2013 - Page 2 of 4 - Road Signs

Posted on August 13, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Art is the Message

About a year ago, I was sitting at The Grind, in a meeting with one of my colleagues when a new comer to town, Bruce Davis, was introduced to me. My colleague, meaning well I am sure, explained that Bruce had just been given the task of facilitating the development of the new Arts and Culture Council for the region. The conversation expanded, my colleague noting that I had been involved in coaching local artists for many years in business practices, something most artists don’t have naturally. On we went, travelling the landscape until I was asked if I would be interesting in running for the Arts and Culture Board.

Do you ever wonder how you get yourself involved with such things or perhaps more importantly, what is the meaning of it all?

I have been a member of the Your Arts Council (YAC) Board now since its inception. There have been some frustrating moments as we, a group of 13, stormed and normed on our way to becoming a team. Several months later, we have slightly fewer members and we have just completed our ‘Governance Process”. We have learned how to be an effective board and we have reached a point of unity and performance.

Aside for the effort and dedication required in being a board member (and this is true of any board) there have been many additional advantages to my involvement. Personally I have been challenged to once again take a look at my artistic persona or lack thereof. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago in my column ‘Happy Accidents’, I had abandoned my art 30 years ago. Now I find myself on the YAC Board, representing the interests of artists and the art community and feeling rather alienated as I am not a part of it. This is not an attractive place to be. I realized that if I wanted to see our community filled with artists who are engaged and successful, I needed to re-connect with my artistic soul. I needed to be part of it.

In stepping back into this arena, re-engaging my passion for art and tapping back into my own artistic desires, I have begun to appreciate once again the importance of art. Art is, in my view, a message. Like music and dance, art is an international language, one that is instantly understood by those who experience it. The appreciation of music, dance and art is individual, guided by our own preferences and experiences, our likes and dislikes. The arts communicate to us, convey a message. There is the intention of the creator and there is the experience you have as a result. The interesting thing is the intended message and the received message don’t really matter. What is important is the connection that art, music, dance and other expressive arts create.

With my increased involvement in the arts and culture community, I have begun to realize how much we need art, dance and music in our life. Consider this for yourself – a painting that stole your breath, a dancer who floated across the stage and took you with her, or a piece of music that plays just behind your ears and makes you smile when you hear the chords or words. I love music, dance and art that makes me think, that pulls me in and perhaps even shakes me up a bit, or that makes me grin and see the humor in life.

Here is what I want you to know. Our world is filled with gifted and talented people, artists, dancers, musicians and much more. They are easy to miss unless you become aware of them. The Seeker has been great at letting us know what is happening, and there is always something: an open-mike night at the Grind, Arts Fest or Apples and Art (coming late September), an exhibit at TAG (The Art Gallery), drumming circles, dance. All you need to do is be curious, become aware and step out.

Final Word

People are always asking you to support the Arts. I suggest you support yourself and take in the arts and experience the message. In a world that is busy and often filled with negative news, choose to shift your energy to a place where you can allow your spirit to soar. Take in a show or take a class. Re-claim your artistic soul. Oh, and by the way, all of us are artists; artistic expression takes on many forms. Is it time for you to find yours?

Upcoming Coaching Circle
If you are interested in re-discovering your inner artists and/or identifying and living from your strengths, join us for the upcoming Coaching Circle. This is a 7 week program that begins Tuesday, September 17th. for details go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/upcoming-retreats-events/coaching-circles-retreat/

The Evolutionary Process
Are you experiencing the challenge of living in the higher vibrational energy of 2013? Would you like to have tools and practices designed to help you ‘plug-in’ to this higher vibration, attract greater wellness and live easily in this new reality?

The Evolutionary Process – Galactic Healing is designed to help you heal at every level. Join us September 21-22 for an amazing two-day retreat facilitated by Denine Savage, P.T., I.M.T., C. P.A., C. For more information go to http://www.roadsigns.ca/wp/guest-host-retreats/

Until next time,

Betty

Posted on July 24, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Three Feet at a Time

I am a Gardener. For some people, that may not seem significant that is unless you look at the size of our gardens. A large amount of summertime energy is dedicated to trimming, planting, weeding, grooming and creating, so much so that we rarely choose to travel in this season. Those who visit our home frequently ask us for the name of our gardeners at which point Jim and I simply share that they are looking at them and no, we don’t want any gardening contracts.

Despite the work involved in this rather large project, the garden is a source of many lessons. The most significant of these lessons is what I call, ‘three feet at a time’. This lesson first appeared in 2002 when Jim and I began construction of the Garden Labyrinth.

