Road Signs, Author at Road Signs

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Value of Understanding Your Dark and Bright Shadows

Please welcome guest blogger Jean Benedict Raffa, Ed.D., author of Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World. Since making peace with oneself is one of my interests and an important part of what I teach, I am delighted to have Jean contribute to The roadSIGNS Coach.

We all have a shadow composed of everything we don’t want to know about ourselves. If you want to grow as a person you need to come to terms with it, because if you don’t it will create problems for you in your work and relationships. But how do you do that? Here’s a handy guide for recognizing your dark shadow.

Step 1: Notice Symptoms: Each shadow is a complex of tangled attitudes, emotions, thoughts and responses you habitually have to a certain type of situation. You’ve lived with this uncomfortable inner environment for so long that you just don’t notice it coming until it’s too late and the storm is upon you. So your first goal is to notice when something has been stirred up such that your mood, energy, body language, emotions or thoughts are no longer within your comfort zone, and then figure out why this happened. Here’s an example of how this process might look.

Your first clue : Body language: You woke up feeling good this morning. You made your coffee, skimmed through your favorite parts of the paper, started the crossword puzzle. After a while you sigh and prop your chin in your hands. You realize your shoulders are sagged over the table, you’ve put your pencil down, and you don’t feel like finishing the crossword puzzle. What’s going on here? You love doing the crossword puzzle.

Your second clue: Uncomfortable feelings: You notice you’re feeling a bit low. In fact, you’re feeling sad, ashamed, and disgusted with yourself. And maybe a bit sorry for yourself. Why?

Your third clue: Negative self-talk: You ask yourself what you were thinking about while you were working on the puzzle: “I’m a terrible friend. I should have called Mary right away when I heard she was ill. I never think to help others. I’m so self-absorbed and selfish. And my work on my latest project is laughable! I was so proud of my idea and thought I was so smart. And now I hate it! Why was I so stupid to think it was good? I’ll never be any good at this kind of work. What’s wrong with me? Am I lazy? Or just stupid?” Where did those thoughts come from?

Step 2: Locate the trigger: You re-trace your steps. Oh, yes. You were reading the advice column and a lady wrote complaining that she was sick and no one from work called to find out what was wrong or offer to help. The columnist wondered if she was making an effort to be friendly at work. That’s when you started feeling guilty. One thought led to another and soon you were beating yourself up about all sorts of things.

Step 3: Analyze your response: Obviously you’re a very sensitive and well-intentioned person who wants to be kind to people and do good work, but something in you sabotages your efforts and well-being. That one little comment in the paper led to a spate of self-criticism about your character, work skills, and thinking ability. Do you see how you jumped from reading the advice column to criticizing yourself to feeling sad and dejected? If you go to work that way you’re not going to have the energy or desire to be friendly or do your best. So if you can recognize the symptoms of your shadow you can de-fuse it before it takes control of you by giving it a name, like “Critical Bully,” asking it to back off and give you a break, and then forgiving yourself for being human.

The good news is that everyone also has “bright” shadow of which they’re unaware. This is composed of their soul’s true, healthy, undeveloped potential. Why would someone not develop their bright shadow? Because they learned early in life that the way to stay safe and comfortable was to hide parts of themselves.

For example, some families encourage interest in creative pursuits like music, drama, drawing or writing, while others see these things as “putting on airs” or “only for sissies,” or “a waste of time and you’ll never make any money at it!” Many find being smart and aspiring to college admirable. Others might call you a “nerd,” or accuse you of “trying to rise above yourself,” or of thinking “you’re better than everyone else!”

Psychologist Margaret Paul wrote on Huffington Post, “When I was growing up, my parents made it very clear that feelings were to be avoided. I heard homilies such as “don’t cry over spilled milk,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.” When I was upset or crying, I was ignored or sent to my room. The only difficult feeling that seemed to be allowed was my mother’s anger — but not mine. The only feeling I was allowed was ‘happy.’ Not only did I learn never to share any feelings other than ‘happy’ with my parents, I also learned to stay in my head and disconnect from my feelings. It was the only sensible way to cope with life in my home.”

As long as we disconnect from our feelings we won’t find our bright shadow. To “follow your bliss” you have to feel it! Until you do, you’ll project it onto others, and that can become problematic. For example, we might over-idealize someone with a gift or talent we’ve repressed, then reject them when they disappoint us by being as human as everyone else. Other problems arise when we repress genuine strengths and obsess over unfulfilling substitutes. For example, maybe we were criticized as a child for being too proud and bossy, so we repressed our natural leadership qualities and tried to act humble all the time. Not only does this waste a lot of energy, but it can birth resentment, self-righteousness, and a sense of superiority.

