I was invited to speak to a group of about thirty adult students at Tri-County Literacy in Cornwall this past Tuesday. As we were discussing the idea of stepping into our own power, and the things that prevented us from doing this, one of the participants asked me about ‘bullies’. I thought this to be an interesting question, so I probed a bit more, asking if she was referring to bullies in schools or bullying in general.
The story we hear most often is about bullying in elementary and secondary school environments, rarely realizing that adults bully one another as well. This happens in marriages and families as well as in the workforce. The person who asked the question responded with, “I mean bullying in general. We all have them in our lives!”
I loved the question as truly we all do have a bully in our life. I call him or her the self-critic, the person who sits on your shoulder, screaming in one of your ears, and reminding you how imperfect you are. My self-described bully, named Beatrice, has often been unleashed in my head.
As I shared my journey with my critic with the audience, the heads began to nod. I shared this as bullies will appear in our life if we are bullying ourselves with negative self-talk and criticism. I asked the audience to consider this question, “Where in your life are you bullying you?”
The initial response was to say, “I don’t” until I asked each person to consider the kinds of feedback they typically give to themselves on a day today basis. Participants quickly realized that they were treating themselves in a very deprecating way.
So here was the big roadSIGN – you will attract bullies to your life, if you have a bullying relationship with yourself. Like attracts like.
If you can begin to monitor the voice of your self-critic, listen to what he/she is telling you and decide that this is way less than perfect for you, you have taken the first critical step. If next you begin to re-record those messages, replacing your bully with your Heart Voice, a voice that is respectful and builds you up, that is the next step. Not always easy, yet necessary. If we want others to treat us well, the journey begins by treating ourselves well.
So who is the REAL bully in your life? Start with ME FIRST.
Until next time….
Betty