Year: 2009

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An Attitude of Gratitude

It is difficult to ignore the SIGNS which appear this time of the year. They are numerous. The multi-tone greens of summer changing to tangerine, crimson and gold, making even the most boring country road an artist’s palette. Overhead, V’s of geese head southward, the Canada’s sounding impatient with their incessant honking while the Snow’s glide across the sky with muted encouragement. All of these SIGNS suggest the end of one season and the beginning of a new one. They lead us into our Canadian tradition of Thanksgiving, that time each year when we pause to express gratitude for the abundance for the year’s harvest. For most of us, this time of year also serves to remind us of the abundance in our life.

It is also the season when I imagine the ‘what if’s” of life. What if we could pause to see the abundance in our life everyday, applying the lessons of the Thanksgiving tradition in a more conscious way?

There is ample evidence that what you give your attention to expands. The same is true of gratitude. When you adopt an attitude of gratitude, your focus shifts from whatever may be troubling you at that moment to a more positive and optimistic viewpoint. On even the darkest, rainy days of any season, it takes only a second to make the day feel lighter – a simple memory and acknowledgement of the wonderful things that have crossed your path that day.

Typically, we as humans have the nasty habit of focusing on the less than positive things in our life, failing to see what is right versus what is wrong. Unfortunately this contributes to your sense of being overwhelmed, perhaps over worked. It is a spirit-depleting habit. I am proposing to you that it is time to shift. Just as those green leaves of summer change into their colorful fall attire, make a commitment to do the same with your attitude, shifting from one of complaint, worry and anxiety to one of abundance and gratitude.

So how do you start? In her book Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach suggested the idea of a Gratitude Journal. This requires a little discipline even though it is simple, as the book suggests, taking the time each day to record those things that occurred during your day for which you are grateful. For example today I am grateful because Jim (my husband) is sleeping in and I have the office to myself, the Vet just called to tell me that my cat Max is recovering from an infection, and I have a full day of coaching clients ahead of me.

You could say, well these things just happen anyway, why bother being grateful for them? The answer – recognizing and reminding myself that even these ordinary events are, in their own way extraordinary, makes me feel better. Plus this seems to be a far better choice than reminding myself that it is raining outside, again, the gardens are not ready for winter, and the weekend is looking gloomy. Whew! Sorry I had to share that, and as you read both versions of my day at this moment, which one made you feel better?

Noting all of these daily doings in a journal is not necessary, the goal is simply create a habit of noticing. My favorite practice is actually a gratitude circle. Just before dinner, no matter who is seated at our table, I ask each person to share something they are grateful for in that moment. This is something Jim and I do daily. I am always impressed with what comes up. If we don’t have dinner together, we ask each other just before we fall asleep. I love the idea of drifting off to my dream world in an attitude of gratitude.

All of this to say, if you want to feel better everyday, you have options. The one I recommend is a quick review of your day choosing those things that make you feel positive and upbeat – a project completed at work, a beautiful sunrise, a flock of geese crossing the sky, a kiss and a hug from your seven year old, a luncheon with your colleagues where you laughed heartfully. Your energy grows where your focus goes. Begin a new habit this weekend, a practice of gratitude. Consider sharing this with your family, especially your children. Make a commitment to try it for twenty-one days and notice what happens.

Until next time….

Betty

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An Attitude of Gratitude

« Who is the REAL Bully?

Happy Thanksgiving »

An Attitude of Gratitude

October 9, 2009 by theroadsignscoach

It is difficult to ignore the SIGNS which appear this time of the year. They are numerous. The multi-tone greens of summer changing to tangerine, crimson and gold, making even the most boring country road an artist’s palette. Overhead, V’s of geese head southward, the Canada’s sounding impatient with their incessant honking while the Snow’s glide across the sky with muted encouragement. All of these SIGNS suggest the end of one season and the beginning of a new one. They lead us into our Canadian tradition of Thanksgiving, that time each year when we pause to express gratitude for the abundance for the year’s harvest. For most of us, this time of year also serves to remind us of the abundance in our life.

It is also the season when I imagine the ‘what if’s” of life. What if we could pause to see the abundance in our life everyday, applying the lessons of the Thanksgiving tradition in a more conscious way?