Here’s a trick to discovering your bright shadow. Make a list of five people you deeply admire, known or unknown, real or fictional. Beside each name note their qualities that you most like. Re-read your list knowing that these qualities are undeveloped aspects of your bright shadow which you have projected onto these people. They really are, you know. So ask yourself what steps you can take to develop these qualities in yourself, and then…take them.

Jean Raffa is an author, speaker and workshop leader. Her newest book, Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World, is a product of 19 years of research and writing about psychological integration as a spiritual path to evolving consciousness. It recently received the 2013 Wilbur Award from the Religion Communicators Council for best non-fiction book by an individual in secular media who communicates religious issues, values and themes with professionalism and fairness, and encourages understanding between faith groups on a national level. You can find more about Jean’s books at her website, www.jeanraffa.com. Matrignosis, her blog about inner wisdom, is at www.jeanraffa.wordpress.com.

Posted on April 1, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Attractively YOU

The last week of March I travelled to Edmonton and Calgary. I was fortunate that my schedule gave be two nights in Calgary which allowed me to enjoy two morning walks along the Bow River Walk, part of the TransCanada Trail.

Travelling can be taxing. What I once considered to be enjoyable has become a mélange of new hotels every day, long taxi drives to and from airports, and then the airport itself. I remember the days when getting on an airplane were pleasurable – yes, I remember Wardair! These days it is check-in via a machine, drop off your bag, jump into a line for the security check, take off your jacket, belt, shoes – virtually undress, then pull yourself together again. The entire process, if you’re lucky, takes less than one hour. Where has the pleasure of flying gone?

Likewise to be an employee in an airport has also lost its luster. Airline personnel are more disgruntled. It’s as if the entire system has been dehumanized. This requires a strategy!

A few years ago Jim and I created attractionCARDS, a box of 88 inspiring and attractive messages. We decided this would be a way of changing our interaction with others as we travel. At every opportunity along the way, we offer people a card. Occasionally I am given a look of skepticism to which I respond, “it’s like a fortune cookie without the calories”. That said, the recipient, upon reading the message, always smiles. More importantly, when they read the message, which is always stated in the ‘I’ voice (Example: I acknowledge the greatness of who I am every day!) we experience a shift in their energy.

Jim and I have had numerous examples through our travels. In Chicago, which has to be one of the busiest airports and one where you inevitably are delayed, tension always runs high. As we were exchanging our tickets, because our flight had been cancelled, we were greeted by a lovely man who dealt with us with great caution. Many flights had been cancelled that day. Before beginning our negotiations with him, we offered him a card. He read it, looked at us, tears welling in his eyes and said “Thank you – you have made my day”. He then made ours by searching for the best possible connection for us.

Minutes later we sat down for lunch. The waitress, who was rushing around like the proverbial headless chicken, threw the menus at us. Now we see this as a challenge so when she took our order, we offered her a card. She barely looked at it and scowled at us. About 30 minutes later she came over to our table to thank us and have a conversation. The message it seems landed.

These are but two of many examples. These days I gift cards wherever I go: meetings with clients, grocery stores, my favorite coffee shop, people standing in line, banks, meetings, you name it. My boldness has no limits. The reception is amazing.

Years ago a friend of mine Dawna Markova was co-author on a series of books entitled Random Acts of Kindness. The books addressed those little deeds you do every day for someone else simply because you want to and offered suggestions and stories. This is what attractionCARDS offer me – an opportunity to offer someone an uplifting message that will lift their spirits, and in lifting their spirits lift the world just a little bit.

One of my favorite stores is Talbots and the best one I know is located in the upper Hudson Highlands just outside Coldwater, New York. For a few seasons Jim and I were so well know there that the staff would greet us and wait for their card, their message of the day, and then show the ones they had drawn previously to us. They were stored on the screens of their computers. Message: you cannot take for granted what a simple act of kindness will do or the meaning the other person will derive from it.

My belief is that each person will pull the message that is perfect for them at that moment in time, and that despite only being a few inspiring words, it will have a meaning beyond what I will know. I trust this implicitly – that’s why they are called attractionCARDS.

