I checked my e-mail this morning, the day after Valentine’s Day and found the following message from Michelle Allinotte:
In my adult life, I have learned a lot about love, and I guess the biggest thing I’ve learned is that love is not a feeling, love is the things we do. Do you remember what you thought about love when you were younger? I remember thinking that love must be thrilling, exhilarating and blissful. My ideas about love probably started with some Disney movie, and then continued with 90210 and whatever other TV shows and movies I was into as a teenager. Although I heard from many grown-ups in my live that “love is in an action”, I didn’t really grasp that until I was older.
The truth is, most of us are suckers for love stories, but not the unsexy stories that focus on real acts of love. We like romance. And when it comes to our kids, we enjoy those special warm and fuzzy moments like Christmas or birthdays, but we don’t feel warm and fuzzy about the loving acts that we do every day. Changing a diaper is a loving act, trust me. (Consider the alternative.) Going to work every day is a loving act. Making sacrifices to raise your kids according to your beliefs is a loving act. Sometimes, sacrificing the feel-good moments for the greater good is a loving act (like when you have to say no to something your kid wants to buy, because you are spending that money on something more important, like contributing to your retirement account).
I am grateful to Michelle and Candice for sharing this after so much to do about the perfect Valentine’s gift, flowers, chocolates, diamonds. What about simply being with another person in a truly meaningful way.
All this from the person whose husband celebrates the 14 days of Valentines, a now 20-year tradition in our home and yes, everyday for 14 days, Jim presents me with a small token of his appreciation for me and our relationship. I enjoy January as I can see Jim sneaking off to do his pre-Valentine shopping and then harbouring the gifts into the house to some secret hiding place. Occasionally I come upon them accidentally – NO, I don’t peek!
Back to the meaning of LOVE – I love what Candice shared about love also being about boundaries as well as those essential caring acts that may not be things we love to do. Most importantly, in my view, love is about being in love with yourself as well, an act of selfness, valuing who you are. When we see ourselves first we can truly see others.
I just returned from a sunrise walk on the beach. I admit that I debated leaving my warm bed for the coolness of the still winter mornings, but I forced my body into my yoga suit and dragged myself out the front door. Once the colour of the morning sky assaulted my senses, I was no longer drawn back to my cocoon. There was no other human being on the beach as I began my walk. A few seagulls eyed me from their one-legged stance, like yogi maters in their own right. Teams of willets ran in and out with the waves, digging their pointed beaks into the sand between their dances, in search for whatever prize lay hidden there. A single pelican flew across the water, inches above the breaking waves, a dark shadow on a pale pink backdrop. I watched the colour in sky change from sky blue pink to orange to yellow, until finally the crescent of the new sun broke free of the water, and rose and came into the full ball of fire. The waves picked up the light, sparkling with the new day, reflecting back to the sun the magnificence of its light. My head filled with an old refrain from Joni Mitchell, “And the seasons they go round and round, And the painted ponies go up and down. I am captive on a carousel of time”. It’s one of my long-term favourites – a carryover from university days.
We have a few precious days left here at the beach. I am so grateful for the experience of being here, for simply BEING for a few days, for quality time with Jim, for experiencing our love which has extended over 43 years, for life, and for all the possibilities that stretch out before me.
Be with love!
Until next time,
Betty