Category: ME FIRST

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Act-Think Feel

There is a saying which goes, “Fake it until you make it”. It is not one of my favorites and I have often been tempted to dispute it. It’s the ‘fake it’ part that bothers me as it seems inauthentic.

This past weekend I attended the inaugural conference for the Canadian Positive Phycology Association in Toronto. There were a number of impressive presentations all leaving me with a desire for more learning and immense sense of curiosity. One of my favorites was the opening keynote address by Dr. Greg Wells a neurophysiologist from the Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, skyped in from the Olympic Village in London. (Watch for him as part of the CTV broadcast team). He covered a number of topics within the context of his presentation. One of the pieces that stuck with me was ‘act-think-feel’ – you guessed right, fake it until you make it.

In his work with athletes and the mind-body connection, research has demonstrated that what you show on the outside is replicated on the inside. The two key variables which have been researched are smiling and posture.

You have all heard the other phrase, ‘smile and the world smiles with you.” While that theory has not been examined scientifically, the reality is that when you smile, outwardly, your inner world begins to smile. You lighten up and your attitude shifts. When you act – smile, you begin to think and feel differently. Your smile activates a physiological response that makes you feel better.

Remember your mother saying, “Johnny or Jane, stand up straight!” It really annoyed you because you were a teenager and slouching was simply cool. Well it turns out that slouching is not only bad for your posture, it’s bad for your attitude and your health.

The second part of the act-think-feel equation is that standing tall, stretching your height upward and elongating your torso, makes you feel better about you. It is almost impossible to think positively about yourself and feel the resulting emotions if you slouch and slink. Stretching upward enhances your esteem and boosts your confidence.

Step outside yourself for a moment and begin to notice others. Imagine for a moment the person who is frowning, slouching and slinking. What is your response to them? Do they appear positive or confident? No they don’t. You are probably judging them and wondering why such an attractive person wouldn’t stand tall and occasionally smile.

Here’s your choice point – start acting different yourself. Decide each morning to begin the day with a smile, even if it does feel fake. Just plaster it on and then notice:

  1. How you feel about yourself as the day goes on
  2. How others respond to you

Next, begin to check your posture. You don’t want to stand military style; you simply want to stand tall, as if there was a pulley attached to the crown of your head stretching you upward. As you elongate your posture, your shoulders naturally pull back a bit, you can breathe more easily, your chest opens up, you are more receptive, and others will notice.

As a former physiotherapist, there are numerous other advantages to improved posture, including preventing long term back issues and, for women as they age, that ‘dowager’s hump’. Remember, checking in with your posture and standing tall, supports what you think and feel and positively affects how your brain functions.

As you tune into the Olympics this summer, watch the athletes as they prepare for their event. You will see intense concentration; you will see them correct their posture and stand tall, and if you are lucky you may catch a smile or two.

Most importantly, check in with yourself and begin today to smile more and to stand tall. Do your own research project – begin every day with a smile and by stretching your head to the sky. Do both regularly each day and notice what changes or shifts in your energy, confidence and esteem. I guarantee you will feel better and your thoughts will be more positive. Notice how others respond to you and when that friend says to you, ‘what are you smiling about?’ simply say, smiling is changing my world inside and out – want to join me?

It’s really up to you.

Until next time,

Betty

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The Big Rocks

I have found myself dipping into an exercise from my past recently, an exercise called the Big Rocks. Here is how it goes. Take a large gallon sized jar and place it on your kitchen counter. Beside this place a number of fist sized rocks. Carefully place all of these rocks in the jar, to the point where you cannot place any additional rocks in the jar.

You will notice that the jar is full – or is it?

Next, take two or more cups of gravel and pour this into the jar. As you gently shake the jar, the gravel settles down around the larger rocks. Once again the jar appears full, but is it?

Now take two to three cups of sand and pour that into your container. You will notice that the sand filters down around the large rocks and the gravel filling in all the crevices. Again the jar appears full – is it?

Finally add a large jug of water to all the other ingredients. You may be surprised just how much water you can add. Now the jar is full.

What if you had reversed the order, filling the jar with water, sand or gravel first, would you have had space for the big rocks? The answer of course is NO.

