, we have never required the extreme security measures of our southern neighbours and as a result, he easily entered the building.

More than inheriting fear from this sudden attack, I feel that we as Canadians have lost something much larger – our innocence and perhaps our peacekeeping soul. I will admit to having shed tears this morning, at the unnecessary loss of a young soldier’s life and at the enormous loss we as Canadians are experiencing.

And, this is only a beginning. Now comes CHOICE!

I have long understood that there are only two ways to live in the world, in LOVE or in FEAR. Yesterday’s incident thrusts into a crisis of consciousness and an opportuntiy to decide where we, individually and collectively, will play from here. Will we dive into fear because of this act and in response to the terror that reigns in locations around the world or will we hold ourselves in love because this is really what we want to perpetuate.

I ask you to choose Love!

Radiate Love - Painting by Betty Healey
Radiate Love – Painting by Betty Healey

Through sceptical eyes you might ask me why.

My simple answer is this: what you give energy to grows.

Do we want to grow FEAR – no! Do we want to grow LOVE – yes!

And so with that in mind, this is my request and advice. Feel outraged! Express it through writing or discuss with a friend. release it. Fill the space with LOVE, peace, gratitude and all the emotions that you consciously want to perpetuate and grow in your corner of the world. This is the way we curtail terrorism.

Living in FEAR offers fuel to a fire that I do not believe most people want to live in.

I invite you to join hands with me and feed the fire, feed yourself, feed your life with Love and Peace. You get to choose.

Until next time,

Betty

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Adding Value

Four weeks ago while browsing through Facebook I came upon a TEDx talk by fellow Canadian Drew Dudley entitled This Game has No Winners. The fifteen minute presentation not only had an impact on me, it validated my personal beliefs and the work we have been doing with organizations.

In his talk, which I invite you to watch (see link below), Drew talks about the education system we have been raised in and how we have been cultured to not challenge the ‘truths’ we are taught, nor the rules or perspectives that are downloaded to us. These so called truths and rules form what I refer to as the IBSC (better known as the Itty Bitty Sh—- Committee), that choir of critical voices that sings in our ear and tells us how we are expected to play in the world. We teach our children that life and work is a game, that there are winners and losers, the great competition and the fight for resources. It is a scarcity rather than an abundance model.

The symptoms of this game are all the things we complain about in today’s world: greed, jealousy, bullying, empire building, spiritual dis-ease, lack of meaning, and more.

Many of us believe that there is another way. The what if is, what if we chose not to play this game? What if collaboration, understanding, and yes, LOVE, were the more powerful and potent tools. What if rather than beating the other guy down we endeavored to simply Add Value! What if we lived our lives through our compelling ‘WHY’, our sense of purpose and how we chose to serve the world? Same or different?

As Drew stated in his talk, there really is only one goal to strive for in life:

I will add aim to add tremendous value in every single interpersonal interaction in which I am a part of.

I will strive to give someone something they didn’t even know they needed or wanted.

…this is a matter of no longer asking what we need to do, rather asking who we need to be

(and to choose) to be the type of person who allows the people around me to shine brighter.

Drew Dudley

 

(To view this TEDX Talk go to http://youtu.be/d02UlBC3knw )

In the last two years we have focused our work on Conscious Communication, developing your communication intelligence. This has two fronts, one internal and one external.

The internal front addresses those conversations you have with yourself and asks if these conversations are uplifting or diminishing. It requires listening in on the IBSC to assess the messages that are running in your head and what you are feeding yourself. Are you telling yourself the truth? Are your messages driven by ‘them’, all the voices which told you the rules and expectations? Is your internal conversation intelligent? If it does not lift you up, it isn’t!

The external front addresses your relationship with the world, friends and family and work colleagues. It begins with self-knowing and acceptance which then allows you to see others and how they are similar or different. Communication Intelligence or CQ teaches that life is about understanding and working with diversity, learning about, celebrating and embracing your personal strengths as well as the strengths of others. It teaches that the approaches others take in their communication to us are not about us, they are about the individual speaking. Hence it teaches how not to take things personally. Of course the ultimate vision is collaboration and adding value.

I invite you to examine both your CQ as well as the value you add to every conversation and interaction. This might just be the new start you need….

For more information regarding Conscious Communication go to www.roadsigns.ca.

 

Until next time,

 

Betty

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Awakening

As a facilitator and speaker, it is both challenging and rare to find a team of like-minded individuals to collaborate with. Having been in a solo practice for many years, my learned independence has made me very specific regarding whom I choose to work with. And yet when I was approached recently by colleagues Lianne and Carol regarding the creation of the Awakening Festival, I did not hesitate to say yes.

