Category: ME FIRST

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Positivity

As a coach, one often feels alone and isolated. I have been in this field longer than most, since 1990. I did not call it coaching then, the term had not yet been coined as it applied to personal and professional development.

The isolation comes from working by yourself. Don’t get me wrong – I love what I do and why I do it. I see the rewards everyday when I witness the shifts occurring in my clients and I seeing them moving forward with their lives. The aloneness is more one of lack of collegiality.

Recently however I found the Montreal coaches network and, for the second time this past Friday, I attended the morning breakfast. There I met others, who like myself, are coaches, each with their own speciality and unique approach. What truly inspired me is that the group is there to collaborate and support one another – there is no competition.

In addition to finding this community, each month features a guest speaker. This month Kurt Shuster from Vancouver spoke in regard to Positive Psychology.

What is Positive Psychology – the study of human flourishing, the science of happiness. Positive Psychology, as I learned, is the science that validates what I do, that coaching clients through the Law of Attraction and helping them shift to a positive versus negative world view can be proven empirically to change a person’s life.

Now I always knew that yet somehow when someone says to me that they can prove that what I do makes a difference, it makes my work seem more legitimate. Perhaps that is the old scientifically based physiotherapist who resides in my body.

As an example, Kurt talked about the research on approach versus avoidance goals. An approach goal would state something like, I want to be on time for all my meetings, where as an avoidance goal would state, I don’t want to be late. The approach goal students who participated in this study were, as you can imagine, more successful

This idea is also fundamental to the Law Of Attraction which states that you must be clear on what you want rather than stating what you don’t what. Whatever you give your focus to will manifest. It matters.

Next Kurt presented the four pillars of Well-Being: positive emotions, character, engagement and meaning, and positive relationships. While we did not have time to discuss all of these in detail, you can see that the relationship between the pillars and how you choose to live in the world. In the end, it always come back to you and I. We are responsible for our own happiness and it is within our power to be happy or not. Happiness is not based on some magic bullet that lies outside of us.

An additional piece of research regarding Character, Strengths and Virtues (Christopher Peterson et al)  examined the qualities that are associated with a strong sense of well-being. The research found that, across cultures, the five strengths associated with Well-Being are hope, gratitude, curiosity, zest, and the capacity to love and be loved. In addition, their research showed that the 2 strengths associated with work satisfaction are hope and zest (passion, excitement and energy).

You can take the VIA strengths assessment to evaluate your strengths at www.viacharacter.org and visit the science of coaching blog at www.blog.noomii.com if all of this interests you.

This is only a brief summary of Kurt’s lecture – there was much more. I share it with you as I felt uplifted by the presentation, connected with a community of coaches, and validated for the work I choose to do. It is clear that each of us needs support, whether you are the coach or the coachee, and that support, if well chosen, lifts our spirits and helps us in taking on the world in a positive way.

Life is Good - Maintain an attitude of gratitude!

Have an attitude of gratitude and see how this influences your life.

Until next time…

Betty

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A Day on the Town

I turned out of the driveway at the height of an early morning mist, the windshield wipers clicking busily in an effort to give me clear sight of the road ahead. For awhile I thought my glasses were dirty but I remembered cleaning them just before I left the house. I turned up the heat and the fan and the windshield cleared.

I decided to drive in on the 9th, avoiding the 401 and the trucks that I knew would swamp me with the spray from the fast-moving wheels. I had lots of time, and there is something extraordinarily peaceful about driving through the rolling countryside, the corn now taken in and the fields freshly furrowed. It feels like breath.

I dropped the car off for servicing then pulled the foot long ‘to do’ list from my pocket. I had time to go to Wal-Mart before picking up the car. I don’t particularly like shopping there, but it is the only real department store locally, at least at this end of town. I entered the store a few minutes before 9 am. Already people were shopping, not many, but I was surprized to see anyone. Other than the Greeter the store seemed rather empty as I roamed the aisles looking for light bulbs for my outdoor Xmas lights, a new timer, toys for kids and an assortment of other items all conveniently located at opposite ends of the store. On my rounds I noticed all the employees gathering  to the west side of hardware and as I wandered further afield I heard them cheering. Is this a daily ‘warm-up’ ritual I wondered? It took me 45 minutes to find the five items on my list.