And so it is with life. We forget to look at our priorities or what we consciously want to fill our life with and the space gets filled anyway, with the gravel of demands made on our time, with the sand of taking on things that don’t belong to us, and with the water of “should’s, have to’s and must do’s”. When your days come to an end you realize that everything that is truly important simply has no space.

What are your big rocks? At a ‘being’ level they represent your intentions and your clarity regarding what you want to attract in your life. At a ‘doing’ level your big rocks represent your priorities, the things you really want to get done to forward the action on your life or your business. They would be the first items you would put into your daily agenda and they would be the items that are non-negotiable.

Here’s what happens however. Your priorities get pushed aside because you have not learned how to say NO to the demands of others or you get caught in the trap that something else looks more appealing at the moment. Now I don’t want to suggest that knowing your big rocks make you inflexible, in fact I suggest it is just the opposite. You simply want to become conscious regarding your emotional, spiritual, and physical big rocks and where they belong in your life. Once you know this, everything else, the gravel, sand and water can be placed around and you have whatever flexibility you need with that.

Knowing your big rocks is an antidote for what I refer to as spinning, being in action without being clear on why you are doing what you are doing. It is simple to plan for. In terms of being, the big rocks require simply taking a few minutes at the beginning of your day to be clear and intentional about who you want to be that day, your ripple effect, and what are the main items on your to do list. On a weekly basis, planning you big rocks ahead of time and placing them in your agenda means, this time is for this big rock and this in non-negotiable. If you give up space for one of your big rocks, you cannot get it back.

I encourage you to include scheduled ME FIRST time as one of your Big Rocks. In fact this may be the most important time you spend every day and remember, it takes on 1% of your day, or 15 minutes to begin a ME FIRST practice. Imagine if dedicating simply 15 minutes of your daily schedule was the most important Big Rock of all and imagine if this simple practice changed everything. Wow, that really would shift how the space in your life is filled and, most importantly, you would be living the life you want for you rather than the life others expect of you.

Start today – name and claim your Big Rocks!

Until next time….

Betty

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The Ripple Effect

So few people recognize the influence they actually have, whether that is among friends and family or where they work. You might be thinking to yourself, “Really. It doesn’t feel like that most of the time, in fact, I feel like I have no say what so ever.” And I understand that point of view as it is a view I once held.

My beliefs have however, shifted. The more I have studied the Law of Attraction, the more that I understand that what lives inside of me, my beliefs, my values, and my thoughts, are largely responsible for what I attract and experience in the world. According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. It is magnetic in that sense. Imagine that you are a magnet and that everything going on in your internal environment, your head and your heart, is exactly what you will draw into your life. Like attracts like.

Now you may be concerned about this because you are suddenly aware that what you have been focused on is not exactly positive, in fact it may be downright ugly and spirit depleting. No need to worry. You can change this by shifting your focus.

To begin the process imaging that you are a pebble, a beautiful multi-colored and multi-faceted one filled with vibrant energy. You are now dropped into a smooth glassy surface of water by some great universal force. Are you with me so far? As you envision this, notice what happens the moment you as a pebble strike the surface of the water. The point of contact sends out a series of ripples.

The water represents the water line of life. With you as a pebble, recognize that you get to consciously choose what energy you infuse in that waterline. You can choose to fuel those ripples with kindness, love, respect and joy or, on by contrast, with meanness, fear, judgment and ‘ich’.

Knowledge of this important ‘Ripple Effect’ is critical in shifting your life and using that old phrase ‘turning your life around’. It asks you to become consciously aware, every day, of the influence you want to have in the world. This is where your power gets fueled, for once you decide, you begin to attract a different energy from the outside world as well.

Imagine this: you wake up in the morning. Before jumping into your day, you take a few precious moments to consider the day ahead of you. Review the landscape
– who will you be with?
– what work will you be engaged in?
– what meetings will you be attending?
– what will you be doing?

Once you have a sense of what is before you, decide what your intention is for each situation. How do you want people to experience you? What do you want to add to any interaction at work?

