Category: ME FIRST

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Space Management

Throughout the fall Jim and I have been in the process of renovating the space above our garage to serve as a new office  for roadSIGNS. The process has been a relatively painless one as we have had amazing builders and the project was not directly in the house. Everything was running smoothly until we actually began moving furniture, books and files. After almost 15 years in business there was a lot of stuff in our space.

I like to use the term space management instead of time management. Space management is about assessing what takes up the space in your life. This can be in your physical field, such as those cluttered closets, basements and garages that are difficult to navigate and in which you can be buried if you are not careful. Likewise, we need to assess our emotional – spiritual space and relationship space. Now what would these refer to?

Emotional – Spiritual Space:
This is where I ask you to consider the movie that is playing in your head and/or the music playing in your ear. Without realizing it you may be filling your space with a spiritually depleting message about who you are. The script and the movie portrays you as less than perfect, in fact flawed, undeserving, unworthy – you get the picture. With a new year approaching, I am suggesting that this movie needs re-writing. It is time for you to de-clutter those unwanted messages from your self-critic and begin shaking hands with your coach. The script, in my view, should rave about who you are, your uniqueness and what amazing things you have achieved. The script lifts you, makes you feel good and brings you into a joyful relationship with you.

Relationship Space:
Just in time for the holiday season, it is time to ask yourself what relationships take up the space in your life? Oh those! Yep, who is it you truly love to spend time with?

I know, the holiday season is all about obligation and spending time with Uncle Joe and Aunt Molly who you really wish you weren’t related to. What do you do with those less than perfect relationships that push their way into your space?

This is where the tough decisions lie and where your ‘no-how’ comes in. First, decide who you really want to play with in this lifetime. Take the time to record the qualities and characteristics of your perfect friend/relative/colleague. Learn to say NO to those less than perfect people in your life or at least decide to put limitations on how much space they occupy. Believe it or not, you have the choice. And yes, you may offend a few folks along the way, and that is their stuff not yours. The thing is, wouldn’t you rather fill your relationship space with your favorite people?

As I was de-cluttering my physical space in preparation for the big move, I threw out boxes of paper, all of them meaningful at one point in my life and yet not important now. As humans we do tend to hold on too tightly at times. I find myself wondering about that and why that is so.

As you approach the holiday season, ask yourself what you want your holiday space filled with. My suggestions:
– spend the time with the people you really love and who love you
– spend less money on gifts and convert this into quality time with others
– assess how much stuff is already in your space and wonder if you really need more
– be generous with yourself and fill your emotional-spiritual space with your dreams, your visions, and the celebration for who you are.
– this is a perfect time to de-clutter your physical space and share forward extra food, clothes, bedding, furniture, toys or books to those in need. Agape or Baldwin House would welcome your contributions.

Happy Holidays!

Until next time…

 

Betty

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Lessons from the Road

As I mentioned in my previous roadSIGNS Column, I have had the opportunity over the last six weeks to travel across Canada. I have learned that it takes a certain discipline to get up each morning, check-in at the airport, travel to a new city, arrive at a new hotel each night and remember what room I have been assigned and finally, show up every evening with and enthusiastic and engaging presentation. As a result of my
observations of myself and others, I have learned many lessons which of course, not only apply to travelling but to life in general. It’s just that travelling puts everything under a microscope.

Lesson Number One: Stay in the Moment.

As someone who is notorious for thinking about what’s next, or what is happening next week, I have learned that this is not an effective strategy when I am travelling. Staying grounded and living in the moment however, is. The routine of changing locations everyday has forced me to wake up, ask what city and hotel I am in, assess where I am travelling to that day and upon arrival, focus on that evening’s program. Thinking ahead too far only creates confusion and distraction.

Lesson Number Two: Be Patient and Smile a Lot

When you have to go through airline security for several days in a row, it is very easy to become annoyed. I have never taken jackets, boots and belts off so many times in my life and I feel constantly embarrassed about undressing in public. The key to surviving this daily assault is to be patient, to joke with the security guards (imagine having their job!) and to smile a lot. That smile changes everything and lights people up along the way. I have learned that airport security is simply a job that has to be done and not to take it personally.

