Category: ME FIRST

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Art is the Message

About a year ago, I was sitting at The Grind, in a meeting with one of my colleagues when a new comer to town, Bruce Davis, was introduced to me. My colleague, meaning well I am sure, explained that Bruce had just been given the task of facilitating the development of the new Arts and Culture Council for the region. The conversation expanded, my colleague noting that I had been involved in coaching local artists for many years in business practices, something most artists don’t have naturally. On we went, travelling the landscape until I was asked if I would be interesting in running for the Arts and Culture Board.

Do you ever wonder how you get yourself involved with such things or perhaps more importantly, what is the meaning of it all?

I have been a member of the Your Arts Council (YAC) Board now since its inception. There have been some frustrating moments as we, a group of 13, stormed and normed on our way to becoming a team. Several months later, we have slightly fewer members and we have just completed our ‘Governance Process”. We have learned how to be an effective board and we have reached a point of unity and performance.

Aside for the effort and dedication required in being a board member (and this is true of any board) there have been many additional advantages to my involvement. Personally I have been challenged to once again take a look at my artistic persona or lack thereof. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago in my column ‘Happy Accidents’, I had abandoned my art 30 years ago. Now I find myself on the YAC Board, representing the interests of artists and the art community and feeling rather alienated as I am not a part of it. This is not an attractive place to be. I realized that if I wanted to see our community filled with artists who are engaged and successful, I needed to re-connect with my artistic soul. I needed to be part of it.

In stepping back into this arena, re-engaging my passion for art and tapping back into my own artistic desires, I have begun to appreciate once again the importance of art. Art is, in my view, a message. Like music and dance, art is an international language, one that is instantly understood by those who experience it. The appreciation of music, dance and art is individual, guided by our own preferences and experiences, our likes and dislikes. The arts communicate to us, convey a message. There is the intention of the creator and there is the experience you have as a result. The interesting thing is the intended message and the received message don’t really matter. What is important is the connection that art, music, dance and other expressive arts create.

With my increased involvement in the arts and culture community, I have begun to realize how much we need art, dance and music in our life. Consider this for yourself – a painting that stole your breath, a dancer who floated across the stage and took you with her, or a piece of music that plays just behind your ears and makes you smile when you hear the chords or words.  I love music, dance and art that makes me think, that pulls me in and perhaps even shakes me up a bit, or that makes me grin and see the humor in life.

Here is what I want you to know. Our world is filled with gifted and talented people, artists, dancers, musicians and much more. They are easy to miss unless you become aware of them. The Seeker has been great at letting us know what is happening, and there is always something: an open-mike night at the Grind, Arts Fest or Apples and Art (coming late September), an exhibit at TAG (The Art Gallery), drumming circles, dance. All you need to do is be curious, become aware and step out.

Final Word

People are always asking you to support the Arts. I suggest you support yourself and take in the arts and experience the message. In a world that is busy and often filled with negative news, choose to shift your energy to a place where you can allow your spirit to soar. Take in a show or take a class.  Re-claim your artistic soul. Oh, and by the way, all of us are artists; artistic expression takes on many forms. Is it time for you to find yours?

Upcoming Coaching Circle
If you are interested in re-discovering your inner artists and/or identifying and living from your strengths, join us for the upcoming Coaching Circle. This is a 7 week program that begins Tuesday, September 17th. for details go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/upcoming-retreats-events/coaching-circles-retreat/

The Evolutionary Process
Are you experiencing the challenge of living in the higher vibrational energy of 2013? Would you like to have tools and practices designed to help you ‘plug-in’ to this higher vibration, attract greater wellness and live easily in this new reality?

The Evolutionary Process – Galactic Healing is designed to help you heal at every level. Join us September 21-22 for an amazing two-day retreat facilitated by Denine Savage, P.T., I.M.T., C. P.A., C. For more information go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/guest-host-retreats/

Until next time,

Betty

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Along the WAY…

On Sunday June 9th, Jim and I celebrated our fortieth wedding anniversary. Marriage is an amazing journey. Along the way, I have learned a few lessons about what makes a marriage grow and ripen. The first was that I entered marriage expecting it to last. Perhaps this was because of the failure of my own parents’ relationship. Before jumping in, I took the time to be clear of my expectations of myself, of Jim and what lay before us.