Whether you use cards such as these to gift forward or simply engage in other random acts of kindness, you lift spirits and in a subtle yet influential way, you contribute to making the world a better place. Here is my call to action to each of you – let’s work together to change the world. Let’s prove the media wrong and focus on the good in the world, in others and in ourselves. Let’s find opportunities every day to lift the spirits of others through random acts of kindness. The result – you will be inspired as well.

Until next time…

Betty Healey

Note: attractionCARDS can be ordered at www.roadSIGNS.ca

Posted on March 14, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Resilience

In recent years much has been said about our ability to work under less than perfect conditions. There are a variety of things that happen within the modern day workplace which continually attract attention these days, issues such as the ‘toxic boss or colleague’, bullying (yes! It’s not just an issue for kids!), feeling underemployed or underappreciated, and simply spinning from the many demands placed upon you.

So how do you protect yourself? How do you remain resilient?

During the closing session of our most recent Coaching Circle in Cornwall, we all put our heads together and came up with the following strategies:

Practice Gratitude – In the day to day working of life and living, we humans have the habit of focusing on the negative events and happenings of life. When you switch gears and re-focus on those aspects for which you are grateful, it lifts your spirits. Having a gratitude practice where you do this on a daily basis, creates resilience.
Don’t Take It Personally – Create space between yourself and the negative nellies in your life. Their stuff is their stuff and always remember not to take what they have to say personally. It has nothing to do with you.
Speak UP – Learn to speak up for yourself and to speak from your authentic self. You cannot expect others to know what you want or what you are thinking.
Stay Positive – Appreciate that everything that happens in life is perfect; it is there for a reason and a lesson. Learn from mistakes or hiccups, laugh at yourself, and move on with this new lesson tucked under your arm.
Flip-It! – whenever you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want; flip it to what you do want. Remember you attract what you focus on.

Go Downstream – If you find yourself in a battle with yourself, your work or someone else, change directions. Recognize that you are swimming upstream and ask yourself what it would take to change directions to downstream.
Be clear on your ‘I AM” – Your I AM statement represents who you are choosing to be in any situation. It is your source of inner power and clarity. It begins by saying to yourself I AM —-, breathing it in, feeling it and radiating it.
Attract your Perfect Tribe – Be clear on who you want to surround yourself with. Make sure these are people who lift you up and love you unconditionally.
Have ME FIRST time – Commit to a minimum of 15 minutes/day of ME FIRST time. This is time just for you, not to be shared, for breathing, meditation, setting your ‘I AM’ statements or for gratitude.
Space Management – It’s not really about time management, it’s about space management . Be clear about your ‘have to’s’ versus your ‘can do’s’. You can all do lots of things, the question is do you want to, is it necessary or does it belong to you or someone else.
Develop your NO-How – Be clear on your boundaries. Know what your priorities and t your responsibilities are. Develop your ability to say NO to what is not yours to own or take care of.
Single Task – Much attention has been given to our ability to multi-task. The thing is it doesn’t really work. You find yourself with many balls in the air yet nothing ever really gets completed. Learn to set your priorities and take on one task at a time. When you bring tasks to completion, you will grow your self-esteem and confidence.
Affirm Yourself –Check in and make sure you are not diminishing yourself with negative inner talk. You are in charge of this. Become consciously aware of what you are saying to yourself and change the message to something uplifting.
Self-Acknowledgement – When you receive complements form others, accept them graciously and simply say ‘Thank-You’. Take it in like a sponge and acknowledge yourself for the complement you just received.
Choose Inspiring Messaging – Monitor what you choose to read or watch and choose that which inspires you. A highly recommend two sources of daily messages: www.tut.com and www.pattidigh.com.
Listen to Your Body – When you feel unwell or something hurts, turn inward and have a conversation with your body. Ask “what are you trying to communicate to me?” then listen. It’s better than anything a doctor can give you.
Laugh a Lot – Find a friend to have fun with or watch some comedy, whatever it takes to bring laughter into your world. Laughter is a great healer.
Go with the Flow – Notice where the big rocks or obstacles in your life are and move around them versus pushing against them. As one member of our group shared, “It’s easier to ride the horse in the direction the horse is going!”

You will recognize that these suggestions really are just common sense and yet, common sense is not common! I encourage you to take this list and pin it up in a place where it is fully visible and then practice 1, 2 or more of these suggestions daily.

Until next time…

Betty

Posted on March 6, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

What’s Your Symphony?

