Category: ME FIRST

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Delayed

Desolee, as they say in french. On July 9th, Jim and I departed on the great adventure. It was early morning, and we were ready to take the great leap. I felt remarkably calm, centered and focused. Of course, I was not hanging out of the door of the plane at that point either. Thirty minutes into our drive to the airport we hit the first storm, the rain coming at us so fast and furiously we had to pull off the highway and proceed at a snail’s pace. It did not last long, and it was advance warning of the day to come, as a series of storm cells marched through the Ottawa River valley.

Arriving in Ottawa, I called the airport and spoke with the young lady scheduling the flights and the jumps. “We have you on stand-by”, she informed me.

“What does that mean exactly?”, I asked. 

“We wait until we see a break in the storms, then you take off”.

I am thinking that this is less than perfect for me, imagining us jumping among the huge black cumulus clouds that are crowding the sky, the occasional thunder and lightening circling us like a great celebratory dance. Sky diving took on a whole new dimension as I imagined myself guided to the ground by electric shock therapy.

Despite my reticence, I gave her my cell phone and said , “Call me when we are good to go!”

Jim and I went on to Starbuck’s for a brew and a chat. As it was attached to the Indigo-Chapters bookstore, we wandered,  sipphoned through the CD’s on sale coming up with a few gems from the past that we had never replaced from our extensive record collection, like Moody Blues and other favorites, picked up the new Fast Company Magazine and headed out. It was raining, again. Without any discussion I called the shydiving company again and re-sceduled. The young lady seemed non-plussed and non-committal. I was thinking that customer service was not her forte or she is not comfortable speaking english, as it was evident that she was a Francophone.

Ottawa is a great city to hang out in. Off we went to the Glebe, one of our favorite neighbourhoods, had lunch, relaxed. It was a reminder that we were, after all, on vacation. I am learning that a Stay-cation has its merits and downfalls. I love being at home in my gardnes and being a tourist in my own part of the country yet I don’t detach completely from my everyday life.

We went on to have dinner with friends Marie-Josee, Luc and their children Julien and Edouard. Aren’t these amazing names? And yes, they are French Canadian, something that I love about my life here in this part of Canada. M.J.’s mom Louise joined us and this is where I had to make the jump after all, dive into life in a way I had not expected that day. Louise speaks very little english and my French is very rusty. Have courage I thought, you speak French, yes you make mistakes, so what, take the jump.

And so I began, and through patience on my part and my French Canadian hosts, had an amazing conversation about spirit, and life, and children and friendship – all in French and occasionally moitie-moitie – mixed english and french. I also noticed that two glasses of a fine merlot advanced my ability to speak significantly, whether that or my natural inhibitions dropped! Would this be a recipe for the next jump, the one where I leap from the plane, I wondered? Better not – I want to be completely lucid.

We are now booked for Sunday, July 18th at 5 P.M. I will keep you posted. For now I remain calm and serene knowing that when the time is perfect, I will be making that jump.

Before then, a busy week looms ahead with a trip to Toronto to deliver the final Insights Discovery Workshop in the current project I am on follwed by hosting a wedding here at Tigh Shee on Saturday. The Labyrinth and the gardens have been extraordinary this year.

Tigh Shee Labyrinth Summer 2010

Until next time,

Betty

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Habit of Happiness

Habit of Happiness

In my coaching practice, conversations are frequently centered around a client’s desire to be happy. You have probably heard yourself say, “I just want to be happy and content with my life.” My question to you and my clients is, “Are you chasing happiness or ‘being happy’?”

As a student of the Law of Attraction, I have come to understand that chasing happiness makes no sense, that to find happiness on the outside, one must find it within first. In other words, you must be happy to attract happiness. All that being said, this may not be as easy as it sounds however, there certain habits that you can embrace which will help you to ‘be happy’.

Habit One: See where happiness already exists in your life

When you are searching for the illusive something that you want in your life, your focus is on the absence of it. In contrast if you can turn your attention to where in your life happiness already exists, you begin to build on this and attract more of it. So often we focus on what is not versus what is. Shift your attention to those aspects of your life where you are now or have been in the past, happy. Notice how this shifts your energy.