You might decide on something like:
– I make heartfelt connections with everyone who crosses my path.
– I make a positive contribution to any projects I take on.
– I am open to new opportunities that come my way.
– I am a source of inspiration and joy.

Once you have formulated your intentions and offered them to the Universe, begin your day. Watch for the roadSIGNS, the small yet significant clues that your intentions are making a difference. And, most importantly, notice how others respond to you and how the energy around you shifts.

None of YOU are small, in fact you are much larger than you imagine. As soon as you turn your attention to living consciously and intentionally, your life begins to shift and your influence magnifies. Remember, thoughts and beliefs are intentions and if your thoughts and beliefs are tainted with the negative, your life reflects the same energy. You get to choose which field you play in, to be a beneficial influence to the world or a detrimental one. It begins with you and your intentions.

Here is my challenge to you – begin each day with intentions which are positive. You can even use the ones written above – I offer these to you. Practice doing this for 21 days (it takes 21 days to embed a new habit) and see what happens. Why not – you have nothing to lose except to begin to shift your life to a new place. Let me know what happens!

Until next time….

Betty

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Forgiveness

I heard this quote the other day, “Forgiveness does not change the past, it enlarges the future.”  It struck me as a wonderful way to express the importance of forgiveness and how forgiveness is something you really gift to yourself.

International Peace SIGN

How can we have world peace when we do not have inner peace?

Have you not, at some point in your life, heard yourself say, “I will never forgive them!” Forgiveness, or the lack of it, is something that most of us use as a tool to punish someone else. Crazy don’t you think, for the truth is that the only one that gets harmed is you. Consider one of the people on your non-forgiveness list and ask yourself just a few questions such as:

  1. When was the last time you saw them?
  2. Were they aware that you are upset with them?
  3. Do they know they are on your non-forgiveness list?
  4. How is this affecting them?

The last question may be the most important. I have come to realize that most of the friends or family members who make my list usually don’t know about it. Heck, they may no longer be among the living. So when I stop to take a look at forgiveness or the lack thereof, I am the only one who knows. Now that is just crazy because in fact, rather than hurting the other person, which is the usual motive behind non-forgiveness, it is hurting me.

Okay, time to re-assess this whole forgiveness thing. Here it is – if you have someone whom you have not forgiven, you are not hurting them, you are hurting YOU. It is you who continues to carry the anger, the hurt or the grudge, not them. It is you who feels the heart ach or stomach churning, not them. So what do you do about that. Forgive them?

That just doesn’t seem right does it? Or does it? Remember, forgiveness is for you not them.

Years ago I read a wonderful book on forgiveness by Dr. Jerald Jampolsky. One of the things he shared which really helped me is that forgiveness doesn’t mean that you agree with the actions taken by the other person. It’s simply that you forgive them and understand that they, like you, are human and prone to making mistakes. That helped me a lot because I felt that by forgiving I was condoning what they had done. The next thing he suggested was to make a list of all those people whom I had not forgiven. I can remember thinking that my list wouldn’t be very long so I began writing my list on a very small piece of paper. Once I got started, the names came pouring out and as you will have guessed, I needed a lot more paper. It is not that I am an angry person, I just allowed myself to pour it out, all those people I had felt harmed by in my life. Somehow just the act of naming them helped and I felt a huge relief.

The next step was to actually work on the forgiveness piece. This is where I learned about Ho’oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian tradition that helps you to clean up past memories and move toward forgiveness. It works like this – after writing down your list, you focus your attention on all these people and say the following:

  • I love you.
  • I’m sorry
  • Please forgive me
  • Thank you

How does this work. By focusing your attention on each person and repeating this ‘mantra’ you replace the mental chatter that was filling your head about them. You allow yourself to release the transgressions you believe they committed against you and create space within you for love, generosity and more.

Oh, and by the way, the person who is often in need of the most forgiving is YOU. Haven’t you noticed how hard you are on yourself and the exacting standards of perfection to which you hold yourself? You may want to start your forgiveness journey by practicing on yourself first.

It is time you know – why would any of us want to waste time on emotions which drain us when we could be filling up with love, joy and abundance.

Until next time….