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common–this is my symphony.”

William Henry Channing

This quote arrived the morning after a powerful Coaching Circle where participants were asked to present their dreams to one another and explore what it would mean to stretch their wings. The result was an interesting discussion on how we are so very capable of subtly yet insidiously capable of sabotaging ourselves.

FEAR
Without recognizing it consciously, most of us fear sharing our dreams. Sharing makes it real, gives the dream fuel and heightens the chance that the dream will come true. And this is the conflict, we have dreams yet we dare not dream.

As Marianne Williamson writes in her famous poem, “Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”. It is our power and the realization that we are powerful, that holds us back. We have been trained to live and be small. Sharing our dreams enlarges them, adds fuel to them, makes them real and occasionally, makes us shrink. Is it time to stop shrinking?

Conditions
Part of our shrinking is our belief that although we want the dream we may not be ready. Here is a little known law, The Law of Right Timing. Many of us have come to understand and practice the Law of Attraction. What we have forgotten is that the Universe always works on our behalf and has our highest good in mind, That means that what we are asking for, our dream, will arrive at the perfect time for us. That may be instantly, tomorrow or three years from now.

If we can move beyond our fears and into our dreams while releasing the how and the timing to the hands of the Universe, perhaps we will finally begin manifesting that which we truly desire.

It’s Rarely Material
Although much of the Law of Attractions early messaging, through vehicles such as The Secret (Movie and book) focused on manifesting financial abundance, my experience is that dreams are rarely attached to the material. Dreams are more about how we choose to live in the world, what we want to accomplish and how we chose to serve. This was best articulated by one of our circle participants who shared, “I don’t need a lot. It’s not material things I want to own. I want enough financial abundance to cover my costs, go shopping for a new dress occasionally and enjoy a dinner out from time to time. My dream is so much more than this.”

What is Your Symphony?
Have I convinced YOU – have I convinced myself?

Dare I dream?

Dare I share them?

Dare I allow them?

Dare I embrace them?

I dream of playing on the world stage as a speaker and facilitator,
reaching out to people around the world with what I know to be true –
that when each of us makes peace with ourselves and steps into our power and our dream,
we change the world.

I invite you to hold my dream, my symphony!

Will you share yours with me?

Until next time….

Betty

Posted on March 5, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Finding Your Tribe

In the months since we began facilitating coaching circles, one of the unanticipated outcomes of the circles has been the building of community. I’m not sure why, but it had not occurred to me just how alone people have been feeling. Certainly I have noticed it myself. I just assumed that because I choose to live rurally now, that being alone was my new way of life.

With the start of each coaching circle, we ask participants to share with us their intentions for what they want to gain from the experience. Inevitably several of the participants mention that they are looking for community. Specifically they want to connect to like-minded individuals who, like themselves, are choosing to step on the path of self-discovery and shape their life differently.

As facilitators we have learned that the coaching circle is a transformative experience, partly due to the coaching and largely due to the sharing of experience of the individual participants. Participants relate to the feelings, thoughts and experiences of others. Suddenly they realize that they are not alone in those sometimes dark places and that their struggles to live their life differently are shared by others.

In a recent blog posting from colleague Lianne Bridges, www.shiftvillage.com, Lianne shared her experience of attending the Wisdom 2.0 Conference in San Francisco, “To be in the presence of conscious individuals is awe-inspiring….What was so amazing about this conference were the sixteen-hundred people from all walks of life and four corners of the world who shared one main perspective – the strong desire to use their expertise and gifts to better the world.”

Lianne also refers to community as one’s tribe. By her definition, tribe does not necessarily refer only to people who are bound to you by familial, geographic, political, cultural or even racial ties, but also includes people who share your closely held beliefs or world views.

Finding our tribe, our community, may be one of the healthiest and most essential gifts we can give ourselves. People do feel alone. The isolation people are experiencing is a secondary effect of our technological prowess. We have grown attached to the I-phones, Blackberries and other gadgets that give us the illusion of being connected. It is however superficial – words with no depth, no real meaning, no eye to eye contact.

We have also lost many of the social structures that once connected us – the church communities, the service clubs, the back yard BBQ’s. Is it that life has simply become too busy?

Whatever the reason, the loss of these social systems has left people searching for ways to connect.

Developing community, or finding your tribe as Lianne has suggested, has become important. It is part of feeling whole and consciously connected to a shared meaning and an opportunity to learn more about you through the eyes of others.

