Author: Road Signs

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Make Procrastination Work for YOU

We all have those moments in our lives where we procrastinate. Chances are that, when this happens, you find yourself being very critical of your ability to put things off. I want to offer you another strategy for dealing with procrastination; one which I believe can help you to make your procrastination habits work for you.

Understand it First:

Before you jump into criticizing yourself, take a step back and understand what is behind your procrastination. Here are some of the common reasons I have uncovered with my coaching clients and some proposed solutions.

1. You don’t understand the goal or desired outcome of the activity you are involved in. This may happen because you are not clear yourself or because the person assigning you the task has not been clear in delegating to you. In this case, slow down and ask yourself what it is you really want, get clear on your specific outcome and what you want as a result. If the task has been delegated to you, sit with the other person and clarify the expectations.

2. You are a perfectionist. When you are playing the perfectionist game you end up stalling. Perfectionism requires that everything is perfect before you begin, all your ducks need to be lined up! Because you also want a perfect outcome, you throw yourself into overwhelm. The cycle is a vicious one! To deal with perfectionism, break your goal or task down into ‘chewable chunks’ and deal with that bite-size piece first. This helps to manage the overwhelm and minimize the planning required. Once you experience success with the first bite, you will have the confidence to move forward.

3. You lack confidence or the no-how to perform the task at hand. This is not uncommon especially when starting something new. A great strategy here is to remind yourself that you already have a great deal of knowledge; you are just applying it in a different way. Take what you know and apply this to the new activity. Bite off that first chewable chunk and start one step at a time.

4. You feel like a fraud. You hesitate to continue or start something new for fear that someone else will think you do not have the necessary education or expertise. Again, using the previous strategy, remember your experience and your accomplishments and remind yourself that you are simply building on this. Feeling like a fraud is usually your ‘stuff’; your sense of what others think is generally not valid.

5. You have previously had a negative experience with something similar. The memory of that ‘failure’ is haunting you and you just can’t get started. This is where you manage your fear and shift it into setting an intention for success. For example, I have all the competence and skill I require to be a success in this project. This is a positive growth experience for me. The last experience taught me all I need to know.

6. What you have been asked to do places you out of integrity with yourself. It is not unusual that other people ask you to do something that is contrary to your core values. If you are sensing a growing uneasiness with a request, it is time to exercise your NO-How and simply refuse to take it on. This is where hesitation works in your favor – you are exercising your judgment.

7. There is fear somewhere down the line and it is not immediately obvious. Fear is a common thing and it can be fear of failure, success, or the unknown. If this is behind your procrastination, take the time to examine what your fear is. Ask yourself this important question, “what is the worst thing that can happen as a result?” When you name the worst case scenario it usually minimizes the risk as you realize the ‘worst’ is not really that bad (and generally doesn’t even happen).

Facing procrastination and staring it down is one of the best things you can do for your life and your business. It helps you to understand what is behind it and take the time to strategize just how to approach it. You do not have to stay in the procrastination zone when you take this approach as, understanding it, helps you conquer it and indeed, make it work for YOU.

As Ottawa psychologist and business consultant Nancy Morris teaches, learn to use procrastination to solve the issues you are currently facing and understand why it is happening. Procrastination is an opportunity. From this point forward you do not have to complain about it or criticize yourself for it. Simply take the time to analyze it and when you understand it, create a strategy for moving forward.

Until next time…

Betty

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Re-Programing

It is rare these days to find something truly inspiring on television which is why the ABC interview with Gabrielle Giffords and her husband, astronaut and shuttle commander Mark Kelly, totally captivated me when it aired November 13th. For those of you who don’t know her, Giffords is the congresswoman who was shot in the head outside a shopping center in Tucson, Arizona one year ago. The injury should have killed her but it did not. The injury should have rendered her helpless, perhaps even brain-dead, but it did not. Her indomitable spirit and her remarkable relationship with her husband have steadily led her through a course of recovery which is truly miraculous.