Lesson Number Three: Inspire Others

As I travel through these airports, I hand out attractionCARDS, inspiring messages which we produce here at roadSIGNS. This may be the agent at the check-in desk, the server at Starbucks, the occasional flight attendant, waiters and waitresses or shop keepers. What I have noticed is how a small thing like offering someone a message for their day makes a difference. One server at the airport in Halifax shared with me that travelers
are not nice people. They are always in a hurry and chronically grumpy. After offering her and her colleague an attractionCARD they lit up and stated that I had “made their day!” It’s not difficult to inspire others.

Lesson Number Four: When I Inspire Others I am Inspired

I have also noticed that when I take a moment to be pleasant, to smile, or tooffer a message, the same energy returns to me. As I leave an interaction with anotherperson, I frequently see them smiling and sharing the message I offered themwith someone else. And that lights me up. I realize that if I stay lit up and inspired it has an impact on my being, my work and my relationships. Energy given; energy received.

Lesson Number Five: Stay Rested

A constant change in time zones, a new hotel bed every night and evening programs which keep me awake thinking, make staying rested a real challenge. I developed the habit of meditating before each event, 15 to 30 minutes, of quiet reflection and breathing. It is interesting that I don’t afford myself that luxury when I am not travelling even though I know the benefits and how it allows me to be ‘on’ during my evening workshops. It is important ME FIRST time, that opportunity to serve myself first so that I can serve others well.

I am sure there have been other lessons as well – these are the principle ones. They apply to all of our days not just the travelling ones. And so I invite you to join with me and practice being present, being patient and smiling a lot, inspiring others and as a result, being inspired and staying
rested with a daily dose of ME FIRST time. These simple lessons can change your life in so many ways.

 

Until next time…

Betty

Betty Healey is the roadSIGNS Coach, coaching people back to life! Her new book, The ME FIRST Playbook, is now available at
the roadSIGNS website, www.roadSIGNS.ca

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The Dance

CBC is definitely my preference for radio listening. I especially enjoy the morning show with Jian Ghomeshi, although I don’t always appreciate his taste in music. In listening to radio shows like Jian’s Q, I frequently hear something that is a roadSIGN for me or something that triggers a train of thought or a new understanding. I love that roadSIGNS come in so many different forms.

On Tuesday of this past week, as I started the five hour drive to Toronto, Jian was interviewing well known Canadian dancer Margie Gillis. Many of you may not be familiar with her work – I was not until living in Montreal. She is not only a talented dancer – she choreographs dance works around the world and she is also a recipient of the Order of Canada. All that to say, she is an impressive figure.

At the age of 58 she continues to dance and perform. It was this aspect of the interview that intrigued me as I realized that, despite her age, despite having arthritis in her knees and the limitations this could bring to her dance, she continues. Certainly she has modified her approach and she admitted that she did not dance with the same vigor or style as she did in her twenties. What she does is she listens to her body, and the spirit housed within that body, and adapts her choreography accordingly. To quote Margie, “ Our bodies are a wonderful metaphor for our souls”.

This was the part that intrigued me. It was perfect contrast to a comment which arrived the other day on my blog  from someone who had just turned sixty. To quote her, “I just turned 60 too. It’s so horrible because I am over the hill. I don’t enjoyed the stuff I used to …” You can see where this was going. Obviously it is a point of view to which I do not subscribe, as I believe age is largely based on attitude and the choice you make every day for living your life. Hence my attraction to Margie Gillis’ vitality.

Through these two sources what has become clear to me is that I do not want to make age an excuse for not doing things. I want to listen to my 61 year old body, ask what it is telling me and be guided by its wisdom. I want to be grateful for the road this body has travelled, the places it has taken me, and for standing up with me through all types of weather. I want to adapt my dancing, as Margie is doing, and learn the steps that serve me well at this point in my life. I want to refute the limitations and use them simply as a guide for moving forward and choosing a new choreography.