The car was a shiny fire engine red once again. You have to love a garage that not only changes the oil and puts on your winter tires, but also washes your car. I think the last time it was washed was during the last oil change! As I drove from the Nissan dealership, the car felt new, accept for the four tires piled up on my back seat in mud caked plastic bags.

Next was the five-week hair treatment. The grey on my head was once again leaking through my brown locks. As I parked the car I puzzled over the really important points of any woman’s ‘do’ – should I cut my growing locks, should I change the color, does my hair age me or make me look younger? As I plopped my bottom into Nicole’s chair, the usual greeting erupted from her lips, “So what are we doing today?” I am very glad she is competent and that she knows what to do with my uncertainty. Two hours later I emerged with a slightly new layered look, taming my lengthening locks and a new colour, somewhere between auburn and chestnut brown. Whatever, like my shiny newish car, I felt buffed and polished too!

Next to my favorite cafe for a latte and date square. I had conveniently forgotten to pack my Isagenix Protein Bar and thought the cafe to be a perfect place to catch my breath before tackling the rest of the errands. I settled in with my coffee and Micheal Beckwith’s book, Spiritual Liberation. It feels like an academic version of ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die, and I am loving the poetry of his words.

“When you fully participate in life you courageously venture into unexplored territory, aspects of being you didn’t know existed because you kept on settling, surviving, conducting life as usual, in a state of mediocrity. Be bold enough to step out without knowing how things will end up but trusting enough to break through the safety net you have created for yourself.”

Three young women were gathered at the table beside me, chattering away in french. One of the three was breast-feeding her infant, no more than a few weeks old, still red-faced and wrinkled. I did not want to stare but I was totally drawn into their energy, that look of motherly bliss and love on the woman’s face as her babe lay across her lap. This was unconditional love at it best.

The remainder of that day passed in stops – starts as I finished the remainder of my errands, finally heading home at dusk, the mist still embracing the car. I felt very settled however, a day away from the office and computers and phones and the everyday busyness. We all need a day on the town from time to time.

Until next time…

Betty

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A Day on the Town

I turned out of the driveway at the height of an early morning mist, the windshield wipers clicking busily in an effort to give me clear sight of the road ahead. For awhile I thought my glasses were dirty but I remembered cleaning them just before I left the house. I turned up the heat and the fan and the windshield cleared.

I decided to drive in on the 9th, avoiding the 401 and the trucks that I knew would swamp me with the spray from the fast-moving wheels. I had lots of time, and there is something extraordinarily peaceful about driving through the rolling countryside, the corn now taken in and the fields freshly furrowed. It feels like breath.

I dropped the car off for servicing then pulled the foot long ‘to do’ list from my pocket. I had time to go to Wal-Mart before picking up the car. I don’t particularly like shopping there, but it is the only real department store locally, at least at this end of town. I entered the store a few minutes before 9 am. Already people were shopping, not many, but I was surprized to see anyone. Other than the Greeter the store seemed rather empty as I roamed the aisles looking for light bulbs for my outdoor Xmas lights, a new timer, toys for kids and an assortment of other items all conveniently located at opposite ends of the store. On my rounds I noticed all the employees gathering  to the west side of hardware and as I wandered further afield I heard them cheering. Is this a daily ‘warm-up’ ritual I wondered? It took me 45 minutes to find the five items on my list.

The car was a shiny fire engine red once again. You have to love a garage that not only changes the oil and puts on your winter tires, but also washes your car. I think the last time it was washed was during the last oil change! As I drove from the Nissan dealership, the car felt new, accept for the four tires piled up on my back seat in mud caked plastic bags.

Next was the five-week hair treatment. The grey on my head was once again leaking through my brown locks. As I parked the car I puzzled over the really important points of any woman’s ‘do’ – should I cut my growing locks, should I change the color, does my hair age me or make me look younger? As I plopped my bottom into Nicole’s chair, the usual greeting erupted from her lips, “So what are we doing today?” I am very glad she is competent and that she knows what to do with my uncertainty. Two hours later I emerged with a slightly new layered look, taming my lengthening locks and a new colour, somewhere between auburn and chestnut brown. Whatever, like my shiny newish car, I felt buffed and polished too!

