Year: 2012

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Spring Cleaning

I just read an article in the March issue of O magazine called De-clutter Your Life. Specifically the article described Adam Glassman’s challenges in de-cluttering the closets of Gayle King, editor at large for ‘O’. Despite resistance on her part, he helped her purge, (you better sit down for this one) 152 dresses, 77 sweaters, 17 skirts, 12 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of pants, 13 belts, 62 pairs of shoes, and 67 handbags. I found the sheer number of purged items unimaginable as I am pretty sure that I have not owned that number of dresses, etc. over an entire lifetime. De-clutter indeed – and I am left wondering how much still remains in her closets and how much space was created.

In a recent roadSIGNS TV Show, one of our audience members confided that she could not seem to de-clutter her desk because if she did, she feared that her life would no longer have a purpose. The papers, journals, and books piled on her desk and jamming walls of bookcases represented the accumulation of her wisdom and knowledge over a lifetime. Ah! the real issues emerge. You begin to understand that to accumulate ‘stuff’ is more than jamming your physical space full of cloths, boxes, furniture and more, it is about the emotional attachment associated with them and the fear of letting these go. It is as if each item becomes a part of you, and if purged, is like amputating a limb.

Clutter occurs in all domains: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. To de-clutter implies releasing what no longer serves you, that is, what no longer fits, is out of date or is fear based. In releasing you have the opportunity to open space around you filling it with all that is in your highest good. You may not know the specifics of what you want to fill the space with right now. Just be clear that you do not want any backwash from what you have let go of and fill it with what is perfect for you.

Imagine for a moment your spiritual-emotional space and a desire to de-clutter. You might examine the following: the 13 old hurts, 23 resentments, 14 unforgivens (including yourself), 5 fears and the 72 voices that make up the choir – your self-critic’s voice. Man that is a lot to release and were you to decide to work on this de-cluttering initiative, where would you start? At the beginning!

If you can see yourself in this article and you are thinking that perhaps it is time to de-clutter, it may be time for ‘a “Radical Spring Cleaning Fest”. You begin by making a list: Name the old hurts, resentments and unforgivens. Chances are they are intertwined in some way. Imagine how much space they are occupying right now in your emotional-spiritual field. Wow! No wonder life never changes; there is no room for new things to come in as the closet is too full.

I encourage you to consider the following: as much as you want your life to change, very little can shift until you release and de-clutter your emotional-spiritual field. Just as in de-cluttering a closet, it takes time and patience and a strong will to let go. As you do this however, realize that you are creating new space for you to grow and expand, to attract a life which is much more perfect for you.

Once you reach this realization and make the commitment to de-clutter, begin with chewable chunks. Create a ritual. Take two or three of those hurts, resentments and unforgivens and shake hands with them. Bless them as they have offered you important opportunities to learn. Understand that hanging on to them harms no one but you and that you are ready to move forward. Attach them to a helium balloon and lovingly release them to the Universe. See yourself replacing these hurts with beauty, light and healing.

Notice how good this feels. Repeat this process again and again until all those hurts, resentments and unforgivens have been released. Note that some hurts are bigger than others and may need to be released more than once. That’s okay!

Are you ready? Radical Spring Cleaning it is! Watch out for the dust bunnies.

Until next time…

Betty

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What House Will YOU Live In?

“If you don’t look after your body, what house are you going to live in?” I am coiled up in a pretzel like yoga pose as our instructor cites this quote from some unknown author. At that moment it wasn’t clear to me if I was actually being kind and taking care of my body – my hamstrings were screaming too loud! Despite this, and five yoga classes later, I am appreciating the slight advance in my flexibility and a greater sense of well-being.

Back to the quote – it keeps rolling around in my head and I have found myself musing more and more about ‘my house’. Mostly I have been realizing how, over the last 60 years, I have really not appreciated my body, and have certainly not treated it like my house. If my body could only talk, what stories it would tell! I have abused it with unhealthy choices. I have criticized it for not being perfect – too fat, too round, too flat chested, too….