The ME FIRST message that I embrace and teach specifies that whatever it is you want to change out there, in your life, begins on the inside, with ME first. As you read this, I encourage you to check in with yourself and wonder about your approach to life. Do you embrace everyday as a new opportunity or do you moan about growing older? Are you curious about life and what lies before you or do you focus on the things you can no longer do? Are you learning new dance steps or feeling badly that you can’t jive the way you did in your twenties?

Here is where I want to play and I am inviting you to join me. I plan to start playing my music again. My choices these days are different – I love the uplifting words of Karen Drucker and the jazzy tones of Diana Krall. I can dance to these songs, slow fluid steps around my living room. They are different from the upbeat choreography of the aerobic dance I once did, but they are in tune with my body, my spirit and my soul.

Will you dance with me?

Until next time…

Betty

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90 Seconds

As I read Martha Beck’s column in the most recent Oprah magazine, I was reminded once again of the importance of monitoring our thoughts. As Mike Dooley, www.tut.com, reminds us, “thought become things – choose the good ones”. So what do you do when a less than perfect thought comes bubbling up, apparently out of no where. What do you do when you become aware of these thought forms?

According to the new research emerging on neuroplasticity, spearheaded by folks like Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight), you have 90 seconds to re-program that thought.

WOW – only 90 seconds?

Actually 90 seconds is longer than you might think. First of all it gives you times to become aware of the thought, second it gives you time to shake hands with it, acknowledge it, and recognize that it is way less than perfect. Finally you have the opportunity to call into your awareness a more perfect thought. You get to do what I call ‘flip-it’.

What does that look like. If you find yourself in anger, resentment or judgment, ask yourself, ‘How would I rather feel?”

The answer may be something like, “I want to be in joy, peace or ease, perhaps even gratitude.”

The process then goes like this:

  1. recognize the thought roaming around in your head.
  2. assess how it makes you feel
  3. discern if that’s really where you want to play
  4. shake hands with the devilish thoughts  – do NOT dismiss it
  5. be clear on where you would rather be/play
  6. re-program the thought.

After 90 seconds, if you stay with the thought forms that do not serve you, they are registered in the brain. My best advice, confront, flip and shift  – in the long run this will serve you as it will be the new thought form, the one that serves you and helps you to be positive, which will be registered.

This is some food for thought (no pun intended) don’t you think?

Until next time…

Betty

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From Comfort to Courage

During the taping of the roadSIGNS TV Show for Cogeco Cornwall yesterday, a wonderful question arrived. Here it is:

What would it take for you to step out of your Comfort Zone and into your Courage Zone?

I love it when one of my clients, or in this case a member of our studio audience, asks one of those great questions. This is what keeps me on my toes and keeps me learning as well.

Yesterday we were filming a series of shows called Living in GRACE, GRACE being an acronym for Gratitude, Respect, Acknowledgment, Courage and Enthusiasm. As you can imagine this specific question came up during the conversation on Courage.

Courage shows up in so many ways everyday. Example:

  • the courage to choose something different or new , something outside your comfort zone
  • the courage to be curiosity and play in the land of what if…
  • the courage to set boundaries for yourself and say NO to others when you need to say YES to you
  • the courage to confront fears you have or those limiting beliefs that hold you in your comfort zone
  • the courage to stay the course once you have stepped onto it.

The great opportunity before each of us is to step out in courage and see what the world look like on the other side of our comfort zone. I had no idea what it would be like to have a TV Show. My curiosity went to the what if… and the rest is history. Do I get nervous. Darn right! It feels a little scary to be putting yourself out there, whether that is writing a new book, speaking to an audience or hosting a TV Show. Courage is required every time you make a new choice and that’s where excitement, enthusiasm and enjoyment live as well.

Are you ready to leave comfort behind for courage?

Let me know.

We will be launching the ME FIRST Playbook later this month, a fun and funky companion book to ME FIRST – If I Should Wake before I Die. You can pre-order at http://www.roadsigns.ca/products.html   or join us on Sunday, October 16th at the Cornwall Public Library, 1 PM for the official book launch.