Habit Two: Gratitude

Following on Habit One, once you see the happiness that already exists in your life, express gratitude for it. In the emerging field of Positive Psychology, the study of happiness, those who have a daily practice of gratitude test as being much more positive/happy in their approach to life. It is as simple as taking a few minutes everyday to notice and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.

Habit Three: Intentions

Set a daily intention which simply states: “I am happy. I spread happiness wherever I go. I am an agent of happiness.’ When you set an intention, you actually send out a ripple effect, or an energy field around you. Others will experience this in you and respond in kind. You have a choice everyday to enter the waterline of life as a positive force or not.

Habit Four: Tame the Inner Critic

Most of you have a voice that whispers things in your ear. This voice is rooted in fear and your ego; it is usually negative in that it diminishes you and pulls the plug on your personal power. Choose to re-program the voice. Listen in on the voice for the purpose of understanding what it is feeding you, become clear regarding what you would rather hear. Turn down the volume on the critic’s voice and raise the volume on your ‘heart voice’, the voice which believes in you and builds you up.

Habit Five: Acknowledgement

Learn to acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments and achievements. In the same vein, learn to accept complements from others. It is important to see your gifts, strengths and talents. Acknowledgment is simply an expression of gratitude for you God-given gifts.

Habit Six: Create time for You

It is difficult to be happy if you are always spinning. Everyone needs time each day, if only for a few minutes for what I refer to as selfness. Selfness is the practice of serving yourself first so that you can leverage your capacity to continue to serve others. It does not take a lot of time, in fact my recommendation is 1% of your day, 14.4 minutes; time dedicated to breathing, introspection and forming your intentions.

Habit Seven: Create your perfect relationship with You

Hold yourself in unconditional love and high regard. The way to attract both happiness and respect is to offer both to yourself first. I suggest that you write a contract with yourself whereby you stipulate what the qualities and characteristics are of your perfect relationship with you. Of course, one of these qualities would be the choice to be happy.

My challenge to you is to test out the habits of happiness and to notice what begins to shift in your life. Notice what happens to your HQ – your Happiness Quotient.

Until next time…

Betty

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The New Story of ME

I had the opportunity this past week to present to two different West Island audiences – a public lecture sponsored by AMCAL Family Services and the English Montreal Coach’s Breakfast. It has been awhile since I have given key note presentations and it was refreshing to return to this energy and have a conversation with an audience. It was certainly a SIGN for me that this is where I want to play.

One of the topics that frequently arise during my presentations is, “Do you believe is counselling?” I assume the question is asked as I bill myself as a coach. I address this question by first clarifying the difference between coaching and counselling.

Here is my explanation: Coaching focuses on forwarding the action in your life. It does not look back; it assesses where you are at the present time and assists you in becoming clear about what you want to attract to your life. In this sense it is about today and the future.

Coaching utilizes the art of inquiry and deep listening. It may be the first time in your life that you feel totally understood and that you are valued unconditionally.The focus of coaching is to allow you to re-discover the many facets of who you are. This includes your strengths, gifts and talents; those aspects of yourself that you may be overlooking.

Is this similar to counselling? Counselling and Coaching have two things in common, they both begin with the letter ‘C’ and they are both based on working directly with a client to examine an aspect of their life. Counselling tends to focus more on the past, an excavation process which allows the client to examine old wounds, relationships, and the many aspects of life which could be intefering with the present. In this way counselling serves a purpose.

In responsing to the question “Do I believe is counselling?”, the anwser is yes and no. From a personal perspective I have always asked myself, how does it serve me to dig up the past. I ask my clients and audience participants the same question. It is not for me to decide on their behalf. I will add however, that where our attention goes, energy flows,  that is to say, I believe that if we focus on the wounds of the past we will attract more of the same. That is unless we become very clear regarding what we want instead of this ‘Old Story’.