A labyrinth, in case you are wondering, is in the ‘maze’ family however, designed to lead you in and out without getting lost. It has been used by different cultures to represent a pilgrimage, for walking meditation and for community building. Our labyrinth is 40 feet in diameter, a gravel path separated by gardens filled with thyme and lavender.

Back to the building process; on day one I walked into the back yard where Jim had marked the pathway in the lawn. As I examined the size and the scope of my work for the week, creating the border garden, I felt myself in a state of overwhelm. A few unmentionable expletives erupted from my lips. Panic set in. Where upon Jim appeared with a yard stick, set it down in front of me and gave me the following instruction, “Place the yard stick down, mark off the first three feet, dig up the grass, till and add fresh soil. Pick up the yard stick, mark off the next three feet, repeat. Do not look up; keep moving forward three feet at a time until you are finished.” Four days later I looked up and realized I had completed my assignment.

Three feet at a time comes up every time we begin a new garden project, this year creating a shady glen at one corner of the property where scrappy grass, weeds, moss and wild violets needed to be cleared first. As I looked at the scope of the project, I reached for the yard stick and marked off the first three feet. It works every time.

I actually use this lesson over and over again in all aspects of life. As someone who tends to see the big picture before the individual parts, I can easily get lost in overwhelm. You may notice yourself in this zone as well. Overwhelm can lead to procrastination, a sense of being stalled or send you off in a tail spin.

The principle of three feet at a time can pull you out of both spinning and stalling every time. The idea of three feet is to break down the whole into chewable chunks, those bits which you know you can take on now and which when added together, lead you to accomplishing the whole. Along the way you get to experience a whole bunch of little successes, points in time where you can derive a sense of satisfaction for accomplishing the first steps of the whole. And this builds your sense of accomplishment and your self-esteem.

Much of my coaching practice is dedicated to helping people break down the overwhelming into chewable chunks. For some people it comes naturally. Not so for others. Here are a few suggestions for applying the three feet at a time principle:

1) Name the project and the outcome you wish to achieve. Visualize it and make it as real as you can.

2) Work backwards and look at what steps you need to accomplish to get there.

3) Take each step and ask yourself what the first three feet are. Repeat until you have a sense of what needs to be completed.

4) Take on the first three feet. Don’t look up – keep repeating until the first chewable chunk is completed.

5) Celebrate and acknowledge yourself for what you have accomplished.

6) Take on the next chewable chunk and repeat the process.

7) Always remember to celebrate each step of the way. This builds you up and fuels the fire to continue.

The Glen - a plce for energizing and reflection — The Glen – a place for energizing and reflection

Final Word

I have been very grateful for the garden lessons I have learned and how they have leaked into other aspects of my life. I enjoy resting my head on the pillow at night and reviewing the day behind me and feeling grateful for each three-foot section I have accomplished. While three feet at a time may seem simplistic, trust me, it is a valid and powerful strategy. Are you ready to tackle your life three feet at a time?

Until next time…

Betty

Posted on July 9, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Happy Accidents

I have made a commitment to myself this summer to set aside one day (or more) every week to pursue creative endeavors. In my late teens and throughout my twenties I studied art, pen and pencil, charcoal, and oils. I took classes with artists who were protégés of Arthur Lismer, on of Canada’ Group of Seven. I even sold a few pieces and had several paintings leave for places unknown when my colleagues from Australia, South Africa and England purchased my work.

And then one day we moved to Alberta and for some reason the paint box was put away, tucked into a safe place in the basement. I did have other creative outlets such as rug design and rug hooking and other similar crafts, but my hands never touched a paint brush.

When we returned to the east, I dove into work and teaching part-time, then back to school for another degree. At one point during this time, I attended a show of Georgia O’Keefe’s paintings and while the brushes still remained untouched a little fire was lit. I found myself saying, “Someday I will get back to my painting”. Of course the’ some days’ became weeks, months and years.

Fast forward to 2013: I received an e-mail from OBO Studio run by Tracy Lynn Chisholm and Emily McLeod advertising a workshop called ‘Paint Your Horizon’. An interesting title, I thought – a great metaphor for life. (I am always looking for such metaphors). I sent Tracy an e-mail simply saying this looks like fun, congratulations. She responded by saying, “Thanks for your inquiry, I have you registered in the program”. This was the first ‘happy accident’.

Although it had not been my intention to register, I did not say anything to Tracy. I knew it was time to make friends with the brushes again. I loved the workshop, the technique and felt at home with the brush in my hand. It is like riding a bike!