So where do you start; how do you find your tribe?

It begins with reaching out to others whom you sense have a similar desire or who may want to rally around a shared cause.
It begins with your desire to understand yourself and to share the experience of personal discovery with others.
It begins by being clear about who you actually want to ‘BE’ with and taking the time to describe who would be perfect for you at this time in your life.
It begins by being open-hearted, generous and kind – first with yourself, then with others. You can only attract these kinds of companions when you give it to self-first.
It begins by stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching out to others, or perhaps signing up for a program which you believe will attract others you want to be with.
It begins by trusting your heart more than your head, listening to your intuition when you encounter others and your deep sense of knowing they are a perfect companion.

There is an opportunity to begin to notice the opportunities that may already exist in your community. Who around you shares common values, desires and perhaps stories. Take the first step – put out a call to your friends, colleagues and acquaintances and start a conversation. Create a gathering around a book, a question, a theme.

You may find your tribe!

Until next time…

Betty

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

WORK or J.O.B.

I was inspired this morning after listening to an interview with a favorite author of mine, Simon Sinek, who wrote the book ‘Start with WHY’. In the interview he began by saying that when you do something that you love, it’s called passion. When you work at something you don’t love however, it’s called stress.

This for me defines the difference between your WORK versus your J.O.B. Your work is connected to your ‘WHY’, your sense of purpose or mission, or what you want to stand for in this lifetime. It is rooted in your early years, something that you are deeply connected with and something that you felt would make a difference in the world.

As I think back, my earliest memories are linked to playing in my back yard, lining up my dolls and teaching them what I then knew to be the important lessons of life. Even at the early age of ten I knew that I wanted to influence the world in a way that allowed others to believe in themselves and to see the beauty and power of who they are.

Isn’t it interesting that you can know that so young and somewhere along the way lose track of it. Why does that happen? You learn more, life becomes more complicated and you lose sight of that simple truth, your all important work. Then you find a J.O.B. – a Justifiable Occupation or Business, which pays you a good salary but, (and here is the rub) does not light you up. It is simply a job. It is not connected with your passion and you lose sight of who you really are.

Can Your J.O.B. be your WORK?
Yes. Skeptically you may look at what you are currently doing and think that there can never be a connection between what you are currently doing and your passion. Frankly you don’t really know, at least not until you take the time to search back to your roots and consider what is really important to you. In our roadSIGNS work we call this your Personal Guidance System which is formed by your core values, the guiding principle by which you choose to live, and your ‘WHY’, what you really stand for and who, as a result, you choose to be.

Only in remembering your ‘WHY’ can you understand whether or not this is connected to your J.O.B. Those workplaces which truly value their employees will understand that any time an employee can connect their ‘WHY’ to the ‘WHY’ of the organization, passion and performance are unleashed.

WHY, How and what
In his book Sinek describes the Golden Circle. Like a bull’s eye with WHY in the center, the next circle is your how and the third circle your what. You will notice that most of you focus on what you do and how you do it, both in your work and other aspects of your life. Ask yourself if this is where you currently play? What would change or be different if you took the time to re-connect with your ‘WHY’, your sense of true purpose.

Living Authentically
Living authentically requires consciousness and courage. First it requires that you actually slow yourself down and step off the treadmill which has become your life. Secondly you must ask yourself what is really important to you, what contribution are you here to make to the world around you. Everyone wants to make a difference and reflecting on this allows you to claim your unique desire to change or shift the world in some way.

Next is courage. It is one thing to become aware of what lights you up, your ‘WHY’, and it is another to live it. There are plenty of naysayers out there who will put you down once you stand up and start living your ‘WHY’. I refer to them as crabs. Crab fishermen know that you never have to put a lid on a crab bucket because as soon as one crab tries to escape, the others pull him back in. It takes courage to live from your ‘WHY’ and ignore the crabs.

Take the time to step back and discover your work by remembering your ‘WHY’. This has the capacity to release your passion and we sure could use more of that in the world!

Until next time…

Betty Healey

Posted on February 16, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

We have launched!

After weeks of concentrated effort we have launched our new website for roadSIGNS (www.roadsigns.ca) . I have no illusions now that creating a quality website happens easily. This is the first significant overhaul we have completed for several years and one that was badly needed. With the changes in our focus that have occurred through the years, our previous website was not supporting us.