Until next time…

Betty

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Amity Farm

About an hour outside New York City, in the Hudson Highlands, you will find a community called Warwick. Like most of the communities in that part of New York State, the homes are sprawling century old properties which speak of old wealth. The surrounding area is hilly and pastoral. Horse ranches and mixed farming abounds.

A few minutes out of Warwick, you will find Amity Farm, a training facility for budding equestrians (www.amityequestrianenterprizes.com) . It is Amity Farm that attracted us to Warwick, specifically two young ladies, Corey and Christine, who own and operate the business.

Amity Farm is more than an equestrian business however. It is a place for self-discovery through our relationship with horses. Jim, myself and our artist colleague, Tracy, were invited to participate in a day long program facilitated by Corey and Christine which offered participants a unique opportunity to discover more about themselves through horse companions.

Although I am not an expert on horses, this is what I learned that day. Fundamentally horses are no-nonsense kinds of beings. In other words, they get you. They know if you are calm or frazzled, honest or deceitful, grounded or scattered and they respond to you accordingly. They connect with you from the inside out. They will not be bullied or pushed around by you. The only way to really communicate with them is to be truly centered and sure of yourself.

Throughout the day at Amity Farm, we experienced a number of activities with our horse companions which truly did hold up the mirror. Those of us who participated were forced to see ourselves with new eyes, to understand that true leadership comes from deep within and connecting with others rather than be forceful and pushy. We learned about personal boundaries and how easily we allow these to blur when they are challenged.

As for my personal experience, following the workshop I had my first lesson in horsemanship with Corey coaching me through mounting and riding a horse. For some of you that may not be significant but as this was a new experience for me I had some initial trepidation. ROM, the largest of all the horses we played with that day, was my mount – he was very patient with me. Once in the saddle (and this was the greatest challenge for me) Corey gently coached me to get centered, both with my breath and my posture.

Corey, who calls this program “Ride Your Life”, stresses the importance of sitting in your own power. You can only communicate fully with the horse when you know who you are and sit confidently in that place. This is personal power, the ability to see yourself through the eyes of truth, knowing your strengths, gifts and talents and acknowledging them with gratitude. Through their intuition, horses know this about you. I guess that’s what they mean by horse sense.

I share this experience with you, as I am learning that there are many ways in which to discover the truth of who we are and how we play in the world. It had never occurred to me that I could learn anything from a horse, but then, until recently, I did not hang out with horses. This may have to change.

 

Until Next Time…

 

Betty

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Tug of War

I have been on vacation for exactly six days now, excluding weekends and the Civic holiday. I don’t count these as they are days I would normally gift to myself anyway. Vacation is an interesting time for me as I am sure it is for you. I keep telling myself that I can’t wait to put my feet up, get in some serious hammock time, bask in the sun (with lots of sunscreen) and read the latest New York Times best seller. And then the first day of vacation arrives, the hours span out in front of me. There is no schedule. There are no work projects to be completed. The ‘to do’ list is empty and I can breathe, finally!

That’s when the ‘tug of war’ begins. Suddenly the ‘to do’ list is resurrected, now filled with other items outside of the usual work ones. There are garden chores to be completed, the garage to be cleaned and perhaps the basement too, repairs on the deck, doors to be painted. Is this the ‘staycation’ I dreamed of. NO!

I need a Permission Slip, perhaps even a prescription from my doctor.
Something like: Two hours ‘being’ time t.i.d. (three times per day).
Best taken twice after meals with an ample amount of water and an occasional glass of wine.
Feet should be elevated and head well supported.
Accompanied by 15 minutes of meditation or daydreaming.
No self-critics allowed during this ‘being’ time.

I like that prescription – is it one you could follow? Or, like me, do you sometimes equate stopping, being quiet, settling in with a great novel to being lazy? It seems to me that when I was young I had no problem with this. As I have grown older I seem to have a greater sense of urgency about getting things done. Why is that? It is time to change gears.