I immediately signed up for another workshop entitled ‘Georgia O’Keefe’. Now this one absolutely had my name on it! While this time the medium was pastels, I once again felt at home. I also noticed that even if my state of mind was not feeling aligned with my creative juices, it didn’t matter. Once I start I am lost in the process, my head clears, I am engaged, I relax and breathe and for a change, I am totally in the moment. The experience offers me everything I teach to others – another happy accident?

The next SIGN occurred on my birthday. Each year I order my Life Path report from my colleague Shaina Noll. Based on numerology the report identifies the key themes for your life in any given year. One of the themes identified for me this year is ‘Multifaceted Creativity’. Nothing like bringing the point home and evidently, the time is now, where upon I signed up for my third workshop, Flower Play.

Flower Play introduced me to the idea of ‘happy accidents’. Designed to be free zzfrom and abstract, the process of painting a masterpiece occurred through a series of steps where you literally add paint to a canvas in layers, and allow the painting to emerge. No photos to copy, no specific design to emulate, no rules to follow. I felt an unsettling in my belly. It
was one thing to pick up a brush; it was another to trust my imagination. In the previous workshops I had used an image to guide my work. OMG!

As my painting grew, many happy accidents happened: an accidental splattering of fuchsia paint all over the canvas, watered down paint dripping down the canvas when I stood it upright, and a few smudges here and there.

The happiest accident however was when I grew frustrated with my tools and tried to correct something with my finger. The feeling of paint on my finger tip was sensual, the effect amazing, and from that moment forward my finger tip became my brush. It was so cool and so much fun. And as for that initial trepidation, I felt like the lion had been let out of the cage as my fingers attacked the canvas with shades of indigo, purple, violet, yellow and several shades of green. The result may not be a masterpiece but it makes me joyful!

Final Word

I suspect life is full of happy accidents. Likewise I am convinced that many of us may be ignoring them or pushing them away. Life might be very different if you picked up the paint brush again, opened your heart to happy accidents and began painting the canvas of your life in a way that frees you. Is it time to let your lion out of the cage?

Until Next Time,

Betty

Posted on June 24, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Power of Gratitude

Last week I had the privilege of attending a networking event for entrepreneurs. I chose this event at it was billed as The Gratitude Circle. There have been many ‘gratitude roadSIGNS’ in my life of late from simple conversations, to radio programs, to articles, all extolling the importance of gratitude in our lives. In contrast to this however, I continue to find that many people are not aware of the idea of a ‘gratitude practice’ or the important role gratitude can play in your life.

Being Consciously Aware
Bringing gratitude into your life is really a ‘mindfulness practice’, specifically taking the time to become consciously aware of what your day has offered you and to express gratitude for the many apparently insignificant things that have shown up. For example: a colorful morning sky, an inspiring song on the radio on your way to work, a heartfelt interaction with another person, meeting a client’s needs and receiving great feedback on a job well done, a shared moment after work with a few friends, a great dinner with your family, seeing the first hummingbird of the season, or simply having great health and feeling amazing.

Notice how actively unconscious most of us are. Consider this; you get in the car every morning to drive to work. You arrive and as you pull into your parking spot you suddenly realize, wow, I am already here. I didn’t even notice the drive in – I was on autopilot. The radio was blaring yet I didn’t hear anything anyone said as they were all talking at the same time. I didn’t notice anything along the way – did I miss something? OMG, I really am living in auto-pilot! The day continues, and because much of your life is routine, it slips by, the details of the day unnoticed.

Gratitude Lifts YOU Up!
Gratitude gives you an opportunity to look at your life through the lens of positivity. In her book entitled Positivity, Barbara Fredrickson states that the old story is that anything that feels good is merely a distraction – trivial, inconsequential and expendable. The new story however, backed by science, is that these same good feelings are the active ingredients needed to allow us to flourish, that is feel good about ourselves and our lives. This begins by learning to cherish those special moments in your life, bringing your focus to what you are grateful for.

By cherishing those special moments in your life, you begin to feel better about yourself. This allows you to be more resilient. Research has demonstrated that feeling positive about your life, which is the end product of gratitude, has far-reaching benefits including building a stronger immune system, a cardio-vascular system which is less reactive to stress, and increased optimism. Finally, if you feel better about YOU today, there is a good chance that you will feel better about YOU tomorrow.

I have nothing to be Grateful for!
I do hear this, often! A former coaching client of mine shared that she had nothing in her life to be grateful for, no one loved her and she was all alone. I asked her to take a closer look at her life, her relationship with her son, and her relationship with her colleagues. When she did this, she realized that she had a great deal of love in her life and when she expressed gratitude for this, more love appeared. At the point that I had begun speaking with her, she was engaged in a contentious divorce and child-custody battle with her former husband. As she shifted her focus to love and being grateful, her relationship with him changed and he dropped the suit.