There is ample evidence that what you give your attention to expands. The same is true of gratitude. When you adopt an attitude of gratitude, your focus shifts from whatever may be troubling you at that moment to a more positive and optimistic viewpoint. On even the darkest, rainy days of any season, it takes only a second to make the day feel lighter – a simple memory and acknowledgement of the wonderful things that have crossed your path that day.

Typically, we as humans have the nasty habit of focusing on the less than positive things in our life, failing to see what is right versus what is wrong. Unfortunately this contributes to your sense of being overwhelmed, perhaps over worked. It is a spirit-depleting habit. I am proposing to you that it is time to shift. Just as those green leaves of summer change into their colorful fall attire, make a commitment to do the same with your attitude, shifting from one of complaint, worry and anxiety to one of abundance and gratitude.

So how do you start? In her book Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach suggested the idea of a Gratitude Journal. This requires a little discipline even though it is simple, as the book suggests, taking the time each day to record those things that occurred during your day for which you are grateful. For example today I am grateful because Jim (my husband) is sleeping in and I have the office to myself, the Vet just called to tell me that my cat Max is recovering from an infection, and I have a full day of coaching clients ahead of me.

You could say, well these things just happen anyway, why bother being grateful for them? The answer – recognizing and reminding myself that even these ordinary events are, in their own way extraordinary, makes me feel better. Plus this seems to be a far better choice than reminding myself that it is raining outside, again, the gardens are not ready for winter, and the weekend is looking gloomy. Whew! Sorry I had to share that, and as you read both versions of my day at this moment, which one made you feel better?

Noting all of these daily doings in a journal is not necessary, the goal is simply create a habit of noticing. My favorite practice is actually a gratitude circle. Just before dinner, no matter who is seated at our table, I ask each person to share something they are grateful for in that moment. This is something Jim and I do daily. I am always impressed with what comes up. If we don’t have dinner together, we ask each other just before we fall asleep. I love the idea of drifting off to my dream world in an attitude of gratitude.

All of this to say, if you want to feel better everyday, you have options. The one I recommend is a quick review of your day choosing those things that make you feel positive and upbeat – a project completed at work, a beautiful sunrise, a flock of geese crossing the sky, a kiss and a hug from your seven year old, a luncheon with your colleagues where you laughed heartfully. Your energy grows where your focus goes. Begin a new habit this weekend, a practice of gratitude. Consider sharing this with your family, especially your children. Make a commitment to try it for twenty-one days and notice what happens.

Until next time….

Betty

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Who is the REAL Bully?

I was invited to speak to a group of about thirty adult students at Tri-County Literacy in Cornwall this past Tuesday. As we were discussing the idea of stepping into our own power, and the things that prevented us from doing this, one of the participants asked me about ‘bullies’. I thought this to be an interesting question, so I probed a bit more, asking if she was referring to bullies in schools or bullying in general.

The story we hear most often is about bullying in elementary and secondary school environments, rarely realizing that adults bully one another as well. This happens in marriages and families as well as in the workforce. The person who asked the question responded with, “I mean bullying in general. We all have them in our lives!”

I loved the question as truly we all do have a bully in our life. I call him or her the self-critic, the person who sits on your shoulder, screaming in one of your ears, and reminding you how imperfect you are. My self-described bully, named Beatrice, has often been unleashed in my head.

As I shared my journey with my critic with the audience, the heads began to nod. I shared this as bullies will appear in our life if we are bullying ourselves with negative self-talk and criticism. I asked the audience to consider this question, “Where in your life are you bullying you?”

The initial response was to say, “I don’t” until I asked each person to consider the kinds of feedback they typically give to themselves on a day today basis. Participants quickly realized that they were treating themselves in a very deprecating way.

So here was the big roadSIGN – you will attract bullies to your life, if you have a bullying relationship with yourself. Like attracts like.

If you can begin to monitor the voice of your self-critic, listen to what he/she is telling you and decide that this is way less than perfect for you, you have taken the first critical step. If next you begin to re-record those messages, replacing your bully with your Heart Voice, a voice that is respectful and builds you up, that is the next step. Not always easy, yet necessary. If we want others to treat us well, the journey begins by treating ourselves well.