June 9th, 1973
   June 9th, 1973
June 9th, 2013
June 9th, 2013

Were there challenges along the way – of course there were. What forty year journey would be void of a few potholes and speed bumps? As I see it, these are only opportunities to come up for air, check-in and ask, “are we headed in the right direction?”

More often than not individuals within a relationship are headed in different directions which is why the relationship fails. The statistics are clear, one of every two marriages don’t work. There are lots of reasons why they don’t and I have no judgment regarding the ones that fail. I also see that some marriages could be saved. The thing is, a good marriage like anything, takes a little work.

 

What I have learned along the WAY…

Here are a few on the many lessons I have learned that build a relationship and save a marriage:

  1. Don’t make your partner wrong. Notice how you use ‘yes, but’ in your conversations, how you want to ‘win’ an argument or ‘make’ your point. Yes but makes your partner wrong. There is room for two points of view in every conversation. Try using ‘yes and…’
  2. Appreciate the differences. Research has shown that successful relationships are built around differences. In many cases there is more room for argument when you are too much alike. There is truth to ‘opposites attract’ – allow the differences to round you out rather than finding fault with them and trying to convert the other person to your way.
  3. Build your relationship around shared values. This in my view is the centerpiece for a relationship. Differences can exist easily when values are shared. Take the time to define and share them and then engage them within your relationship, with your children and with important others.
  4. After ME FIRST comes WE FIRST. So many couples we work with have put their relationship on the back burner because of their children or their careers. It doesn’t work because one day you will face a stranger. Build in WE FIRST time weekly, whether this is a cup of coffee together after dinner or a weekly date night.
  5. Be interested in one another, whether that is your hobbies or your work. In that shared WE FIRST time, ask questions of one another and learn what is going on behind the scenes, discuss issues, support one another.
  6. Speak up! If there is an issue in your relationship or if you want something to change or shift, state it. Too frequently individuals don’t speak up, believing that the other person ‘should know’. They don’t. You can’t have what you don’t ask for.
  7. Ask differently. Through the years I learned that saying ‘I want this or that’ didn’t feel right to me as it sounded selfish. So I found other ways of stating my viewpoint or asking. My favorite is, “What would be perfect for me is…” or ‘Would you consider this or that…”.
  8. Don’t  hide your anger. It does make you sick. I used to do this as I was taught that is was wrong to show emotion, especially anger. Trust me; it is better expressed at the 8th hour than the 11th hour when it is exploding out of you. Take your partner aside and share with him or her what is going on. A good strategy is the ‘I’ message which goes like this, “when you say this, I feel/think this…”
  9. Learn together. Learn about yourself and learn about your relationship. If anything has kept Jim and I going through the years, it is our desire to raise the bar on our relationship, have some fun and find other ways to know one another.
  10. Be your partner’s best friend. Lustful love and the bells and whistles of new love are temporary. Friendship is much more enduring and feeds the love you have for one another. That does not exclude romance however, which is important. Find ways of keeping it in your relationship as well.

Final Word

Remember, marriage is a journey. It will meander. Two partners will diverge and converge along the way. That’s perfect as long as you stay on each other’s radar and keep connecting. Enjoy the ride.

Until next time…

 

Betty

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The Beginning is Near

In a coaching session recently with one of my clients, we discussed her future. After retiring three years ago and taking time to consider her options for the rest of her life, she was now prepared to look at what’s next. As with many of my clients, when the conversation begins, there is a lot of spinning, considering the endless possibilities. Clarity can be elusive. This is where coaching comes in, the opportunity to narrow the field and to identify what it is that really ‘lights’ you up.

Following our conversation, my client left for another meeting. I reminded her to watch for the SIGNS. Later that day I received an e-mail from her with the following, “I left your place remembering what you said. When I walked I to my next appointment, I saw this sign, “The Beginning is Near”. Now isn’t that a roadSIGN!”

The Begging is Near

I loved it. That is how it works. The Universe is always on your side, feeding you information constantly. The question is, are you paying attention.

My client that day was on high alert, swimming in the conversation of what she wants to attract and create in her life. The message The Beginning is Near seemed so appropriate.