Over the months of partnership in planning and executing the festival, I felt valued and supported by the team. Without any time to actually become a team, which from my past experience has been a vital component of any success, we simply swung into action. Carol the ever competent coordinator, Lianne the visionary leader, Joanna, Sharon and I the contributors and speakers – we were a team from the moment the conversation began. Perhaps it was a shared vision, our breadth of experience or simply synchronicity, but agreement and forward movement came easy. There are some lessons to be learned from this.

The event, held Saturday April 5th, was for me, a highlight of my career as a speaker. Each of the keynotes we were in harmony and built effectively on the messages of others. Suffice to say, I have never experienced this type of coordination before. The opening meditation with Eleanor, the performers Kathleen and Carrie, the movement and dance by Tiffany, the presentation by Brigitte of Pure Art Foundation, the drumming by Caitlan, as well as the support behind the scenes created a full symphony for the delivery of an amazing day.

I share this as there are moments in life when everything converges: your dreams, your gifts and strengths and the vision of how you wish to live. Awakening Festival, both in preparation and delivery has been such an experience for me. Through the years, I have defined with great clarity the qualities and characteristics of those whom I want to work with as well as those who participate in our programs. This event was the manifestation of this clarity.

It is no surprise to me that the event was called the Awakening Festival. Awakening simply means mindfulness, being fully conscious of what it is you want and aligning your life with these desires.

Clarity + Action = Unlimited Personal Power.

It all sounds so simple when written like this, a perfect prescription for life. Yet in the simplicity lies the complexity for as humans, we are not typically that awake or mindful.

This was a conscious event, built from clarity, the intentions and desired outcomes we had for the experience. Our actions were designed to create the experience, whether this was in our advance planning, setting up to room the day before or coordinating the different speakers and our messages. In terms of attracting the perfect venue, the sponsors and attendees, again we were intentional. Days before the event it was sold out, amazing sponsors appeared, and a hall filled by amazing natural light appeared after the first location fell through.

I know I make this all sound simple, and yes, it still involved all the planning that any event requires. That said, it was for me a profound example of the Law of Attraction and intentionality.

Teamwork, event planning, coordination, and all the things that typically bog us down in organizations can be shifted significantly with a different approach. Setting intentions and outcomes from the get go, CLARITY, and aligning action with those intentions, ACTION, gives unlimited and powerful results.

I have believed and practiced this at a personal level and have found this to be powerful. To experience it at a team level lifts my spirits and renews my faith that everything is possible, that soul connections can be forged with others when you are clear about who you want to attract in your life, and the event management can be inspiring.

I am left wondering what would happen if these same principles were applied to everything we tackle, in both our personal and our work lives. Something to consider…..

Until next time…

Betty

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Open for Business

In my previous post I discussed the steps in creating a Strategic Attraction Plan for your Business/life. Having written these words just a few days ago, I have been observing my colleagues and clients as the approach the new year. It is clear that many of them are going ‘gangbusters’, clearly they are open for business. In contrast there are the stallers, those holding their breath and hesitating to jump in. This raise an important issue for me as a coach and a word to you as a reader which is as follows:

You can plan until the cows come home and
if you are not Open for Business,
nothing will happen or
the results you are expecting will disappoint you.

I know – I have been there.

There are Four ‘C’s’ I have observed in myself and others:

1)      Conditions:
Conditions are linked to the great ‘BUTS’ in life, but I am not quite ready, but I need to sort out my finances, but I need to do more marketing… and so on.

To be attractive, you simply need to jump in. Frankly the Universe doesn’t care if everything is perfect, it simply wants to know if you are ready.

Being Open for Business implies that you are open to receive, believing in yourself and envisioning fully the possibility of what is to come. Conditions exist only in your head and are a distant cousin of fear. Don’t let them hold you back.

2)      Commitment:
The second stalling strategy is lack of commitment. Are you or are you not in the game? Are you or are you not Open for Business?
Commitment means making your business, or whatever other aspect of your life you are endeavoring to change, a priority. This will mean clarifying your boundaries, being clear on what serves your business and what does not.

When it comes to entrepreneurship particularly,  commitment requires that you view yourself as a business person, that you begin to keep business hours which respond to your perfect client’s needs, that you are prepared to say NO to requests that interfere with you creating and growing the business/life you want for YOU.

3)      Complaints:
You get started and things just aren’t going according to plan. Another stalling strategy as you get lost in what is not working.

Complaints are simply roadSIGNS and an opportunity to shift what is not aligned with what you want or expect to what is. A simple strategy is to take your complaint, for example, clients who sign up for your services and then cancel. Now make your complaint about them , then Flip-It and specify the qualities of your perfect client, for example, my clients are reliable and committed.

Complaints are simply contrast and give you the opportunity to clarify and to re-work your Strategic Attraction plan. Simply remember this, if you do not flip your complaints, you will continue to receive exactly what you are complaining about.

4)      Celebration:
This may seem like an odd one yet celebration is a key part of the equation.

