“Are you ready for Christmas?”
The question was asked of me just the other day, and it wasn’t even December yet. I know that as the holiday season approaches the question will be asked again, each time laden with more stress.
It seems to me that the JOY that the holiday season was meant to represent gets buried under the many expectations that this season holds.
Eight years ago I would have felt the same sense of panic that lies just under the skin of every other holiday shopper, but the Christmas of 2001 changed everything. Although having no children of my own, I have 15 nieces and nephews. It had been my habit to spend hours deliberating what to buy each child. Despite my intentions to enjoy every moment, too frequently the result was a sense of disappointment when I could not identify the perfect gift for one of the children. The turkey, stuffing, plum pudding and simple joy of the season faded.
The Christmas of 2001 was more hectic than usual. Twenty-five of us crowded into my mother and father-in law’s 900 sq. ft. home. The gift exchange began with a flurry of hands reaching for boxes under the tree. The ripping of paper crunched through the air. Gifts were hurled in all directions. In the aftermath, the place was a wasteland of gift and paper and human emotions. Somewhere deep inside me I felt a profound sense of disillusionment. This was the SIGN.
Not long after, we as a family decided to discontinue this tradition. It was no longer serving us or the children. As adults, we all had more than we needed. The children had lost their sense of appreciation for the gifts each of us had carefully chosen for them. We had created a holiday monster. We decided to stop giving gifts to one another and to divert our holiday spending to a worthy cause on behalf of our family.
The transition was remarkable. The squawks of dismay we expected from the kids never manifested and several Christmases later the expectation is simple, that we gather to simply ‘be’ with one another. The result for all of us has been breathing room, the frantic countdown of pre-Christmas shopping days no longer an issue.
I am sure that this experience is not unique to our family just as I know that our solution is not a palatable one for all families. From early November, every store window and TV commercial reinforces the notion that buying the perfect gift is essential, marrying Christmas to the latest toy, technological gizmo, or other ‘must have’ of the year.
In all of this, I believe we have lost a bit of ourselves not to mention the true meaning of Christmas. But what if the perfect gift was much simpler than the storekeepers and marketers would have you believe; the gift of simply being with another person, or of doing good deeds for others.
The goal in doing this is not to end Christmas buying or curtail holiday celebrations, but to create more realistic expectations for yourself as the holiday season approaches.
Here are a few suggestions to consider in managing holiday expectations and for attracting holiday bliss:
1. Be very clear on the holiday experience you want for yourself.
2. Have realistic expectations of yourself. What are the absolutes or must do’s and what are the nice to do’s before the holidays.
3. Avoid listening to the commercials and ads featuring the latest gizmos and ask yourself what gift would be truly appreciated.
4. Focus your energy on gratitude. This is not a time to keep up with the ‘Joneses’ but a time to remember all the wonderful aspects of your life.
5. Develop your ‘NO-How”. Understand that saying no is not only okay, but a necessity when the demands of the season begin to mount.
Be kind and gentle with yourself this holiday season. Find JOY and hang onto it. Give it to others – this is a far greater gift.
Until next time…
Betty