Being Attractive
In the work Jim and I teach regarding Strategic Attraction, we have become clear regarding what we want. Although I am tempted from time to time to interfere, I am learning to leave the ‘HOW” the wants unfold up to the Universe. I am constantly schooling myself in the art of Patience and Trust as a result! An important part of Strategic Attraction however, is being the Lighthouse, helping people find you.; hence the website, with all the proper SEO behind the scenes, and clear attention to the details within the content.

A Labor of Love
While I occasionally forgot, writing the new content was a labor of love. As we launch our new conversation about Conscious Communication, writing helped me to understand what it is and how we want to share this with clients.

What is Conscious Communication
Conscious Communication is the process of learning to be fully present, aware and mindful both with yourself and others. The process is an essential one for understanding yourself, leveraging the best of who you are and ultimately, connecting effectively with others.

It is rare that individuals consider how they are connecting with themselves. They are unaware of the elevator music playing in their ears and the subliminal messages they are feeding themselves. Building on the new research in Positive Psychology, we are learning that these internal conversations must be brought into consciousness if we want to change them. We call this from Critic to Coach, re-programming the messages of your inner critic, the voice that puts you down, into that of your Inner Coach, that which lifts you up.

Once you begin to change your inner conversation, you show up differently in the eyes of others. You are visible and you have the opportunity to engage others differently, whether this is in conversation or simply in who you are being. This is the other side of Conscious Communication – how you are with others and who you are choosing to be from one moment to the next.

What’s in it for YOU?
If you want to feel better about yourself and think more positive thoughts, I invite you into this conversation. Stay tuned for upcoming posts and I invite you to check us out at www.roadsigns.ca.

Until next time…

Betty

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Black Dots and Other Distractions

There is an easy exercise I use when facilitating. I take a black marker and draw a dot in the middle of a large piece of flip chart paper. Do this for yourself. Take out a sheet of white paper and with a pen or marker simply place a dot in the middle of the page. Now, staring at the paper, ask yourself, “What do I see?”

When I ask participants what they see, most people respond, ‘a black dot’. Is that what you see?

Now look again. Notice that the dot takes up less than 1% of the entire page. What is left is a whole lot of white space.

Apply this same principle to life. During any given day, there are black dots that occur. These dots come in many forms – a mistake you made at work, a conversation with a friend that disturbed you, an item of news on the radio, or any other potential distraction.

Unfortunately black dots are coated with Velcro – they seem to stick to you. They occupy your thoughts and dampen your emotions. They are usually charged with something that triggers you and because of that they grow in size and take up a lot of space. You forget about all the white space around the dot.

The white space, by the way, represents reality. For every black dot or similar distraction, there are many more events going on in your life that are positive. Unfortunately when your focus goes to the black dot, the white space is forgotten.

There is an old adage that states, ‘where your attention goes, energy flows’. This is exactly what happens with the Black Dot Syndrome. That one less than perfect event of your day is the event that consumes you. You dive into it again and again, examining it from all sides. As you do so it grows and grows. All the great things that happened in your day are pushed aside and all but forgotten.

This, by the way, is a recipe for undermining yourself!

What is the alternative? Perspective. Black dots are small and deserve an equivalent amount of energy and attention. Your ability to contain them makes a difference. Begin by asking yourself the following:

Is this a black dot, or simply a distraction?
Before you give your energy and attention to any black dot, ask yourself what is in the white space. In other words, enumerate all the amazing things that happened in your day and give your energy and appreciation to these.
When you return to the black dot, ask yourself how important the distraction is? Most times you will discover it is simply just an annoyance.
Put the dot in perspective, don’t allow it to grow. Balance the dot with the white space.

You might consider this conversation regarding black dots to be abstract or not important. If that’s where you are, ask yourself how you feel at the end of every day. Are you exhausted? What consumed your energy?

Are you uplifted? What fed this feeling?

You have choice to make every day, and believe me it is YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to let the black dots dominate your landscape or you can pull you focus to the larger part of the canvas, the white space. Remember, the white space is filled with all the good and great things that happen to you in a day. Unfortunately they will slide by you unless you pull them into consciousness and examine them.

Begin making a choice today to choose thoughts and feelings which uplift you rather than deplete you. As Mike Dooley says in his daily ‘message from the Universe’, thoughts become things, choose the good ones.