So who is the REAL bully in your life? Start with ME FIRST.

Until next time….

Betty

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Who is the REAL Bully?

I was invited to speak to a group of about thirty adult students at Tri-County Literacy in Cornwall this past Tuesday. As we were discussing the idea of stepping into our own power, and the things that prevented us from doing this, one of the participants asked me about ‘bullies’. I thought this to be an interesting question, so I probed a bit more, asking if she was referring to bullies in schools or bullying in general.

The story we hear most often is about bullying in elementary and secondary school environments, rarely realizing that adults bully one another as well. This happens in marriages and families as well as in the workforce. The person who asked the question responded with, “I mean bullying in general. We all have them in our lives!”

I loved the question as truly we all do have a bully in our life. I call him or her the self-critic, the person who sits on your shoulder, screaming in one of your ears, and reminding you how imperfect you are. My self-described bully, named Beatrice, has often been unleashed in my head.

As I shared my journey with my critic with the audience, the heads began to nod. I shared this as bullies will appear in our life if we are bullying ourselves with negative self-talk and criticism. I asked the audience to consider this question, “Where in your life are you bullying you?”

The initial response was to say, “I don’t” until I asked each person to consider the kinds of feedback they typically give to themselves on a day today basis. Participants quickly realized that they were treating themselves in a very deprecating way.

So here was the big roadSIGN – you will attract bullies to your life, if you have a bullying relationship with yourself. Like attracts like.

If you can begin to monitor the voice of your self-critic, listen to what he/she is telling you and decide that this is way less than perfect for you, you have taken the first critical step. If next you begin to re-record those messages, replacing your bully with your Heart Voice, a voice that is respectful and builds you up, that is the next step. Not always easy, yet necessary. If we want others to treat us well, the journey begins by treating ourselves well.

So who is the REAL bully in your life? Start with ME FIRST.

Until next time….

Betty

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Practicing Mindfulness

Although the weather continues to be grey, I am really energized this morning. This past week has been an amazing adventure of business building, networking events and two speaking engagements.

It feels like my world has suddenly sped up and I have truly been ‘joyfully engaged’. SIGNS have been appearing everywhere. I have been practicing mindfulness and intention daily as the ME FIRST journey continues to unfold.

It is interesting – I have been writing now for over 8 years. With two previous books under my wings, I did not expect the response to ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die to be so significant, even though this has been my intention since I first felt inspired to write the book.

Writing this book was in and of itself an adventure and at times a rather tortuous path. Readers always ask me two questions: “Did you always know you were a writer?” and “How long did it take to write this book?”

“Did you always know you were a writer?”
NO! It never really occurred to me. As an avid reader of both fiction and spirit elevating books, I knew only what I enjoyed and that I had an appreciation for good writing. Then a number of my coaching colleagues began speaking about writing ‘their’ book and I thought why not? Many of my clients had asked for a book which would support their self-discovery work and be consistent with the conversations we were having. So what did I do? In 2001 I began writing a monthly e-letter, which continues today. This dove tailed into my first two books, roadSIGNS – Travel Tips for Authentic Living and roadSIGNS – Travel Tips to Higher Ground.

But that was then and this is now, writing ME FIRST has been a very different experience.

“How long did it take to write this book?”
The easy answer is three years. The truth is a lifetime. My two previous books were a compilation of the monthly e-letters. ME FIRST was the first book to be written totally from scratch so to speak, like baking a very rich, lip smacking carrot cake and adding loving intention along with every ingredient in the recipe.

I mentioned the tortuous path – the book was written twice. The first version, which was 80% complete, was shelved when I realized I was writing the wrong book. I was pushing it out, and like a mother in labor, if you push too hard, complications arise. I stopped writing for several months and set an intention to hear the book, to listen deeply to my life and the lives of others, and to receive the book.

I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but for me it changed everything. My life, my experiences, my memories began to reappear and demanded to be woven into the fabric of the text. ME FIRST represent my roots and my awakening!