SIGN Spotting
SIGNS for me have always represented those Significant Insightful Gold Nuggets informing my Spirit. SIGNS may not be actual signs as my client experienced; they show up in many forms from an interview on the radio, a morning horoscope, a message from a friend, a posting of Facebook, something or someone crossing your path. Life is full of meaning; we are unfortunately, for the most part, oblivious to what is there.

SIGN spotting requires living consciously, getting away from living life on autopilot which most of us do, and becoming more mindful and aware of what is going on around us. This is a challenge in the fast paced world we live is so yes, it does mean slowing down a bit, noticing more, asking more questions, reflection  and sometimes, simply breathing.

Look at it this way. Your life and manifesting what it is you want, is the most significant project you will ever take on. As with any project, it needs to be planned. You need to determine what it is that you desire as you look down the road. We call these intentions, naming what you want. Again, as with any project, you require data. This is where SIGNS come in – the angel whispers offered to you by Source, or the Universe, whatever you call you higher power, telling you whether or not you are on the right path, giving you support and encouragement, confirming the path you have chosen, and occasionally challenging you to change directions.

Heavenly Faxes
My friend Larry Snow in Colorado calls his SIGNS heavenly faxes and because Colorado has a lot of personalized license plates, cars are his typical SIGN spotting opportunity. After divorcing his wife of seventeen years, and then through therapy giving himself time to heal, Larry found himself attracted to another woman. He was however, reticent to get involved even though he knew that Margie was special and potentially the one.

As he considered the past, he found himself behind a green mustang with the license plate LET GO. As Larry said, this caused him to chuckle. A few days later as he was considering his next steps with Margie, he pulls up behind a Nebraska car with the plate 1 TO GO 4.

There was no turning back, the SIGNS in his life were definitely feeding him data. The final SIGN happened a few weeks later, when Larry again hesitated. In his words, “As I looked left before merging into the morning rush-hour traffic, I noticed a blue Volvo cresting the hill on South Wadsworth Boulevard — beneath the snowcapped mountain backdrop its green vanity plate stated simply and succinctly: MARGIE.”

Final Word
Whether you call them SIGNS, angel whispers, or heavenly faxes, you have access to more information than you can possibly imagine.

It’s a simple choice: wake up to your life and become aware of what is going on around you. The beginning is near!

Betty Healey

Join us for our next Retreat May 22-23rdth – ME FIRST, a two day retreat that focuses on Clarity + Action.
You can sign up at http://www.roadsigns.ca/upcoming-retreats-events/me-first-retreat/.

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It’s the Journey not the Destination

Last Wednesday I attended a networking event in Montreal. As I venture out to new networking events I carry two burning questions: will I meet someone and make a heartfelt connection and will I walk away with some new learning or piece of information. Like anything else in life, I believe that networking needs to be intentional.

I was not disappointed. The guest speaker was Bhaskar Goswami of Bodhi Yoga Center in Montreal ( www.bodhiprinciple.com) who delivered an entertaining speech  on a trek he and three cousins completed in the Himalayas. It was not particularly new information to me just a simple reminder of things I know but fail to practice consistently.

As Bhaskar shared his experience I was reminded that I have a tendency, when beginning any journey, to focus on where I am going, the destination. In doing so I often forget about the experience, that is the journey itself.

While this focus serves my need for being purposeful, it is a bit like wearing blinders, prohibiting me from checking my peripheral vision and actually experiencing what is going on in the moment. And so, if you are like me, I suggest that we all pause to smell the roses and to begin being more present with our journey, whether that is simply life, a big project we are managing or an actual trek up a mountainside.

“Perhaps the turtle knows the road better than the hare.”

Take the First Step

Have you ever noticed that when you focus on the destination, the entire picture, that you get a wee bit overwhelmed. Eleven years ago I learned a vital lesson in living the journey when Jim and I built our garden labyrinth. On the morning of June 2nd I stepped into the back yard to survey the project we were about to begin. Three weeks earlier Jim had cut the design for the labyrinth out of the grass. It was 40 feet in diameter and while I understood it was going to be no small feat, I had not fully comprehended the full breadth of the project. My task was to lift the remaining grass in the design, dig up the soil and prepare the area as a garden.

My first response was a few expletives which cannot be shared in this article! You can use your imagination here. Then Jim appeared carrying a yard stick. He set it down in front of me and gave me the following instructions:  Place the stick down, mark off the first three feet, move the stick away, dig up the grass, till the soil. REPEAT. Do not lift your head, simply be in the experience until you have finished. Respond to your task and enjoy each 3 foot segment.