Gratitude shifts your awareness and changes your energy. When your energy changes, so does the energy around you.

Final Word
Gratitude is a powerful energy, bringing you into a conscious relationship with what is right with your life. I encourage you, just as I do my clients, to begin some type of Gratitude Practice as part of your life. This can be a Gratitude Journal where you record your daily gratitudes or, my favorite one, sharing what you are grateful for with your family as you sit down for dinner.

Whatever your choice, know that gratitude will change your life – it has been proven scientifically!

Until next time…

Betty Healey

Posted on June 11, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Along the WAY…

On Sunday June 9^th, Jim and I celebrated our fortieth wedding anniversary. Marriage is an amazing journey. Along the way, I have learned a few lessons about what makes a marriage grow and ripen. The first was that I entered marriage expecting it to last. Perhaps this was because of the failure of my own parents’ relationship. Before jumping in, I took the time to be clear of my expectations of myself, of Jim and what lay before us.

Were there challenges along the way – of course there were. What forty year journey would be void of a few potholes and speed bumps? As I see it, these are only opportunities to come up for air, check-in and ask, “are we headed in the right direction?”

More often than not individuals within a relationship are headed in different directions which is why the relationship fails. The statistics are clear, one of every two marriages don’t work. There are lots of reasons why they don’t and I have no judgment regarding the ones that fail. I also see that some marriages could be saved. The thing is, a good marriage like anything, takes a little work.

What I have learned along the WAY…

Here are a few on the many lessons I have learned that build a relationship and save a marriage:

Don’t make your partner wrong. Notice how you use ‘yes, but’ in your conversations, how you want to ‘win’ an argument or ‘make’ your point. Yes but makes your partner wrong. There is room for two points of view in every conversation. Try using ‘yes and…’
Appreciate the differences. Research has shown that successful relationships are built around differences. In many cases there is more room for argument when you are too much alike. There is truth to ‘opposites attract’ – allow the differences to round you out rather than finding fault with them and trying to convert the other person to your way.
Build your relationship around shared values. This in my view is the centerpiece for a relationship. Differences can exist easily when values are shared. Take the time to define and share them and then engage them within your relationship, with your children and with important others.
After ME FIRST comes WE FIRST. So many couples we work with have put their relationship on the back burner because of their children or their careers. It doesn’t work because one day you will face a stranger. Build in WE FIRST time weekly, whether this is a cup of coffee together after dinner or a weekly date night.
Be interested in one another, whether that is your hobbies or your work. In that shared WE FIRST time, ask questions of one another and learn what is going on behind the scenes, discuss issues, support one another.
Speak up! If there is an issue in your relationship or if you want something to change or shift, state it. Too frequently individuals don’t speak up, believing that the other person ‘should know’. They don’t. You can’t have what you don’t ask for.
Ask differently. Through the years I learned that saying ‘I want this or that’ didn’t feel right to me as it sounded selfish. So I found other ways of stating my viewpoint or asking. My favorite is, “What would be perfect for me is…” or ‘Would you consider this or that…”.
Don’t hide your anger. It does make you sick. I used to do this as I was taught that is was wrong to show emotion, especially anger. Trust me; it is better expressed at the 8^th hour than the 11^th hour when it is exploding out of you. Take your partner aside and share with him or her what is going on. A good strategy is the ‘I’ message which goes like this, “when you say this, I feel/think this…”
Learn together. Learn about yourself and learn about your relationship. If anything has kept Jim and I going through the years, it is our desire to raise the bar on our relationship, have some fun and find other ways to know one another.
Be your partner’s best friend. Lustful love and the bells and whistles of new love are temporary. Friendship is much more enduring and feeds the love you have for one another. That does not exclude romance however, which is important. Find ways of keeping it in your relationship as well.

Final Word

Remember, marriage is a journey. It will meander. Two partners will diverge and converge along the way. That’s perfect as long as you stay on each other’s radar and keep connecting. Enjoy the ride.

Until next time…

Betty

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Beginning is Near

In a coaching session recently with one of my clients, we discussed her future. After retiring three years ago and taking time to consider her options for the rest of her life, she was now prepared to look at what’s next. As with many of my clients, when the conversation begins, there is a lot of spinning, considering the endless possibilities. Clarity can be elusive. This is where coaching comes in, the opportunity to narrow the field and to identify what it is that really ‘lights’ you up.

Following our conversation, my client left for another meeting. I reminded her to watch for the SIGNS. Later that day I received an e-mail from her with the following, “I left your place remembering what you said. When I walked I to my next appointment, I saw this sign, “The Beginning is Near”. Now isn’t that a roadSIGN!”

