Grow up! How many times did you have a parent, sibling, or teacher say that to you? I am sure you can also remember all the times you reflected on who you were going to be when you grew up, or what you were going to do. As a child, growing up may simply be reaching your teen years, the magic age of thirteen. As an adolescent the bar is raised to turning twenty-one – ‘legal age’ – and being able to drink and vote. Now there’s an interesting marriage. Then one day you are twenty-one, or thirty-one or fifty-one, and you realize you are still contemplating who you are going to be when you grow up and wishing, sometimes with an ounce of desperation, that someone would simply tell you what it is and you could just get this growing up thing over with.
Here is an alternate thesis. What if we never grow up? What if not growing up is the perfect equation? What if growing up is overrated?
Growing up has been the conversation among a number of my friends and clients recently, and I believe that we have come to the conclusion that growing up simply isn’t in the cards for us. Imagine if you did grow up, then what? What would you turn your attention to next? What would keep you engaged and curious about life? What would drive you to continue learning?
If you grew up, would you have to stop playing? Would you inner child be left in the dust, forbidden from peaking his/her head out every once in a while? Would you have to assume only adult responsibilities?
I am thinking that if this is so, life could become very boring and quickly overwhelming. I want to propose, here and now, that we all agree that growing up is overrated! What is a grown-up anyway? Consider this for a moment. Perhaps re-visit your childhood and teenage ideas of what a grown-up was. Old comes to mind for me, hard working, tired, responsible. Hmmmm – that’s not perfect. Let’s try another definition: clear about what they want, curious, always learning something new, experimenting, knowledgeable. That description is much more palatable for me yet as I write it I realize that were I to fit this description I would have to commit to lifelong learning, the ability to change, and a desire to constantly reset my compass as I understand what it is I truly want.
I think the reason I am responding to the idea of being grown up negatively is that it feels like if I were, I would stop and stand still.; that being grown up is the end point, the destination rather than the journey. And this really is it isn’t it. You become so focused on where it is you want to land in your life, the great goal in the sky, that you forget to enjoy the ride and take in the scenery along the way. Then one day you attain that goal and you sit back and wonder, “What was this all about? I am here and I feel empty.”
I have many friends hitting landmark birthdays this year, many of whom are turning fifty, and just as many others turning sixty, including me. Without hesitation most of them are laughing gently at themselves as they realize that even though they have hit these landmark ages, they still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up. And I respond great, that’s refreshing. And if they continue by saying, “One day I will grow up”, I respond with, “That’s too bad!” A few chuckle at my response as they understand that to grow up is to be in a rut (by the way, the difference between a rut and a grave is that one has a lid!), to be finished with life. Some are surprised and inquire as to my response and I gleefully embark on an explanation.
Grow up! I don’t think so. Let’s re-think this shall we. I propose we start saying ‘be alive’, implying that regardless of age, we retain a joyful approach to life, that we lighten up.
What do you think – are you ready to join me in a revolution in which we release the idea of growing up forever and embrace the idea of staying young and curious.
The conversation about growing up is one all of us have been in for a very long time and it will continue. I dare you however; to throw it aside and really decide if that is perfect for you. I have decided it is not for me. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in acting like an adult and assuming my adult responsibilities, I just want to do so with a zest for life and a craving to continue to learn and dream. In my view, growing up is fluid rather than static, it is not the end point, it is the journey. I will never get there!
What do you think? Care to join me in the sandbox of being alive, young and curious? Come on in and play with me? Until next time….
Betty