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Habit of Happiness

Habit of Happiness

In my coaching practice, conversations are frequently centered around a client’s desire to be happy. You have probably heard yourself say, “I just want to be happy and content with my life.” My question to you and my clients is, “Are you chasing happiness or ‘being happy’?”

As a student of the Law of Attraction, I have come to understand that chasing happiness makes no sense, that to find happiness on the outside, one must find it within first. In other words, you must be happy to attract happiness. All that being said, this may not be as easy as it sounds however, there certain habits that you can embrace which will help you to ‘be happy’.

Habit One: See where happiness already exists in your life

When you are searching for the illusive something that you want in your life, your focus is on the absence of it. In contrast if you can turn your attention to where in your life happiness already exists, you begin to build on this and attract more of it. So often we focus on what is not versus what is. Shift your attention to those aspects of your life where you are now or have been in the past, happy. Notice how this shifts your energy.

Habit Two: Gratitude

Following on Habit One, once you see the happiness that already exists in your life, express gratitude for it. In the emerging field of Positive Psychology, the study of happiness, those who have a daily practice of gratitude test as being much more positive/happy in their approach to life. It is as simple as taking a few minutes everyday to notice and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.

Habit Three: Intentions

Set a daily intention which simply states: “I am happy. I spread happiness wherever I go. I am an agent of happiness.’ When you set an intention, you actually send out a ripple effect, or an energy field around you. Others will experience this in you and respond in kind. You have a choice everyday to enter the waterline of life as a positive force or not.

Habit Four: Tame the Inner Critic

Most of you have a voice that whispers things in your ear. This voice is rooted in fear and your ego; it is usually negative in that it diminishes you and pulls the plug on your personal power. Choose to re-program the voice. Listen in on the voice for the purpose of understanding what it is feeding you, become clear regarding what you would rather hear. Turn down the volume on the critic’s voice and raise the volume on your ‘heart voice’, the voice which believes in you and builds you up.

Habit Five: Acknowledgement

Learn to acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments and achievements. In the same vein, learn to accept complements from others. It is important to see your gifts, strengths and talents. Acknowledgment is simply an expression of gratitude for you God-given gifts.

Habit Six: Create time for You

It is difficult to be happy if you are always spinning. Everyone needs time each day, if only for a few minutes for what I refer to as selfness. Selfness is the practice of serving yourself first so that you can leverage your capacity to continue to serve others. It does not take a lot of time, in fact my recommendation is 1% of your day, 14.4 minutes; time dedicated to breathing, introspection and forming your intentions.

Habit Seven: Create your perfect relationship with You

Hold yourself in unconditional love and high regard. The way to attract both happiness and respect is to offer both to yourself first. I suggest that you write a contract with yourself whereby you stipulate what the qualities and characteristics are of your perfect relationship with you. Of course, one of these qualities would be the choice to be happy.

My challenge to you is to test out the habits of happiness and to notice what begins to shift in your life. Notice what happens to your HQ – your Happiness Quotient.

Until next time…

Betty

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Revealing the Goddess Within

I was gifted a photo shoot by my friend Jacquie Milner as a 60th birthday gift. No, I didn’t hesitate to accept it. I felt it was far better to see myself as a goddess than a crone. Goddess conjures up a different kind of image. Both in my view  are about wisdom and celebrating the accumulation of knowledge. Goddess also speaks to me of seeing the Divine Feminine within me, embracing it, and stepping fully into my own power. If not now, when.

On the actual date of my 60th, I stood naked before the mirror and said aloud, this is what 60 looks like. I refused to allow the self-critic to express any dismay at the image, and to simply take in the beauty of a body that has housed my spirit for six decades and served me very well. This is the gift of gratitude.

And my Goddess shots, how did they turn out? Judge for yourself:

My Favorite Goddess Pic
My Favorite Goddess Pic

 Moving on from here, life has been very engaging and I am preparing for a two-week road trip for one of my clients. How fortunate I am to be this age and have work that I love to deliver.

Calling all Goddesses – this is our time!