Rarely have I stopped to appreciate the appendages that fall from my pelvis nor have I thanked these sturdy legs of mine for standing with me through thick and thin, for walking me through difficulties and triumphs, and for supporting me wherever I go. Rarely have I acknowledged my arms and hands for giving and receiving hugs, for assisting me as I reach for what I want and pushing away what I don’t, or for simply allowing me to wash my face, brush my teeth and comb my hair.

I have not consciously thanked my heart for pumping life giving blood through my arteries and veins every moment of every day. Nor have I expressed gratitude to my lungs for ‘prana’, the breath of life. Then there is my brain which serves as computer central for everything I do, feel and think – how neglectful have I been of her as she helps me navigate the complexity of everyday living?

Isn’t it time to step up and to become consciously aware of the gift our bodies are? Although your body, like mine, may not be absolutely ‘perfect’ (at least in our eyes), it is still pretty darn amazing.

The day I turned 60, I stood in front of a full length mirror and spoke to the reflection, “This is what 60 looks like”. After years of war with my physical form I had finally made peace. My only regret is that it took me 6 decades to get there. How much time I had wasted trying to be more perfect in one way or another? What a waste of time and energy this was.

I like the peaceful place I have now landed in. I am filled with gratitude for my skin, bones, flesh and fat and every molecule that completes my physical form.

Thanks to my yoga instructor, I was pulled back and offered yet again another reminder to love, honor and cherish me and in doing so, to take care of my body. Yoga is new to me and I think it will be staying around for a while as it is teaching me a new relationship with my house.

What about you – will you join me and identify one thing you can do for you that honors the house you live in. It doesn’t have to be yoga; it can be as simple as stopping from time to time, taking a deep breath and on the exhale expressing appreciation to your body. It is really not a stretch. It starts with closing your eyes and saying to your body “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for your endurance, for your support and for housing my spirit”.

By the way, if you do not appreciate you and if you do not look after YOU, who will?

Until next time…

Betty

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Are YOU saying YES to YOU

I have noticed that there are things I really want to attract in life that simply don’t happen and I find myself wondering why? As I pondered this question the other day, a roadSIGN appeared in the form of a question. The question: Am I saying YES to me?

I had to take a step back as I considered my answer. Here I am a coach for others, reminding my clients to be clear on their boundaries, both personal and professional and the importance of saying NO when NO is the right answer. I often use my favorite Jack Canfield quote to facilitate this, “I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me.” There it is, saying YES to me, but am I ?.

Here is what I have noticed. I don’t give myself permission to do lots of things, partly because I am a bit of a ‘doing’ addict and I like to keep busy and partly because, like everyone else, I still get caught up in what needs to be done. I also have an extraordinary sense of urgency meaning that things generally need to be done NOW. I get in my own way and my desire to go to the new Yoga classes, or to make time for a daily workout, or to simply go to the meditation room to relax or read, often goes by the way. I have not learned to say YES to the ‘being’ side of me nor have I learned to say NO to the ‘doing’ me. What a complicated paradox this poses!

I know I am not alone in this situation, that those of you who are reading this are probably nodding your heads as you share my conundrum. After considerable reflection, I have decided that this is what we need to learn. Not only do we need to be clear on our boundaries with others we need to also set some boundaries with ourselves. You can’t have work-life balance, which seems to be the catch phrase recently, without reigning ourselves in. Only then can we understand what we want to say YES to and then creating space for those important YES’s to actually happen.

For me this means stepping away from the office by 5:30 p.m. at the latest so I can head to my workout area or putting those Yoga classes right in my schedule so that the time is reserved. It means saying YES to the trips I want to make or dedicating time to the other items on my ‘bucket list’, knowing that without the YES it surely won’t happen. It means that when I simply want to sit down, catch my breath and read for a few minutes, I simply allow myself to do so.

Here was my other wake-up call and roadSIGN – a good friend of mine was recently diagnosed with ALS. This is a progressive illness commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, which slowly and insidiously steals your life from you. I am thinking, there but for the grace of God go I. I received an e-mail from her the other day as she and her husband have decided to travel for the next three months before the time comes when she will not be able to do so. I asked myself, “what am I waiting for?”