Neuroplasticity

Giffords journey is an example of what neurologists and rehabilitation professionals refer to as ‘neuroplasticity’ – the remarkable ability of your brain to recover from an injury and find other ways to perform the tasks it did prior to the injury. In other words, the brain re-programs its self and forms new pathways. You might be questioning the relevance this has for you. No one wants to experience the need to re-program by attracting the type of devastating injury Gabrielle Giffords sustained and yet all of us have aspects of our thinking which can benefit from re-programming. The example I most often refer to in the ‘ME FIRST’ work has to do with self-talk, re-programming the caustic voice of your self-critic into a voice which is uplifting, that of your self-coach.

From Critic to Coach

Where do you start? Begin by listening in on the tape that is running in your head. I refer to this as your elevator music – you are often only vaguely aware that it is playing until one day you become annoyed with it. Don’t wait to become annoyed; begin to notice what you are saying to yourself while you are alone, while you are driving home for work, what you are saying to your friends about your day and what you accomplished. Notice what you focus on. Do you only remember the things that didn’t get done on your ‘to do’ list, the hiccups in your day, or perhaps where you believe you ‘screwed up’. Can you even recall the highlights of your day, where you made a difference, the many things you accomplished? The critic brings you to the negative side of the equation.

Here is where your re-programing begins. Tell him or her that she is not exactly accurate, perhaps even outdated in their view of you. Be clear with your critic that you would rather hear more about the upside of who you are. Every time the critic steps in, smile and say, “unh-unh!’ and shift the conversation to your coach’s message. Your default system is the critic; you have to form a new neural pathway for the coach. Every time you re-program the brain learns and eventually the critic’s voice begins to fade and you hear your coach’s voice instead.

Make a Choice for YOU!

Gabrielle Giffords has had to fight her way back from the brink of extinction, learning to talk, think, feel, walk, and function again. She has been and continues to re-program her brain, teaching her brain new pathways everyday. Your job is the same, just easier.

First recognize that living with a loud and vocal self-critic does not serve you very well – it simply lowers your self-esteem and diminishes your personal power. You don’t want to play this way in the world, as the world needs you to play differently and to be powerful beyond measure.

Second, give yourself a great gift and begin re-programming your critic into a voice that builds you up, a voice that believes in you and respects you for who you are. You deserve it and you are the only person who can truly give yourself this gift. Re-programming begins with ‘ME FIRST’, then you attract respect from others. I encourage you to check out Gabrielle Giffords story and to be inspired by her. Then make a choice for YOU and begin your own re-programing process.

Make the shift from critic to coach. Start today as time is ‘a wastin’!

Until next time…

Betty

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Lessons from the Road

As I mentioned in my previous roadSIGNS Column, I have had the opportunity over the last six weeks to travel across Canada. I have learned that it takes a certain discipline to get up each morning, check-in at the airport, travel to a new city, arrive at a new hotel each night and remember what room I have been assigned and finally, show up every evening with and enthusiastic and engaging presentation. As a result of my
observations of myself and others, I have learned many lessons which of course, not only apply to travelling but to life in general. It’s just that travelling puts everything under a microscope.

Lesson Number One: Stay in the Moment.

As someone who is notorious for thinking about what’s next, or what is happening next week, I have learned that this is not an effective strategy when I am travelling. Staying grounded and living in the moment however, is. The routine of changing locations everyday has forced me to wake up, ask what city and hotel I am in, assess where I am travelling to that day and upon arrival, focus on that evening’s program. Thinking ahead too far only creates confusion and distraction.

Lesson Number Two: Be Patient and Smile a Lot

When you have to go through airline security for several days in a row, it is very easy to become annoyed. I have never taken jackets, boots and belts off so many times in my life and I feel constantly embarrassed about undressing in public. The key to surviving this daily assault is to be patient, to joke with the security guards (imagine having their job!) and to smile a lot. That smile changes everything and lights people up along the way. I have learned that airport security is simply a job that has to be done and not to take it personally.

Lesson Number Three: Inspire Others

As I travel through these airports, I hand out attractionCARDS, inspiring messages which we produce here at roadSIGNS. This may be the agent at the check-in desk, the server at Starbucks, the occasional flight attendant, waiters and waitresses or shop keepers. What I have noticed is how a small thing like offering someone a message for their day makes a difference. One server at the airport in Halifax shared with me that travelers
are not nice people. They are always in a hurry and chronically grumpy. After offering her and her colleague an attractionCARD they lit up and stated that I had “made their day!” It’s not difficult to inspire others.