See you on the road,

Betty

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Bonus Round

It’s happening already. I was signing up for an opportuntiy to win $6000 at an Exhibitor’s booth. As part of the draw you had to provide specific information. There it was, the box for 60+. OMG I have to check off a new box! Yikes. Note: I did not win!

Yesterday the bank contacted me. Mrs. Healey, you now qualify for our 60PLUS account – this means no more monthly fees! WOW – there’s a perk. And friends are telling me about all the discounts I can get when I travel by train, shop at Shopper’s Drug Mart and go to the movies. Now all I have to do is travel by train, shop in a drugstore and go to the movies to save the money I would not normally spend. Regardless, I still qualify for the discount and I am sure there are more perks on there way.

I also qualify to collect my CPP but I need some financial information from my last employer which was 13 years ago. I have left 4 messages at the hospital now trying to rouse a response – I guess turning 60 doesn’t matter much to them! That;s okay – I am not in a rush.

What bonuses will appear around the next corner?

My question – what will they do as I keep ‘younging’ – will the perks go away?

Sixty and glowing…

Betty

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Paint Me a Masterpiece

Moving on from turning sixty, it’s time to simply continuing living fully and being in the world as I love to be. The week started with a trip to Toronto to attend the Your Workplace Conference on the theme of creating the Engaged Workplace. Here are my reflections:

Is it time to start painting outside the lines in your ‘paint by number’ routine? I ask myself this question whenever I feel myself succombing to some unwritten rule that seems to be forcasting my decisions or life choices. These rules, have been defined by the ‘shoulds, have to’s and must do’s’ I have acquired through the years. What about you, do you suffer from the same self-imposed limitations?

Recently, my husband Jim and I participated in the annual Your Workplace Conference. Held in Toronto, the conference theme this year was ‘creating an engaging workplaces’. With that theme in mind, we as exhibitors were asked to engage conference participants when they came to visit our booth. The first task for us, attract a creative idea which would do just that. We decided to engage the artist within each person, knowing that within every individual there lurks a creative soul. Unfortunately that creativity may have been laying dormant for a few years. Our challenge was to invite it out to play.

To create our engraging booth, we purchased a three by four foot canvas, and installed this on an easle at the corner of our venue. We placed boxes of high quality markers around the easle offering everyone the tools they required to be creative. Our invitation was to ‘Paint us a Masterpiece’, simply choose your colors and add to the canvas.

As conference attendees drifted by our booth we pulled them in, asking them to dip their hand into the box of colors, add an element of their choice to the painting and make their contribution. You can imagine the responses. We heard the usual litany of ‘I can’t draw. The artist in me died in Kindergarden. There isn’t a creative bone in my body!”

Your Workplace Conference ParticipantsFinal Painting ~ YWP Conference

  The interesting thing we noticed, is that we did not ask people specifically to draw, only to add to the canvas. This could have been a line, a blob, a curly-cue, whatever. The choice was theirs to make.

So how does this experience relate to life and painting outside the paint-by number lines? With the same hesitance as our exhibitor booth visitors demonstrated, I noticed the extent to which we do not allow ourselves to fully engage in life, the hesitation to pick up a pen or brush and add new strokes to the canvas of  life. Notice how you are holding yourself back in ways you do not even recognize.

Each of us is an artist. Art comes in different forms, shapes and sizes; it might be a drawing, a simple line or a bold new color; it might appear as a painting, a novel, or a creation of some other form. Whatever it is, I encourage each of you to pick up a crayon, a marker or a paint brush and add something new to the canvas of your life.

As Gordon Mac Kenzie wrote in Orbiting the Giant Hairballbegin wielding a wider brush – pure ox-bristle. Swoop it through the sensuous goo of Cadmium Yellow, Alizarin Crimson, or Ultramarine Blue (not nos. 4, 8, 13) to create the biggest, brightest, funniest, fiercest damn dragon that you can. Because that has more to do with what’s inside of you than some prescribed plagiarism of somebody else’s tour de force.

You have a masterpiece inside you, too, you know. One unlike any that has ever been created, or ever will be. And remember: If you go to your grave without painting your masterpiece, it will not get painted. No one else can paint it. Only you. 