Betty

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When Spirit Speaks

I am sitting in my friend Betty Jones’ house, propped up in bed. As I glance out the window to my right the Great Smokey mountains fall away in layers, shades of grey with the early morning fog lingering in the valleys, the fog that gives this sacred place its name. We have been here for two days visiting friends. Each time I return here I feel a deeper connection. There is a sacredness here, an ancient history, a sense that spirit and spirits reside here, a place to clear your head and be open to receive. Yesterday, as we trekked into the mountains following Betty’s lead, we traced through mountain meadows lined with flowers, took in water falls, smelled the forest floor, and imagined how the landscape will change which each new season and each new bloom.

Along the path, when you allow it, spirit speaks to you. The events of the world are not evident here. All sound reflects nature and nature only; it speaks of peace and beauty and perhaps most importantly, it speaks of what is truly important – the earth. I am reminded how important it is to be in places such of this, away from the frenetic pace each of us gets caught up in and the illusion of what seems to be important. Very little of it is and I believe that if I could convince each person to simply stop, breathe, and really communicate with Mother Earth, we would remember why we came here in the first place.

At then end of our day, back home, the rains came followed by the late afternoon light and that magical event – a rainbow. This for me is the ultimate SIGN for hope, and peace, and love, and yes the gold that lies at the end. Let us mine this gold and remember, today and everyday, the important of what is right before us. Let us remember what we are here to do and who we are called to be. Let us listen to the media and what the pundants tell us with great scepticism for this is not the truth of the world.

From my philosophical space of spirit this morning, I send you this invitation and ask you to be more conscious of what surrounds you and to create space to communicate with spirit, as you know it, every day. Let this be your guide. We have entered an important era in the evolution of humanity, birthing a new way for each of us to BE in the world.

Until next time,

Betty

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Where did Betty-Jane go?

I have been vacationing in Miami Beach for the last two weeks, my first Florida vacation. It did seem a bit strange, vacationing in a city rather than in the country side which has been our habit. Now that I reside in the country the city scape was a pleasant experience and I have to say that Miami is a beautiful place.

Back to the idea of vacation, I find it remarkable that once I begin to relax and sink into my days, the anxieties of day-to-day living evaporate. A new rhythm is established for living the moments of each day. Suddenly there is space for me as well as all those important dreams and ideas that get pushed aside in the normal pace of life.

Early last week I had one of my dream visions. These are more vivid and real than normal dreams and tend to stay with me. I assume that is because they have some deeper meaning and that perhaps the Universe is attempting to communicate something important to me. In this dream I found a child, very young, cold, craving attention, curious. I immediately slipped into my mothering role, hovering over the infant, hugging and loving her. The child seemed to be in need of my care, underdeveloped and undernourished. In the few minutes of this dream the relationship between me and the child grew very intense and I awoke with a start, wondering what the dream meant, assessing whether I was being called in some way to work with children.

I have learned that my dreams, and probably yours, are metaphors for something deeper and as such, need not be interpreted literally. They are simply images of something missing in life or of something to come. Rarely do they mean exactly what they seem. With this in mind I relaxed and simply lay in bed with the images and the feelings that the dream conjured up. As I did so I began to wonder about the child and whether child I had found was me, Betty-Jane.

While I have been away I have given myself the opportunity of writing and coloring in our new ME FIRST Playbook. (It’s always a good idea to use the tools you create for others!).  I have a full set of colored pencils and using them I have immersed myself in filling in the images created by Tracy Lynn for the Playbook. As a child I loved to draw and color, in fact my mother often told me that I was drawing as soon as I understood how to hold a pencil. The act of coloring kick starts the brain differently. It is rather mindless as an activity yet it is mind opening as it allows you to banish other thoughtform and create space for your child to emerge. The child’s energy is about wonder, curiosity and creativity and of course, playfulness. It is about the dreams you had about who you would become when you grew up, some of which you may have realizes while other were buried.

As I lingered under the covers with my dream memory, I saw myself again as a child with my friends Muriel and Charmaine. On warm summer days, we created castles out of blankets and lawn chairs. In the rooms of our creations we lined up all our dolls. Here was where I taught my first lessons and the dolls were the very best students. There is something in each of us that understands very early in life what we are called to do in our life. Teaching was my calling. It was not the career I chose initially however and one I have come back to.