What are you waiting for? What is it you really want? Are you ready to say YES to yourself and give yourself permission to do and be the things you most want in your life? If not now, when? Only YOU can make it happen. It is your life and whether you believe it or not, you are the boss of you.

Okay, I hear you, I am also guilty. Here is my pledge: I intend to start today by honoring my need for ME FIRST time. I am putting at least 2 yoga classes in my schedule for next week. I am reviewing my ‘bucket list’ this weekend and determining which of the items are my first priority. I am putting my trip to Baffin Island into the calendar. And I am dedicating at least fifteen minutes everyday to read. It may not be everything I want to say YES to and it is the first chewable chunk.

What are you saying YES to? Times a wastin’ as we say – no more hesitating.

Until next time…

 

Betty

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I have noticed that there are things I really want to attract in life that simply don’t happen and I find myself wondering why? As I pondered this question the other day, a roadSIGN appeared in the form of a question. The question: Am I saying YES to me?

I had to take a step back as I considered my answer. Here I am a coach for others, reminding my clients to be clear on their boundaries, both personal and professional and the importance of saying NO when NO is the right answer. I often use my favorite Jack Canfield quote to facilitate this, “I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me.” There it is, saying YES to me, but am I ?

Here is what I have noticed. I don’t give myself permission to do lots of things, partly because I am a bit of a ‘doing’ addict and I like to keep busy and partly because, like everyone else, I still get caught up in what needs to be done. I also have an extraordinary sense of urgency meaning that things generally need to be done NOW. I get in my own way and my desire to go to the new Yoga classes, or to make time for a daily workout, or to simply go to the meditation room to relax or read, often goes by the way. I have not learned to say YES to the ‘being’ side of me nor have I learned to say NO to the ‘doing’ me. What a complicated paradox this poses!

I know I am not alone in this situation, that those of you who are reading this are probably nodding your heads as you share my conundrum. After considerable reflection, I have decided that this is what we need to learn. Not only do we need to be clear on our boundaries with others we need to also set some boundaries with ourselves. You can’t have work-life balance, which seems to be the catch phrase recently, without reigning ourselves in. Only then can we understand what we want to say YES to and then creating space for those important YES’s to actually happen.

For me this means stepping away from the office by 5:30 p.m. at the latest so I can head to my workout area or putting those Yoga classes right in my schedule so that the time is reserved. It means saying YES to the trips I want to make or dedicating time to the other items on my ‘bucket list’, knowing that without the YES it surely won’t happen. It means that when I simply want to sit down, catch my breath and read for a few minutes, I simply allow myself to do so.

Here was my other wake-up call and roadSIGN – a good friend of mine was recently diagnosed with ALS. This is a progressive illness commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, which slowly and insidiously steals your life from you. I am thinking, there but for the grace of God go I. I received an e-mail from her the other day as she and her husband have decided to travel for the next three months before the time comes when she will not be able to do so. I asked myself, “what am I waiting for?”

What are you waiting for? What is it you really want? Are you ready to say YES to yourself and give yourself permission to do and be the things you most want in your life? If not now, when? Only YOU can make it happen. It is your life and whether you believe it or not, you are the boss of you.

Okay, I hear you, I am also guilty. Here is my pledge: I intend to start today by honoring my need for ME FIRST time. I am putting at least 2 yoga classes in my schedule for next week. I am reviewing my ‘bucket list’ this weekend and determining which of the items are my first priority. I am putting my trip to Baffin Island into the calendar. And I am dedicating at least fifteen minutes everyday to read. It may not be everything I want to say YES to and it is the first chewable chunk.

What are you saying YES to? Times a wastin’ as we say – no more hesitating.

Until Next time…

Betty

 

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Creative Destruction

I received an e-mail just the other day from a former coaching client where she shared that she was engaged in creative destruction. This conjured up all sorts of images for me as I imagined what creative destruction might actually mean. And there was a part of me that said, YES, I get it! I have been in the process of moving from floor to floor in our house, ripping things apart, purging the accumulated stuff of years gone by, de-cluttering everything I can in preparation for a move to our new office. I unleashed my inner dragon – just ask my poor husband who for the most part simply stayed out of my way. This is not the first time he has witnessed my creative destruction as this has occurred with every significant move we have had.