So is this book just about me or is valuable to others? The subtitle, If I Should Wake Before I Die, is stunningly attractive. That is what I am learning. Most of you will recognize that this line comes from the third line of a familiar child’s prayer, Now I lay me down to sleep…., and reconfigures the words, If I should die before I wake. Okay – I am wondering who in their right mind thought is was a good idea to teach this to children! Hence ‘waking up’!

So why am I energized on this rainy morning? I attended one networking event this week, one which I had not previously attended. After introducing myself and the book, people lined up to buy a copy. First SIGN.

I also spoke at two different venues where the audiences were not only receptive but totally engaged. One attendee said, “This is exactly what I need right now. Thank You!” Second SIGN. This was music to my ears.

My intention to reach out to others and to be of service to them is happening and that in a nut shell is what this entire ME FIRST Journey is about. And as Christine at Café Connectionz so aptly said, “The books are selling like pancakes!”

I don’t mean this to sound ego centric. I am simply delighted that something that I created, something I poured my heart into over the last 3 years, is not only attractive to others, but helping them. It is my intention to send out a tidal wave of ME FIRST energy across the world, offering humankind the tools to make peace with themselves and to step into their own power. The time is now – no more hesitating!

Until next time….

Your roadSIGNS Coach and ME FIRST Champion,

Betty

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Practicing Mindfulness

Although the weather continues to be grey, I am really energized this morning. This past week has been an amazing adventure of business building, networking events and two speaking engagements.

It feels like my world has suddenly sped up and I have truly been ‘joyfully engaged’. SIGNS have been appearing everywhere. I have been practicing mindfulness and intention daily as the ME FIRST journey continues to unfold.

It is interesting – I have been writing now for over 8 years. With two previous books under my wings, I did not expect the response to ME FIRST – If I Should Wake Before I Die to be so significant, even though this has been my intention since I first felt inspired to write the book.

Writing this book was in and of itself an adventure and at times a rather tortuous path. Readers always ask me two questions: “Did you always know you were a writer?” and “How long did it take to write this book?”

“Did you always know you were a writer?”
NO! It never really occurred to me. As an avid reader of both fiction and spirit elevating books, I knew only what I enjoyed and that I had an appreciation for good writing. Then a number of my coaching colleagues began speaking about writing ‘their’ book and I thought why not? Many of my clients had asked for a book which would support their self-discovery work and be consistent with the conversations we were having. So what did I do? In 2001 I began writing a monthly e-letter, which continues today. This dove tailed into my first two books, roadSIGNS – Travel Tips for Authentic Living and roadSIGNS – Travel Tips to Higher Ground.

But that was then and this is now, writing ME FIRST has been a very different experience.

“How long did it take to write this book?”
The easy answer is three years. The truth is a lifetime. My two previous books were a compilation of the monthly e-letters. ME FIRST was the first book to be written totally from scratch so to speak, like baking a very rich, lip smacking carrot cake and adding loving intention along with every ingredient in the recipe.

I mentioned the tortuous path – the book was written twice. The first version, which was 80% complete, was shelved when I realized I was writing the wrong book. I was pushing it out, and like a mother in labor, if you push too hard, complications arise. I stopped writing for several months and set an intention to hear the book, to listen deeply to my life and the lives of others, and to receive the book.

I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but for me it changed everything. My life, my experiences, my memories began to reappear and demanded to be woven into the fabric of the text. ME FIRST represent my roots and my awakening!

So is this book just about me or is valuable to others? The subtitle, If I Should Wake Before I Die, is stunningly attractive. That is what I am learning. Most of you will recognize that this line comes from the third line of a familiar child’s prayer, Now I lay me down to sleep…., and reconfigures the words, If I should die before I wake. Okay – I am wondering who in their right mind thought is was a good idea to teach this to children! Hence ‘waking up’!

So why am I energized on this rainy morning? I attended one networking event this week, one which I had not previously attended. After introducing myself and the book, people lined up to buy a copy. First SIGN.

I also spoke at two different venues where the audiences were not only receptive but totally engaged. One attendee said, “This is exactly what I need right now. Thank You!” Second SIGN. This was music to my ears.

My intention to reach out to others and to be of service to them is happening and that in a nut shell is what this entire ME FIRST Journey is about. And as Christine at Café Connectionz so aptly said, “The books are selling like pancakes!”