Choose to be conscious and aware of what is playing in the background. Bring your attention to what really matters – the white space. This is reality more than any black dot you can identify, for in truth, it represents 99% or more of what is in your life. Making this choice will allow you to live a more authentic and optimistic life for truth lies in the white space.

Until Next time…

Betty

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Finding Inspiration

Finding inspiration can, at times be challenging. It may require that you pause and look a little more deeply into a situation. When identified, that which inspires you is worth it. It lifts you up and in the true definition of what inspiration means, gives you breath.

This has been a week of inspiration for me. I took time yesterday from my work schedule to watch the Inauguration of President Barak Obama as he begins his second term in office. Yes, he is an inspirational presence in world leadership. More than that, the circumstances inspire me.

I am old enough to remember that time 50 years ago when thousands gathered for the march on Washington, and I remember with great clarity Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

As Barak Obama delivered his inaugural address on Martin Luther King Day, what inspired me was the legacy Dr. King created with his dream. Like any intention, he set change in motion, without understanding how it would happen or what it would take, he shared his desires with the world. The power of intention is amazing. Would Dr. King have imagined that his words would open up the possibility for a black man to become president in such a short time?

In 2008 Jim and I visited Washington for the first time. We walked up the stairs of the capital building and looked down the mall to the Monument. The view is breathtaking. When I looked down at my feet, I saw immediately in front of me a stone with the following inscription: I HAVE A DREAM – Martin Luther King, the March on Washington for jobs and freedom, August 28, 1963. This was the spot from where the speech had been delivered.

History can inspire us; we simply need to focus on the right things. It is easy to get lost in a sea of negativity and all that is wrong with our world. And when we give this view our focus, we also energize it.

By contrast, there are many events each day from which we can derive inspiration. In fact, if we were to pay close attention, we would find many more good deeds than negative ones. Again, when we bring our attention to the good deeds, we energize them.

I once heard it said that the nightly news, which as you know is riddled with all the drama in the world, the bad and the ugly, represents less than 1% of what is actually happening in the world, the unreported events of everyday. These are typically buried as they provoke love and appreciation rather than fear.

Our world is out of balance. Despite this, you and I get to choose, to be inspired or simply tired.

Make a choice for your highest good – choose to breathe. Find people who inspire you and forge relationships with them. Notice that everyday miracles that are unfolding around you and breathe them in. Limit your exposure to CNN – Constantly Negative News.

When you nourish your spirit with the inspirational people and events that are happening, you become inspiring, and isn’t that what we really want?

Until Next time…

Betty

Posted on January 15, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Invitation

I am standing at our roadSIGNS Booth at the Ottawa Health and Wellness Expo Friday evening, setting up and in anticipation of the next day. The setting up process is exciting and intentional as I imagine the conversations that will take place the next day and the amazing energy we will attract.

I stop for a moment to chat with the vendor next to us representing a nutrition company that I am also a part of, that is, I use their products. I mention this to her and she immediately backs away from me and with a glaring look asks, “Are you a competitor?”

What is it I hear in her voice? Certainly not a tone that I appreciate and so I looked at her and asked her, “Why would you say such a thing to me. There is no such thing as competition, at least not in my view. Competition is a choice, one you can make and how about we simply agree to collaborate?”

She stumbled over her words at that point. I recognize that I was pretty straight forward with her but I just could not stop myself. This is the old thinking pattern, the old masculine way, compete and conquer. She muttered, “Well one of the vendors over there (pointing across the room) said that to me earlier.”

I put my arm around her shoulder and said, “You get to choose who you want to be and how you present yourself to others. Be a collaborator – that will take you a lot further.”

I feel like the game is up and that we need to hold ourselves to a more evolved way of being and thinking. That means being consciously aware of what we are communicating to ourselves and others. The world will not change unless we change, each of us.

And this is my invitation to you.

Begin today to become consciously aware of the conversation going on inside your head. Are you lifting yourself up or putting yourself down?

When you are in conversation with others, are you listening, more importantly are you hearing them?

What about the words that you choose – words are the vehicles of your thoughts, they reflect the inner dialogue. Words matter. It may be time for all of us to put our brains in gear before our mouths are in action. Better still, maybe we need to engage our hearts more and speak from there and give our heads a break.

Let’s all take pause and become more conscious communicators, with ourselves first and with others next. Begin listening in on your inner dialogue and noticing what you are saying to YOU. The turn outward and observe how you are communicating with others and what you are saying. Be clear about what you want to attract and choose your words accordingly.

Until next time…

Betty