Next to my favorite cafe for a latte and date square. I had conveniently forgotten to pack my Isagenix Protein Bar and thought the cafe to be a perfect place to catch my breath before tackling the rest of the errands. I settled in with my coffee and Micheal Beckwith’s book, Spiritual Liberation. It feels like an academic version of ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die, and I am loving the poetry of his words.

“When you fully participate in life you courageously venture into unexplored territory, aspects of being you didn’t know existed because you kept on settling, surviving, conducting life as usual, in a state of mediocrity. Be bold enough to step out without knowing how things will end up but trusting enough to break through the safety net you have created for yourself.”

Three young women were gathered at the table beside me, chattering away in french. One of the three was breast-feeding her infant, no more than a few weeks old, still red-faced and wrinkled. I did not want to stare but I was totally drawn into their energy, that look of motherly bliss and love on the woman’s face as her babe lay across her lap. This was unconditional love at it best.

The remainder of that day passed in stops – starts as I finished the remainder of my errands, finally heading home at dusk, the mist still embracing the car. I felt very settled however, a day away from the office and computers and phones and the everyday busyness. We all need a day on the town from time to time.

Until next time…

Betty

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What has become clear

My intention to record daily intentions on my blog has not manifested, not that intentions are not a daily practice for me, it has simply been a scheduling issue.

It is my practice to begin each day intentionally, taking a few precious moments before I get out of bed to consider the day in front of me, who will cross my path, what is on the schedule, and to decide how I want to ‘BE’ in each circumstance. All this said, my intentions are generally not recorded any other way, yet I know this to be a powerful practice.

Yesterday, I facilitated the second day of our most recent ME FIRST Retreat. I am immensely grateful for this work and the call to serve in this way. I believe that coaching saves lives, the notion of ‘waking up before we die’ much larger than I could have conceived it to be when I first began writing the book and delivering the ME FIRST programs.

As one participant described yesterday, “Following our first ME FIRST day something inside m cracked open. It’s like I am eating through the layers to finally finding myself for the first time. And when I started doing so, the relationships around me began to change too, with my husband and kids, even with my students. Being clear about what I want for me, opens the door for others as well.”

During the day I was also reminded of the Hawaiian tradition of Ho’oponopono, which means to make right, with the ancestors, or with the people with whom you have relationships. Ho’oponopono is a powerful forgiveness tool, which releases the energy that becomes tied up when we are unable to move forward in our relationships with others. In healing these relationships, we can call another person into our vision and then follow this simple four step process:

  1. Say I love you
  2. I’m sorry
  3. Please forgive me
  4. Thank you

So simple yet powerful. Check out the research which has been conducted in this regard. Better still try this yourself with a relationship that you want to shift.

 As so often happens, my great teachers are those whom I teach. Rarely do I facilitate a retreat day without experiencing my own AHA’s, and I think this really is the essence of ME FIRST. To find that quiet space inside oneself and lay claim to it allows space for possibility, provides a new lens through which to view life, fosters clarity and builds relationships, not only with oneself, but with others. This is what has become clear to me!

Until next time…

Betty

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What has become clear

My intention to record daily intentions on my blog has not manifested, not that intentions are not a daily practice for me, it has simply been a scheduling issue.

It is my practice to begin each day intentionally, taking a few precious moments before I get out of bed to consider the day in front of me, who will cross my path, what is on the schedule, and to decide how I want to ‘BE’ in each circumstance. All this said, my intentions are generally not recorded any other way, yet I know this to be a powerful practice.

Yesterday, I facilitated the second day of our most recent ME FIRST Retreat. I am immensely grateful for this work and the call to serve in this way. I believe that coaching saves lives, the notion of ‘waking up before we die’ much larger than I could have conceived it to be when I first began writing the book and delivering the ME FIRST programs.

As one participant described yesterday, “Following our first ME FIRST day something inside m cracked open. It’s like I am eating through the layers to finally finding myself for the first time. And when I started doing so, the relationships around me began to change too, with my husband and kids, even with my students. Being clear about what I want for me, opens the door for others as well.”