I don’t mean this to sound ego centric. I am simply delighted that something that I created, something I poured my heart into over the last 3 years, is not only attractive to others, but helping them. It is my intention to send out a tidal wave of ME FIRST energy across the world, offering humankind the tools to make peace with themselves and to step into their own power. The time is now – no more hesitating!

Until next time….

Your roadSIGNS Coach and ME FIRST Champion,

Betty

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Mindfulness

It is Monday, overcast, the evidence of autumn ever present as the days grow shorter and the leaves release their hold on the branches and drift to the ground. Despite the dreariness of the day, I have choices to be made and projects to complete.

One of the perks about working for myself and having a home office is that I do not have to commute. No roads to navigate and no rush hour traffic to compete with. I simply have to make my way down the stairs without tripping over one of the four frantic felines. Instead of sitting in a car for an hour or more I have the luxury of going on a morning walk. Today I chose my treadmill and a short work-out over my usual 6km, as I knew neither I nor my walking mates would enjoy the rain that was pelting down. 

I use this ‘treadmill’ time to be mindful. In front of me I have a vision board I created for our perfect Retreat Center, something which already exists in so many ways yet which Jim and I dream of expanding. I don’t want to be fixed on a specific manifestation of this dream as it is an intention not a goal. I simply stay focused and keep myself present with the intention.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says that “Mindfulness is the practice of being completely engaged in the present moment. The idea is to clear your mind of every thought, every judgment, every reflection and every decision so that you are simply experiencing the present. This enables us to see the moment for what it is, without any pre-conceived notions or thoughts.”

Now this is a challenge, being present in the moment when life seems to constantly pull at me. I took a few moments today to begin watching a presentation Kabat-Zinn did with Google. Something he said about meditation really struck me. He said that meditation was a way to find our mind, that meditation is an act of love and an act of sanity.

I am realizing that I want to find that quiet place within me, that mindful place. Why? I believe I have much work yet to accomplish. In some ways it feels like my work has only just begun. For me to manifest what I believe to be my work, I need to remain grounded and clear. As Kabat-Zinn suggests, it is important to embrace a willingness to know what you don’t know, to create an opening for something much bigger than our minds can conceive. This is what Kabat-Zinn, calls awareness.

There is plenty I don’t know. What I do know is that it is very difficult to see the SIGNS, those synchronous events that cross my path everyday, if I am not able to find the quiet place inside. In the world of doing, there is no space for reflection and understanding.

I have decided that I want to expand my mindfulness practice to something more than a morning jaunt on my treadmill. I see this as a sure fire antidote to busyness. I am not sure what this looks like yet – I will keep you posted.

 Your thoughts?

Until next time,

Betty

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Mindfulness

It is Monday, overcast, the evidence of autumn ever present as the days grow shorter and the leaves release their hold on the branches and drift to the ground. Despite the dreariness of the day, I have choices to be made and projects to complete.

One of the perks about working for myself and having a home office is that I do not have to commute. No roads to navigate and no rush hour traffic to compete with. I simply have to make my way down the stairs without tripping over one of the four frantic felines. Instead of sitting in a car for an hour or more I have the luxury of going on a morning walk. Today I chose my treadmill and a short work-out over my usual 6km, as I knew neither I nor my walking mates would enjoy the rain that was pelting down.

I use this ‘treadmill’ time to be mindful. In front of me I have a vision board I created for our perfect Retreat Center, something which already exists in so many ways yet which Jim and I dream of expanding. I don’t want to be fixed on a specific manifestation of this dream as it is an intention not a goal. I simply stay focused and keep myself present with the intention.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says that “Mindfulness is the practice of being completely engaged in the present moment. The idea is to clear your mind of every thought, every judgment, every reflection and every decision so that you are simply experiencing the present. This enables us to see the moment for what it is, without any pre-conceived notions or thoughts.”

Now this is a challenge, being present in the moment when life seems to constantly pull at me. I took a few moments today to begin watching a presentation Kabat-Zinn did with Google. Something he said about meditation really struck me. He said that meditation was a way to find our mind, that meditation is an act of love and an act of sanity.