I loved it. That is how it works. The Universe is always on your side, feeding you information constantly. The question is, are you paying attention.

My client that day was on high alert, swimming in the conversation of what she wants to attract and create in her life. The message The Beginning is Near seemed so appropriate.

SIGN Spotting
SIGNS for me have always represented those Significant Insightful Gold Nuggets informing my Spirit. SIGNS may not be actual signs as my client experienced; they show up in many forms from an interview on the radio, a morning horoscope, a message from a friend, a posting of Facebook, something or someone crossing your path. Life is full of meaning; we are unfortunately, for the most part, oblivious to what is there.

SIGN spotting requires living consciously, getting away from living life on autopilot which most of us do, and becoming more mindful and aware of what is going on around us. This is a challenge in the fast paced world we live is so yes, it does mean slowing down a bit, noticing more, asking more questions, reflection and sometimes, simply breathing.

Look at it this way. Your life and manifesting what it is you want, is the most significant project you will ever take on. As with any project, it needs to be planned. You need to determine what it is that you desire as you look down the road. We call these intentions, naming what you want. Again, as with any project, you require data. This is where SIGNS come in – the angel whispers offered to you by Source, or the Universe, whatever you call you higher power, telling you whether or not you are on the right path, giving you support and encouragement, confirming the path you have chosen, and occasionally challenging you to change directions.

Heavenly Faxes
My friend Larry Snow in Colorado calls his SIGNS heavenly faxes and because Colorado has a lot of personalized license plates, cars are his typical SIGN spotting opportunity. After divorcing his wife of seventeen years, and then through therapy giving himself time to heal, Larry found himself attracted to another woman. He was however, reticent to get involved even though he knew that Margie was special and potentially the one.

As he considered the past, he found himself behind a green mustang with the license plate LET GO. As Larry said, this caused him to chuckle. A few days later as he was considering his next steps with Margie, he pulls up behind a Nebraska car with the plate 1 TO GO 4.

There was no turning back, the SIGNS in his life were definitely feeding him data. The final SIGN happened a few weeks later, when Larry again hesitated. In his words, “As I looked left before merging into the morning rush-hour traffic, I noticed a blue Volvo cresting the hill on South Wadsworth Boulevard — beneath the snowcapped mountain backdrop its green vanity plate stated simply and succinctly: MARGIE.”

Final Word
Whether you call them SIGNS, angel whispers, or heavenly faxes, you have access to more information than you can possibly imagine.

It’s a simple choice: wake up to your life and become aware of what is going on around you. The beginning is near!

Betty Healey

Join us for our next Retreat May 22-23rd^th – ME FIRST, a two day retreat that focuses on Clarity + Action.
You can sign up at http://www.roadsigns.ca/upcoming-retreats-events/me-first-retreat/.

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

It’s the Journey not the Destination

Last Wednesday I attended a networking event in Montreal. As I venture out to new networking events I carry two burning questions: will I meet someone and make a heartfelt connection and will I walk away with some new learning or piece of information. Like anything else in life, I believe that networking needs to be intentional.

I was not disappointed. The guest speaker was Bhaskar Goswami of Bodhi Yoga Center in Montreal ( www.bodhiprinciple.com) who delivered an entertaining speech on a trek he and three cousins completed in the Himalayas. It was not particularly new information to me just a simple reminder of things I know but fail to practice consistently.

As Bhaskar shared his experience I was reminded that I have a tendency, when beginning any journey, to focus on where I am going, the destination. In doing so I often forget about the experience, that is the journey itself.

While this focus serves my need for being purposeful, it is a bit like wearing blinders, prohibiting me from checking my peripheral vision and actually experiencing what is going on in the moment. And so, if you are like me, I suggest that we all pause to smell the roses and to begin being more present with our journey, whether that is simply life, a big project we are managing or an actual trek up a mountainside.

“Perhaps the turtle knows the road better than the hare.”

Take the First Step

Have you ever noticed that when you focus on the destination, the entire picture, that you get a wee bit overwhelmed. Eleven years ago I learned a vital lesson in living the journey when Jim and I built our garden labyrinth. On the morning of June 2^nd I stepped into the back yard to survey the project we were about to begin. Three weeks earlier Jim had cut the design for the labyrinth out of the grass. It was 40 feet in diameter and while I understood it was going to be no small feat, I had not fully comprehended the full breadth of the project. My task was to lift the remaining grass in the design, dig up the soil and prepare the area as a garden.