During the day I was also reminded of the Hawaiian tradition of Ho’oponopono, which means to make right, with the ancestors, or with the people with whom you have relationships. Ho’oponopono is a powerful forgiveness tool, which releases the energy that becomes tied up when we are unable to move forward in our relationships with others. In healing these relationships, we can call another person into our vision and then follow this simple four step process:

  1. Say I love you
  2. I’m sorry
  3. Please forgive me
  4. Thank you

So simple yet powerful. Check out the research which has been conducted in this regard. Better still try this yourself with a relationship that you want to shift.

 As so often happens, my great teachers are those whom I teach. Rarely do I facilitate a retreat day without experiencing my own AHA’s, and I think this really is the essence of ME FIRST. To find that quiet space inside oneself and lay claim to it allows space for possibility, provides a new lens through which to view life, fosters clarity and builds relationships, not only with oneself, but with others. This is what has become clear to me!

Until next time…

Betty

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My Board of Directors

I was reading the new book by Jan Stringer and Alan Hickman this morning called, BEE-ing Attraction ~ What Love Has to do With Business and Marketing. In the second chapter they spoke of the importance of having a Board of Directors, even as a solo-entrepreneur. This led me to consider the possibility of having a Board of Directors for my life.

In ME FIRST- If I Should Wake Before I Die, I write about the importance of surrounding yourself with an Intimate Circle. This is comprised of friends, possibly family, who love you unconditionally and who likewise challenge you when they see you embarking on a misguided venture.

Last evening all this ‘theory’ came into practice. We call ourselves Kirsty’s Circle now. We were once one of the ME FIRST coaching groups that emerged from one of my programs. The new name is in honor of Kirsty Ann MacLeod who led us on a journey of living and dying this past summer and early fall. This is our way of honoring and remembering her. 

The six remaining members of the group get together monthly. A large part of what we do is to share and to support one another. It is also the one place where we can be completely vulnerable, to take off the mask we wear with others and simply be ourselves.

They are my Board of Directors. As Jan and Alan suggested in their book, the group provides “space for accountability, a place to brainstorm, and a nonjudgmental community to share your needs“. 

It was the medicine I needed  and as I looked around the table, I saw that through the evening transformation was occurring. There is a deep shared sadness among us since Kirsty’s passing yet this is shifting, as it must, and as each of us finds a way to move forward. We grieve together, we laugh together.

It is not easy to be vulnerable, or at least it isn’t for me. I was taught that personal matters are personal and need not be shared. This is a limiting belief I am releasing for I know that the ability to share lifts a great weight from my shoulders and allows me to breathe again.

I am not an advocate of sharing with everyone. In the perfect circumstances with your intimate circle however, speaking your truth, taking the mask off and being vulnerable, allows you to be truly authentic.

It is my belief that we all need this format for being real with others. You  get to see yourself differently, to challenge some of the beliefs that have been driving you (flawed or not) and perhaps re-frame something that is holding you back.

There were many humorous moments last evening which I am not privy to share for we have a code of conduct which I refer to as our Well of Confidentiality. In this we commit not to share with others what belongs only to us, and that is the secret which allows us to show up every month and take off the masks we wear.

Until next time…

Betty

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My Board of Directors

I was reading the new book by Jan Stringer and Alan Hickman this morning called, BEE-ing Attraction ~ What Love Has to do With Business and Marketing. In the second chapter they spoke of the importance of having a Board of Directors, even as a solo-entrepreneur. This led me to consider the possibility of having a Board of Directors for my life.

In ME FIRST- If I Should Wake Before I Die, I write about the importance of surrounding yourself with an Intimate Circle. This is comprised of friends, possibly family, who love you unconditionally and who likewise challenge you when they see you embarking on a misguided venture.

Last evening all this ‘theory’ came into practice. We call ourselves Kirsty’s Circle now. We were once one of the ME FIRST coaching groups that emerged from one of my programs. The new name is in honor of Kirsty Ann MacLeod who led us on a journey of living and dying this past summer and early fall. This is our way of honoring and remembering her. 

The six remaining members of the group get together monthly. A large part of what we do is to share and to support one another. It is also the one place where we can be completely vulnerable, to take off the mask we wear with others and simply be ourselves.

They are my Board of Directors. As Jan and Alan suggested in their book, the group provides “space for accountability, a place to brainstorm, and a nonjudgmental community to share your needs“. 

It was the medicine I needed  and as I looked around the table, I saw that through the evening transformation was occurring. There is a deep shared sadness among us since Kirsty’s passing yet this is shifting, as it must, and as each of us finds a way to move forward. We grieve together, we laugh together.