Lesson Number Four: When I Inspire Others I am Inspired

I have also noticed that when I take a moment to be pleasant, to smile, or tooffer a message, the same energy returns to me. As I leave an interaction with anotherperson, I frequently see them smiling and sharing the message I offered themwith someone else. And that lights me up. I realize that if I stay lit up and inspired it has an impact on my being, my work and my relationships. Energy given; energy received.

Lesson Number Five: Stay Rested

A constant change in time zones, a new hotel bed every night and evening programs which keep me awake thinking, make staying rested a real challenge. I developed the habit of meditating before each event, 15 to 30 minutes, of quiet reflection and breathing. It is interesting that I don’t afford myself that luxury when I am not travelling even though I know the benefits and how it allows me to be ‘on’ during my evening workshops. It is important ME FIRST time, that opportunity to serve myself first so that I can serve others well.

I am sure there have been other lessons as well – these are the principle ones. They apply to all of our days not just the travelling ones. And so I invite you to join with me and practice being present, being patient and smiling a lot, inspiring others and as a result, being inspired and staying
rested with a daily dose of ME FIRST time. These simple lessons can change your life in so many ways.

 

Until next time…

Betty

Betty Healey is the roadSIGNS Coach, coaching people back to life! Her new book, The ME FIRST Playbook, is now available at
the roadSIGNS website, www.roadSIGNS.ca

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The Dance

CBC is definitely my preference for radio listening. I especially enjoy the morning show with Jian Ghomeshi, although I don’t always appreciate his taste in music. In listening to radio shows like Jian’s Q, I frequently hear something that is a roadSIGN for me or something that triggers a train of thought or a new understanding. I love that roadSIGNS come in so many different forms.

On Tuesday of this past week, as I started the five hour drive to Toronto, Jian was interviewing well known Canadian dancer Margie Gillis. Many of you may not be familiar with her work – I was not until living in Montreal. She is not only a talented dancer – she choreographs dance works around the world and she is also a recipient of the Order of Canada. All that to say, she is an impressive figure.

At the age of 58 she continues to dance and perform. It was this aspect of the interview that intrigued me as I realized that, despite her age, despite having arthritis in her knees and the limitations this could bring to her dance, she continues. Certainly she has modified her approach and she admitted that she did not dance with the same vigor or style as she did in her twenties. What she does is she listens to her body, and the spirit housed within that body, and adapts her choreography accordingly. To quote Margie, “ Our bodies are a wonderful metaphor for our souls”.

This was the part that intrigued me. It was perfect contrast to a comment which arrived the other day on my blog  from someone who had just turned sixty. To quote her, “I just turned 60 too. It’s so horrible because I am over the hill. I don’t enjoyed the stuff I used to …” You can see where this was going. Obviously it is a point of view to which I do not subscribe, as I believe age is largely based on attitude and the choice you make every day for living your life. Hence my attraction to Margie Gillis’ vitality.

Through these two sources what has become clear to me is that I do not want to make age an excuse for not doing things. I want to listen to my 61 year old body, ask what it is telling me and be guided by its wisdom. I want to be grateful for the road this body has travelled, the places it has taken me, and for standing up with me through all types of weather. I want to adapt my dancing, as Margie is doing, and learn the steps that serve me well at this point in my life. I want to refute the limitations and use them simply as a guide for moving forward and choosing a new choreography.

The ME FIRST message that I embrace and teach specifies that whatever it is you want to change out there, in your life, begins on the inside, with ME first. As you read this, I encourage you to check in with yourself and wonder about your approach to life. Do you embrace everyday as a new opportunity or do you moan about growing older? Are you curious about life and what lies before you or do you focus on the things you can no longer do? Are you learning new dance steps or feeling badly that you can’t jive the way you did in your twenties?

Here is where I want to play and I am inviting you to join me. I plan to start playing my music again. My choices these days are different – I love the uplifting words of Karen Drucker and the jazzy tones of Diana Krall. I can dance to these songs, slow fluid steps around my living room. They are different from the upbeat choreography of the aerobic dance I once did, but they are in tune with my body, my spirit and my soul.