My first response was a few expletives which cannot be shared in this article! You can use your imagination here. Then Jim appeared carrying a yard stick. He set it down in front of me and gave me the following instructions: Place the stick down, mark off the first three feet, move the stick away, dig up the grass, till the soil. REPEAT. Do not lift your head, simply be in the experience until you have finished. Respond to your task and enjoy each 3 foot segment.

I did as he suggested and despite being tempted I did not look up. I stayed in the moment learning that it was very meditative to do so. Four days later the labyrinth was done and honestly, I could not have completed the task without following Jim’s instructions.

The lesson, three feet at a time, has stayed with me since. Each time I begin a new project or embark on a new journey, I bring myself into the experience and consider the first three feet. Using this strategy will allow you to be more present and mindful of your surroundings, taking in information that is readily available to you but which can be so easily missed if you keep your focus only on the destination. It also enriches the experience.

I so often meet individuals who are in overwhelm. It is my belief that they have lost a sense of the journey and why they are on the journey. Responding to overwhelm has two possible options: spinning, which is just continuing on the same course and forgetting to get grounded in the moment or pausing, which as described here brings you into the moment and allows you to be clear on your choices and decide on the first three feet.

I can assure you, at least from my own experience, that carving out the first three feet, works wonders. And so I invite you to do the same: be present, mark off the first three feet, and enjoy the journey. You will reach your destination and along the way, enjoy the experience more.

Until Next Time,

Betty

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

Spring Clean Your Life

With the sounds, sights and smells of spring appearing all around me, the urge to purge has also arrived. It’s that time of year for spring cleaning. This year I am also resting with the question, what would it be like to spring clean my life, not just the house or the garden?

With some contemplation on this theme, the following spring cleaning tips have emerged.

The Great D & C: I am not referring to a surgical procedure here, rather the desire to simply dust and clean. Doesn’t it feel like there are a few dust bunnies in the corners of your mind and a few dirty floors where you allowed yourself to be a bit of a doormat?

Time to change that and get out the scrubbers and the dust mop. Your Strategy – consciously dust out the corners and release any conversations, left over arguments, less than perfect interactions with others, worry and self-criticism and sweep them into the dustbin. Remember it is only stuff, dust. The beautiful you lies underneath and you want to shine yourself up and prepare for all the amazing things you are about to attract and manifest.

The Great Purge: You can start this process physically by visiting the closets and cupboards in your house. As you survey the contents, ask yourself what you no longer need or require. When it comes to your clothes, release anything that has not been worn for the last year, anything which does not have the WOW! Factor, anything torn, used or abused.

Now apply the same principles to your closet of thoughts. Release any thoughts, usually sourced from your inner critic, that no longer serve you, which are worn and torn, don’t fit anymore and are seriously out of date. By the way, most of your inner critic’s messages are out of date, born of some voice from the past who certainly does not deserve any air time. Finally, any thought that does not have the WOW! Factor, that does not lift you up or support you, is destined for the garbage bin.

The Great Forgiving: I have through the years made a number of clothing purchases which were outrageous to say the least. Once home and in my closet, I have asked myself, “What were you thinking?” Okay I wasn’t! It is in these moments that I have learned to forgive my momentary lapse in judgment.

The same rule applies to other life choices, whether this has been a decision about work, friendship, family or whatever. Forgiveness always starts with self-first, to those places where you have set the standard for yourself so high that you could not possibly meet it, to the places where you have disappointed yourself and possibly others, to those occasions where you have been angry and judgmental of yourself.

Let it go! Live by the rule that you are perfect just as you are and that you have done your best. The ’best’ is a moving target, one that gets better every day with the many life lessons you experience and the accrued wisdom that accompanies these lessons. Learn to look to the present moment, what is happening and who you are being today. Consider who you are becoming. Create the space for yourself to continue to grow and learn by forgiving yourself of all the sins you think you have committed. And when you forgive yourself, forgiving others is a lot easier.

Manage Space: Once you have purged, dusted and cleaned, there will be more space in your life. You have released all that no longer serves you. The next step, and perhaps
just as critical as releasing, is replacing. Once space is created, do not leave it vacant as that allows backwash, a return of all that you are choosing to let go of.

Replacing means becoming very clear regarding what you are choosing for your life. For example, and easy, effortless and unconditional loving relationship with yourself, replacing the messages from your inner critic. Or an openness to receive all that is in your highest good, whether this is in terms of relationships, your work, or opportunities to grow and expand. I call this Clarity, being clear about what you want in your life and making the choices that lift you up.

Spring has arrived providing you with an opportunity to clean up anything that is currently less than perfect. Do not fall prey to the belief that this is not possible. It’s all about choice, you choosing what is perfect for YOU. Invite your friends to join you and create a spring cleaning extravaganza.