One of the things I know for sure is that busyness precludes being quiet and that each of us, both you and I, need that down time. I call it opening space. This space is important because that is the time when we can actually receive, whether this means receiving from friends and family, or simply receiving from the ‘Universe”. If you have no time for reflection, you curtail your ability to learn, to think about your life, to ponder the important questions in your life, and to be open to new answers. I know this because when I choose to give myself the gift of time, not only do I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually better, I become more creative and attuned to what is next for me and our business.

It is interesting to notice that the word vacation is derived from vacate. Typically we vacate our premises or vacate our work. But perhaps we need also to vacate the usual routines of our life, the ‘to do’ lists, the family obligation and give ourselves the gift of time and space.

Here’s what’s up for all of us. Life, whether vacation or not, is filled with a number of ‘tug of wars’, our desires and wants versus the ‘shoulds’ often imposed on us. At every step we have choices to make. We get to choose what fills our days. We get to choose how we manage the space in our life.

If you are committed to your journey of self-discovery, I encourage you to become conscious and aware of the choices you make every day for you. It is time for space management – discerning what you give your energy to, how your daily doings feed your spirit and how much time you need specifically for you, that important downtime. Life is a journey, one that is meant to be lived fully and enjoyed.

I am headed for the hammock!

Until next time… Betty

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CATCHING MY BREATH

I AM ON VACATION!  It’s true, even the author of the book ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die has trouble slowing down. It’s not that I lack being time every day as I have learned the importance of the 1% rule, dedicating at least 15 minutes to myself everyday. It’s just that when you own your own business and you love what you do, you sometimes forget to stop and breathe and take an actual day off.

I found myself lollygagging  in bed this morning. I had scheduled myself for a 7:30 a.m. walk, but when the alarm went off, I simply curled up with Tasha, one of the four felines in our home, and continued to doze. Oh that felt so good! I finally made my way to the front porch where I found the sun shining warmly, and after applying a liberal coat of sun screen (my derm. would shoot me if she found me in the sun naked!) I started reading a book I have been working on for a few weeks and which has triggered my impatience – what will happen?

The gardens are also calling to me – I like to putter around, weeding, digging, dead heading. The thing with gardens is that they change everyday and if you don’t take the time to appreciate them you will miss something. And isn’t that like life.

Jim and I have this daily mantra, roadSIGNS is open for business. We are attracting opportunities, potentialities and possibilities to expand our work in the world. New perfect clients are entering the doors of our business and we are showered with amazing abundance everyday. And yes, that mantra continues even during our ‘staycation’ as I have learned that part of attracting new business is creating space, emptiness. You can’t attract new possibilities and so on, if the space is too full. And so my work at this moment is to release all that no longer serves me in a very conscious way, the old ways of doing things and some of me being habits as well. That takes breath, reflection, relaxation, and simply stopping.

I hope you are taking some vacation time this summer as well and that you have the wisdom not to pack it full of activities for you, your husband and possibly your kids. There is nothing wrong with that, I simple want to suggest that you schedule ME FIRST time for yourself and create the space for your own spiritual expansion. You might be surprised at what comes in. I’ll keep you posted regarding my own discoveries.

Until next time…

Betty

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Sharp Edges

I am thoroughly enjoying the summer weather we have been experiencing in Eastern Ontario. Yes there is the occasional steamy day, but for the most part the days have been hot and the nights cool. How perfect is that?

Each morning I sit on my front porch with Jim, sipping my morning shake, breathing in the aroma of the flowers and communing with the nature that surrounds us. When I focus on these surroundings, I have noticed that there are days when the edges are sharp and days when the edges are soft. Sharp edge days happen when the weather is hot yet dry, the nights cool or there has just been a refreshing shower. When you look out at the gardens everything is fresh and crisp, the plants alert and singing, shadows clearly defined.

By contrast, the soft edge days are those humid ones where the air is heavy. Life in the gardens looks fuzzy and blurred.