Shifting back to coaching, the process I engage clients in is creating and recording their New Story. This involves listening in on the self-critic, who represents all the fears and limiting beliefs of the past wrapped up in one complex messy fur ball; untangling the strings that bind this mess together, and becoming clear on the messages you want to feed yourself everyday. My suggestion is that these messages stem from your Heart Voice, a guidance system deep within you that truly wants you to attract all that is in your highest good. These messages would be self-affriming; they would acknowledge you and the gifts and strengths you bring into the world in both your relationships and your work, and would encourage you to step fully into your personal power in terms of living the life you know to be the one you actually want to live.

The New Story is rich and deeply textured and it is built upon all the lessons of the past. As a coach, I don’t avoid discussing the past with clients, in fact I encourage clients to complete what I refer to as a life review. The purpose of this exercise however, is not to dwell there, but to assess those ‘bliss moments’ of your life. These moments represent those times in your life where all the dots lined up – you felt successful, you felt joyful, you felt complete. You knew that this was a significant achievement.

I offer this exercise as I have noticed, both in myself and others, that we rarely acknowledge ourselves. Instead we focus on what we did not achieve, on our failures if you will. As a result we do not really see ourselves and the contributions we have made to the world.

I hope the SIGN for you in this blog, is to step up and begin celebrating YOU. If you don’t know where to start or how to do this, find a coach. Although there is much to be learned from examining the past, today and the future is where your life is really playing out. It no longer serves you to linger in the days of memory, it is time for all of you to step into the New Story of Me, and begin living the life you have always wanted and which has been there waiting for you to claim it.

Until next time…

Betty

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The Smoky Mountains

The Great Smoky Mountains are the oldest mountains on earth, or so we are told. I have not checked this out from any scientific source and there is no reason to disbelieve what I have been told by the local residents. Certainly this place speaks of ancient wisdom – it is in the air, the mist, rooted in the trees and circling the peaks. As we hiked the other day through the forest and up a gentle climb, the forest floor was waking up, evidence of lilies and trilliums, jonquils, mountain laurel, dogwood and rhododendron about to burst into bloom. Spring is in the air and I love that we are here teaching “If I should wake before I die” just as everything around us is awakening.

We are now in Augusta Georgia after travelling another 6 hours today, south and east. Not exactly in the Tennessee neighbourhood yet when you are already in the south, difficult to say no to. Our friends and dousing teachers Joey and Jill Korn reside here. We have been constantly reminded throughout this three-week tour of the hospitality and generosity of our American friends.

Yesterday ended with a good tired feeling after 4 consecutive ME FIRST events. We had three extraordinary evenings and one full day retreat. Most events have been well attended, others small and I am learning it is not about the numbers, it about the quality of the people who join us for discussion and discovery. This trip was also the great experiment – we set an intention to reach people with ME FIRST and at this point we have attracted about 70 people to the different events and we have established a network here in the south. This is the critical first step.

One topic of discussion since we have been here relates the Health Care Reform introduced by President Obama. Today when I opened my e-mail, I received a message from Laura Davis, fellow author who stated the following:

I spent much of the afternoon, not getting a massage, not hiking, not writing personal stories, but watching the C-SPAN coverage of the health insurance debate.

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the vote. And for me this vote isn’t about someone else’s health coverage. It’s about mine.

Laura is a breast cancer survivor and is well aware of the costs of her care and what would have happened were she not covered by her partner’s health insurance. Her insurance will lapse soon as her partner retires. Another friend of mine who has had a long-term chronic illness has over one million dollars of accumulated health care debt which she states costs her the equivalent of 3 mortgage payments every month. As a Canadian it is unimaginable to me not to have easy access to health care and trust me despite our complaints and concerns about our system, we have no reason to complain. There are so many people here who simply cannot access health care and there is much fear evident among those who don’t want reform. I heard it the other day on the hiking trail as one of my fellow hikers asked me about our system, from friends and on the news. And there are many misconceptions about our system, so much so that I have wondered who fabricated the stories I hear. I cannot help but be engaged in the debate as this place, the wealthiest nation on earth, has a poverty mentality when it comes to sharing resources and offering equal access to all. Over the last 2 weeks I have watched my friend Betty Jones lobby with her friends and family for the reform. We as Canadians can set an intention for tomorrow’s vote that generosity and common sense rule.