Will you dance with me?

Until next time…

Betty

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90 Seconds

As I read Martha Beck’s column in the most recent Oprah magazine, I was reminded once again of the importance of monitoring our thoughts. As Mike Dooley, www.tut.com, reminds us, “thought become things – choose the good ones”. So what do you do when a less than perfect thought comes bubbling up, apparently out of no where. What do you do when you become aware of these thought forms?

According to the new research emerging on neuroplasticity, spearheaded by folks like Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight), you have 90 seconds to re-program that thought.

WOW – only 90 seconds?

Actually 90 seconds is longer than you might think. First of all it gives you times to become aware of the thought, second it gives you time to shake hands with it, acknowledge it, and recognize that it is way less than perfect. Finally you have the opportunity to call into your awareness a more perfect thought. You get to do what I call ‘flip-it’.

What does that look like. If you find yourself in anger, resentment or judgment, ask yourself, ‘How would I rather feel?”

The answer may be something like, “I want to be in joy, peace or ease, perhaps even gratitude.”

The process then goes like this:

  1. recognize the thought roaming around in your head.
  2. assess how it makes you feel
  3. discern if that’s really where you want to play
  4. shake hands with the devilish thoughts  – do NOT dismiss it
  5. be clear on where you would rather be/play
  6. re-program the thought.

After 90 seconds, if you stay with the thought forms that do not serve you, they are registered in the brain. My best advice, confront, flip and shift  – in the long run this will serve you as it will be the new thought form, the one that serves you and helps you to be positive, which will be registered.

This is some food for thought (no pun intended) don’t you think?

Until next time…

Betty

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From Comfort to Courage

During the taping of the roadSIGNS TV Show for Cogeco Cornwall yesterday, a wonderful question arrived. Here it is:

What would it take for you to step out of your Comfort Zone and into your Courage Zone?

I love it when one of my clients, or in this case a member of our studio audience, asks one of those great questions. This is what keeps me on my toes and keeps me learning as well.

Yesterday we were filming a series of shows called Living in GRACE, GRACE being an acronym for Gratitude, Respect, Acknowledgment, Courage and Enthusiasm. As you can imagine this specific question came up during the conversation on Courage.

Courage shows up in so many ways everyday. Example:

  • the courage to choose something different or new , something outside your comfort zone
  • the courage to be curiosity and play in the land of what if…
  • the courage to set boundaries for yourself and say NO to others when you need to say YES to you
  • the courage to confront fears you have or those limiting beliefs that hold you in your comfort zone
  • the courage to stay the course once you have stepped onto it.

The great opportunity before each of us is to step out in courage and see what the world look like on the other side of our comfort zone. I had no idea what it would be like to have a TV Show. My curiosity went to the what if… and the rest is history. Do I get nervous. Darn right! It feels a little scary to be putting yourself out there, whether that is writing a new book, speaking to an audience or hosting a TV Show. Courage is required every time you make a new choice and that’s where excitement, enthusiasm and enjoyment live as well.

Are you ready to leave comfort behind for courage?

Let me know.

We will be launching the ME FIRST Playbook later this month, a fun and funky companion book to ME FIRST – If I Should Wake before I Die. You can pre-order at http://www.roadsigns.ca/products.html   or join us on Sunday, October 16th at the Cornwall Public Library, 1 PM for the official book launch.

Until next time…

Betty

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Notty or Nice

Every once in a while I receive something through e-mail that really resonates with me or makes me think a little deeper about a specific subject. These are of course one form of the many roadSIGNS which I attract.

Last evening I received the Knots Prayer from one of my neighbors. It sets a great tone for this week’s column:

Dear God:

Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind.

Erase all the will nots, may nots, might nots that find a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all Dear God,

I ask you to remove from my mind, my heart and my life

all the ‘am nots’ that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought that I am not good enough.

Amen

Author known to God

What a wonderful reminder of all the ‘nots’ that show up in your life on a daily basis. It does make you notice them. I like the prayer and part of me also wants to modify it. I am not big on the word ‘not’ and so I propose a second prayer build around the same idea, with slightly different wording. I call this the NICE Prayer, NICE standing for Now I Can Everyday.