Our conference visitors did, in the end, create a masterpiece filled with doodles and swirls, suns and rainbows, stick people and animals, whatever inspired them. The result was impressive (bids for the painting are now being accepted!). Now it’s your turn to stretch a little, step outside your ‘shoulds, have to’s and must do’s’. You might be surprized at what appears – there may even be a dragon lurking there.

The Final Masterpiece

Remember this is not about perfection, imperfection is better. It is what cracks you open. As a yoga instructor said to me recently, the poses don’t have to be perfect. Lack of perfection creates cracks and it is the cracks that allow the light to come in. Let the light in. Step up- start painting your masterpiece, stretch a little, crack your life open!

Until next time…

Betty

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Party On!

And so it is, I am now officially 60 years old! It is an age, a number, a descriptor – is it me? I guess so – that’s what the calendar says.

I woke up the morning of my birthday and stood naked , looking in the mirror, checking out the physical form that is me. “This is what 60 looks like,” I said, speaking to the mirror. Not so bad, a few noticeable changes for sure, yet all considered pretty darn cute! I am not meaning to be ego-centric – I just believe that making light of this landmark is much more important than taking it seriously. Age is, after all, a state of mind. I have told all my soon to be 60 friends, that I am the trailblazer and that I dare them to follow and to remain young of heart.

Young of heart, wise of spirit- this is where I want to play. I have decided that I want to participate in ‘younging’ versus aging. I have also declared the following intentions:

Things I want in the next decade:

–         to live large, from my sense of calling and what makes me tick

–         to be as healthy at 70 as I am at 60

–         to be fully joyfully engaged in life, living and what has become my/our work

–         to grow and expand our business, enabling me to play a greater role in influencing the world of work

–         to knock off the items on my bucket list beginning with sky diving

–         to love and be loved

–         to live abundantly, attracting new possibilities and potentialities to our business

–         to be be surprised

–         to continue to expand and grow the Tigh Shee Retreat Center and Gardens

–         to integrate ME FIRST fully in all work we attract

–         to continue to listen, to hear and to write about the ME FIRST journey

–         to attract all of this or something better

My May 1st birthday celebration unfolded in a most magical way with 40 or so guests joining us for a labyrinth walk, potluck and drumming. It is these moments in life that I find very humbling, as I gratefully greet each person, acknowledge them, appreciate them and consider how fortunate I am that each spirit has crossed my path. As I study the participants, they are a reflection of me, a cross section of my life. Some have known me since high school, a few from my life in Montreal, most in the decade since we have moved to Glengarry County. A couple of visitors I met 2 weeks ago. One person came because the invitation was forwarded to her. And so it is, each labyrinth event has its own unique texture, and this one, was no different.

 

Labyrinth Walk

Illiana, Betty, Doreen

I am in gratitude for my life, my family, my best friend and partner – Jim, my community, my home, and finally for myself. Does that seem strange to add myself to the list? No, I acknowledge myself as well, for as I do that I say thank you to spirit, who created me and supports me, and who allows me to be who I am. No more hesitating! It is the time to embrace everyday.

Until next time….

Betty

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Thoughts on Turning 60!

In a few short days, on April 28th, I will celebrate another birthday. I generally let these days slide by unnoticed but this year marks another decade. I am turning 60. I am not in shock even though that voice inside me asks how this happened when I turned 50 only just a few short days ago. No, I am not suffering from early onset dementia, perhaps a menopause moment, or just the realization that life speeds up with every decade.

Of course many have spouted the rhetoric, “Well how do you feel about that?” My answer, “I can’t change it so I may as well enjoy it. Is there really any point to being in a late-life crisis over this?”

I am curious about those who claim to be in crisis over turning 60, and about those who ask how I feel. As if we can change the fact that we are growing older, and that each of us will hit all these landmarks sooner or later unless something unexpected happens.