The rain has returned after several wonderful days of sun and warmth. We will rest here for one day and then begin the trek homes, setting intentions for safe travel northward.

Until next time…

Betty

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Asheville, NC

This morning we travelled from Townsend Tennessee to Asheville, NC. The mountain passes were freshly opened after a night of snow. Magic best describes our passage through the uppermost points of the Great Smokey Range this morning, as each tree wore garments of lacy white snow, the air about them misty and mysterious. We stopped along the way for a few photo opp’s, children everywhere pouring out of cars and engaging in spontaneous snowball fights. Another car from Ontario rolled down their windows to chat with us, sharing notes on the local sights and our enjoyment of the region. Even though we are fully enjoying this trip, it was good to greet fellow Canadians.

We have just arrived at our friends Maureen and Zelle’s place in Flat Rock. Maureen and I met back in the late 90’s as part of the Higher Ground Community. She is a graceful, creative spirit, who with her partner Zelle, have created the State of Grace document. I encourage you to take a look.

This past weekend kick started our ME FIRST activities – a series of three events. While participation was lower than we expected it was perfect just the same, and met the most amazing people. In addition to this our friends and hosts Betty and Bud have been introducing us to their very eclectic circle of friends as well as the local culture. I feel so blessed to be experiencing all of this. It is interesting to note once again that every journey is about learning.

Last evening I attended a ‘wining women’ event with 11 other women. It was the Ides of March and the requirement was to wear a toga (okay a bed sheet wrapped around me!) There were many courses of food, each one paired with a different wine, lots of laughter, sharing and a fun! Gathering possibilities for hosting similar events at home.

That’s the update for now.

Until next time

Betty

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Townsend, Tennessee

Townsend, Tennessee sits on the edge of the Great Smokey Mountains National Park. As I sit in my friend Betty Jones’ beautiful home, I can look across the park, the peaks silhouetted against the sky and the valleys below filled with the smokey fog that has given these mountains their name. It is an amazingly energetic and spiritual place.

We arrive here 2 days ago and in our brief time here I have already experienced my first yoga class (imagine, almost 60 and never been yoga’ed), where I was reassured that not doing perfect poses was simply a crack and that cracks are important as they let the light in. I also had a session, along with Jim and Betty, in heart math, an amazing tool which provided strategies for creating coherence between your head and your heart and shifting into a heart space. I can see the benefits of this for all of us and for working with coaching clients.

Our inaugural ME FIRST event is this evening at Migun, TN. I am excited and anxious, that wonderful mix of anticipation that comes before every series of events. In the next 10 days we have 7 events planned and I am holding space and the intention that the perfect folks attend each event and that I am able to make that heart connection with each one.

I am very comfortable here. How wonderful it is to have homes to travel to and to feel the warmth and intentions that our hosts have seeded in their own environments. Did you know that you can do that? It is really so easy, simply opening the space, releasing any energies within the space that no longer serve the occupants and inviting in the energies that are in everyone’s highest good. For effect you can smudge, with sage or incense. It works. I prepare my space like this before every ME FIRST event. It is a way of welcoming in spirit, purifying and creating a safe environment for all who gather.

I believe a hike in the mountains is the order of the day before our event this evening. To each of you, open space, and attract all that is in your highest good.

Until next time….

Betty

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On the Road

We are currently on I-81 just north of Roanoke, Virginia, a busy north south route that extends from the Canada-US border to Florida. I am sure many Canadian snowbirds have tested this route on their way to escape the chill of the great white north. The temperature has been steadily climbing the further south we travel now sitting at a balmy 18.5 degrees.