The NICE Prayer

Dear God:

I untie all the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.

I release myself from what no longer serves me and attract all that is in my highest good.

I see what I have, that I can and what I do in all parts of my life.

I release myself from the could’s, would’s and should’s imposed on me by others.

And Dear God,

I choose to live in the ‘I AM’,

 understanding that who I am is perfect and definitely good enough,

and that I am powerful just as I am.

Amen

Both, by the way are great prayers and you can judge for yourself the one you prefer. I love the Knots Prayer yet felt myself feeling tangled up in all those nots. Since I understand how the Law of Attraction works, and how the Law does not recognize ‘not’ my preference was to remove them. Try it for yourself.

Most importantly, and here is the real message for today, notice where in your live your ‘nots’ live. Imagine if for every time you said ‘I can’t’ , you said ‘I can’. I imagine if for every time you said ‘I have not’, you said ‘I have’. Apply this rule to all the other ‘nots’ that have been showing up in your life, and change your vocabulary. I can assure you of this, ‘not’ is a word that limits you, holds you back, and diminishes you. The moment you enter the NO’NOT” ZONE, and remove the dastardly word from you vocabulary, you give yourself permission to dream, to grow, to expand, and most importantly, to step into your own power.

How simple is that?

Until next time….

Betty

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Amity Farm

About an hour outside New York City, in the Hudson Highlands, you will find a community called Warwick. Like most of the communities in that part of New York State, the homes are sprawling century old properties which speak of old wealth. The surrounding area is hilly and pastoral. Horse ranches and mixed farming abounds.

A few minutes out of Warwick, you will find Amity Farm, a training facility for budding equestrians (www.amityequestrianenterprizes.com) . It is Amity Farm that attracted us to Warwick, specifically two young ladies, Corey and Christine, who own and operate the business.

Amity Farm is more than an equestrian business however. It is a place for self-discovery through our relationship with horses. Jim, myself and our artist colleague, Tracy, were invited to participate in a day long program facilitated by Corey and Christine which offered participants a unique opportunity to discover more about themselves through horse companions.

Although I am not an expert on horses, this is what I learned that day. Fundamentally horses are no-nonsense kinds of beings. In other words, they get you. They know if you are calm or frazzled, honest or deceitful, grounded or scattered and they respond to you accordingly. They connect with you from the inside out. They will not be bullied or pushed around by you. The only way to really communicate with them is to be truly centered and sure of yourself.

Throughout the day at Amity Farm, we experienced a number of activities with our horse companions which truly did hold up the mirror. Those of us who participated were forced to see ourselves with new eyes, to understand that true leadership comes from deep within and connecting with others rather than be forceful and pushy. We learned about personal boundaries and how easily we allow these to blur when they are challenged.

As for my personal experience, following the workshop I had my first lesson in horsemanship with Corey coaching me through mounting and riding a horse. For some of you that may not be significant but as this was a new experience for me I had some initial trepidation. ROM, the largest of all the horses we played with that day, was my mount – he was very patient with me. Once in the saddle (and this was the greatest challenge for me) Corey gently coached me to get centered, both with my breath and my posture.

Corey, who calls this program “Ride Your Life”, stresses the importance of sitting in your own power. You can only communicate fully with the horse when you know who you are and sit confidently in that place. This is personal power, the ability to see yourself through the eyes of truth, knowing your strengths, gifts and talents and acknowledging them with gratitude. Through their intuition, horses know this about you. I guess that’s what they mean by horse sense.

I share this experience with you, as I am learning that there are many ways in which to discover the truth of who we are and how we play in the world. It had never occurred to me that I could learn anything from a horse, but then, until recently, I did not hang out with horses. This may have to change.

 

Until Next Time…

 

Betty

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Tug of War

I have been on vacation for exactly six days now, excluding weekends and the Civic holiday. I don’t count these as they are days I would normally gift to myself anyway. Vacation is an interesting time for me as I am sure it is for you. I keep telling myself that I can’t wait to put my feet up, get in some serious hammock time, bask in the sun (with lots of sunscreen) and read the latest New York Times best seller. And then the first day of vacation arrives, the hours span out in front of me. There is no schedule. There are no work projects to be completed. The ‘to do’ list is empty and I can breathe, finally!