 Honestly, I feel 37. I told a sales clerk at the Body Shop the other day, when she asked if I had an April birthday, entitling me to a 10% discount, that I was about to turn 50. She casually looked me over then smiled and said  that I did not look 50. Silently I applauded her and partied inside cheering the fact that, at least in her eyes, I wasn’t even close to 60. Of course Jim couldn’t stand it and ‘outed’ me. Poor girl is still confused about my exact age. And why do I have to fess up to it anyway. If I say I am younger than the calendar tells me, will I not attract more youth? 

Yes, just like anyone else, I have the desire to live and look young. Of course the mirror tells me something else. I see the wrinkles creeping in around my eyes and mouth and the furrows deepening in my cheeks, and still I can’t see 60 years. It is only a date after all, my biological age. I think I will continue to defer to the sales clerks and my own inner voice and ignore the mirror.

Party on! And on May 1st I will do just that – we are hosting a labyrinth walk and I decided it was also time to party. Now this is a big decision for me as I had my last real birthday party when I turned 9. It was memorable in that Donna Covey ate too much cake and barfed all over my new shoes. I remember a few tears and the chaos that followed. Not to say there haven’t been other opportunities, I have simply chosen to find other ways to celebrate. I turned 50 outside Portland OR at my friend Delayne’s home nestled at the foot of Mount Hood – that was very special. I can’t remember how I celebrated 20, 30 or 40. I want to remember celebrating 60 and I’ll let you know how it goes.

As for the rest of you who will hit this landmark age along with me this year, you are invited to my party and to witness what a real celebration looks like. I have a picture painted in my head of dancing, and drumming – moving forward on the heartbeat of life. Care to join me?

Until next time,

Betty

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10-10-10

Just the other day, my friend and business colleague and I were on our way to WXN – Women’s Executive Network, in Ottawa. It was an ungodly hour as the breakfast meeting began at 7:15 and we live an hour out of Ottawa. Add time for parking and catching our breath, I was up at five and on the road 20 minutes later on my way to rendezvous with Doreen. I could continue to carp or switch gears and tell you how magical it is to be out on the road before most lights have even been turned on in the homes I passed and to witness the colour rising in the sky as I wound through the back roads of North Glengarry. And then there is the comradeship that Doreen and I share, both of us being entrepreneurs and both of us working full-time with our life partners. It was Doreen who I turned to for advice in the early days of Jim’s retirement as she and her husband Heinz had years of experience in the ‘work together’ arena.

Weeks ago we had decided to attend two networking events in one day, one at breakfast, and one late afternoon, allowing ample time in between for play – a spa date, lunch and conversation. Despite our best intentions, talk turned to work, sharing our excitement and occasional frustration with what we do. Both of us actively work with the Law of Attraction however, so we allow little air in the frustration balloon, choosing instead to fuel the fires of attraction.

Doreen introduced me to a book she is currently reading by Suzy Welch entitled 10-10-10: A Life Transforming Idea. I have yet to read this myself  however I gleaned an interesting idea from our conversation, related to day-to-day decision making and the impact our decisions have. 10-10-10 is a filter. Consider this, when making a decision, you ask yourself what effect will this decision have on your business or your life in the next 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 weeks or on a larger scale, 10 days, 10 months, 10 years. I have been steadily reflecting on this and it has helped  become aware of how often I make decisions because they feel urgent. I don’t necessarily pause to consider the long term consequences; I react. I am wondering what would happen to my decisions if I engaged the 10-10-10 filter.

 I am sure Suzy’s book is much richer than what I have suggested, I simply like the idea of considering this 10-10-10 philosophy and beginning to apply it to my daily decision-making, especially as it applies to business development. Business, as we all know, requires responses that will sustain and grow our business in both the short and long-term. Using 10-10-10 as an aid to decision-making could be a simple yet powerful strategy. So, thanks Doreen!

On another note, I wanted to comment on networking. One year ago, as I was beginning to re-build my business following a writing sabbatical, I decided, with the encouragement of my colleagues, to begin networking in earnest. I am proud to tell you that I am now the member of at least 6 networking groups. I also want to share that networking effectively is not what I thought it was a year ago. It is far more than exchanging business cards, follow-up, and searching for new business opportunities. It is, in my view, a way of connecting with others, seeing them, make a heart-felt connection with 2-3 unique people with each networking opportunity, building community, contributing, and more. I have learned that seeing networking through this lens is much more attractive than the card exchange and chasing people – an important learning on my part.