I look forward to seeing you on the other side, all shiny and sparkly and fueled by all the possibilities that show up when you give them the space that they need!

Betty Healey

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Road Signs — 2 Comments

Finish the Race

In the wake of the devastating attack on one of the most prestigious races in North America, the Boston Marathon, I am choosing to focus on an inspiring lessons rather than the devastation.

If you have watched the images of the explosions you will have noticed that one of the runners fell down from the impact of the explosion, just before reaching the finish line. The runner’s name is Bill Iffrig, a 78 year old gentleman from Washington state who was completing his 3^rd Boston marathon.

In his own words Bill described the impact of the blast, a shockwave which turned his legs into noodles. Although dazed, he recovered, and once back on his feet was determined to finish the race. Imagine, despite the devastation around him and being literally knocked off his feet, he decided to finish the race.

This is an inspiration for me – I hope it is for you as well. Never mind that Bill is 78, never mind that he was dazed and pummeled by the blast, he still had the drive and the focus to finish the race. That takes courage and purpose, a lesson which I believe all of us can learn from.

In watching CNN today (yes I admit I tuned in), much of the focus was on the fear such an incident creates and how people go on. The truth – you choose to finish the race.

There are so many things that get in the way, that can keep you from fulfilling your dreams or living your life as you choose it to be. As a life coach and ME FIRST facilitator, I see the casualties every day, the symptoms of a ‘life unlived’.

Fear is the biggest foe, whether it is the fear created by an incident such as that experienced in Boston yesterday, or a fear that is much more subtle and simply whittles away at your self-confidence.

In her book I Will not Die an Unlived Life, author Dawna Markova describes fear as passion without breath. Fear, she suggests, takes our breath away and for all the wrong reasons. Markova goes on to say that to be fully alive, the only choice you have is to move closer to what it is you fear rather than veering away from it. When you veer away, you can’t finish the race.

Each of you have a race you want to win, whether this is a project that beckons to be finished, a desire that remains unfulfilled, a relationship that needs healing, or a journey that keeps calling to you. Stop and consider your life for a moment and ask the question, ‘What is left undone for me to finish?”

In sitting with one of my coaching clients this morning, the complaint that was voiced was what to DO and who to BE next. There is a common malaise that I am witnessing which related to too many projects on the go, too few ever brought to completion. The race is never finished.

Completion is important. It leads to a sense of fulfillment; you experience a sense of success. Success breeds self-esteem which in turn builds self-confidence.

When you have too many balls in the air, too many incomplete projects, your fall into overwhelm. Overwhelm is a state where your energies are scattered, where priorities are unclear and where there is no strategy or direction for moving forward. The only way to shift or change this is to simply stop, choose one project, put everything else in the ‘parking lot’, move forward with that one project and bring it to completion. Finish the race. Once completed, you can celebrate your accomplishment and move on to the next project.

I call this breaking life into chewable chunks. I am certainly guilty of occasionally biting off more than I can chew, and I easily fall into overwhelm. The only strategy is to simplify, to understand that I don’t have to give up anything but that I do need to put some things in the parking lot for another time. And like you, I do love the feeling that comes with completing something. I like to finish the race.

Thank you Bill Iffrig for the lesson. As we all send our blessings for healing to those who suffered loss and injury in yesterday’s race, we can also be grateful to the unsung heroes like Bill who teach us valuable lessons for our own life.

Whatever your race may be, I invite you to commit to finishing the race. Make your life count for something. Do it for yourself first and remember that when you make this choice, you are also serving others.

And live by these words from Dawna Markova:

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I chose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

Until Next time

Betty Healey

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Road Signs — Leave a comment

The Value of Understanding Your Dark and Bright Shadows

Please welcome guest blogger Jean Benedict Raffa, Ed.D., author of Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World. Since making peace with oneself is one of my interests and an important part of what I teach, I am delighted to have Jean contribute to The roadSIGNS Coach.

We all have a shadow composed of everything we don’t want to know about ourselves. If you want to grow as a person you need to come to terms with it, because if you don’t it will create problems for you in your work and relationships. But how do you do that? Here’s a handy guide for recognizing your dark shadow.

Step 1: Notice Symptoms: Each shadow is a complex of tangled attitudes, emotions, thoughts and responses you habitually have to a certain type of situation. You’ve lived with this uncomfortable inner environment for so long that you just don’t notice it coming until it’s too late and the storm is upon you. So your first goal is to notice when something has been stirred up such that your mood, energy, body language, emotions or thoughts are no longer within your comfort zone, and then figure out why this happened. Here’s an example of how this process might look.