I am still considering what else the dream was showing me and I am left with the question “where did Betty-Jane go and what dreams did she have that I have forgotten?” It is a great question to consider, not for the purpose of digging up the past but rather to wonder what your child spirit most desired and whether this desire serves you now in your life.

My childhood was interrupted when my parents separated. I can mourn this or I can give myself permission to simply unlock the door on Betty-Jane’s room and let her out to play, to re-capture her child energy and to embrace her qualities of curiosity and creativity.

Imagine if you did the same. Why not extend a hand to your child energy and invite her/him out to play with you once again. What would you remember about you? What are the dreams you had as a child and how have these manifested? If they haven’t, why not realize them now? It is never too late.

Remember that your child knew you in many ways better than you know yourself; she knew you before all the rules of the world were piled on your shoulders. Create some space in your life to have a visit with your Betty-Jane.

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Upstream- Downstream

After a busy weekend of couples coaching followed by an equally busy Monday, Jim and I arrived in our office to find that our internet system had died. Living rurally, access to internet is not what you might imagine when you live in the city. Our reality is that there are places much more remote than us who have better internet access than we do. That said, running a business from your home means, especially in 2012, staying connected with your clients. We were not happy campers.

Of course I was oblivious to the situation initially as I was engaged in other aspects of what we do every day. It was only when I saw Jim’s dismay that I became fully aware. His aura, shall we say, was rather dark, his demeanor abrupt, and his patience non-existent. He was going UPSTREAM and for all the right reasons. It’s just that going upstream does not serve you at all, even when things are frustrating and apparently not going your way.

Jim and I have this agreement that when either of us is going upstream we ask what will it take to go downstream? I know you are wondering what the heck I am talking about so let me explain. When you go upstream you are going against the current which means of course that you consume much more energy and effort. To turn downstream is to go with the flow and to allow yourself to be carried along easily and effortlessly. Upstream also means you are in resistance and when in that state you are focused on what you DO NOT want. And guess what, you just keep getting more of the same. To go downstream is to relax, become conscious of what you want and ask for it, and let the Universe take care of the rest.

As you can imagine, Jim wasn’t immediately open to my downstream suggestion, yet he heard me. I suggested we set some intentions. “Such as?” he quipped.

Here is what I came up with:

~ we are attracting the perfect internet system to support our expanding business
~the installation of the new service will be easy and effortless
~ the new system will be easily maintained and supported by incredible technical assistance.

At this point Jim placed a call to our current provider where upon he learned that they no longer had any technical support available to us and confirmed that indeed our system was no longer operating. Great! Actually this confirmed what we already knew. We could have been angry or simply accept this as an invitation to move on.

The second call was made to a new provider who had informed us several months ago that they would soon have service available in our area. This call proved productive – exactly 6 days earlier the new system had become available and in fact they were just about to contact us as we had been on their waiting list. Two days later their technician arrived and within three hours we were up and running once again – yes, easy and effortless. Finally they have a package specifically for business owners assuring us that they will be here to provide service within 24 hours of a problem. Cool!

DOWNSTREAM!!!!!

What can I tell you – it works. So the next time you feel like you are fighting an uphill battle against someone or something, STOP! It doesn’t work. You need to come up for air, breathe, and change directions. Take a moment to clear the space in your head and replace resistance with what it is you really want. Then simply allow it to unfold and relax, go with the flow, watch what shows up. Jim and I are still learning and the Internet Incident is proof! Ah, an opportunity to practice what we teach. You have to love that!

Paddling downstream….

 

Betty

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What House Will YOU Live In?

“If you don’t look after your body, what house are you going to live in?” I am coiled up in a pretzel like yoga pose as our instructor cites this quote from some unknown author. At that moment it wasn’t clear to me if I was actually being kind and taking care of my body – my hamstrings were screaming too loud! Despite this, and five yoga classes later, I am appreciating the slight advance in my flexibility and a greater sense of well-being.