Life is one great lesson – I am eager to hear yours as well!

Until next time…

Betty

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The New Story of ME

I had the opportunity this past week to present to two different West Island audiences – a public lecture sponsored by AMCAL Family Services and the English Montreal Coach’s Breakfast. It has been awhile since I have given key note presentations and it was refreshing to return to this energy and have a conversation with an audience. It was certainly a SIGN for me that this is where I want to play.

One of the topics that frequently arise during my presentations is, “Do you believe is counselling?” I assume the question is asked as I bill myself as a coach. I address this question by first clarifying the difference between coaching and counselling.

Here is my explanation: Coaching focuses on forwarding the action in your life. It does not look back; it assesses where you are at the present time and assists you in becoming clear about what you want to attract to your life. In this sense it is about today and the future.

Coaching utilizes the art of inquiry and deep listening. It may be the first time in your life that you feel totally understood and that you are valued unconditionally.The focus of coaching is to allow you to re-discover the many facets of who you are. This includes your strengths, gifts and talents; those aspects of yourself that you may be overlooking.

Is this similar to counselling? Counselling and Coaching have two things in common, they both begin with the letter ‘C’ and they are both based on working directly with a client to examine an aspect of their life. Counselling tends to focus more on the past, an excavation process which allows the client to examine old wounds, relationships, and the many aspects of life which could be intefering with the present. In this way counselling serves a purpose.

In responsing to the question “Do I believe is counselling?”, the anwser is yes and no. From a personal perspective I have always asked myself, how does it serve me to dig up the past. I ask my clients and audience participants the same question. It is not for me to decide on their behalf. I will add however, that where our attention goes, energy flows,  that is to say, I believe that if we focus on the wounds of the past we will attract more of the same. That is unless we become very clear regarding what we want instead of this ‘Old Story’.

Shifting back to coaching, the process I engage clients in is creating and recording their New Story. This involves listening in on the self-critic, who represents all the fears and limiting beliefs of the past wrapped up in one complex messy fur ball; untangling the strings that bind this mess together, and becoming clear on the messages you want to feed yourself everyday. My suggestion is that these messages stem from your Heart Voice, a guidance system deep within you that truly wants you to attract all that is in your highest good. These messages would be self-affriming; they would acknowledge you and the gifts and strengths you bring into the world in both your relationships and your work, and would encourage you to step fully into your personal power in terms of living the life you know to be the one you actually want to live.

The New Story is rich and deeply textured and it is built upon all the lessons of the past. As a coach, I don’t avoid discussing the past with clients, in fact I encourage clients to complete what I refer to as a life review. The purpose of this exercise however, is not to dwell there, but to assess those ‘bliss moments’ of your life. These moments represent those times in your life where all the dots lined up – you felt successful, you felt joyful, you felt complete. You knew that this was a significant achievement.

I offer this exercise as I have noticed, both in myself and others, that we rarely acknowledge ourselves. Instead we focus on what we did not achieve, on our failures if you will. As a result we do not really see ourselves and the contributions we have made to the world.

I hope the SIGN for you in this blog, is to step up and begin celebrating YOU. If you don’t know where to start or how to do this, find a coach. Although there is much to be learned from examining the past, today and the future is where your life is really playing out. It no longer serves you to linger in the days of memory, it is time for all of you to step into the New Story of Me, and begin living the life you have always wanted and which has been there waiting for you to claim it.

Until next time…

Betty

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Back Home

We arrived home at 12:45 a.m Wednesday, March 24th after 18 hours of driving. Was this what we intended? NO, yet the closer we got to home, the stronger the urge was to continue driving. This must be the same instinct that calls geese back to their summer homes.