Our road tour started off with a blast and our inaugural ME FIRST Retreat on Saturday, March 6th. This was followed by a day in NYC with friend and fellow coach, Janet Wise, and a visit with Josee-Anne Maurais, a Montrealer now living the ‘the city’. We walked the streets of midtown between Grand Central Station and Central Park. The world joined us, everyone enjoying the first vestiges of spring. Fortunately it was Sunday and our focus was being with friends – this kept my desire to some day shop in NYC at bay!

Traveling poses its own challenges as we have to visit Starbuck’s or Panero’s to access e-mail. The environments are often busy and noisy. Makes me realize how much I appreciate the quiet of my own office and how challenging it is to work in a crowd. I have empathy for those cubicle dwellers of large corporations where privacy comes at a premium. 

As we so often do, we are having a cleanse day today – a day of not eating solids and enjoying our gentle Isagenix process. Always makes me feel so much better especially after a few days of eating more or eating differently than normal. And it means not having to eat fast food along the way – never a favorite of mine.

In an hour we will decide whether to stop for the night or continue on to Tennessee. We have now been in the car for just short of 8 hours, and we are 4-5 hours away from our final destination. We will stretch, breathe and check our fatigue levels before we continue. 

What have I been learning as we go, bringing ME FIRST to new audiences? I have begun to understand just how important this work is as we observe the reaction others have to the program and witness the changes that are occurring in ME FIRST participants. Each time Jim and I facilitate the material something different happens, aspects of the program become clearer, the material grows. I know from a deep place of knowing that this is how I am supposed to play in the world.

As we begin our Tennessee tour, I am holding the intention that events are well attended with all the perfect people and that the journey we have embarked on continues to unfold in wondrous ways.

Until next time…

Betty

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Open Space

Early in my consulting days, I was anxious to gain all the credentials I could to make myself more attractive to clients. One of the most significant programs I took was called Open Space Technology (OST), a technique developed by Harrison Owen. After organizing thousands of conferences for clients, Harrison began to notice that the best conversations and the most significant connections were made during coffee breaks and lunches. He began to wonder how he could create a conference that was, in essence, on great big break where the conversations that needed to happen had space to occur. Hence he developed Open Space, essentially a space for participants to come and to express the topics they believe needed to be discussed. It is a system which gives voice to the people attending.

At a deeper level, and as I discovered during my OST training, open space is also about opening space within ourselves, allowing the conversation we need and want with self to occur. I still remember the moment I realized that this was what Open Space really meant – it was one of those great AHA moments. And as I realized this I also recognized just how much of my inner space was clogged and cluttered with the many responsibilities I had assumed and the multiple doings I was engaged at. In fact it was hard to find space to actually open.

The idea of open space came up over coffee and muffins yesterday morning as a group began their second ME FIRST day. I was sharing the idea with them and as a result the conversation continued well into the morning. Instead of following the preestablished agenda, I simply opened space and allowed the conversation to go where the participants took it. interestingly the agenda was addressed just the same, albeit in a different order and fashion than I had believed it would unfold. Isn’t that just perfect! Set the intention, pay attention and be in no tension, and everything follows.

The important thing I have noticed about open space, as it applies to you and me, is that it is an exchange of energy, releasing what no longer serves us (should’s, have to’s, must do’s and limiting beliefs) and replacing this with all that is in our greatest good (wants, desires and intentions). Understanding this exchange is vital, for if we clear space without understanding what we want to replace it with, the space will fill with anything and this anything  may not be in our highest good, it may simply be a back wash of what we have released.

Open space is also the space we create through ME FIRST – identifying time dedicated to re-acquainting ourselves with who we are now and who we want to become. This work simply can’t happen unless we take the time for it. And the good news is, it doesn’t require a lot of time, just moments or minutes of being, quiet, breathing, emptying, looking within. It is all perfect!

Until next time…

Betty

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Am I Divorced from or Married to ME?