I am realizing that I want to find that quiet place within me, that mindful place. Why? I believe I have much work yet to accomplish. In some ways it feels like my work has only just begun. For me to manifest what I believe to be my work, I need to remain grounded and clear. As Kabat-Zinn suggests, it is important to embrace a willingness to know what you don’t know, to create an opening for something much bigger than our minds can conceive. This is what Kabat-Zinn, calls awareness.

There is plenty I don’t know. What I do know is that it is very difficult to see the SIGNS, those synchronous events that cross my path everyday, if I am not able to find the quiet place inside. In the world of doing, there is no space for reflection and understanding.

I have decided that I want to expand my mindfulness practice to something more than a morning jaunt on my treadmill. I see this as a sure fire antidote to busyness. I am not sure what this looks like yet – I will keep you posted.

Your thoughts?

Until next time,

Betty

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ME FIRST Time

Kindred Spirit - Paso Robles, California; Nov. 2008
Kindred Spirit - Paso Robles, California; Nov. 2008

Enjoyed the vibrant colours of an early fall day. Went on a long walk in the woods with Alyssa – sharing time with a kindred spirit and breathing together. Difficult to discipline myself to go digging in the gardens when just relaxing and enjoying the day is an option. Important ME FIRST time!

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Busyness

Have you noticed that when you greet friends and colleagues these days and ask them how they are, the standard response is, “I am so busy.” I even find myself responding in this way even though the word busy is not part of my normal lexicon. After uttering the word busy, I usually self-correct and say, “well I mean GOOD busy; I am enjoying life and what I do.”  Just the other day I caught myself doing it again, and I saw this as a SIGN. Am I really that busy? What is busy and what does it mean? Is being busy just a habit? Do I stay busy to avoid other things that I see as less important or less interesting? Or do I stay busy because I am a ‘doing addict’ and I simply don’t know how to ‘be’?

I suspect that there is some self-discovery lurking in the fabric of these questions. The one that strikes the strongest chord however is the ‘doing addict’ issue. I believe many of us simply get caught up on the treadmill of life and that doing becomes a habit, unconscious, and robotic. I am left wondering, what if we became more conscious, and what if we woke up? Would we still continue all this doing just to fill the space in our life or would we choose another option?

I have decided to take pause and consider these questions. Care to join me? As I began my inquiry, I chatted with a few friends. As we discussed the notion of busyness and how our lives were unfolding these days, I proposed that perhaps we did not want to be busy any longer, that what we really wanted was to be joyfully engaged.  A few nodding heads confirmed that I was on the right track.

Joyfully engaged – what would that look like as opposed to simply busy? It means that we actually become clear on where we want to invest our energy. Now there’s a thought – that would require a little reflection, something that seems to be scarce these days. Reflection requires stopping, stepping out of doing and into being for a few minutes to actually have the space to discern what I want to engage in. That in itself breaks the busyness cycle and gets me off that darn treadmill.

So, what would be perfect for me? What is it I really want – at work, in relationships with others, at play? And if I took the time to actually respond to this “I want…” what would be different in life? Oh Oh! I might have to start saying ‘NO’ to some things, the most difficult two letter word in the English vocabulary, especially when my lips so easily form the ‘YES’ word. I loved what Jack Canfield said in his book Success Principles: “I am not saying NO to you, I am saying YES to me.”

I keep repeating this to myself and teaching it to others as this phrase is a permission slip to put you and your desires first on your priority list. Yes, there it is, the priority list. Where are you on yours? I have to ask, as so often when I ask this question in my seminars, the participants simply laugh as they know that they, as an item, have probably not even made the priority list of their life, and if they have, they are at the bottom. Busyness is the excuse that emerges when I ask, “And when will you become an item on your list?” Busyness, the great excuse! 

Here’s the challenge – begin to examine your busyness. Ask yourself the same questions I found myself asking. Clarify what is meaningful to you in that busy bee behavior and wonder about whether you are joyfully engaged. Consider how being joyfully engaged would shift your energy and what, in your busyness, would fall off your plate. It is about assessing what is really important to you and what is just filling space in your life. It is time – life is too short as most of us will acknowledge so why not spend those precious minutes and hours being joyfully engaged?

 

Until next time,

Betty