Celebration evokes gratitude, an ability to be consciously aware of what is already happening in your business/life and acknowledging this. It is an important element of being Open for Business as celebration stokes the fires and fuels your passion.

Celebration/gratitude also allows you to inform the Universe about what appeals to you, allowing you to attract more of the same.

Final Thoughts
If you are feeling stalled with your business or your life, be aware of the Four ‘C’s’. You are the boss of YOU and Your Business, Your Life. You get to choose to be Open for Business.

Until next time….

Betty

Betty Healey, MEd, is a consultant-coach-facilitator of Conscious Communication. Learn more about her,  her business, her books and upcoming retreats at www.roadsigns.ca.

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Strategic Attraction

New Year’s Resolutions – I am not sure about you  but I am tired of being asked what mine are. Truth is, I don’t do them anymore – it seems to me that in a few short weeks they get broken. Now that’s not to say that I begin the New Year with a blank slate. Nope! In fact I am quite clear about what I want my year to look like, I just use a different approach. I call it building my Strategic Attraction Plan.

Open for Business
As you begin the Strategic Attraction Planning process, begin by being open for business!

Many people we know identify what they want, however, they are not really committed to manifesting their desires. They have numerous conditions on what they would need to have in place before they are ready for business, whether this is in life or work.

Conditions show up in the form of limiting beliefs, the ‘should’s, must do’s and have to’s’ handed to them by others or the great YES BUT!  It is time to make sure that the doors of your business/life are open, really!

Strategic Attraction
The Strategic Attraction Process is all about engaging the Law of Attraction strategically in your life. While we most often teach this in a business context it can, in fact, be applied to any aspect of your life from attracting perfect clients, friends, life partners, to attracting your perfect job, home, business partner.

Rather than setting resolutions, Strategic Attraction helps you to clarify what you want from your life and business and then step into it energetically. Years ago, with the appearance of the movie The Secret, there was much ‘to do’ about the Law of Attraction and, in my view, a great deal of misunderstanding. The notion that you can ask and then receive is solid, except that there needs to be a little mortar between those bricks of asking and receiving, like clarity, like belief that you are worthy, and like stepping into the reality that what you are asking for is in some way already reality. This is one of those simple-complex aspects of life.

Strategic Attraction is a four-part plan. Based on the book Attracting Your Perfect Customer by Jan Stringer, you begin by clarifying the relationships you want to have with others.

Part One: What are the qualities and characteristics of your perfect client/friend/life partner/relationship.
It may seem obvious to you that you know who you want to have in your life. Trust me, most people are not; there is an illusion that either you don’t deserve to attract great people to your life or that you are simply too picky. WRONG!

First don’t confuse the word perfect with perfection. Perfect simply means that you want to work or play with others who are closely aligned with you, who share your values, who see you for who you are and appreciate you. Second, why would you choose to live any other way? You are worthy and you certainly deserve to be surrounded by people who respect you and appreciate you.

Part Two: What is your WHY? What makes you TICK?
In his book, It Starts with WHY, Simon Sinek states that your WHY is more important that what you do and how you do it.

Your WHY is your raison d’etre, your mission, your compelling reason for getting out of bed every morning. It represents that which passionately engages you in life and work. It may include an important cause you want to influence/shift or change in the world around you.

Part Three – Your Intentions
Intentions are statements that describe what it is you want to attract to your life/your business. They differ from goals however, in that they do not have a fixed outcome. This is where Strategic Attraction Planning shifts gears from Strategic Planning. There are no concrete targets or timelines.

Intentions are designed to expand your energy and open you to new possibilities. Intentions do not make goals wrong, just different. Your intentions begin with I want….

Part Four – I AM Statements
The final part of the Strategic Attraction Planning process is to become clear on who you are choosing to BE. Being refers to creating an inner landscape that allows you to attract everything you desire from the external world, believing that it is not only possible, it has already begun.

This clearly differentiates Strategic Attraction form Strategic Planning, as Strategic Attraction is more about being that doing. It begins by turning all the I want statements into I AM Statements.

Visioning:
In addition to completing the Strategic Attraction Plan, I like to add in a Vision Board This helps with Part Four of the Plan, stepping into what you want as if it has already begun. Take time to create your vision board.

Vision Board

Final Thoughts
For a Strategic Attraction Plan, to work, must be written down. So many people I know hesitate to record their plans because then they are forced to commit. Exactly. Give yourself some time to make a commitment to yourself. Forget about the resolutions and simply step up and get started on clarifying what you want to attract in 2014. It promises to be an awesome year!

Betty Healey

 

Betty Healey is an award-winning author, coach and inspiring speaker Betty offers regular Strategic Attraction Planning Workshops. If you are interested go to www.roadSIGNS.ca or contact her at betty@roadSIGNS.ca.