I just finished my workout. I had planned to walk outside late afternoon but I found it just a bit too cold. I have been on an Isagenix cleanse day today, a weekly ritual I use to keep myself tuned up and healthy. I am always cold on these days making the outdoors even less appealing. Forunately I have my trusty treadmill, and while boring, I managed to get lost in an Ester-Hicks tape.

Our season of ME FIRST Retreats kicked off last Saturday. For the next 2 months, we will have an event, either retreat, workshop or speaking engagement, every weekend. I love the energy this creates around me – it keeps me focused on my purpose.

A topic of conversation this past Saturday was, are we divorced from or married to ourselves. It came up toward the end of the day as we set our final intentions for the following days.

You might ask, how can I be divorced from myself? Here are some of the tidbits that arose during our conversation:
– falling prey to the self-critic’s words and letting him/her override all that is perfect about us
– living by old belief systems that no longer support us in who we want to be now
– a lack of self-worth and self-respect
– failing to acknowledge our gifts and strengths and how we contribute to the world.

As you can imagine, being married to oneself is the opposite:
– holding oneself in unconditional love and high regard
– calling in our heart or angel voice to over-ride the voice of the self-critic and letting him/her feed us instead
– acknowledging ourselves daily as a way of being in gratitude for all that we contribute to others
– making space for ourselves on a daily basis – ME FIRST time.

It is a great discussion!

A few years ago, a friend of mine Kerry Messer wrote ‘The Wedding Vows’, a piece I published in my first book, roadSIGNS – Travel Tips for Authentic Living. I recently reviewed these vows and made a few slight tweaks. Here they are:

I vow to hold myself in unconditional love and high regard.

I vow to live by my values, my call to action and my ‘Tick” –my Personal Guidance System.

I vow to remember that I am the best ME I can be today and that tomorrow I will be an even better me.

I vow to listen to and trust my intuition under all circumstances.

I vow to follow my heart and spirit wherever they might take me.

I vow to be intentional and to believe that I am worthy of all that I intend.

I vow to surrender my need for control and to let God’s will drive my car through this life like she has in all my past lives.

I vow to be gentle and understanding of myself when I make mistakes.

I vow to forgive myself with grace and ease.

I vow to wake up every morning walking into the day remembering there is only now. 

I vow to remember that I can’t change the past or pre-determine the future, but I can make the best choices for my higher good in the many moments of today.

I vow to take care of my body and health as if I was carrying myself as a fetus.

Until Next Time,

Betty

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In Discovery

I have been writing about the Journey of Self-Discovery since 2002 in my monthly e-newsletter. It started as a way to test and develop my writing skills. Little did I know that 8 years later the result would also be 3 books.

Despite this, I recognize that I continue to be ‘in discovery’. And this is also the reason I love coaching others and facilitating ME FIRST Workshops and Retreats. Through my work I have the opportunity to witness, everyday, the discovery of others.

This past Saturday, Jan. 16th, I hosted a ME FIRST Renewal Day for those individuals who had previously participated in the ME FIRST Program. The purpose of the day was to remember and celebrate the key events of 2009, to review, and if necessary, revise the PGS (Personal Guidance System), and finally set intentions for 2010. The process was particularly powerful as it built upon each participants self-acknowledgements and the personal work they had previously completed.

The power of intention, which I have written about before in this blog, was evident. Different from goals and objectives, which are focused on a specific outcome and which can contract you, intentions expand you. They allow you to open to possibility. They ask you to trust and, once set, to understand that your life is on purpose. Finally intentions ask that you accept the offers which will appear down the line, even though the results which follow may be very different from what you thought it might be. Therein lies the expansion. It seems the Universe knows better than us what might be in our highest good.

Do intentions work? Yes, and once set, you also must pay attention, watch for the roadSIGNS. When the SIGNS appear, note them and express gratitude – this I have learned is key.

I am enormously privileged to be called to this work. The roadSIGNS Coach is my passion, working with individuals and teams to assist them in being clear on what it is they want, setting intentions and following how their life responds and unfolds.

In discovery, every moment of everyday. This might be the title of a new book!

Until next time….

Betty