That’s when the ‘tug of war’ begins. Suddenly the ‘to do’ list is resurrected, now filled with other items outside of the usual work ones. There are garden chores to be completed, the garage to be cleaned and perhaps the basement too, repairs on the deck, doors to be painted. Is this the ‘staycation’ I dreamed of. NO!

I need a Permission Slip, perhaps even a prescription from my doctor.
Something like: Two hours ‘being’ time t.i.d. (three times per day).
Best taken twice after meals with an ample amount of water and an occasional glass of wine.
Feet should be elevated and head well supported.
Accompanied by 15 minutes of meditation or daydreaming.
No self-critics allowed during this ‘being’ time.

I like that prescription – is it one you could follow? Or, like me, do you sometimes equate stopping, being quiet, settling in with a great novel to being lazy? It seems to me that when I was young I had no problem with this. As I have grown older I seem to have a greater sense of urgency about getting things done. Why is that? It is time to change gears.

One of the things I know for sure is that busyness precludes being quiet and that each of us, both you and I, need that down time. I call it opening space. This space is important because that is the time when we can actually receive, whether this means receiving from friends and family, or simply receiving from the ‘Universe”. If you have no time for reflection, you curtail your ability to learn, to think about your life, to ponder the important questions in your life, and to be open to new answers. I know this because when I choose to give myself the gift of time, not only do I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually better, I become more creative and attuned to what is next for me and our business.

It is interesting to notice that the word vacation is derived from vacate. Typically we vacate our premises or vacate our work. But perhaps we need also to vacate the usual routines of our life, the ‘to do’ lists, the family obligation and give ourselves the gift of time and space.

Here’s what’s up for all of us. Life, whether vacation or not, is filled with a number of ‘tug of wars’, our desires and wants versus the ‘shoulds’ often imposed on us. At every step we have choices to make. We get to choose what fills our days. We get to choose how we manage the space in our life.

If you are committed to your journey of self-discovery, I encourage you to become conscious and aware of the choices you make every day for you. It is time for space management – discerning what you give your energy to, how your daily doings feed your spirit and how much time you need specifically for you, that important downtime. Life is a journey, one that is meant to be lived fully and enjoyed.

I am headed for the hammock!

Until next time… Betty

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CATCHING MY BREATH

I AM ON VACATION!  It’s true, even the author of the book ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die has trouble slowing down. It’s not that I lack being time every day as I have learned the importance of the 1% rule, dedicating at least 15 minutes to myself everyday. It’s just that when you own your own business and you love what you do, you sometimes forget to stop and breathe and take an actual day off.

I found myself lollygagging  in bed this morning. I had scheduled myself for a 7:30 a.m. walk, but when the alarm went off, I simply curled up with Tasha, one of the four felines in our home, and continued to doze. Oh that felt so good! I finally made my way to the front porch where I found the sun shining warmly, and after applying a liberal coat of sun screen (my derm. would shoot me if she found me in the sun naked!) I started reading a book I have been working on for a few weeks and which has triggered my impatience – what will happen?

The gardens are also calling to me – I like to putter around, weeding, digging, dead heading. The thing with gardens is that they change everyday and if you don’t take the time to appreciate them you will miss something. And isn’t that like life.

Jim and I have this daily mantra, roadSIGNS is open for business. We are attracting opportunities, potentialities and possibilities to expand our work in the world. New perfect clients are entering the doors of our business and we are showered with amazing abundance everyday. And yes, that mantra continues even during our ‘staycation’ as I have learned that part of attracting new business is creating space, emptiness. You can’t attract new possibilities and so on, if the space is too full. And so my work at this moment is to release all that no longer serves me in a very conscious way, the old ways of doing things and some of me being habits as well. That takes breath, reflection, relaxation, and simply stopping.

I hope you are taking some vacation time this summer as well and that you have the wisdom not to pack it full of activities for you, your husband and possibly your kids. There is nothing wrong with that, I simple want to suggest that you schedule ME FIRST time for yourself and create the space for your own spiritual expansion. You might be surprised at what comes in. I’ll keep you posted regarding my own discoveries.

Until next time…

Betty