I did as he suggested and despite being tempted I did not look up. I stayed in the moment learning that it was very meditative to do so. Four days later the labyrinth was done and honestly, I could not have completed the task without following Jim’s instructions.

IMG_1522

The lesson, three feet at a time, has stayed with me since. Each time I begin a new project or embark on a new journey, I bring myself into the experience and consider the first three feet. Using this strategy will allow you to be more present and mindful of your surroundings, taking in information that is readily available to you but which can be so easily missed if you keep your focus only on the destination. It also enriches the experience.

I so often meet individuals who are in overwhelm. It is my belief that they have lost a sense of the journey and why they are on the journey. Responding to overwhelm has two possible options: spinning, which is just continuing on the same course and forgetting to get grounded in the moment or pausing, which as described here brings you into the moment and allows you to be clear on your choices and decide on the first three feet.

I can assure you, at least from my own experience, that carving out the first three feet, works wonders. And so I invite you to do the same: be present, mark off the first three feet, and enjoy the journey. You will reach your destination and along the way, enjoy the experience more.

Until Next Time,

Betty

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Spring Clean Your Life

With the sounds, sights and smells of spring appearing all around me, the urge to purge has also arrived. It’s that time of year for spring cleaning. This year I am also resting with the question, what would it be like to spring clean my life, not just the house or the garden?

With some contemplation on this theme, the following spring cleaning tips have emerged.

  1. The Great D & C: I am not referring to a surgical procedure here, rather the desire to simply dust and clean. Doesn’t it feel like there are a few dust bunnies in the corners of your mind and a few dirty floors where you allowed yourself to be a bit of a doormat?

Time to change that and get out the scrubbers and the dust mop. Your Strategy – consciously dust out the corners and release any conversations, left over arguments, less than perfect interactions with others, worry and self-criticism and sweep them into the dustbin. Remember it is only stuff, dust. The beautiful you lies underneath and you want to shine yourself up and prepare for all the amazing things you are about to attract and manifest.

  1. The Great Purge: You can start this process physically by visiting the closets and cupboards in your house. As you  survey the contents, ask yourself what you no longer need or require. When it comes to your clothes, release anything that has not been worn for the last year, anything which does not have the WOW! Factor, anything torn, used or abused.

Now apply the same principles to your closet of thoughts. Release any thoughts, usually sourced from your inner critic, that no longer serve you, which are worn and torn, don’t fit anymore and are seriously out of date. By the way, most of your inner critic’s messages are out of date, born of some voice from the past who certainly does not deserve any air time. Finally, any thought that does not have the WOW! Factor, that does not lift you up or support you, is destined for the garbage bin.

  1. The Great Forgiving: I have through the years made a number of clothing purchases which were outrageous to say the least. Once home and in my closet, I have asked myself, “What were you thinking?” Okay I wasn’t! It is in these moments that I have learned to forgive my momentary lapse in judgment.

The same rule applies to other life choices, whether this has been a decision about work, friendship, family or whatever. Forgiveness always  starts with self-first, to those places where you have set the standard for yourself so high that you could not possibly meet it, to the places where you have disappointed yourself and possibly others, to those      occasions where you have been angry and judgmental of yourself.

Let it go! Live by the rule that you are perfect just as you are and that you have done your best. The ’best’ is a moving target, one that gets better every day with the many life lessons you experience and the accrued wisdom that accompanies these lessons. Learn to look to the present moment, what is happening and who you are being today. Consider who you are becoming. Create the space for yourself to continue to grow and learn by forgiving yourself of all the sins you think you have committed. And when you forgive yourself, forgiving others is a lot easier.

  1. Manage Space: Once you have purged, dusted and cleaned, there will be more space in your life. You have released all that no longer serves you. The next step, and perhaps
    just as critical as releasing, is replacing. Once space is created, do not leave it vacant as that allows backwash, a return of all that you are choosing to let go of.

Replacing means becoming very clear regarding what you are choosing for your life. For example, and easy, effortless and unconditional loving relationship with yourself, replacing the messages from your inner critic. Or an openness to receive all that is in your highest good, whether this is in terms of relationships, your work, or opportunities to grow and expand. I call this Clarity, being clear about what      you want in your life and making the choices that lift you up.