It seems to me that life is also full of sharp and soft edges. When you embrace a sharp edged perspective, you are clear, crisp and clean. You know what it is you want and, as a result, you are able to move forward with your life. You set a course for yourself and take the steps to move in that direction. You have a clear sense of boundaries. You know where and when to say ‘YES’ and, more importantly, when to say ‘NO’. You have defined your core values, those important principles by which you choose to live. Sharpness means clarity.

Softness implies the opposite. You are unclear about what you want and find yourself focused on what you don’t want. As a result, little in your life changes because you keep attracting the same things over and over again. As a result, your life is on hold. Your edges, your boundaries, are fuzzy and blurred, perhaps even non-defined. You find yourself saying ‘YES’ to any request and frequently find yourself overburdened or overwhelmed.

As a life coach-consultant, it is clear to me that the clients who choose the path of sharp edges, manifest the life they really want. They embrace the idea of clarity, naming what they want and follow this with clear actions that match what they want. They step-up fully to their full potential and to everything life has to offer them. They are amazed that when they actually take the time to be clear and sharp, what they want manifests quickly.

If you are living a soft edge life, is it time to shift? If you are ready, take the following steps.

First turn all of your ‘do not wants’ into ‘do wants’. What most people don’t recognize is that wherever your attention goes, energy flows. That is to say, when you focus on what you don’t want, you get more of it.

Second, take action. Action implies doing something specific that takes you in the direction of what you want. It may also be a new way of being such as believing in yourself, believing you are worthy of having what you want, and turning down the volume of your self-critic.

Finally, establish your personal boundaries and start being clear about your ‘YES’s’ and ‘NO’s’. Assess what is important and meaningful to you and what is yours to own. If a request is made of you and intuitively you know it is not yours to own, chances are it belongs to someone else.

These are the three easy steps for living in the land of sharp edges.

Are you ready?

 

Until next time…

Betty

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Growing Pains

There are moments in your life when it feels like something is shifting. If you are asked to pinpoint exactly what it is, you hesitate because it is difficult to name. You have a sense that you are approaching a new junction in your life, perhaps related to career, relationships, or simply how you are choosing to live every day. It is almost like holding your breath.

I refer to these moments as growing pains. You may be thinking, “I haven’t had growing pains since I was a teenager.” Well look again. Take a glance back over your life and ask yourself, when has my life changed directions in some way or another. I sincerely hope your response is not “NEVER’.

In my baby boomer generation there was a notion which I really never understood and that was one job, one set of lifelong friends, perhaps even one home. Is it only me or was that the ultimate fallacy. And it has not been my experience.

I am not judging you if it was yours but you have to admit that somewhere along the way your life changed course with or without you and you were forced to look at life differently than what was once promised to you. Certainly as time goes on, and each subsequent generation enters the workforce, these promises have changed significantly. Now we prepare young adults for the possibility of 3-4 careers over a lifetime, frequent changes in geographical location, and virtual relationships through social networking. It is rapidly becoming a different world. Growing pains.

These describe the external variables. The landscape within you is another world of shifts and changes. Who among you would say that you are the same person you were ten years ago or even yesterday. Every moment of every day adds a new experience to your life. It would be foolish for us to think that we are not changed by life’s events. And why would we want to be static anyway when life is a dynamic process. Changes can be trying and change can be exciting and for some reason all change is perfect. It may not feel so at the time, but let me assure you that everything within your life occurs for a reason. Growing pains.

But what do you do with all this growth, with this sense that something inside you is changing. Do you have control over it? Can you give this change within you direction? Absolutely. The first step is to choose to be conscious, to be aware that you sense a change occurring. Secondly be curious and ask yourself, and your higher power if you ascribe to the idea of the Universe, what it all means. Third, watch for the roadSIGNS that are appearing all around you. This is where being aware and paying attention becomes very important. Forth, relax, be in the energy of change; embrace it and go with the flow.

Growing pains – this is what makes life an interesting journey. Be honest – would you have it any other way? Welcome aboard the change train. You might as well come along for the ride ‘cause with or without you the train is pulling out of the station. It is time to change, time to stretch and yes, time to grow in ways you had not even considered. WeHoo!

Until Next Time…

Betty