Your first clue : Body language: You woke up feeling good this morning. You made your coffee, skimmed through your favorite parts of the paper, started the crossword puzzle. After a while you sigh and prop your chin in your hands. You realize your shoulders are sagged over the table, you’ve put your pencil down, and you don’t feel like finishing the crossword puzzle. What’s going on here? You love doing the crossword puzzle.

Your second clue: Uncomfortable feelings: You notice you’re feeling a bit low. In fact, you’re feeling sad, ashamed, and disgusted with yourself. And maybe a bit sorry for yourself. Why?

Your third clue: Negative self-talk: You ask yourself what you were thinking about while you were working on the puzzle: “I’m a terrible friend. I should have called Mary right away when I heard she was ill. I never think to help others. I’m so self-absorbed and selfish. And my work on my latest project is laughable! I was so proud of my idea and thought I was so smart. And now I hate it! Why was I so stupid to think it was good? I’ll never be any good at this kind of work. What’s wrong with me? Am I lazy? Or just stupid?” Where did those thoughts come from?

Step 2: Locate the trigger: You re-trace your steps. Oh, yes. You were reading the advice column and a lady wrote complaining that she was sick and no one from work called to find out what was wrong or offer to help. The columnist wondered if she was making an effort to be friendly at work. That’s when you started feeling guilty. One thought led to another and soon you were beating yourself up about all sorts of things.

Step 3: Analyze your response: Obviously you’re a very sensitive and well-intentioned person who wants to be kind to people and do good work, but something in you sabotages your efforts and well-being. That one little comment in the paper led to a spate of self-criticism about your character, work skills, and thinking ability. Do you see how you jumped from reading the advice column to criticizing yourself to feeling sad and dejected? If you go to work that way you’re not going to have the energy or desire to be friendly or do your best. So if you can recognize the symptoms of your shadow you can de-fuse it before it takes control of you by giving it a name, like “Critical Bully,” asking it to back off and give you a break, and then forgiving yourself for being human.

The good news is that everyone also has “bright” shadow of which they’re unaware. This is composed of their soul’s true, healthy, undeveloped potential. Why would someone not develop their bright shadow? Because they learned early in life that the way to stay safe and comfortable was to hide parts of themselves.

For example, some families encourage interest in creative pursuits like music, drama, drawing or writing, while others see these things as “putting on airs” or “only for sissies,” or “a waste of time and you’ll never make any money at it!” Many find being smart and aspiring to college admirable. Others might call you a “nerd,” or accuse you of “trying to rise above yourself,” or of thinking “you’re better than everyone else!”

Psychologist Margaret Paul wrote on Huffington Post, “When I was growing up, my parents made it very clear that feelings were to be avoided. I heard homilies such as “don’t cry over spilled milk,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.” When I was upset or crying, I was ignored or sent to my room. The only difficult feeling that seemed to be allowed was my mother’s anger — but not mine. The only feeling I was allowed was ‘happy.’ Not only did I learn never to share any feelings other than ‘happy’ with my parents, I also learned to stay in my head and disconnect from my feelings. It was the only sensible way to cope with life in my home.”

As long as we disconnect from our feelings we won’t find our bright shadow. To “follow your bliss” you have to feel it! Until you do, you’ll project it onto others, and that can become problematic. For example, we might over-idealize someone with a gift or talent we’ve repressed, then reject them when they disappoint us by being as human as everyone else. Other problems arise when we repress genuine strengths and obsess over unfulfilling substitutes. For example, maybe we were criticized as a child for being too proud and bossy, so we repressed our natural leadership qualities and tried to act humble all the time. Not only does this waste a lot of energy, but it can birth resentment, self-righteousness, and a sense of superiority.

Here’s a trick to discovering your bright shadow. Make a list of five people you deeply admire, known or unknown, real or fictional. Beside each name note their qualities that you most like. Re-read your list knowing that these qualities are undeveloped aspects of your bright shadow which you have projected onto these people. They really are, you know. So ask yourself what steps you can take to develop these qualities in yourself, and then…take them.

Jean Raffa is an author, speaker and workshop leader. Her newest book, Healing the Sacred Divide: Making Peace With Ourselves, Each Other, and the World, is a product of 19 years of research and writing about psychological integration as a spiritual path to evolving consciousness. It recently received the 2013 Wilbur Award from the Religion Communicators Council for best non-fiction book by an individual in secular media who communicates religious issues, values and themes with professionalism and fairness, and encourages understanding between faith groups on a national level. You can find more about Jean’s books at her website, www.jeanraffa.com. Matrignosis, her blog about inner wisdom, is at www.jeanraffa.wordpress.com.