Spring has arrived providing you with an opportunity to clean up anything that is currently less than perfect. Do not fall prey to the belief that this is not possible. It’s all about choice, you choosing what is perfect for YOU. Invite your friends to join you and create a spring cleaning extravaganza.

I look forward to seeing you on the other side, all shiny and sparkly and fueled by all the possibilities that show up when you give them the space that they need!

Betty Healey

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Finish the Race

In the wake of the devastating attack on one of the most prestigious races in North America, the Boston Marathon, I am choosing to focus on an inspiring lessons rather than the devastation.

If you have watched the images of the explosions you will have noticed that one of the runners fell down from the impact of the explosion, just before reaching the finish line. The runner’s name is Bill Iffrig, a 78 year old gentleman from Washington state who was completing his 3rd Boston marathon.

In his own words Bill described the impact of the blast, a shockwave which turned his legs into noodles. Although dazed, he recovered, and once back on his feet was determined to finish the race. Imagine, despite the devastation around him and being literally knocked off his feet, he decided to finish the race.

This is an inspiration for me – I hope it is for you as well. Never mind that Bill is 78, never mind that he was dazed and pummeled by the blast, he still had the drive and the focus to finish the race. That takes courage and purpose, a lesson which I believe all of us can learn from.

In watching CNN today (yes I admit I tuned in), much of the focus was on the fear such an incident creates and how people go on. The truth – you choose to finish the race.

There are so many things that get in the way, that can keep you from fulfilling your dreams or living your life as you choose it to be. As a life coach and ME FIRST facilitator, I see the casualties every day, the symptoms of a ‘life unlived’.

Fear is the biggest foe, whether it is the fear created by an incident such as that experienced in Boston yesterday, or a fear that is much more subtle and simply whittles away at your self-confidence.

In her book I Will not Die an Unlived Life, author Dawna Markova describes fear as passion without breath. Fear, she suggests, takes our breath away and for all the wrong reasons. Markova goes on to say that to be fully alive, the only choice you have is to move closer to what it is you fear rather than veering away from it. When you veer away, you can’t finish the race.

Each of you have a race you want to win, whether this is a project that beckons to be finished, a desire that remains unfulfilled, a relationship that needs healing, or  a journey that keeps calling to you. Stop and consider your life for a moment and ask the question, ‘What is left undone for me to finish?”

In sitting with one of my coaching clients this morning, the complaint that was voiced was what to DO and who to BE next. There is a common malaise that I am witnessing which related to too many projects on the go, too few ever brought to completion. The race is never finished.

Completion is important. It leads to a sense of fulfillment; you experience a sense of success. Success breeds self-esteem which in turn builds self-confidence.

When you have too many balls in the air, too many incomplete projects, your fall into overwhelm. Overwhelm is a state where your energies are scattered, where priorities are unclear and where there is no strategy or direction for moving forward.  The only way to shift or change this is to simply stop, choose one project, put everything else in the ‘parking lot’, move forward with that one project and bring it to completion. Finish the race. Once completed, you can celebrate your accomplishment and move on to the next project.

I call this breaking life into chewable chunks. I am certainly guilty of occasionally biting off more than I can chew, and I easily fall into overwhelm. The only strategy is to simplify, to understand that I don’t have to give up anything but that I do need to put some things in the parking lot for another time. And like you, I do love the feeling that comes with completing something. I like to finish the race.

Thank you Bill Iffrig for the lesson.  As we all send our blessings for healing to those who suffered loss and injury in yesterday’s race, we can also be grateful to the unsung heroes like Bill who teach us valuable lessons for our own life.

Whatever your race may be, I invite you to commit to finishing the race. Make your life count for something. Do it for yourself first and remember that when you make this choice, you are also serving others.

And live by these words from Dawna Markova:

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I chose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

Until Next time

Betty Healey

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Attractively YOU

The last week of March I travelled to Edmonton and Calgary. I was fortunate that my schedule gave be two nights in Calgary which allowed me to enjoy two morning walks along the Bow River Walk, part of the TransCanada Trail.