For much of the route to Georgia from Tennessee and then home I had no map. I realized how much I like maps – that visual image of where you are travelling. In fact I felt rather blind without it. We did however have a GPS system which of course was reliable and guided us  easily to our destination. Still I was lacking in trust!

Then I realized that in ME FIRST I assist others in identifying their PGS (Personal Guidance System) which of course has a similar purpose to your car’s GPS. Our PGS is established from our intentions and where we want to go. It is guided by our core values, our call to service and our tick (Your Authentic Voice or who you ‘BE’ in the world). I always teach my clients to trust it and to let it guide you to your destination.

Obviously I saw the parallels between my car’s GPS and my personal PGS and I was left wondering if I fully trusted my Personal Guidance System without the benefit of a map to give me all the details of the journey.

Once again I understood that intention is designed to open up the landscape of possibility and calls to us to enjoy the journey. Details, the map, are not necessary, and when I am not following a map I can raise my eyes and enjoy the scenery.

Back at home we are getting ready to facilitate a team retreat tomorrow using one of my favorite tools, Insights Discovery. This is a Jungian Psychometric System that provides an opportunity for individuals to learn more about themselves and then subsequently their team members. I always enjoy introducing teams to this material as it enhances communication and relationships among team members.

That’s the check in. Until next time…

Betty

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The Smoky Mountains

The Great Smoky Mountains are the oldest mountains on earth, or so we are told. I have not checked this out from any scientific source and there is no reason to disbelieve what I have been told by the local residents. Certainly this place speaks of ancient wisdom – it is in the air, the mist, rooted in the trees and circling the peaks. As we hiked the other day through the forest and up a gentle climb, the forest floor was waking up, evidence of lilies and trilliums, jonquils, mountain laurel, dogwood and rhododendron about to burst into bloom. Spring is in the air and I love that we are here teaching “If I should wake before I die” just as everything around us is awakening.

We are now in Augusta Georgia after travelling another 6 hours today, south and east. Not exactly in the Tennessee neighbourhood yet when you are already in the south, difficult to say no to. Our friends and dousing teachers Joey and Jill Korn reside here. We have been constantly reminded throughout this three-week tour of the hospitality and generosity of our American friends.

Yesterday ended with a good tired feeling after 4 consecutive ME FIRST events. We had three extraordinary evenings and one full day retreat. Most events have been well attended, others small and I am learning it is not about the numbers, it about the quality of the people who join us for discussion and discovery. This trip was also the great experiment – we set an intention to reach people with ME FIRST and at this point we have attracted about 70 people to the different events and we have established a network here in the south. This is the critical first step.

One topic of discussion since we have been here relates the Health Care Reform introduced by President Obama. Today when I opened my e-mail, I received a message from Laura Davis, fellow author who stated the following:

I spent much of the afternoon, not getting a massage, not hiking, not writing personal stories, but watching the C-SPAN coverage of the health insurance debate.

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the vote. And for me this vote isn’t about someone else’s health coverage. It’s about mine.

Laura is a breast cancer survivor and is well aware of the costs of her care and what would have happened were she not covered by her partner’s health insurance. Her insurance will lapse soon as her partner retires. Another friend of mine who has had a long-term chronic illness has over one million dollars of accumulated health care debt which she states costs her the equivalent of 3 mortgage payments every month. As a Canadian it is unimaginable to me not to have easy access to health care and trust me despite our complaints and concerns about our system, we have no reason to complain. There are so many people here who simply cannot access health care and there is much fear evident among those who don’t want reform. I heard it the other day on the hiking trail as one of my fellow hikers asked me about our system, from friends and on the news. And there are many misconceptions about our system, so much so that I have wondered who fabricated the stories I hear. I cannot help but be engaged in the debate as this place, the wealthiest nation on earth, has a poverty mentality when it comes to sharing resources and offering equal access to all. Over the last 2 weeks I have watched my friend Betty Jones lobby with her friends and family for the reform. We as Canadians can set an intention for tomorrow’s vote that generosity and common sense rule.

The rain has returned after several wonderful days of sun and warmth. We will rest here for one day and then begin the trek homes, setting intentions for safe travel northward.

Until next time…

Betty