In the notion of space management (December roadSIGNS column), I have learned that despite my best efforts, paper, books, files, binders, office materials, you name it, simply accumulate. And, I have learned that once I begin the process in one part of my house, a domino effect occurs. Example: Move old office, furniture and contents to new office. Re-paint and clean old office and move coaching/meditation room to that location. Clean old coaching/meditation room and convert to third bedroom. Build ‘murphy bed’ in new coaching room to allow for conversion into forth bedroom. Whew! Now bear in mind that at each step of the way the creative destruction part involves assessing just how much you are going to move and what needs to be purged first. All in all I have released seven large recycle bins of paper and eight boxes of books. This plus all the things that were simply thrown away has created a much lighter household.

Now all I have to do is apply these same lessons to the rest of my life. Care to join me? If you do here are the questions I have been asking myself:

1. What are you prepared to discard that really doesn’t fit with your current picture of you? Consider any limiting beliefs you have about yourself, any fears that are old and dusty, any messages from parents, teachers or others which are out of date and simply need to be purged.

2. What stories have you filed away that feels like a ball and chain around your ankle? Consider people and /or situations you have not forgiven and where forgiveness is long overdue or situations which you feel you did not handle well and need to forgive yourself.

3. What relationships need to be ended? Consider those people in your life who criticize you or do not support you or people you simply don’t connect with as they have different values than you have. Let them go.

4. What is it you want to engage in that really fuels your passion? Whether this is work or play, begin to assess how and where you spend your time and decide whether this is time well spent. Consider how the activity makes you feel. If it doesn’t light you up, find something that does. Be curious and experiment.

I can see that in examining these questions I have a few critical decisions to make myself, and with the beginning of another new year – what perfect timing. Here we are in 2012 where the spiritual gurus are predicting the end of the world as we know it (a pretty heavy thought I admit). Without understanding fully what that means, I have decided, like my client, that a little creative destruction will do the trick and force me to simply be more conscious of the choices I am making today and in my tomorrows. I invite each of you to do the same and to wonder what is up for you to change or shift in your life, to release anything that no longer serves you and to make space for all that is in your highest good.

Watch out world, here we come!

Until next  time

Betty

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New Beginnings

It seems to me that each new year is a new beginning. I don’t know why I continue to fall for this as, in reality, everyday is a new beginning. Yet as we all celebrate another new year and the arrival of 2012, I feel a sense of urgency. Another year has passed. It is 2012 – OMG with all the predictions of the end of the world as we know it! I don’t want to get caught up in it.  I will be, according to the calendar, 62 later this year and time is a wastin’.

I just watched an amazing video on Ted talks by Jane Fonda, http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_fonda_life_s_third_act.html#.Twhl05gv3UA.email. I am listening to her speak about the third act which begins at age 60 and again, had another reality check. How is it possible I am in my third act when in so many ways it feels like the first act. I think sometimes we need to live life backwards, that we miss that life really begins in so many ways at 60. Yes that is what Fonda was saying as well, that the third act is that time when we get to really understand the many lessons of this lifetime and perhaps finally apply the wisdom we have gained. And I am there.

I would not repeat my younger years for anything and I cannot think of a time in my life when I had more curiosity and energy for what is yet to come. Over the last few months Jim and I have even built a new and amazing office giving us the space to create, to dream, to expand and to live full-out. This is what we want to bring into out lives and our work.

Back to 2012, I have with discipline sat down and recorded my intentions for the year although I allowed myself the flexibility of receiving them versus forcing them this year. Over the last 10 days or so I have entered them into my journal, usually after a morning conversation with spirit or following a call with my coach, the Divine Miss Patty Walters. Intentions are truly the center of my being and my life at this point. They give me direction, keep me grounded,  and relieve any worry I have about what’s to come.

And this is the state of affairs in my neighbourhood at the moment. This year my intention is to share my writing with greater numbers of people, the blog and of course our books. And so it is,

Until next time

Betty