Travelling can be taxing. What I once considered to be enjoyable has become a mélange of new hotels every day, long taxi drives to and from airports, and then the airport itself. I remember the days when getting on an airplane were pleasurable – yes, I remember Wardair! These days it is check-in via a machine, drop off your bag, jump into a line for the security check, take off your jacket, belt, shoes – virtually undress, then pull yourself together again. The entire process, if you’re lucky, takes less than one hour. Where has the pleasure of flying gone?

Likewise to be an employee in an airport has also lost its luster. Airline personnel are more disgruntled. It’s as if the entire system has been dehumanized. This requires a strategy!

A few years ago Jim and I created attractionCARDS, a box of 88 inspiring and attractive messages. We decided this would be a way of changing our interaction with others as we travel. At every opportunity along the way, we offer people a card. Occasionally I am given a look of skepticism to which I respond, “it’s like a fortune cookie without the calories”. That said, the recipient, upon reading the message, always smiles. More importantly, when they read the message, which is always stated in the ‘I’ voice (Example: I acknowledge the greatness of who I am every day!) we experience a shift in their energy.

Jim and I have had numerous examples through our travels. In Chicago, which has to be one of the busiest airports and one where you inevitably are delayed, tension always runs high. As we were exchanging our tickets, because our flight had been cancelled, we were greeted by a lovely man who dealt with us with great caution. Many flights had been cancelled that day. Before beginning our negotiations with him, we offered him a card. He read it, looked at us, tears welling in his eyes and said “Thank you – you have made my day”. He then made ours by searching for the best possible connection for us.

Minutes later we sat down for lunch. The waitress, who was rushing around like the proverbial headless chicken, threw the menus at us. Now we see this as a challenge so when she took our order, we offered her a card. She barely looked at it and scowled at us. About 30 minutes later she came over to our table to thank us and have a conversation. The message it seems landed.

These are but two of many examples. These days I gift cards wherever I go: meetings with clients, grocery stores, my favorite coffee shop, people standing in line, banks, meetings, you name it. My boldness has no limits. The reception is amazing.

Years ago a friend of mine Dawna Markova was co-author on a series of books entitled Random Acts of Kindness. The books addressed those little deeds you do every day for someone else simply because you want to and offered suggestions and stories. This is what attractionCARDS offer me – an opportunity to offer someone an uplifting message that will lift their spirits, and in lifting their spirits lift the world just a little bit.

kindness

One of my favorite stores is Talbots and the best one I know is located in the upper Hudson Highlands just outside Coldwater, New York. For a few seasons Jim and I were so well know there that the staff would greet us and wait for their card, their message of the day, and then show the ones they had drawn previously to us. They were stored on the screens of their computers. Message: you cannot take for granted what a simple act of kindness will do or the meaning the other person will derive from it.

My belief is that each person will pull the message that is perfect for them at that moment in time, and that despite only being a few inspiring words, it will have a meaning beyond what I will know. I trust this implicitly – that’s why they are called attractionCARDS.

Whether you use cards such as these to gift forward or simply engage in other random acts of kindness, you lift spirits and in a subtle yet influential way, you contribute to making the world a better place. Here is my call to action to each of you – let’s work together to change the world. Let’s prove the media wrong and focus on the good in the world, in others and in ourselves. Let’s find opportunities every day to lift the spirits of others through random acts of kindness. The result – you will be inspired as well.

 

Until next time…

 

Betty Healey

Note: attractionCARDS can be ordered at www.roadSIGNS.ca

 

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Resilience

In recent years much has been said about our ability to work under less than perfect conditions. There are a variety of things that happen within the modern day workplace which continually attract attention these days, issues such as the ‘toxic boss or colleague’, bullying (yes! It’s not just an issue for kids!), feeling underemployed or underappreciated, and simply spinning from the many demands placed upon you.

So how do you protect yourself? How do you remain resilient?

During the closing session of our most recent Coaching Circle in Cornwall, we all put our heads together and came up with the following strategies:

  • Practice Gratitude – In the day to day working of life and living, we humans have the habit of focusing on the negative events and happenings of life. When you switch gears and re-focus on those aspects for which you are grateful, it lifts your spirits. Having a gratitude practice where you do this on a daily basis, creates resilience.
  • Don’t Take It Personally – Create space between yourself and the negative nellies in your life. Their stuff is their stuff and always remember not to take what they have to say      personally. It has nothing to do with you.
  • Speak UP – Learn to speak up for yourself and to speak from your authentic self. You cannot expect others to know what you want or what you are thinking.
  • Stay Positive – Appreciate that everything that happens in life is perfect; it is there for a reason and a lesson. Learn from mistakes or hiccups, laugh at yourself, and move on with this new lesson tucked under your arm.
  • Flip-It! – whenever you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want; flip it to what you do want. Remember you attract what you focus on.