Back to the quote – it keeps rolling around in my head and I have found myself musing more and more about ‘my house’. Mostly I have been realizing how, over the last 60 years, I have really not appreciated my body, and have certainly not treated it like my house. If my body could only talk, what stories it would tell! I have abused it with unhealthy choices. I have criticized it for not being perfect – too fat, too round, too flat chested, too….

Rarely have I stopped to appreciate the appendages that fall from my pelvis nor have I thanked these sturdy legs of mine for standing with me through thick and thin, for walking me through difficulties and triumphs, and for supporting me wherever I go. Rarely have I acknowledged my arms and hands for giving and receiving hugs, for assisting me as I reach for what I want and pushing away what I don’t, or for simply allowing me to wash my face, brush my teeth and comb my hair.

I have not consciously thanked my heart for pumping life giving blood through my arteries and veins every moment of every day. Nor have I expressed gratitude to my lungs for ‘prana’, the breath of life. Then there is my brain which serves as computer central for everything I do, feel and think – how neglectful have I been of her as she helps me navigate the complexity of everyday living?

Isn’t it time to step up and to become consciously aware of the gift our bodies are? Although your body, like mine, may not be absolutely ‘perfect’ (at least in our eyes), it is still pretty darn amazing.

The day I turned 60, I stood in front of a full length mirror and spoke to the reflection, “This is what 60 looks like”. After years of war with my physical form I had finally made peace. My only regret is that it took me 6 decades to get there. How much time I had wasted trying to be more perfect in one way or another? What a waste of time and energy this was.

I like the peaceful place I have now landed in. I am filled with gratitude for my skin, bones, flesh and fat and every molecule that completes my physical form.

Thanks to my yoga instructor, I was pulled back and offered yet again another reminder to love, honor and cherish me and in doing so, to take care of my body. Yoga is new to me and I think it will be staying around for a while as it is teaching me a new relationship with my house.

What about you – will you join me and identify one thing you can do for you that honors the house you live in. It doesn’t have to be yoga; it can be as simple as stopping from time to time, taking a deep breath and on the exhale expressing appreciation to your body. It is really not a stretch. It starts with closing your eyes and saying to your body “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for your endurance, for your support and for housing my spirit”.

By the way, if you do not appreciate you and if you do not look after YOU, who will?

Until next time…

Betty

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Are YOU saying YES to YOU

I have noticed that there are things I really want to attract in life that simply don’t happen and I find myself wondering why? As I pondered this question the other day, a roadSIGN appeared in the form of a question. The question: Am I saying YES to me?

I had to take a step back as I considered my answer. Here I am a coach for others, reminding my clients to be clear on their boundaries, both personal and professional and the importance of saying NO when NO is the right answer. I often use my favorite Jack Canfield quote to facilitate this, “I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me.” There it is, saying YES to me, but am I ?.

Here is what I have noticed. I don’t give myself permission to do lots of things, partly because I am a bit of a ‘doing’ addict and I like to keep busy and partly because, like everyone else, I still get caught up in what needs to be done. I also have an extraordinary sense of urgency meaning that things generally need to be done NOW. I get in my own way and my desire to go to the new Yoga classes, or to make time for a daily workout, or to simply go to the meditation room to relax or read, often goes by the way. I have not learned to say YES to the ‘being’ side of me nor have I learned to say NO to the ‘doing’ me. What a complicated paradox this poses!

I know I am not alone in this situation, that those of you who are reading this are probably nodding your heads as you share my conundrum. After considerable reflection, I have decided that this is what we need to learn. Not only do we need to be clear on our boundaries with others we need to also set some boundaries with ourselves. You can’t have work-life balance, which seems to be the catch phrase recently, without reigning ourselves in. Only then can we understand what we want to say YES to and then creating space for those important YES’s to actually happen.

For me this means stepping away from the office by 5:30 p.m. at the latest so I can head to my workout area or putting those Yoga classes right in my schedule so that the time is reserved. It means saying YES to the trips I want to make or dedicating time to the other items on my ‘bucket list’, knowing that without the YES it surely won’t happen. It means that when I simply want to sit down, catch my breath and read for a few minutes, I simply allow myself to do so.