It is not easy to be vulnerable, or at least it isn’t for me. I was taught that personal matters are personal and need not be shared. This is a limiting belief I am releasing for I know that the ability to share lifts a great weight from my shoulders and allows me to breathe again.

I am not an advocate of sharing with everyone. In the perfect circumstances with your intimate circle however, speaking your truth, taking the mask off and being vulnerable, allows you to be truly authentic.

It is my belief that we all need this format for being real with others. You  get to see yourself differently, to challenge some of the beliefs that have been driving you (flawed or not) and perhaps re-frame something that is holding you back.

There were many humorous moments last evening which I am not privy to share for we have a code of conduct which I refer to as our Well of Confidentiality. In this we commit not to share with others what belongs only to us, and that is the secret which allows us to show up every month and take off the masks we wear.

Until next time…

Betty

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Priorities

Where are you on your priority list? I am noticing that while I aspire to have myself at the top of my Priority List, that I keep slipping out of the top spot. Last evening, while working with one of my clients I asked her to list her top five priorities. Her response: my kids, my partner, my mom, work, ME. My answer: Well at least you made the top five!

ME FIRST – is that possible? Is it necessary? Think about it. When you and I don’t put ourselves first, what are the consequences. You might say there aren’t any. Think again. Here is what I have noticed. When I slip off my priority list, and top spot, I stop feeling good about me. When I don’t feel good about me, I get cranky (as well as other things I prefer not to disclose!), I am out of rhythm with the world around me. Sound familiar or am I alone?

What to do? Don’t make it arduous, make it easy. I am learning that a simple 10 minutes/day can make all the difference. That’s less than 1% of your day. A time to close your eyes, take a deep breath, consider your day and reflect on your intentions. This alone shifts your energy and allows you to be more present with yourself and others.

Care to join me? Where are you on your priority list?

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Priorities

Where are you on your priority list? I am noticing that while I aspire to have myself at the top of my Priority List, that I keep slipping out of the top spot. Last evening, while working with one of my clients I asked her to list her top five priorities. Her response: my kids, my partner, my mom, work, ME. My answer: Well at least you made the top five!

ME FIRST – is that possible? Is it necessary? Think about it. When you and I don’t put ourselves first, what are the consequences. You might say there aren’t any. Think again. Here is what I have noticed. When I slip off my priority list, and top spot, I stop feeling good about me. When I don’t feel good about me, I get cranky (as well as other things I prefer not to disclose!), I am out of rhythm with the world around me. Sound familiar or am I alone?

What to do? Don’t make it arduous, make it easy. I am learning that a simple 10 minutes/day can make all the difference. That’s less than 1% of your day. A time to close your eyes, take a deep breath, consider your day and reflect on your intentions. This alone shifts your energy and allows you to be more present with yourself and others.

Care to join me? Where are you on your priority list?

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The Simplicity of Stowe

We arrived in Stowe, Vermont late Sunday afternoon to a place familiar to us – a time share which we have owned for over a decade. In recent years, since we have moved to rural Ontario, we have come here lass frequently. This year I insisted we come. Jim and I are tired, good tired mind you, yet in need of a hiatus from what has been a fully engaged time of our life.

In many ways, it is another form of our perfect work, as the quiet of this mountain hamlet is allowing us time for reflection. Oh yes, that – mindfulness, checking in with our souls if you will.

In the mornings, before waking fully to the day, I am asking myself, “Where am I? What is important? What’s next?” and filing the answers in my intentions.

I am reading the Witch of Montebello by Paulo Coehlo. His books resemble ME FIRST journeys, of taking a look at the inner landscape and learning to live in the empty space.

Just before stopping at the local coffee house to check e-mail (this is hard to escape even on vacation), we went trekking to see some of the local waterfalls and take a few photos. Most of the leaves have fallen and the earth is a massive patchwork quilt of green, gold and crimson. Despite the absence of foliage, the air is fresh, the scent of those same leaves lingering in the air. Water rushes beneath our feet, to some unknown destination, reminding me that it is the journey of life that is truly important, not where I will land in the end.

I am grateful for the breath this time is offering us. I am grateful to ‘BE’.

Until Next time…

Betty