Attraction2

  • Go Downstream – If you find yourself in a battle with yourself, your work or someone else, change directions. Recognize that you are swimming upstream and ask yourself what it would take to change directions to downstream.
  • Be clear on your ‘I AM” – Your I AM statement represents who you are choosing to be in any situation. It is your source of inner power and clarity. It begins by saying to yourself I AM —-, breathing it in, feeling it and radiating it.
  • Attract your  Perfect Tribe – Be clear on who you want to surround yourself with. Make sure these are people who lift you up and love you unconditionally.
  • Have ME FIRST time – Commit to a minimum of 15 minutes/day of ME FIRST time. This is time just for you, not to be shared, for breathing, meditation, setting your ‘I  AM’ statements or for gratitude.
  • Space Management – It’s not really about time management, it’s about space management . Be  clear about your ‘have to’s’ versus your ‘can do’s’. You can all do lots  of things, the question is do you want to, is it necessary or does it  belong to you or someone else.
  • Develop your NO-How      – Be clear on your boundaries. Know what your priorities and t your responsibilities are. Develop your ability to say NO to what is not yours to own or take care of.
  • Single Task – Much attention has been given to our ability to multi-task. The thing is it doesn’t  really work. You find yourself with many balls in the air yet nothing ever  really gets completed. Learn to set your priorities and take on one task  at a time. When you bring tasks to completion, you will grow your  self-esteem and confidence.
  • Affirm Yourself –Check in and make sure you are not diminishing yourself with negative inner talk. You are in charge of this. Become consciously aware of what you are saying to yourself and change the message to something uplifting.
  • Self-Acknowledgement – When you receive complements form others, accept them graciously and simply say ‘Thank-You’.  Take it in like a sponge and acknowledge yourself for the complement you just received.
  • Choose Inspiring Messaging – Monitor what you choose to read or watch and choose that which inspires you. A highly recommend two sources of daily messages: www.tut.com and www.pattidigh.com.
  • Listen to Your Body – When you feel unwell or something hurts, turn inward and have a  conversation with your body. Ask “what are you trying to communicate to me?” then listen. It’s better than anything a doctor can give you.
  • Laugh a Lot – Find a friend to have fun with or watch some comedy, whatever it takes to bring laughter into your world. Laughter is a great healer.
  • Go with the Flow – Notice where the big rocks or obstacles in your life are and move around them versus pushing against them. As one member of our group shared, “It’s easier to ride the horse in the  direction the horse is going!”

You will recognize that these suggestions really are just common sense and yet, common sense is not common! I encourage you to take this list and pin it up in a place where it is fully  visible and then practice 1, 2 or more of these suggestions daily.

Until next time…

 

Betty

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What’s Your Symphony?

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common–this is my symphony.”

William Henry Channing

This quote arrived the morning after a powerful Coaching Circle where participants were asked to present their dreams to one another and explore what it would mean to stretch their wings. The result was an interesting discussion on how we are so very capable of subtly yet insidiously capable of sabotaging ourselves.

FEAR
Without recognizing it consciously, most of us fear sharing our dreams. Sharing makes it real, gives the dream fuel and heightens the chance that the dream will come true. And this is the conflict, we have dreams yet we dare not dream.

As Marianne Williamson writes in her famous poem, “Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”. It is our power and the realization that we are powerful, that holds us back. We have been trained to live and be small. Sharing our dreams enlarges them, adds fuel to them, makes them real and occasionally, makes us shrink. Is it time to stop shrinking?

Conditions
Part of our shrinking is our belief that although we want the dream we may not be ready. Here is a little known law, The Law of Right Timing. Many of us have come to understand and practice the Law of Attraction. What we have forgotten is that the Universe always works on our behalf and has our highest good in mind, That means that what we are asking for, our dream, will arrive at the perfect time for us. That may be instantly, tomorrow or three years from now.