Here was my other wake-up call and roadSIGN – a good friend of mine was recently diagnosed with ALS. This is a progressive illness commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, which slowly and insidiously steals your life from you. I am thinking, there but for the grace of God go I. I received an e-mail from her the other day as she and her husband have decided to travel for the next three months before the time comes when she will not be able to do so. I asked myself, “what am I waiting for?”

What are you waiting for? What is it you really want? Are you ready to say YES to yourself and give yourself permission to do and be the things you most want in your life? If not now, when? Only YOU can make it happen. It is your life and whether you believe it or not, you are the boss of you.

Okay, I hear you, I am also guilty. Here is my pledge: I intend to start today by honoring my need for ME FIRST time. I am putting at least 2 yoga classes in my schedule for next week. I am reviewing my ‘bucket list’ this weekend and determining which of the items are my first priority. I am putting my trip to Baffin Island into the calendar. And I am dedicating at least fifteen minutes everyday to read. It may not be everything I want to say YES to and it is the first chewable chunk.

What are you saying YES to? Times a wastin’ as we say – no more hesitating.

Until next time…

 

Betty

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I have noticed that there are things I really want to attract in life that simply don’t happen and I find myself wondering why? As I pondered this question the other day, a roadSIGN appeared in the form of a question. The question: Am I saying YES to me?

I had to take a step back as I considered my answer. Here I am a coach for others, reminding my clients to be clear on their boundaries, both personal and professional and the importance of saying NO when NO is the right answer. I often use my favorite Jack Canfield quote to facilitate this, “I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me.” There it is, saying YES to me, but am I ?

Here is what I have noticed. I don’t give myself permission to do lots of things, partly because I am a bit of a ‘doing’ addict and I like to keep busy and partly because, like everyone else, I still get caught up in what needs to be done. I also have an extraordinary sense of urgency meaning that things generally need to be done NOW. I get in my own way and my desire to go to the new Yoga classes, or to make time for a daily workout, or to simply go to the meditation room to relax or read, often goes by the way. I have not learned to say YES to the ‘being’ side of me nor have I learned to say NO to the ‘doing’ me. What a complicated paradox this poses!

I know I am not alone in this situation, that those of you who are reading this are probably nodding your heads as you share my conundrum. After considerable reflection, I have decided that this is what we need to learn. Not only do we need to be clear on our boundaries with others we need to also set some boundaries with ourselves. You can’t have work-life balance, which seems to be the catch phrase recently, without reigning ourselves in. Only then can we understand what we want to say YES to and then creating space for those important YES’s to actually happen.

For me this means stepping away from the office by 5:30 p.m. at the latest so I can head to my workout area or putting those Yoga classes right in my schedule so that the time is reserved. It means saying YES to the trips I want to make or dedicating time to the other items on my ‘bucket list’, knowing that without the YES it surely won’t happen. It means that when I simply want to sit down, catch my breath and read for a few minutes, I simply allow myself to do so.

Here was my other wake-up call and roadSIGN – a good friend of mine was recently diagnosed with ALS. This is a progressive illness commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, which slowly and insidiously steals your life from you. I am thinking, there but for the grace of God go I. I received an e-mail from her the other day as she and her husband have decided to travel for the next three months before the time comes when she will not be able to do so. I asked myself, “what am I waiting for?”

What are you waiting for? What is it you really want? Are you ready to say YES to yourself and give yourself permission to do and be the things you most want in your life? If not now, when? Only YOU can make it happen. It is your life and whether you believe it or not, you are the boss of you.

Okay, I hear you, I am also guilty. Here is my pledge: I intend to start today by honoring my need for ME FIRST time. I am putting at least 2 yoga classes in my schedule for next week. I am reviewing my ‘bucket list’ this weekend and determining which of the items are my first priority. I am putting my trip to Baffin Island into the calendar. And I am dedicating at least fifteen minutes everyday to read. It may not be everything I want to say YES to and it is the first chewable chunk.

What are you saying YES to? Times a wastin’ as we say – no more hesitating.

Until Next time…

Betty