Black Dots

There is a saying that goes like this: Where ever your attention goes, energy flows.

It serves as a reminder for you and me to wake up and recognize what we give our energy to everyday.

For example: I was at a networking meeting yesterday. As I often do, I took a few minutes at the end of the allotted time to sit with someone I had met during the event. (These networking events can be very superficial if you do not take the time to get to know at least one person in the room whom you did not know before). As I chatted with Paul, I made inquiries about his business. He was very engaging and friendly, and genuinely enthusiastic about his work until I mentioned the issue of management. In sharing with him some of my work I described a program we are currently running designed to teach managers how to be more effective coaches and the benefits of this to the organization.

“Man, we sure could use some of that where we work. I don’t know what my manager is thinking! He seems to be able to identify the things I have done wrong and completely overlook all the wonderful work I have accomplished in the last few months. It gets me down and I have another meeting with him tomorrow to discuss my apparent performance issues.” Paul’s frustration was evident. 

I call this the ‘black dot’ phenomenon. To understand this, simply take out a sheet of blank paper, preferably with no lines. In the center of the page draw a small black dot. Put your pen down. Stare at the page. What do you see? Most of you will say, “I see a black dot” and you will be right. And, what else do you see? Again, this may be puzzling as you are thinking, is she crazy, I see a black dot! 

And therein lays the problem. We see the black dots in life and we completely overlook all the white space that remains on the page. Now that you have noticed that the sheet of paper has two things on it, the dot and the space, notice the size of the dot compared to the rest of the page. Proportionately, the white space is much larger. My point- most of us see the black dots, and forget about the white space completely. As we give our focus to this black dot, representing a problem that has arisen in some aspect of our life or, as in the case above, some aspect of performance, the dot grows. Like a dried up sponge, the energy you give it is absorbed and it doubles, triples, quadruples in size until you can’t see the white space any more. And wherever your attention goes energy flows. 

You may notice a few black dots in your life. For example, your inner critic is chastising you for not completing all the ‘to do’s’ on your lengthy list, and you find yourself ruminating about these uncompleted projects. It pulls you down. You are so focused on this black dot that the white space around it is obliterated. The white space contains all the accomplishments of your day – the projects that were completed, the meetings you attended, the interactions with co-workers or clients, your many successes. 

It seems to be human nature to focus on the negative, you need only to turn on the TV each day and listen to the news. In less than 30 minutes every human infraction and tragedy from around the globe is downloaded onto your shoulders and by the end of the program you feel assaulted by a tsunami of bad news. Is it really possible, that in the entire world, there can be only tragedy? Every once in a while a story of heroism or a random act of kindness makes the air waves, and when it does, you notice that it lights you up just a little. The focus of National News however, is to report the black dots with an occasional glimpse at the white space. 

You and I do have a choice however. You can decide what you feed yourself and what you give energy to. The next time you see yourself focusing on the black dot, ask yourself what else is on the sheet of paper. You may be surprised to see that an amazing array of accomplishments occupies the white space. 

Is it time for you to check in with you and to ask, “Do I naturally see the black dots in my life, or do I see the white space which surrounds them?” Be aware that if your focus is constantly drawn to the black dots, the things that deplete you emotionally and spiritually, you will continue to attract more of the same. Likewise, when you bring this into balance by appraising the amazing accomplishments that also fill your days, the white space, you feed yourself emotionally and spiritually. I highly recommend that you see the black dots and the white space in your life proportionately.

Until next time….

Betty