If we can move beyond our fears and into our dreams while releasing the how and the timing to the hands of the Universe, perhaps we will finally begin manifesting that which we truly desire.

It’s Rarely Material
Although much of the Law of Attractions early messaging, through vehicles such as The Secret (Movie and book) focused on manifesting financial abundance, my experience is that dreams are rarely attached to the material. Dreams are more about how we choose to live in the world, what we want to accomplish and how we chose to serve. This was best articulated by one of our circle participants who shared, “I don’t need a lot. It’s not material things I want to own. I want enough financial abundance to cover my costs, go shopping for a new dress occasionally and enjoy a dinner out from time to time. My dream is so much more than this.”

What is Your Symphony?
Have I convinced YOU – have I convinced myself?

Dare I dream?

Dare I share them?

Dare I allow them?

Dare I embrace them?

peace John Lennon

I dream of playing on the world stage as a speaker and facilitator,
 reaching out to people around the world with what I know to be true –
that when each of us makes peace with ourselves and steps into our power and our dream,
we change the world.

I invite you to hold my dream, my symphony!

Will you share yours with me?

Until next time….

Betty

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Finding Your Tribe

In the months since we began facilitating coaching circles, one of the unanticipated outcomes of the circles has been the building of community. I’m not sure why, but it had not occurred to me just how alone people have been feeling. Certainly I have noticed it myself. I just assumed that because I choose to live rurally now, that being alone was my new way of life.

With the start of each coaching circle, we ask participants to share with us their intentions for what they want to gain from the experience. Inevitably several of the participants mention that they are looking for community. Specifically they want to connect to like-minded individuals who, like themselves, are choosing to step on the path of self-discovery and shape their life differently.

As facilitators we have learned that the coaching circle is a transformative experience, partly due to the coaching and largely due to the sharing of experience of the individual participants. Participants relate to the feelings, thoughts and experiences of others. Suddenly they realize that they are not alone in those sometimes dark places and that their struggles to live their life differently are shared by others.

In a recent blog posting from colleague Lianne Bridges, www.shiftvillage.com, Lianne shared her experience of attending the Wisdom 2.0 Conference in San Francisco, “To be in the presence of conscious individuals is awe-inspiring….What was so amazing about this conference were the sixteen-hundred people from all walks of life and four corners of the world who shared one main perspective – the strong desire to use their expertise and gifts to better the world.”

Lianne also refers to community as one’s tribe. By her definition, tribe does not necessarily refer only to people who are bound to you by familial, geographic, political, cultural or even racial ties, but also includes people who share your closely held beliefs or world views.

Finding our tribe, our community, may be one of the healthiest and most essential gifts we can give ourselves. People do feel alone. The isolation people are experiencing is a secondary effect of our technological prowess. We have grown attached to the I-phones, Blackberries and other gadgets that give us the illusion of being connected. It is however superficial – words with no depth, no real meaning, no eye to eye contact.

We have also lost many of the social structures that once connected us – the church communities, the service clubs, the back yard BBQ’s. Is it that life has simply become too busy?

Whatever the reason, the loss of these social systems has left people searching for ways to connect.

Developing community, or finding your tribe as Lianne has suggested, has become important. It is part of feeling whole and consciously connected to a shared meaning and an opportunity to learn more about you through the eyes of others.

So where do you start; how do you find your tribe?

  • It begins with reaching out to others whom you sense have a similar desire or who may want to rally around a shared cause.
  • It begins with your desire to understand yourself and to share the experience of personal discovery with others.
  • It begins by being clear about who you actually want to ‘BE’ with and taking the time to describe who would be perfect for you at this time in your life.
  • It begins by being open-hearted, generous and kind – first with yourself, then with others.  You can only attract these kinds of companions when you give it to self-first.
  • It begins by stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching out to others, or perhaps signing up for a program which you believe will attract others you want to be with.
  • It begins by trusting your  heart more than your head, listening to your intuition when you encounter  others and your deep sense of knowing they are a perfect companion.

friends

There is an opportunity to begin to notice the opportunities that may already exist in your community. Who around you shares common values, desires and perhaps stories. Take the first step – put out a call to your friends, colleagues and acquaintances and start a conversation. Create a gathering around a book, a question, a theme.

You may find your tribe!

Until next time…

Betty